Di curious a sapphic tab.., p.16
Di-Curious: A Sapphic Tabletop RPG Romance, page 16
“Nova—stop talking.” I command. “Use your mouth for better things than teasing me.”
“Yes, goddess.” She pulls my hips forward, and I have to grab tighter on the handle. Her tongue is on my clit, her fingers stroking inside me. She finds a rhythm, and I meld to her touch and her mouth as the sensation builds in my core.
I shove my skirt back to look in her eyes. They’re intense, anchored on me, and it’s the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in my life, kneeling over her like this. “I’m going to come on your face,” I manage to breathe out.
She moans into me, and it pushes me over the edge, the intense waves of pleasure making me grip the handle for dear life.
She releases me gently with her mouth, sliding her fingers out at the same time. I’m floating, pleasure still zinging through my body. Nova sits up and catches me in her lap, and I realize how tight I’d gripped that handle. I bet my bicep on that arm will be sore tomorrow.
Nova holds me against her chest as she leans on the door, both of us still breathing hard.
I kiss her lips. “You taste like me.”
She smiles into my mouth. “You were right at the bar when you said you taste good.”
I run my hand through her messy hair. “We have to get dressed and sneak into the bathroom to wash and freshen up.”
“Shit. If we leave, your viewers are going to know, aren’t they?”
“I think that ship has sailed. Remember, they knew before we did.” It might’ve taken me a while to figure this out, but damn. It feels like, for the first time in my life I finally know who I am and what I want.
20
JUNE
Ihit the button to make Kirby fly into the air. This new couch smells bad, and the TV is on the floor of my parents’ new place, but the game set-up works well enough.
“Check this out,” I tell my nephew, Liam, and make my pink puffball character turn into an angry brick and crash down on Nova’s character, sending her sword-wielding green-shirted knight flying.
She hits the jump button and manages to make Link recover. “You’ll pay for that.”
My parents aren’t fully set up in their new place yet, but they wanted my brothers and me to see it.
Since my nephew was coming, I brought my Switch to play on the TV—and at least make the gathering somewhat bearable. And I brought Nova. Which automatically makes everything better.
“Harmon, come on and join us. I have an open controller, and this round’s about over. Let me show Liam how I used to kick your a—uh, butt,” I call to my younger brother, who’s chatting with Mom and Dad in the kitchen. I keep Kirby away from Nova’s sword as her character chases mine. Ha.
“Heh, gotta pass on that one, Junie,” Harmon calls back.
The whole place echoes with its open floor plan, wood floors, and high ceilings. Harmon is a little less than two years younger than me and bought a house in this neighborhood a few months back.
I still can’t figure out why both he and my parents wanted to buy a house crammed in with other homes in a neighborhood in the middle of the country with no trees around it. And it’s a farther drive from my dad’s store. But that’s another subject I don’t bother arguing about.
Sage, my older brother and Liam’s dad, walks in, looking at his watch. He has a very respectable wardrobe and a beard and could pass for someone ten years older than me, not four. I have hair the same color as Kirby and look like an overgrown kid in a blue blouse covered with clouds with smiley faces.
“Okay, Liam. Your screentime is up for the day.”
Nova glances at me, eyebrow raised. I shrug. We’ve played games with this kid for less than thirty minutes. Liam’s only seven, but still. I used to love playing games with my brothers while we were growing up. It’s like I missed the memo of when to become a serious adult. Or they missed the memo that it’s still okay to have fun sometimes.
Liam groans but hands the controller to me.
I hit pause. “Hey, Sage. Wanna play Smash Bros?”
He smiles at me but shakes his head. “I’m sorry, I haven’t had time to play video games in a while.”
“Well, that’s okay.” I hold a controller out. “You don’t have to be good to play this one.”
But Sage doesn’t take it and escorts Liam away, saying “No thanks.”
Dammit. I’m always feeling rejected by my freaking family, even in little things like this.
“You don’t have to be good at this game to win? This how you console yourself when I beat you?” Nova says.
I turn to them with fake offense, grateful for the teasing distraction. “How dare?”
They give me a sad smile. “My family’s complicated, too. They love me, but I never feel like I fit in.” Nova drops their voice low, glancing around, probably to see if anyone is nearby. They put an arm around me, squeeze me in a side hug, and drop a quick kiss on my forehead.
It’s such a little gesture. But the absolute relief at someone understanding me…
She sits back and nudges me with her elbow. “Now, unpause it so I can knock your fluffy pink butt off the screen.”
“Okay. That’s it. I was going easy on you ’cause I didn’t want to embarrass you in front of my nephew. But no more!”
We both focus on the game. I am, actually, very good at Smash Bros. I’ve played in online tournaments. I’m eight kills ahead of her when the timer ends.
Nova groans and leans back on the couch.
I put my hands in the air. “Bam! Take that. Kirby for the win.”
“If we were alone, let me tell you what I’d do to your pink…” She whispers a string of absolutely not family-appropriate things she plans to do to me.
My laugh rings out louder than I mean to across the mostly empty home.
“Must be a good game,” Harmon calls. I hear Mom’s nervous chuckle.
I look down, self-conscious now. Why do I care so much what they think? I should just grab Nova by the shirt, kiss her in front of my family, and declare we’re together. And if they don’t like it, too bad.
But we’re not really together. Despite how I feel about her, we agreed we weren’t a real couple.
And then afterward, I’d probably have to deal with subtle jabs about being a bad influence on Liam or that people “nowadays” like to force their lifestyle on everyone else. I’ve heard them say similar things about others.
“Why do I care so much about pleasing them?” I ask in a small voice, looking down at the perfectly shiny wood floor in front of the couch. “Why do I care so much about pleasing everyone?”
Nova glances back at my family, gathered in the kitchen and chatting. I look, too. They can’t see our hands with how we’re sitting, so I take Nova’s.
They give mine a little squeeze. “Because you care about everyone. But that doesn’t mean you owe them.”
I nod. “Exactly. It’s a bad habit. I don’t even know when I started. I can blame Parker all I want, but I’m the one who decided to put my life on hold in order to please him.”
“Pft. I do blame Parker. He should’ve never encouraged you to do that.”
“But the problem is with me, you know? I constantly try to please everyone around me. My family, my boyfriends, my friends, my viewers, now this podcast company… I’m thinking about it, and even my character is a bard. A support class who specializes in persuasion and charisma. Everything I do revolves around pleasing others.”
“Hey, you take that back about Awe. She’s got big main character energy.”
“I wish.”
She strokes the back of my hand with her thumb. “If you want to change classes, you can. You can do anything. Think about your channel. You’re good at what you do. You’ve brought so many new players to D&D, and eventually, Wizards is going to see that and hire you for something big, like that reality show. Or you’ll make your own company if that’s what you want. Or you’ll create an entirely different path I can’t even see. But you’re good at this. People love the real you.”
I close my eyes and let her words sink into my brain, playing with them like dice. “My views are up, and I just got the biggest royalties deposit in my life. NPC backed the fuck off on complaining about content. But I still have a long way to go before I could ever make enough to, you know”—I gesture around—“buy a house.”
“You don’t have to compare yourself to the rest of your family or to anyone else.”
I lay my head on their shoulder. I don’t care if my parents see. “Let’s get out of here. I made an appearance. Good enough.”
Another squeeze of my hand. “Of course. I’ll put the Switch and controllers in the car.”
“And I’ll go tell my folks we’re heading out. Teamwork!” I stand and stretch.
When we arrived, we ate an awkward meal of salad and pizza—I know they wanted us to share some dessert Mom picked up from a gluten and dairy-free bakery near her work, but I don’t want to hear any more subtle and not-so-subtle reasons why I’m a failure.
I walk around the couch, through the mostly empty house, and into the kitchen, where my parents and brothers are standing around the large kitchen island. “I’m going to head back.”
“Mom said you’re staying with your friend.” Sage gestures to where Nova is carrying the box of video game stuff, walking to the front door.
“Yep. Just for a few weeks. Nova is moving to Iowa to go to grad school in August. I’ve got an apartment lined up.” Sort of. They wouldn’t officially reserve it for me until I have the massive amount of down payment money in the bank, but they assured me there were plenty of units available.
And I’m still doing the people-pleasing thing. Why do I feel the need to justify everything?
“Bye, guys.” I wave.
“Wait, June.” Dad holds a hand up. “I didn’t get a chance to tell you.”
“Tell me what?”
Dad nods at both of my brothers. “Harmon did some checking for me, and we have a lead on a job for you.”
Great. As if this wasn't awkward enough. “Really, there’s no need—”
“Our church needs a new social media lead, and the pay is solid. I told them your degree was in marketing, and they want to interview you.” Harmon sips his water.
I laugh before getting control of myself and covering my mouth. “I don’t think they’ll want me for that job. Have they seen my channel?”
“Don’t dismiss the opportunity,” Mom says. “Harmon says it pays almost as well as his job there and has benefits.”
Ugh. Benefits are almost unheard of. But still… I don’t want to do something like that. “I really appreciate it, Harmon. However, I can say with certainty I’m not going to be the brand they’re looking for.”
Harmon shrugs. “No one cares about what you wear, if you play games, or what color your hair is. It’s a cool church.”
“I think if they even take a second glance at my channel, they absolutely will care.”
“You’d be behind the scenes. I’m sure it won’t be a problem.”
Gah. What am I supposed to say? “Okay. Maybe? I’m pretty busy with my channel, and I have a few things lined up to try to make that apartment down payment. I’m selling merchandise at the ren fair next weekend.”
“I think a job with benefits is worth looking into.” Dad taps his fist on the granite countertop. “That’s a lot more stable of a future than selling t-shirts.”
I fake a smile. “Yeah, I’ll look at it. Thanks. I gotta go.”
I wave at them and hurry out the front door. Goddammit. I just did the people-pleasing thing again. I clench my fists as I speed walk to Nova’s car, which is parked alongside the road.
I get in the passenger side, sighing as I lower myself inside. “I’m a fool.”
Nova looks me up and down. “What happened?”
“I agreed to take some interview for a job at their church.” I click my seatbelt into place.
“I’m guessing you don’t want this job.”
“Of course not. They were talking about benefits and responsibility, and I just—”
Nova leans over and kisses me on the mouth. “Shh. You’re not a fool. Your family sucks.” Their lips hover over mine as they try to soothe me.
God, this thing we’re doing… It’s so confusing. She makes me feel so good—she believes in me. But she’s leaving me. She won’t even say we’re dating.
I push her back. “What am I going to do? What if they’re right?”
“About?”
“How much of a loser I am!”
Their eyes narrow. “They seriously called you a loser?” They clench their jaw. “I will go inside that house right now and tell them all off.”
I put my palms over my eyes. “No, not directly. If they did, then it’d be a lot easier to not care what they say. I just feel like one every time I talk with them.”
“You can always talk with them less.”
“Then I’ll have no one!”
“That’s not true.”
“It is because you’re leaving me.” And there it is.
We sit in silence for a moment.
Nova starts the car. “I… it’s not like that. I didn’t want to make you—” she swallows. “I mean. I don’t want. I can’t.”
She’s not making much sense. We drive down the back roads. Mom and Dad moved here, away from their work, to get closer to my brothers, but I can't see them ever moving closer to me. No matter where I live.
But my family is all I have. I failed in my relationship with Parker, which I invested over seven years into.
I lean on my elbow against the car window ledge. How can I not feel like a loser? Nova obviously doesn’t feel the same as I do—and it’s probably pity that drives her to try to help me.
I’m not being fair to her, telling her she’s leaving me. We agreed to friendship. But just once, I’d like to be someone’s first choice.
Nova
I pull into a parking space at the grocery store and turn off the car. I glance at June, who’s still looking out the window of the car. Her shitty family. I want to slap them all. I hate condescending people, especially because I’m not going to be able to convince June that they’re the ones in the wrong.
How can I write entire books and still have not have the right words to help my partner? A few days ago, my publisher offered me a contract on the sequel, so I must have some skill with words, but why are characters much easier to help than real people I love?
“What are we doing here?” she asks.
I’m not actually sure. “Um, food.” A useless answer. It’s been less than two hours since we ate.
She sighs. “Okay.”
I remember this look in her eyes. Back when she was a teen, she tried so hard, so fucking hard, to do everything right in her parents’ eyes. Her grades. Her positive attitude. Her perfect daughter image—conservative dresses and long light-brown hair. And inevitably, when it wasn’t enough, she’d shut down like this.
Why is it so hard to break out of old roles, even as full-grown adults?
We get out of the car and walk into the store. It’s pretty busy, people getting off work and picking up groceries, some pushing those big green carts to hold young children. I snag a basket and head for the freezer aisle, June trailing behind me, rubbing her arms in the air-conditioning.
I know her favorites—cherry, strawberry, chocolate. Anything pink or red plus anything chocolate.
Back when we were in high school and I’d buy a pack of fruit-flavored candy, I used to split up the pieces and give her all my cherry and strawberry ones. She said she didn’t like the lemon, lime, and orange, and therefore, there wasn’t a point in her buying the candy.
I never told her, but the pink and red ones were my favorites, too. Even sweeter than eating them was making her smile.
I open the freezer and pick out a few pints: chocolate-covered cherry, double chocolate brownie, and strawberry, dropping them in my basket.
“Any other flavors you like recently? This evening definitely calls for ice cream.” I gesture to the freezer.
Out of nowhere, she hugs me tight, right here in the freezer aisle. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that about you leaving me. That wasn’t fair. I know we agreed. My family… Ugh.”
I relax into her embrace, setting the basket down and wrapping both arms around her. “It’s okay. Really.”
I wish I could transfer my thoughts to her brain. There’s so much I want to say, and I have no idea how to start.
The thought of moving away from her makes me want to cry. All I can do is shove it back and pretend it’s not happening. Then she says something like she did in the car, and I just can’t. How am I going to be able to do it? But it’s also not fair of me to ask her to date me long distance after this short of a time. And I can’t ask her to come with me, right? That’d be like something Parker would do. Make her move to the middle of nowhere to chase my dreams.
Situations like this prove I’m not a good partner. Being with June is amazing, but long term, she’s going to want someone warm, with all the right words, who can comfort her and open up.
I swallow back the lump in my throat as we break. “Someone needs to tell your brothers avoiding fun isn’t a personality trait.”
She chuckles. “Right?”
I loop my arm through hers, picking up the basket and pulling her toward check out. “Come on. Let’s go home. Ice cream and a show. Something fun. Maybe with some Jedi knights.”
I just said ‘let’s go home’ like we’re really living together. Like a real couple.
Damn, how I want that to be true.
FROM JUNE’S EMAIL BOX:
To: n.h.davidauthor@gmail.com
From: Junethesparkling@gmail.com
Dear N.H.,
First of all, I want to say that I’m a big fan of your work. And I apologize for what I have to confess next. Once, months ago, I contributed to an online pile-on of Curse of the Dragon’s Gate before I read your work. But now that I’ve finished the book, I have to say it’s one of the best fantasy books I’ve ever read.
