Grinders impasse blazing.., p.1
Grinder's Impasse: Blazing Outlaws MC, page 1
Grinder’s Impasse
Blazing Outlaws MC
Book 5
Erin Osborne
Copyright 2021© Erin Osborne
All rights reserved. This book, or any portion thereof, may not be reproduced or used in any manner without the express written permission of the author except for brief quotations used in book reviews.
This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the writer’s imagination or have been used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, locales, or organizations is entirely coincidental.
Photographer: Stacey Powell at SP Photography
Cover Models: David Kash
Editors: Melissa Kulis
Proofreader: Kim Richards
Grinder's Impasse Blurb
Charisma Jones
My life has been one struggle after another. Between my mom being a single mother, her illness, and finally her death, I don't think anything can rock my world on its axis anymore. One conversation changes what I thought my life was and makes me question everything I thought was real. Especially when one man walks into my life when I need someone the most. Can make something real work between us?
Jesse 'Grinder' Williams
As the Enforcer of the Blazing Outlaws MC, I take my job of protection seriously. I never wanted anything more than the variety of women being thrown my way because of the club and to make sure my brothers were protected and whole each time they go out on a run or other club business. One chance meeting with Charisma changes my entire outlook on life and what I'm really looking for. There's just one problem; a major problem. Can I make the choice between Charisma and the club? Will I be able to walk away from everything I want?
Dedication
Grinder’s Impasse is dedicated to Heather and her entire family. To everyone who has lost a loved one to cancer. Or fought the battle themselves. You’re stronger than you know and have a support system in people you may not know.
Character List
Officers:
President: Kyle ‘Satan’ Jones
V. President: Andy ‘Capone’ Richards
Treasurer: Colby ‘Tags’ Johnson
Secretary: Noah ‘Torch’ Steele
Enforcer: Jesse ‘Grinder’ Williams
Sergeant At Arms: Danny ‘Gunner’ Jones
Road Captain: James ‘Pyro’ Steele
Members:
Drago
Taker
Wrath
Treyton ‘Venom’ Adams
Prospects:
Axel Jones
Tony Colburne
Kyler ‘Rock’ Nichols
Steve Jacobs
Shane Court
Ol’ Ladies:
Raine Carpenter
Hollie Carpenter
Victoria Johnson
Becky
Charisma Jones
House Bunnies:
Rose
Carly
Lynn
Silk
Toni
Kelly
Businesses:
Gun Running
Drugs – weed
Tattoo Parlor – Blazing Ink
Bar – Outlaw Den
Strip Club – Blazing Babes
Table of Contents
Grinder’s Impasse
Copyright 2021© Erin Osborne
Grinder's Impasse Blurb
Dedication
Character List
Table of Contents
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Epilogue
Grinder’s Impasse Playlist
About the Author
Acknowledgments
Other Books
Prologue
Charisma
GROWING UP, I didn’t have a perfect life. I don’t know if anyone honestly has a perfect one. My life was not typical by any means though. When I was a baby, my father abandoned my mom and me, if you believe what she says, so we struggled alone on our own. There was no child support or weekend visitations. Hell, there weren’t even every other weekend visitations. According to my mother, my father is a bastard who couldn’t keep his dick contained in his jeans. He didn’t want a family or anything to do with me.
I cried so many tears for the loss of never knowing what the love of a father feels like on a daily basis. Other kids would talk about spending time with their fathers and how they would help them with this or that. They would talk about playing sports and other games with their dads or how he would patiently show them how to do things when they were confused. I didn’t know what any of them were talking about or how it would feel to have the influence of a strong, male role model in my life.
My mother did what she could to be there for me and give me all the love I could get from one parent in our household. However, she did have her faults. Other than loving me and giving me the best life she could, there was nothing she could do to keep a job. Especially once she got sick. So, she started doing whatever she could in order to bring money into our house. My mom did everything from cleaning for our neighbors and babysitting, to pimping herself out and stripping. It’s not exactly the best place for a child to be raised in, but I didn’t know any better. I love my mom with everything in me.
A good thing I didn’t have to worry about with my mom is she never brought men around me. If she was talking to a man, I didn’t know anything. I’ve heard the stories about women dragging a revolving door of men through their homes and not caring what it was doing to their young children. My mom never once thought about bringing a man around me. When I asked her about it, she answered that there was never a man good enough to bring around me. Part of me always thought she was still in love with whoever my father is. That’s why she never dated for long or brought men around me. The door was always open if my father one day wanted to come back in.
When I was in school, there were no invitations to sleepovers or friends for me. I was bullied and treated like shit simply because of who I am. Kids dads knew my mom stripped sometimes and didn’t always make money the legal way. Add on the fact I didn’t have name brand clothes or even new ones and I was the perfect target for others to bully me. Plus, for some reason, I was always the fat girl in school. Even though we didn’t always have food to eat. My life was the perfect recipe for bullies to pick on and others to ignore. I’ve always been the invisible girl for anyone who didn’t want to make themselves feel better by putting me down.
After graduation, barely getting my diploma, I chose not to go to college. My mom needed me and there was no way I could leave her alone. So, my dreams were put on hold because she needs me. If I were to leave her, I’d feel horrible and guilt would eat me alive. Just like I have no one in my life, my mom doesn’t either. It’s always been just the two of us. Part of me believes she preferred us to be alone because it meant not having to answer to anyone and no one could hurt us when we least expected it.
I was ten the first time my mom got sick. They told her she had cancer and she was put on stringent treatments to try and slow the spread. Other than that, there was nothing they could do for her. The cancer had been inside her so long without her knowing and it spread through a lot of her body. Instead of letting it get her down, my mom fought with everything in her. The bad days are horrible for her and the good ones are when she’s barely alert. Now, she’s nothing but a shell of her former self. Still, she won’t tell me anything about my father or if I have any siblings other than a brother named Kyle.
Shortly after she got diagnosed, I tried to ask her about my dad and brother only to get the silent treatment from her for days. I’m not sure exactly what happened between my parents, but it was enough to make her hate my dad and not want me to have anything to do with him. Still, she should want to let me know who my brother is. All I have are pictures of him when he was a toddler and knowing his first and last name. I don’t have a clue where he is, if he’s still alive, or anything else about him. I’ve cried more nights than I’d like to admit for a family I have never known.
Part of me honestly hates my mom because she won’t give me the information I crave about the other part of my family. I think about the life I would have possibly had or how things could have been different if I had my dad and a brother while I was in school. Those are simply dreams I’ll never get the answer to though. Dreams which will never be fulfilled because my mom will take them to her grave at this point.
There’s only one person in my life other than my mom. A man named Ghost. I know it’s not his real name but it’s the only name I’ve ever heard him called. He would check on us and make sure there was food in our cupboards and fridge. If my mom was sick, he would make sure there was mon ey for her medicine and take me from the house for a little while. Whenever he did take me out of the house, another man would be left with my mom to make sure nothing happened to her.
I’m not sure who Ghost is other than someone my mom has known for a very long time. I’d say he was a father figure in my life, but he never once came on a regular basis or did anything to help us out of this situation. Other than helping out a little bit with food or giving us some spare change, Ghost has never been a person who comes around on a regular basis. Every time I tried to ask him, when I was older, why he came over, I didn’t get an answer. Ghost is the King of avoiding questions he doesn’t want to answer.
Now, I barely see Ghost. When I do, he’s got concern and something else hidden in the depths of his eyes. I know if I question him, he’ll only change the subject and not give me any sort of answer. Nothing of value anyway. Somedays I feel as if he knows the secrets of my past and is torn between wanting to tell me and wanting to keep my mother’s secrets. Over the years I’ve found them on multiple occasions talking quietly. If I enter the room or they hear me moving around, the conversation stops until I’m gone once more. It’s frustrating beyond belief.
However, the one thing I haven’t been able to get out of my mind is the way he said Satan’s name a few days ago when I saw him. There’s a reason he said it the way he did but I can’t figure it out. Then, my mind turns to the large man who kept me from falling to the ground. I’ve never seen a man like him in my life.
Grinder is his name if I remember correctly. He’s taller than me by a foot or more and filled with muscles. The kind from working hard and hitting the gym every now and then. Tattoos went down both of his arms and not a single one of them had color in them. His head was bald even though he had a beard. However, it was his light blue eyes with the hint of gray mingled in that drew me into him. It’s like the perfect mix of a cloudless day with the hint of a burgeoning storm mixed in.
Pain and curiosity filled his eyes as he looked down at me. I was filled with longing and these weird electrical currents running from him to me. Anywhere Grinder touched me, there was an instant zap of awareness linked between the two of us. Considering I’ve never been anyone the male half of the population has looked twice at, I shake my head because there’s no way in hell a man as sexy as Grinder would want anything to do with me. Whatever is going on is in my head and there only. I’ll do better to tamp it down if I ever see the man in question again.
“Hello mom,” I say, walking in the living room after getting up. “I wanted to let you know I’ve seen Ghost. He said he’d come by and see you soon. So, don’t be surprised if he comes knocking on the door to see you.”
My mom has been pretty out of it since I saw Ghost. Today, even though I’m only getting downstairs, I can already tell she’s more alert than she has been the last few days. Her eyes are following me around the room while I move to get her things around. I have to prepare the mixture going in her feeding tube since she can no longer eat food on her own. A nurse will be here in about five minutes or so to ensure her pain medicine is filled and ready for the day. No one wants her to run out before the next nurse comes on duty.
“When Evelyn gets here I have to head out to work,” I tell her as if she’ll talk back to me. “She’ll be here most of the day. Bianca won’t be back here because I was late the other day. I’ll have to find someone to cover her shift. For now, Evelyn will be picking up extra shifts.”
After making sure my mom’s clean gown is out along with the necessary items for her sponge bath, I head to the kitchen to get her food ready. I’ll hopefully have time to eat something before I head out to work. Though it’s not likely because I have so much to do before I can get ready for the day. Just another day in the life of me.
My days blend together, the same thing happening each and every second of the time I’m awake. Even my dreams are filled with duty and taking care of my mom. I lost the ability to dream and want things of my own a long time ago. Dreams are for people who don’t have to care for a sick parent and don’t feel as if they’re missing a piece of their heart and soul because they long for something they’ll never have; a family of their own.
Chapter One
Charisma
I’VE BEEN AWAKE long enough to take a quick shower, get dressed, and make my way down to my mom. Usually I wouldn’t take a shower before checking on her and starting our morning routine, but last night was hell and I was too tired to take one before faceplanting on my bed and instantly falling asleep. It happens every now and then because my body and mind are simply too exhausted for me to remain awake any longer. Once every few weeks I get uninterrupted sleep and then feel like shit because something could have happened to my mom, and I wouldn’t be there for her.
Yes, there’s a nurse here throughout the night watching over her and making sure nothing happens. However, I feel it’s still up to me to be alert and awake at any given second to ensure I’m one of the last people she sees. I don’t want something to happen to my mom and one of her nurses to be the last thing she sees. I’ll never be able to live with myself if that’s what happens when the cancer finally takes her. That’s also one of the main reasons I hate working so much and only having one day off a week. If I’m lucky.
After rushing through my morning routine which isn’t much other than taking a quick shower, dressing, and brushing my teeth before brushing out my long hair. I’m not a girly girl who puts make-up on or worries about what others think of her. I’m more of a stay hidden in the shadows and don’t worry about what I look like kind of girl. Other than the large man who made me feel electricity flow through my body, a single guy has never caused me to turn my head or let them take up space in my mind.
Now, I simply don’t have time for guys, friends, or anything else. My mom and working are the only things consuming my mind and life for the most part. There’s only room for one other thing in my life and that’s the constant worry I’ll never find out who my brother and father are. At this point, the thought of being completely alone in the world terrifies me more than almost anything else. I’ve never been on my own and I’m not sure how it would work out for me. It’s a fear I’ve kept to myself since my mom got sick because I don’t want her to worry about me.
Walking downstairs, it’s quiet as normal. The only sound that ever comes from the lower level of our house are the beeping of the machines keeping my mom alive. Or helping her fight to remain alive. We don’t have a television anymore because there was no room with everything needed to care for my mom. Plus, I can’t afford cable or internet right now so there’s no point in owning a television. I have a small radio in my room to play on the nights I’m really having a hard time sleeping. Music soothes me and helps get me out of my head when I need it the most.
Stepping up close to my mom’s hospital bed, she opens her eyes and looks up at me from her position against the pillows. Her eyes are bright today instead of the life fading from their blue depths. It’s been so long since I’ve seen her eyes as bright as they are right now and it not being because they’re filled with tears. Slowly, she lifts her hand up toward me and I step to her side. My mom holds my hand, even if her grip isn’t strong, it gives me hope that today is going to be a good day. Hope is something I don’t let myself have because we know it’s just a matter of time before she loses her final battle with cancer. Her good days are getting farther and farther apart.
“Good morning mama. How are you feeling?” I ask her, not holding out hope for an answer.
“Not. Good,” she slowly responds, her voice frail and low as I lean down over her.
I grab the glass we keep by her bedside and pour a fresh cup of ice water for her. Marnie, her overnight nurse has already refilled it with fresh water as she walks back in the room with the mixture she’ll feed to my mom through her tube. Marnie always has a smile on her face when she’s here and I love her as much as I love Evelyn. She came to us when Torrie left us high and dry. Marnie’s just out of nursing school and has just moved here to Willow Creek. She doesn’t know anyone and went through a temporary agency to find work. Somehow Evelyn’s boss got her name, and she was sent here to help take care of my mom. She’s quiet and does her job without complaining.
