This isn’t a date. He wants to be friends. I can do that. I can hear him out and be there for him because that’s what good friends do. Plenty of time to cry into my pillow later.

  We both ordered crab cakes like the good Marylanders that we were. The server, whose name was Chip according to his name tag, clearly recognized Rusty. He paid extra attention to him; it was kind of cute and probably gave Rusty the boost of confidence he needed right now.

  Chip walked away, stumbling a bit as he went. Rusty looked at me and sighed heavily.

  “You okay?” I asked.

  “I feel like an idiot.”

  Join the club.

  “Why?” I gazed at those blue eyes that still affected me deeply, even here in the friend zone.

  “Because you deserve to be taken out to a nice dinner—that, and a whole lot more—without me dumping my problems on you. I’m sorry, Amanda. You’ve done more than enough for me already.”

  “Rusty,” I said, taking a risk and reaching across the table to squeeze his hand. “It’s okay. Really. I want to help you if I can.”

  I let go of his hand and took a sip of my wine. It was impossible to pretend this was a date anymore, even sitting in a restaurant, sipping white wine while seated across from a devastatingly handsome man. We were just friends hanging out. That was all there was to it.

  “Tell me what’s going on,” I said.

  Rusty smiled, eyes sparkling, making my stomach quiver again. My body, not to mention my heart, hadn’t yet gotten the message that this was not a romantic thing.

  “This is the first time I’ve been out, you know, since it happened,” he began. “I’ve been going absolutely crazy at home. It was all so sudden.”

  I nodded, listening intently as he explained again that in his old life, everything he did revolved around baseball. From the time he woke up to when he headed over to the stadium, he was reading about baseball, watching it, or thinking about it. He’d already told me that at the hospital, but he was probably too distraught at the time to remember.

  “It must have been so horrible, having the rug yanked out from under you like that,” I said. Losing his career was even more painful for him than I could imagine. I’d never been as passionate about anything as he was about baseball.

  “Yeah. I just … I never saw it coming. Amanda, I never could have gotten through that day at the hospital without you. For real, I would have completely flipped out.”

  “I’m glad I could help. I’ve thought about that a lot. Like maybe I was supposed to be there to help you.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. I mean, who really knows? I just wonder sometimes if things happen for a reason. If that nurse hadn’t forgotten to give me back my ID, I would have had no reason to be there. And if you hadn’t been looking out into the hallway when I walked by …”

  “Wow. That really is weird when you think about it,” he said, shaking his head. “And my God, Amanda. If you hadn’t been at the game that day …”

  “I know,” I said quickly, not wanting to think about what the outcome might have been.

  Chip arrived with our crab cakes, and they smelled divine. He barely looked at me as he put mine on the table. Though I understood completely that he was starstruck, between Rusty and Wilder, being ignored got old. Maybe I needed friends who were less dynamic and exciting.

  On second thought, nah. I enjoyed being around people like them. Being second fiddle was a small price to pay for having wonderful people in my life.

  “Oh my God, this is amazing,” I said after my first bite. “Been a while since I had a really good crab cake. I always want to get one at Old Bay Stadium, but the lines are always so damn long.”

  Rusty nodded sadly, and my face flushed.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up—”

  “No, don’t be sorry. You’re allowed to talk about it,” he said with a rueful laugh. “And it’s not like you’re reminding me of it. I can’t forget it, no matter what I do. I have to accept that it’s gonna hurt for a long, long time.”

  “Do you have any plans? Like for a job or whatever?”

  Rusty swallowed a bite of crab cake and then shook his head. “No idea. Problem is, I can’t imagine wanting to do anything else. As far back as I can remember, there was nothing before baseball. And I can’t begin to imagine what comes after.”

  “It’s perfectly fine to take your time to figure out what comes next. I guess you don’t really have to worry about money?”

  I said that last part carefully because I’ve always tried to avoid using the words “at least you have …” Even if it was true. Rusty likely had tons of money and, for the most part, he had his health. Even so, pointing out the bright side was rarely helpful in times of crisis. Sometimes people simply needed to vent, and my job was to commiserate with them.

  “Right. That is a huge plus. I’m good on that front, thank God. But I sure as shit don’t want to sit around all day and do nothing.”

  Glancing up at me from his food, he said, “Sorry. Language.”

  I laughed. “I’m not your mother. You’re allowed to cuss around me.”

  Rusty laughed too. “Right, right.”

  “Your mom is adorable, by the way.”

  He smiled at the mention of his mother, and I wanted to swoon. Was there anything sexier than a hot guy who loved his mom?

  “She’s a sweetheart, all right. I’m sure I took ten years off her life with all my health struggles. Thank God almighty it didn’t happen during a game. She could have watched me collapse on live TV.” Rusty grimaced at the thought. “Even if she missed it, the video would have been all over the news.”

  I shuddered at the thought of my image featured in the news and sports shows everywhere. I might not like being ignored all the time, but I didn’t want to be famous either.

  “How about the rest of your family? Do you have brothers and sisters?” I already knew the answer, but he did not need to know the extent of my fan crush on him. Ever.

  Rusty told me about his sisters, and I told him about mine. It felt like a date again and this was the getting-to-know-you portion. I figured I could go back to pretending, but that was the extent of it. I shouldn’t get too carried away with a useless fantasy.

  The check arrived all too soon. I couldn’t bear to have the evening come to an end. Every time I saw Rusty, I’d thought it would be the last time. But who knew? Maybe we would become lifelong friends.

  Or maybe he would figure out what to do with his life and he wouldn’t need me anymore.

  Chip was still a nervous wreck, nearly dropping the dinner check in Rusty’s lap.

  Rusty chuckled good-naturedly as he managed to grab the big leather check-holder wallet before it landed on his crotch. Chip blushed deeply. He opened his mouth, probably ready to apologize, but Rusty cut him off.

  “You’re a big baseball fan, aren’t you?” Rusty asked with a grin.

  Chip nodded vigorously.

  “You know who I am, don’t you?” Rusty spoke with friendly amusement in his voice. I got the impression that, even during the height of his fame, he never pulled that snooty “do you know who I am?” routine. Good thing, because I would not tolerate anybody who was nice to me but mean to a waiter.

  “Y—yes, sir, I do.”

  I bit my lip to keep from laughing at the idea of anyone calling Rusty “sir.” He was too sweet and laid back for such a thing.

  “Would you like an autograph?”

  “Yes please,” he answered immediately.

  “No problem,” Rusty said with a warm smile. “You got a pen and napkin, or …”

  “Actually, I got a Bay Birds cap in the back. Would you mind terribly if I ran real quick and got it?” Chip asked, the words tumbling out of his mouth.

  “Sure thing. I’m in no rush here. Take your time.”

  Please take your time. Go out and buy a cap for all I care. Just don’t hurry back.

  Watching Chip walk away, Rusty said, “I’ll miss that. Not that I care so much about being famous, but I love being known for baseball, you know? I love that so much and it’s such a part of who I am. Soon people will forget. I’ll just be a guy who used to play baseball once upon a time.”

  All I could say was, “I’m sorry.”

  He gazed into my eyes.

  In that moment, it didn’t feel like he was looking at me like a sister.

  Maybe it was my fantasy gone too far, but it felt like he was finally seeing me as a woman.

  “Do you want to take a walk around the harbor a bit?” he asked. “Or do you need to get home, or …”

  “That sounds lovely,” I said, a renewed surge of hope rushing through my system.

  Rusty smiled and nodded.

  “As soon as I take care of Chip … and friends …”

  Following his gaze, I turned to see Chip, cap in hand, with a line of people behind him.

  Laughing, I said, “Take your time, Rusty. I’m in no hurry.”

  12

  AMANDA

  I couldn’t believe my outing—I still couldn’t technically call it a date—was still going on. Rusty must have been enjoying my company, otherwise he never would have suggested a walk after dinner. My whole life I’d been told I was a good listener. Comforting. A loyal friend. The type you always knew you could go to with a problem. Most likely, that was why Rusty wanted to stay with me longer. I made him feel better.

  And that was okay with me, I guess.

  I’d felt so helpless since he’d gotten his devastating diagnosis, and it was a relief to be able to comfort him.

  After chatting with Chip and several of his coworkers, Rusty paid the bill, and we headed outside. He seemed in better spirits now, his mood boosted by talking baseball with those fans.

  “Thanks for dinner,” I said as we walked side by side along the water. “Been a long time since I’ve had a crab cake that good.”

  “You’re very welcome,” he said, blue eyes sparkling with his smile. “You’ve been terrific company.”

  A gentle, cool breeze drifted in from across the water, cutting through the heat and making for a pleasant evening. Despite the beautiful weather, there weren’t a lot of people out tonight by the harbor. Just a smattering of joggers, some families, and some people walking their dogs.

  “Such a shame about this place,” I said. “When I was little, we came here all the time. Back when there used to be so many shops and restaurants around.”

  “I know,” Rusty said, shaking his head. “I used to visit here too, with my parents and sisters. We’d come here for dinner after a Bay Birds day game. I remember street performers and people selling souvenirs on the sidewalk, and you could smell all kinds of different foods all over. There’s barely anything left anymore.”

  We walked in silence for a few minutes, but it was a comfortable quiet. I had the urge to reach over and hold his hand. I would never do that, of course. We were just friends. Still, it would have felt natural. At least to me.

  An older man walking his adorable golden retriever came near us, and the dog strained on his leash, wanting to play.

  “Is it okay to pet him?” I asked the guy.

  “Sure,” the man said with a smile. “Chase is friendly. Loves people.”

  Crouching down, I eagerly petted the sweet baby, scritching behind his fuzzy ears. “Hello, Chase. Hello, my little friend. Awww, you do love people, don’t you? You good boy.”

  The dog wagged his tail happily, and I heard Rusty chuckling behind me.

  I didn’t want to keep the man waiting, so I reluctantly stood. I could have played with Chase all day.

  Apparently, Chase still wanted to play, because he jumped up on Rusty. He barely flinched. I was sure it hurt, though, because the dog’s paws landed on his ribs.

  “No, Chase. Don’t jump on people,” his owner said, tugging on the leash.

  Rusty laughed. “No harm done. Is there boy? No. You’re a good boy, aren’t you?”

  Crouching down, Rusty played with the dog as enthusiastically as I had.

  The man loves animals and his mother. Why did he have to be so perfect?

  “Thanks, man,” Rusty said to Chase’s owner when he stood up. “Have a good one.”

  “You too,” the man said with a friendly wave.

  “Oh, I love dogs so much,” I said as we continued our walk.

  “Me too. Do you have a dog?”

  “Ugh, I wish. I can’t have pets in the apartment building where I live.”

  “I have the same problem. I got an apartment in Baltimore.” He paused for a moment, and that look of sorrow briefly returned. “My family’s from West Virginia, which isn’t too far away. I guess now I have to figure out where I want to live permanently. I always planned to settle down and buy a house someday. Then I’d get two dogs.”

  “That sounds wonderful. I’d like to do the same. Once I can buy a home. I’m saving up for a down payment on a house. That’s why I live in such a tiny place.”

  “Where did you say you work again?”

  “At the University of Timonium.”

  “Hmm. What exactly do you do there? Sorry, I know you told me before, but I can’t remember what you said.”

  I didn’t blame him for forgetting. He’d been preoccupied that day, and it wasn’t like my job was particularly memorable.

  “I’m just the assistant to the director of human resources.” Yuck. That sounded so unimpressive when I said it out loud. “The director is leaving soon, though, and I’m really hoping to get promoted to her job. Right now, I prepare all the forms and make appointments and stuff like that, but she gets to do the real work. Like interviewing people, helping current employees understand their health benefits, and dealing with conflicts. I’d love to be the one doing all of that.”

  “Interesting,” he said kindly, though I highly doubted he meant it. It was interesting to me, but I didn’t think it was to anybody else.

  “I like the idea of being able to help people,” I said, feeling as if I had to defend my job. “I know how nervous people get when they’re at an interview or it’s their first day on the job. And I also know that sometimes you can’t get a straight answer from HR about your health or dental plan or your vacation days or whatever. I want to try to make things run smoothly and make everyone’s job easier on everybody. Do my part to make the workplace as positive as it can be.”

  Rusty glanced over and grinned at me. “I love that.”

  My stomach quivered when he looked at me that way. And it had sounded like he’d meant it.

  “Working at a college must be cool.”

  “It is. Sometimes I get to interact with the students, especially if they’re interning in one of the academic departments. I just wish I could be more hands-on when it comes to my work.”

  “Well, I hope you get the promotion.”

  “Thanks.”

  We continued on our pleasant walk, stopping to meet and greet every single dog we encountered. After a while, the sky began to darken.

  “Getting late, so I guess we’d better head back,” I said.

  Rusty stopped walking, so I did the same. His eyes met mine. “Tonight was really nice, Amanda. It’s the first time I’ve felt even halfway normal since I left the hospital. And I have you to thank for that.”

  “I’m glad I was able to help you feel better,” I said, unable to tear my gaze away from him. Even here in the dreaded friend zone, I found myself caring more for Rusty by the minute. Being here with him felt so right, as if we belonged together.

  I had to stop thinking that way. It would only make it more painful when he dropped me off at the end of the night with a peck on the cheek. Or worse, a handshake. My romantic fantasies about him were no more realistic now than they had been when I’d admired him from the stands at Old Bay Stadium. Sure, now I knew him personally, but he was still way out of my league.

  Rusty surprised me by putting a hand on my back for a moment as we walked toward the car. Such a sweet gesture, but I knew I shouldn’t read too much into it. Most likely, it was a protective measure to make me feel safer in downtown Baltimore at night.

  On the drive home, Rusty flipped on the radio. The sound came blasting out, making me scream and then laugh.

  “Sorry!” Rusty said over the noise. He quickly turned the sound down.

  “Rocking out the last time you were in the car, were you?”

  He laughed. “Yeah.”

  “What kind of music do you like? Other than just loud music?”

  “I like all kinds, but specifically alternative, metal, grunge—that type of deal. Pumps me up when I’m working out or just before a game.”

  His face fell, and I realized that he was still truly grieving. Just like when somebody you loved died suddenly, and there were a million daily reminders of everything you’d lost.

  “In theory, I can still work out as long as it’s not too strenuous,” he said. “But I can’t right now because somebody cracked two of my ribs.”

  I moaned loudly.

  He chuckled and winked at me. “I’m only teasin’ ya.”

  “Does it still hurt a lot?”

  “I can handle it.” he said in an exaggerated, manly voice.

  “Oh, I’m sure you can, tough guy.”

  “Any radio station requests?”

  “98 Rock is good,” I said.

  “Done.”

  We chatted comfortably on the way back to my apartment, and I loved how easily the conversation between us flowed. I was beginning to hope that our friendship would last. But only time would tell.

  Rusty pulled into a parking spot in the lot of my building. I unbuckled my seat belt and turned to face him.

  “I had a wonderful time with you tonight,” he said in a gentle voice.

  “Me too. This was so lovely.”

  Rusty nodded, gazing intently into my eyes. Before I even knew what was happening, he tenderly stroked my cheek and then leaned in and kissed me.

  Shocked didn’t even begin to describe how I felt.

  Turned out I was very, very wrong about his intentions.

  Recovering from my surprise, I eagerly responded, wrapping my arms around him. Moaning softly, I happily got lost in his passionate kiss.

 

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