Unexpected, p.22
Unexpected, page 22
Colin sat and finished his tea and muffin, thinking about what Jimmy said.
* * *
“Are you making me a special dinner?” Walker entered his apartment and gave him a kiss. “Or are you on the menu? How about we skip the main course and get to the dessert?” Their kisses grew hungrier, and Colin had to dig down deep to step away.
“Wait. We need to talk.” He regained his breath and put his hands up. “And I can’t while you’re kissing me. Or even standing so close.”
“I know. I tend to have that effect on people.”
And even with nerves zinging through him, Colin couldn’t help laughing at Walker’s silliness. “Yeah, sure. Anyway, come sit with me, please.”
“Ooh, serious. Okay.” He bounced onto the couch and kicked off his sneakers. “What’s going on?”
He gnawed his lip. “I have something to tell you, but I’m not sure how you’re going to take it.”
“You’re pregnant.” Walker cackled. “Damn, I crack myself up.”
“Stop. I’m serious.”
Brow furrowed and eyes wary, Walker grew tense. “Oookay. I see that. Tell me.”
“This morning I was at my office…and your parents showed up.”
Walker flushed, then paled. “What did they say?” He rose to his feet and began to pace. “Wait, don’t tell me.” More agitated by the second, he waved his arms around. “Poor us. We didn’t mean it. Walker should forgive us.”
“It wasn’t like that,” he responded softly.
“They got to you too?” Walker’s sorrowful eyes met his. “Tell me, then. How was it?”
“I will if you sit down. Please?”
Walker threw himself onto the opposite end of the couch, tapping his foot in a rapid, staccato beat, the hurt in his eyes overflowing. “I’m waiting.”
“I’m not your enemy. Remember last night? What we said to each other?”
“Yeah. I do. But I’m not so sure about you, if this is what you’re doing.”
He shifted over to be able to take Walker’s hand in his, and was surprised at how cold it was. “I’m doing it because I love you. I even talked to Jimmy, and—”
“What the fuck? Jimmy? I can’t believe you did this.”
Walker yanked his hand away, but Colin snatched it back. He knew he only had one shot to get this right. “I spoke to Jimmy because I needed to talk to someone who knows the whole story, and he’s the only one. I didn’t want to break your trust and talk to Alan and Dustin about it.” He squeezed Walker’s cold hand. “You have every right in the world to be angry and rage at them and feel violated. I never said you didn’t. But what I also hate is seeing that longing in your eyes for the way it used to be between you. You loved your parents—still love them. Go ahead, shake your head, say no and call me all the names you want, but I think you should sit with them and talk it out.”
All the humor in Walker’s face had drained away, leaving him grim, white, and haunted.
“When I discovered what happened, I told them, ‘I don’t want this to get in the press because it’ll interfere with my concentration and ability to play ball, so I won’t prosecute you. But I don’t want to see you anymore.’ It took everything I had to walk away and make a life without them by my side, but I did it. And now you want me to let them in.”
Tears glittered in Walker’s eyes, and Colin mustered all his inner strength to stay the course because he believed it was the right path.
“I don’t think they ever left you. And I want peace for you. I see you struggle every time they come up in conversation.”
“Wouldn’t you?”
“I know I would’ve loved to have a mother and a father. Maybe my mother would still be alive today.”
“Did you ever try to find your father? Or your grandparents?”
A sharp pain stabbed through him. “I have no idea who the man is. I asked my mother on several occasions, and she wouldn’t tell me his name, saying only that he was older and left when she told him she was pregnant and she never saw him again. Why would I want to meet a man like that? He’s no man at all. As for my grandparents…” He hung his head. “No. I don’t ever want to see them. They kicked my mother out, didn’t care if she had to live on the street or sell herself. I could never do that to someone I loved. They made no attempt to help her or ever see me. What did I do so wrong, except be born?”
“Nothing. You did nothing.” Walker ran his nose down his cheek, and Colin leaned into him. “And if you did want to find them, I’d be right by your side to help you and back you up.”
“But that’s what I want for you. Sometimes love and hate are just two sides of the same coin, and I’m not asking you to forgive them. I honestly don’t think that’s possible. But can you move past it? Do you want to?”
Seconds ticked by as he held his breath, watching the play of emotions on Walker’s face.
“I don’t know.”
“Then let’s talk to them. And I’ll be right here, holding your hand, holding you up.”
“When?” That one word, so plaintive, he sounded like a lost little boy, and Colin knew he’d never be the one to give him cause to doubt his love.
“How about now? I told them I’d call if you said yes. Should I tell them to come over?”
Walker blinked, and after a minute, gave his hand a squeeze.
“Call them.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
He wanted to both puke and run away.
Hearing Colin speak quietly into his phone as he wandered around the apartment, sweat broke out over his entire body, dampening his shirt. This was worse than his first day in the majors.
Colin set his phone on the table. “They’ll be here in twenty minutes.”
He rubbed his face. “They live on the Island. How’s that possible?”
“They stayed in the city all day, hoping you’d agree, and were in a coffee shop on Fifth Avenue.”
And despite it all, his lips twitched. “You were pretty certain I’d say yes?”
But Colin remained as solemn as he’d ever seen him and shook his head. “I wasn’t sure I’d even have the courage to ask you. But I hoped.” A tremor shook his voice. “Are you upset with me?”
“No.” He ran his hands over Colin’s arms, then pulled him close. “I know you did it because you care about me.”
“I love you. And because of how loving you are, I know this estrangement is slowly killing you inside, eating you up little by little. It’s why you haven’t been able to really trust anyone besides Jimmy. And you deserve so much more, and so do the people who care about you, because they should be lucky to have all the love and friendship you’re capable of giving.”
“How did this happen?” With his fingers tangled in Colin’s hair, Walker studied him, those beautiful golden-brown eyes smiling, yet he knew the pain and courage locked inside. “We joked before that it was a dream, but maybe it is.”
“Never.” Colin kissed him, slow and soft, but with a hunger that set his heart on fire. “I don’t want this to be a dream, because dreams fade and are forgotten when you wake up. And I don’t ever want to forget what it’s like to love you.”
The buzzer sounded, and he jumped, every muscle tensing. Colin held him for a moment. “Ready?”
“Yeah.”
He waited by the sofa as Colin crossed the room to answer the door. At the first sight of his parents, he gulped air, hoping he wouldn’t break apart.
“Come in, please.”
Always gracious, Colin brought them into the living room, and immediately, his mother began to cry. His father put a comforting arm around her while pinning Walker with his gaze.
“Hello, Walker.”
Unsure of the steadiness of his voice, Walker nodded. He hadn’t noticed them looking so old that last time at the bar, but he’d been too emotional and furious to think about appearances. Always slim, his mother looked positively fragile. He cleared his throat.
“Why don’t you sit? Colin can make you some tea. He’s a connoisseur.”
His mother’s smile was tremulous. “Thank you. That would be nice.”
He waited as his father settled his mother on the couch and took a seat next to her, and then, coward that he was, escaped to the kitchen to help Colin. When the water boiled, he took the mug for his mother, while Colin followed with a tray holding his father’s cup and a cheese board he’d obviously prepared ahead of time. Ever the planner, Walker thought to himself.
He sat in the club chair, and Colin chose to remain at his side, resting on the arm and placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.
Leaving his steaming tea untouched, his father dipped his head. “Thank you for agreeing to see us. It means everything.”
Once again, he nodded but remained silent. Waiting.
His father took his mother’s hand. “Before I say anything else, I need to say I’m sorry.” He broke down, but regrouped and continued. “I never thought I’d become the person I turned out to be—living through my child’s glory. I guess when I wasn’t good enough to make it professionally myself, I transferred all my hopes and dreams to you. Your success became mine, and I lost sight of you as an individual and a man of such incredible achievements.”
All this information was new to him. “I wasn’t aware you wanted to play ball. You never said anything.”
A quick twist of his lips. “Because I failed and had to move on. My flop ate away at my insides, but I put it aside for you. When you started playing and showed such talent, the old desire for fame and what came with it rushed back. I don’t know if it was jealousy or the yearning to be part of a world that didn’t want me, but I blinded myself to the fact that it was your career, and I co-opted it. Your life became mine, and I…” He lifted his gaze to meet Walker’s. “I committed a sin and stole from you. I crossed the line and betrayed your trust.”
His father’s revelation astounded him, but even with that truth, it was impossible to simply walk away from years of resentment.
“I guess I can understand your feelings concerning me. But you could’ve come and asked me for money—for whatever you wanted. I would’ve given you anything because you gave me everything. Of course I wouldn’t deny you. I loved you.”
His father clasped his hands in front of him. “It was a horrible lapse of judgment and breach of your trust. We recognize that and aren’t trying to diminish how bad we hurt you. But losing you for all these years, missing all this time with you, was worse than any prison term we could’ve been sentenced to.”
“And not for the baseball accolades,” his mother added. “Those were wonderful but not the most important thing. You’re my son…my only child. I want what we once had. That love.”
“I never stopped loving you.”
Shit. Did he say that?
Apparently so, as his mother’s eyes lit up with hope, and Colin’s hand tightened on his shoulder.
“But you not only destroyed the trust I had in you, but the trust I had in anyone. For years. How do you think that worked out for me? I don’t trust people and think they’re only interested in what they can get out of me. At the first sign of intimacy, I check out.”
“But you’re with Colin?” His mother’s gaze darted to Colin. “We saw you at the game and later on television. You seem very happy.”
“I am.” He reached up and covered Colin’s hand with his, knowing he’d be there. That he always would. “More than I ever thought possible. But it took years to get to this point, and it’s only because he’s such a good person, he wouldn’t let me hide from the truth.”
“You were worth finding. You’re worth everything.” Colin’s words pushed out the last of the darkness occupying his heart, opening it to the light he’d hidden from all these years.
“And being so happy with Colin has allowed me to take a step away and do a deep dive into myself. Is all this hate worth it anymore? I’ve lost all these special years with you, and much as I tried to fight it, I miss you, Dad. You were my hero growing up. I didn’t need movie stars and sports figures because I knew you were the man I wanted to emulate. And Mom, you were the best. You went to every one of my games and school plays and never blinked an eye when I brought the entire team home after school for snacks and to play at our house.”
“I loved it.” She sniffled and wiped her eyes. “You were my baby. My joy.”
It hurt to breathe, yet it was so damn good to feel anything, he welcomed the pain.
“Colin helped me realize it’s better to forgive than sit with all this resentment eating me up. I’m not saying it’s going to be smooth sailing, but I’m willing to try.”
His mother left the couch to fling her arms around him. Holding her for the first time in so long, smelling her favorite scent, brought him home—to the days when he thought he had the world in the palm of his hand and nothing could ever hurt him.
“I love you, Walker, and I’m so sorry. I’m never going to do anything to make you question that love.”
The terrible voices in his head no longer held him in their vise, and he hugged her back. “I love you too.”
Warier, his father stood, and Walker faced him, heart pounding, eyes burning with unshed tears.
“I’m not asking you to forget what I did, but maybe we could move forward and start over?”
He could hear his mother sniffling behind him, and gazed over at Colin, whose smile and love had brought him to this place where what he once thought impossible, now became his reality.
“We can try. When I got injured and was told I could never play again, I thought my life was over. Baseball was all I knew. Next to what happened between us, it was the most defining moment I’d ever faced. And I had to do it alone. But it forced me to reevaluate what my purpose was, and when I bought the bar and worked with the neighborhood kids, I realized I was more than a walk-off or an RBI. I could actually change people’s lives for the better.”
“I always knew you had it in you. From the first, you had that spark…that fire that set you apart from the regular players.” His father extended his hand. “I’m proud to call you my son, not only because of what you’ve achieved on the field, but for the man I see before me today.”
Shaking his father’s hand, Walker knew it would take more work than an evening of simple words between them, but now he was willing, and he owed that change of heart to Colin. Knowing Colin had no one growing up except a mother who was forced to make terrible choices, Walker wanted to give Colin the family he’d never had.
“None of this would’ve been possible if it wasn’t for Colin. He’s taught me to look at the broader picture and cherish what I do have, because not everyone has been as lucky as I have. He made me see I needed to reevaluate what I had.”
“We owe everything to you, Colin.” Still holding on to him, his father focused on Colin, whose blush fired his cheeks. “I know we ambushed you at your office, but you still listened to us. Whatever you said or did, you have our undying gratitude.”
“I did it for Walker.” Always uncomfortable with being the center of attention, Colin surprised him with the strength of his words. “My first impression of him was of a man who didn’t care about much of anything except having a good time, loving the spotlight and crowds and thriving on the attention. The total opposite of me. I was used to being alone. But when we started becoming close, I heard the emptiness behind the laughter and saw the loneliness he couldn’t hide. And I knew Walker would never be able to give all of himself until the problem with you was resolved.”
Walker disengaged from his father and took Colin’s hand in his. “When Colin explained that to me, I knew I had to make a decision. Because he’s the most important part of my life now, and I don’t ever want him to think that he’s not getting all I have to give.” Without any concern for his parents standing there, he turned to Colin and kissed him. “The best is yet to come. I promise you this is just the beginning of what I have to show you.”
Red-faced, Colin tried to pull away, but he held fast, and when he saw his mother smiling, Walker leaned over and whispered loud enough for everyone to hear, “I hope you don’t mind a pushy Jewish mother who’s going to be calling you just to say hello and expecting us to visit?” He met his mother’s eyes, brimming with tears. “Am I right?”
“I’m hoping. I’ve waited years to get my son back, and now, to get both of you, it would be a dream.”
Walker knew Colin longed for someone to give him a family and their unconditional love, and his parents had more than enough love to share.
“Come home this weekend? Can you?”
“Weekends are usually busy for Colin. It’s when his events take place, and he has to be there.” He looked to Colin. “What’s your schedule like?”
“I only have an engagement luncheon on Sunday. So if you want…”
He smiled into Colin’s eyes, laced their fingers together, and turned to his parents. “I guess we’ll see you on Sunday evening. And, Mom?”
“Yes, honey?”
“In case you don’t remember, I don’t like my bagels toasted.”
Finally, finally, his laughter came from the heart. A heart now filled only with love and peace.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Understandably, it had been a late night, but when Walker returned from seeing his parents off to their car, he was glowing with an inner fire Colin had yet to see from him. Not even at the resort when he was dancing with wild abandon. Walker threw himself onto the couch but bounced up immediately, chattering.
“I can’t believe this night. I never thought that could happen.”
Colin cleaned up the cups and cheese board and remained in the kitchen. “I’m glad you’re going to work it out.”
Strong arms encircled his waist, and Walker kissed his neck. “All thanks to you. I think things are only going to get better.”
“I hope so for your sake.”
Was that the truth? Or had he inadvertently given Walker freedom to find someone more like himself?
