Sunday dawned bright and clear. But Luke’s head was not. There was something unsettling about seeing that familiar handwriting. He’d come to expect a letter from Honor when he saw it.

  And even more unsettling was how Honor had hurried to her room after supper last night. She didn’t even linger for a good night kiss. He’d hoped for more.

  But today was Sunday. They didn’t do any unnecessary work on the Lord’s Day and he had plans for how he would spend it with Honor. The two of them on a picnic. If she was game to riding horseback, they could go up one of the trails.

  He joined Honor in the kitchen for breakfast. She seemed strangely quiet. Then he realized this would be her first outing as Mrs. Shannon.

  “Everyone is going to love you.”

  She jerked back at his words. Sucked in a gusty breath as if her lungs suddenly jerked into action. “I don’t care if everyone loves me.”

  He waited thinking she had more to say, but she turned away to serve breakfast so he completed the thought on his own. I only need a few people to love me and mostly, I need and want your love.

  A smile started in the depths of his heart and sped upward to his lips. Today seemed like a fine time to tell her he could offer her his love.

  They ate breakfast and he took up the Bible. His mind focused on one subject—love—so he opened to the thirteenth chapter of First Corinthians. “Ma said when the Bible says charity, it’s the same as love.” He began to read, “‘Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.’” Slowly, reverently, hopefully, he closed the Bible. Expectantly he looked at Honor.

  She sat with her head bowed. And although he waited, she did not look at him. Instead, she rose and gathered up the dishes. “What time do we leave for church?”

  He looked at the clock. “In about an hour. I’ll go see to transportation.” Disappointment and uncertainty filling his thoughts, he left the house. He’d longed for her to lift her shining face to him. Her eyes gleaming with understanding of what he was trying to say. He would have kissed her if she had. Instead, she wouldn’t even look at him. Had he pushed too hard? Hoped for too much too soon?

  “Morning,” Matt greeted him from the shed where the wagon and buggy were stored.

  “Morning.” Luke tried to put a little enthusiasm into his voice but of course, Matt picked up on the falseness of it.

  “Things not going as you hoped?”

  Luke grunted. He had no intention of sharing his concerns with his twin. His happily-married twin.

  Matt continued, “Don’t worry. Things will work out. Just give it time.”

  His brother was likely right, and Luke slowly smiled. “I have plans for this afternoon.”

  Matt roared with laughter.

  Together they hitched the team to the buggy. “Pa was right when he ordered this four-seater.” They grinned at each other.

  “Our wives will enjoy the ride.” Matt seemed pleased at the idea.

  They drove to Matt’s house, and he helped Gwen and Lindy to the front seat.

  They proceeded to Luke’s house, and he jumped down.

  Honor waited inside, wearing the blue dress she’d worn when they went for their welcome dinner at Matt and Gwen’s. She dabbed at her upper lip with a white hankie. She might be nervous. Or too hot. The kitchen was warm from breakfast, but she’d find it pleasant outside. He crooked his arm toward her, and she placed her hand in the bend of his elbow.

  He almost regretted that the buggy was so close.

  He helped her to the back seat and then took his place beside her. Gwen, Matt, and Lindy greeted Honor. Riley, Andy, and Wally joined them on horseback, and they were on their way.

  She seemed to relax on the trip. But as soon as they reached town, he felt her tension return in the way she stiffened and tucked in her chin.

  He covered her knotted hands with his. “I’m right here beside you. All the way.” He lowered his voice. “Always.”

  She smiled though he noted it didn’t reach her eyes.

  He helped her from the buggy and led her across the dusty grass to the church.

  Pastor Ingram and his wife greeted them at the door. “How are the newlyweds?” he asked.

  Luke gave a smile that he guessed said far more than any words. “We’re doing great. Thanks.” He guided Honor up the aisle, following Matt, Lindy, and Gwen to a seat.

  A few minutes later, the pastor stood behind the wooden pulpit and greeted them.

  They sang three hymns. Never before had Luke sung with more fervor. His heart was overflowing with gratitude for the woman at his side. He’d prayed before he’d asked her to come west and God had so wonderfully and generously answered his prayer.

  Pastor Ingram opened the Bible before him. “I am reading from Romans chapter twelve.”

  Peace and contentment filled Luke as he listened to words that echoed in his heart. Let love be without dissimulations. Be kindly affectioned one to another. The preacher lifted his gaze. Those words would provide the motto for his home and his relationship with Honor.

  “Dear brothers and sisters, we all know life isn’t always easy. There are times it’s extremely difficult. We suffer loss and despair. You all know what I’m talking about. How often do we let our pain dictate our actions? By so doing, we make the lives of others harder. We need to take to heart the words of the scriptures. Give love freely. Cling to good things. Treat others kindly. Rejoice in hope. Be patient in tribulation and never cease praying. Not only for your needs but for the needs of your friends and neighbors.”

  Luke nodded frequently throughout the sermon. He had been greatly blessed and would do his best to bless others. And he meant to start with the woman at his side.

  Today he would tell her he loved her.

  The sermon ended and people rose. Neighbor turned to neighbor to greet them and catch up on the news.

  “My letter,” Honor whispered.

  “There’s the Luckhams heading out the door. I’ll introduce you to them.” He guided her down the aisle. They stopped to shake hands with Pastor Ingram and then stepped into the sunshine.

  A fine sunny day. Perfect for the afternoon he had planned.

  They reached the couple who owned the store and Luke introduced Honor. “The new Mrs. Shannon.”

  “Ahh.” Mrs. Luckham’s smile was wide. “The young lady who has written all those letters. Welcome.”

  Honor seemed to have lost her voice, so Luke spoke for her. “She has a letter for you to post if you don’t mind.”

  “By all means.”

  Honor fumbled in the little bag she carried and pulled out a rumpled envelope. Her hands shook. Was she really that nervous about meeting the people of Crow Crossing?

  He grinned. She’d soon enough feel right at home with these friendly people.

  The letter fell from her trembling fingers and fluttered to the ground at his feet.

  Honor gasped.

  “I’ll get it.” Luke picked it up. And stared at the address. He recognized the address. It was the same one he’d put on his letters to Honor. But the printing was crude. The letters ill shaped.

  Had she gotten Lindy to write the address for her? But why would she? Besides, he was almost certain Lindy hadn’t been to visit. He handed the missive to Mrs. Luckham and guided Honor to the buggy.

  There was only one answer that made sense. Only it didn’t make sense at all.

  But things fell into place that he couldn’t refute.

  She’d never said where she went to school.

  The letter from Tammy held familiar penmanship.

  Honor never read from the book he’d given her. Had looked unsettled when Lindy brought her book to Honor to see.

  He’d been duped. She’d come under false pretenses. He didn’t know who or what she was. But one thing was certain. She wasn’t like Gwen. Yet again, Matt has gotten the woman Luke wished for.

  He’d wait until they were in their own home before he demanded an explanation.

  8

  Honor fled to the bedroom as soon as her feet touched the ground. She was suffocating and she unbuttoned her dress, shed it, and chose a cooler cotton one.

  Changing her clothing did nothing to ease the panic clawing at her throat that had started when Luke picked up her letter and had grown worse with every turning of the buggy wheels.

  He would have seen her printing. What conclusion could he come to except that she wasn’t educated? Wasn’t who or what she claimed to be.

  If only she could turn the clock back to yesterday. She would have told him the truth then. But there was no going back. Just as she couldn’t hide in this room forever.

  Luke was in the other room. She’d heard his footsteps cross the floor. Knew he was waiting, and she had no choice but to face him and face the truth.

  The preacher’s words this morning had both warned and encouraged her. Warned her to be honest but reminded her that evil could be overcome with good. Surely Luke would see that she had good. Enough good to outweigh what she’d done.

  Lord of heaven and earth, please forgive my untruthfulness. Let Luke feel forgiving. Please let me convince him that I love him.

  She sucked in air and stepped from the room.

  Luke rose. His eyes were dark, unreadable. His mouth failed to smile a welcome. He crossed his arms over his chest.

  A lump of clay landed in the pit of her stomach.

  “Care to explain?” His cold tone sent a shiver across her shoulders.

  “I planned to tell you everything this afternoon.”

  Not a word of encouragement. Not so much as a kindly look.

  “Tammy wrote my letters for me.”

  He waited, as silent and unmoving as a rock.

  “I can’t read or write very much.” Her words scraped up her throat.

  “What about school?”

  “I never attended. My aunt was never well, and Uncle made me stay home to take care of her.” She could no longer look at his unwelcoming face and stared at the floor. “Mrs. Johansen taught me all I know. Which isn’t much.”

  He made a sound that might have been understanding or disbelief or just plain disgust.

  She waited for him to say something.

  The minutes dragged on in deathly silence. Her lungs had seized up. She might never again get in a satisfying breath.

  Finally, he shifted. “I’m a man of my word. I vowed for better or worse.” He strode from the house.

  Through the window, Honor glimpsed him going toward the barn. Would he come back for dinner or ride away and not return?

  She dashed tears from her eyes. This was her fault. It was up to her to make it right. But she couldn’t think how she would do so. Grief and fear robbed her limbs of strength and she crumpled to the floor and moaned. She’d endured loss and rejection before, but nothing that shredded her heart like this.

  Finally, knowing there was no cure for her pain, no relief for her guilt, she rose. The only thing she could do was be the best wife, the best homemaker Luke could ever hope for, and pray that sooner or later he would see that was enough.

  She stirred the stew she’d left simmering and set the table. And waited.

  And waited.

  He did not come and finally, she got up from the table without eating. She moved to the window, hoping for a glimpse of him. Lindy trotted down the trail, carrying a kitten. She saw a man leaning against the fence by the barn, but it wasn’t Luke.

  Where had he gone? When would he return?

  She moved to look out the west window. The mountains shone in the bright sun but the sight of them did not ease the strain that made it hard to breathe. Memories of sharing sunsets with Luke ached through her like a fatal disease.

  She dipped her head to the cool pane of glass.

  The walls closed in on her and she ran from the house. Not wanting to meet anyone, she hurried down the trail away from the house. The valley beckoned and she made her careful way down the steep incline. Safely at the bottom, she clung to the side of the hill, hoping no one could see her. She hurried on, past the dam where Luke had shown her the flare of the sunset, passing the big rock where she and Luke had sat to talk. She continued until she went beyond the last place they had gone together. Only then did her steps slow and her breathing ease enough to relieve the pain in her ribs.

  She walked for a time, doing her best to keep her mind blank… and failing.

  Exhausted mentally and physically, she sank to a grassy area and stared at her surroundings. What if Luke sent her back to Kellom? What if he let her stay but never spoke to her again?

  What if? What if?

  Endless scenes and possibilities filled her thoughts.

  Lord God, what I need is a miracle.

  Words from the scripture the preacher had read earlier in the day came to her mind. She wasn’t sure she had them exactly right, but didn’t they say she should be patient in tribulation, faithful in prayer?

  She would do that.

  Thank you, Lord. I’ll trust You to change Luke’s heart so he’ll give me a second chance. Or if he never does, please give me the strength to endure the pain.

  Strengthened by her decision, she made her way back, struggled up the steep trail, and went into the house.

  Luke sat at the table. His stare made her shiver. “Where’ve you been?” His voice deepened the shiver to her very bones.

  “Out for a walk. Thinking and praying.”

  “Seems a little late for that.”

  Patient in tribulation, she reminded herself. “I don’t believe it is. I’ll have your supper on in a minute.” She stirred the stew. It had grown thicker as it simmered but it would still make a tasty meal.

  And she had a cake waiting for dessert.

  She served the food and sat at the table.

  He bowed his head but for the longest moment didn’t speak. She knew it was hard to be thankful when he was angry. Finally, he mumbled, “Thanks for providing us with food. Amen.”

  Then without another word, he took a serving of the stew and ate it in silence.

  Fearing he might again dash from the room she set a generous portion of cake at his side before he cleaned his plate.

  He picked up the cake and pushed to his feet. “I’ll be out. Don’t wait up for me.” And he was gone.

  She tidied the kitchen and retired to the living room. She took up her knitting, but her hands remained idle.

  Faithful in prayer. Lord, please show me how to heal this injury I’m responsible for.

  Darkness fell and rather than light a lamp and sit waiting for Luke, she went to her bedroom, prepared for bed, and crawled under the covers. Sleep did not come until she heard him enter the house and go to the other bedroom. Even then, it was slow in claiming her.

  He was gone when she slipped from her room the next morning. She made biscuits and coffee and fried potatoes. And waited. And waited.

  Finally, his boots clattered on the steps, and he strode in.

  “Johnnie just rode in from the line cabin in the west. Said he can’t take the isolation any longer. I’m headed out there. Could you prepare enough food for a day?”

  “When will you be back?”

  “Probably be up there several weeks.” He grabbed a handful of biscuits and left again.

  He was leaving? How were they going to settle anything if he wasn’t even there?

  Luke stowed supplies in the panniers on the packhorse. He meant to be up in the mountains for a long time. Perhaps all summer. Maybe into the winter.

  He’d speak to Matt about keeping an eye on Honor and making sure she had everything she needed.

  He led the horse back to the barn where his mount stood ready.

  Honor and Matt waited there, Matt holding the reins of a smaller horse. The sack Honor held was larger than what he expected for a lunch. Thoughts tangled in his head as he took in her cotton dress and boots. They grew more confused with the stubborn look on her face. Was she meaning to argue about his plan to ride out?

  He looked from one to the other. “Good. I wanted to see you before I left,” he addressed Matt. “I’ll be gone for a while. See that Honor has what she needs.”

  “I’ve decided I’m going with you.” Her words were firm. Even a little challenging.

  Matt watched with avid interest. “Something going on here?”

  “Nothing that concerns you.” No way he was going to let Matt know that yet again, he’d been the lucky one. And rather than argue in front of his brother and cause speculation, he shrugged. “Very well. Let’s be on our way.” It was a full day’s ride. And Honor wasn’t used to riding.

  Well, it was her choice to accompany him.

  Leading the pack horse, he headed out, letting Honor follow.

  They rode in silence for the better part of an hour at which time they traveled along the top of Shannon Valley to where the banks were less steep. He led the way down the gentle slope. For a time, they followed the stream. It was narrower and noisier here. He always stopped at a spot that allowed a particularly pleasant view of the mountains. Today, he glanced to the west but continued onward.

  Honor stayed doggedly in his wake.

  And just as doggedly, he ignored her.

  And tried to ignore the constant nudging of his conscience. Was it only a few hours ago he’d sat in church, feeling so fortunate? Like the pastor said, they all experienced bad things. More of the preacher’s words echoed in Luke’s head. We need to take to heart the words of the scriptures. Give love freely. Cling to good things. Treat others kindly. Rejoice in hope. Be patient in tribulation and never cease praying. Not only for your needs but for the needs of your friends and neighbors. He didn’t want to remember the words nor the way they’d made him feel.

  They crossed the creek and continued, climbing now. The sun grew warmer and higher in the sky.

  His stomach growled. Had Honor packed a lunch like he’d asked? Or had he ordered?

 

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