Sunny rain, p.21
Sunny Rain, page 21
I refused to back down. “I don’t owe you nothing! Now leave. I don’t want you here!”
Bryce walked to the side of my bed. “Don’t get yourself all worked up. Your mother is here because she loves you and want to make it right. Will you just hear her out and quit being so damn stubborn?”
I shook my head and massaged my temples. “This is not the time nor place.”
"I could have lost you, Natalie Pooh.”
"Don’t call me Natalie Pooh. You lost that right when you decided you no longer wanted to be a mother!” I snapped.
“I always wanted to be your mother, but the alcohol wouldn’t let me. Don’t you think I feel terrible about what I put you through? I’m so sorry, but the reality is I can’t take it back. In order for us to heal we have to quit dwelling on the past.”
“You think you can just walk in here after all this time and I forgive you for all the pain you caused, just like that! Do you know what it feels like to be in the child welfare system! Do you know what it feels like to cry out for your mother each and every night! Do you know what it feels like to go through Christmases, birthdays, and have your momma show up drunk and act a complete fool!”
“What I did was wrong, but you gotta understand that I was under the influence of alcohol. I’m getting better now. I’ve been clean now for six years! I don’t ever want to let alcohol control me again. I hurt a lot of innocent people, but I can’t change that!
I’m reaching out to you cause I love you so much, and I don’t ever want you to doubt that. No one should have to go through the pain I put you through. I’m tired of every day of my life being filled with regret.”
I refused to break. “You don’t give a damn about me! You just here to clear your conscience.”
“That’s not true! I did the best I could given the circumstances.” “Yeah well if that’s your best,” I said, “I’d hate to see your worst.”
“I guess I deserve that.”
“You ruined my life before I even had a chance to reach puberty!”
Momma folded her arms across her chest. “You were forced to live with your grandparents! And you turned out fine. What’s so bad about that?”
“I guess it wouldn’t have been too bad if Grandpa could have kept his hands to his self.”
Momma looked confused. “He beat you?”
I shook my head. “Sometimes I wish he would, though. That way I could just hide behind the scars.”
Her expression said it all. She knew exactly what I meant. Momma reached out to rub my arm. I pulled away from her touch.
Tears fell down Momma’s cheeks. “I’ll dig him up and kill the bastard myself.”
Momma wiped the tears from her eyes. “I’m so sorry, sweetie. I never knew.”
“Of course not. You weren’t there.”
“Momma’s here now. And I wanna be part of your life. I wanna see my grandson.” Momma looked at Bryce. “Get to know my son- in-law. Please, don’t shut me out!”
I stared at the stark white wall ahead. Maybe if I stare long enough she’d disappear. A single tear rolled down my cheek.
“My therapist thinks it’ll be a good idea if you join me in a few sessions. It’s only once a week for an hour, but it really has helped me so much.”
Silence.
Momma dug in her purse and placed a business card on the table. “The address and everything is there if you decide to come.” She turned and walked toward the door. “I know I may not have been the best mother, but everybody deserves a second chance.”
Monica Davis
“You want some breakfast?” Ray removed the covers from my head.
“No, I’m not hungry.”
“You have to eat something.” “I will eat, just not right now.”
Ray walked across the crowded bedroom, stepping over piles of clothes and tossed shoes. He dug a pair of boots out the closet and sat on the side of the bed putting them on.
“You sure you don’t want me to stay home?”
“I told you. I’ll be fine,” I said, “I just need some rest.”
“You been in the bed for two days straight. How much more rest do you need?”
I turned on my side facing Ray. “I’m dealing with the loss of a friend. What do you expect from me?”
“Sleeping your life away is not going to make it better. Maybe you should give that grief counselor a call.”
I shook my head. “I’ll be fine. I just need time, that’s all.” “Okay, love you. Call me if you need me.” Ray planted a quick kiss on my forehead before heading out the door.
It was another three hours before I finally dragged myself out of bed. I ran a shower and slowly undressed. I closed my eyes. Reminisced on all the good times me and Leslie shared. She was like the sister I never had. So outspoken and lively. Always the life of the party. Tears swelled in my eyes as I thought about Trinity. She’d never know her mother. I knew Mr. and Mrs. Morgan would do a fine job in raising her, but nothing takes the place of Mom. A part of me felt responsible. I knew Leslie was depressed and did nothing. She complained all the time of these nightmares. I guess I underestimated the severity of her depression. Never did I imagine she’d choose to end it all. Postpartum depression was something I was fortunate enough to never experience.
I showered and slipped into my favorite silk pajamas. The phone rang. I looked at the caller ID. Unavailable. Which meant it was either a bill collector or a telemarketer. Not being in the mood for either, I let the answering machine pick up. The gas company left a brief message regarding the delinquent balance on my account. I listened to the remaining messages. Thirteen messages from creditors, two from my mother, and one from Natalie.
I dialed Natalie’s cell phone number. She answered on the third ring.
“Hey girl,” Natalie said.
“Hey. Where you been? I called you like five times?” Natalie said, “I’m in the hospital.”
“Oh, is everything all right?”
Natalie tried her best to sound upbeat. “I’m okay. It’s a long story, we’ll talk about it when I get out. Anyways, what’s this news about Leslie?”
“I didn’t want to tell you this over the phone,” I said. “Okay, now you’re scaring me. Tell me!”
I searched for the correct words. “Leslie, um, didn’t make it.” “What!”
“They found her body in the lake. They think she… she jumped.”
“Oh, my God! This can’t be happening!” Natalie sobbed.
“I’m still in shock. It’s like a nightmare that just keeps going and going.” I wiped the tears that freely ran down my cheek.
Natalie whispered, “I gotta go,” before the phone went dead.
Natalie Ellis
The straw that broke the camel’s back. I threw my cell phone to the floor and snatched the IV from my arm, screaming uncontrol- lably. Several doctors and nurses rushed in the room.
“AWWWWWW!” I swiped everything from the nightstand and banged it repeatedly against the wall.
“Natalie, calm down.” A nurse spoke in a calm tone. “AWWWWWWW!” The drywall cracked and peeled away, as I continued ramming the nightstand into it.
Staff quickly moved in to restrain me, each holding a limb. Suddenly, a large nurse entered the room carrying a long needle.
“No! No! WHY!” I tried to break free, but my tiny frame was no match for their strong hold.
Seconds later, a shot of thorazine invaded my bloodstream. A state of calmness overcame me. Wanted to fight, but couldn’t move my limbs.
Mouth felt like I’d eaten a bowl of cotton. Skin perspired. Eyelids shut.
* * *
My doctor sent my ass straight to Tinley Park Mental Hospital. My first day consisted of settling in and a therapy session.
“How are you feeling today, Natalie?” Silence. “Is there something you would like to talk about?” Dr. Anderson removed her glasses and placed her elbows on her walnut desk.
Silence.
I refused to talk to anyone. Don’t belong here with these crazy people.
Dr. Anderson made several more attempts to get me to speak before sending a staff to escort me to my room.
Sitting on the full-sized bed, I peered out the window. Missed Bryce and BJ so much it hurt. Thought about all my mistakes. Wished I could go back in time to do things differently.
Kenneth crossed my mind. Still had feelings for him. I knew it would take some time before I’d get over him.
I grabbed the notebook and pencil Bryce sent from home. The first time I had the urge to write.
Dear Bryce,
I‘ve loved you since the day I laid eyes on you. It‘s clear now more than ever that you are my soul mate. I‘ll stop at nothing to win back your trust and respect.
You learned a lot about my troubled childhood that I tried desperately to bury. I‘m sorry for all the lies. I‘m sorry for all the pain. I thought if I never told anybody about my past that it would magically disappear. I guess I was wrong. The truth of the matter is a part of me was trying to push you away before you, too, hurt me. Your love is so strong and flawless that I panicked.
If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I‘ll make you the happiest man on the planet. I‘m okay with being a stay-home mom if that‘s what you want. You name it, I‘ll do it.
When people cheat, they always say it meant nothing.
Why risk your marriage over nothing? I want to be clear on one thing: I did grow to care for him, but it pales in comparison to what I feel for you. I got so wrapped up in it because he gave me attention I was so desperately seeking. I was tired of being lonely. Tired of only seeing you in passing. Our bond had weakened.
Why do I feel the need to spend every waking moment around people? I‘m scared of being alone. Loneliness takes me back to childhood right after Grandpa would touch me. I had no one to talk to. Never want to feel that way again. I realize now that you are the one person I can completely trust. Without you, I feel like my heart has a hole in it. Please don‘t give up on our love. Give me a chance to make it better.
I love you and appreciate all you have done for me
Natalie
A couple days passed when I noticed a stale odor in my room. Turns out I was rooming with Danielle the hoarder. Staff removed stashes of week-old food from her mattress and closet.
Danielle was a tall, frail, woman with clammy skin. She had a tattoo of a rosary around her pale neck. Small vacant eyes that always seemed to look past you, and matted blond hair.
During activity hour, she sat next to me. Our activity for the day was to create a door plaque from precut wood. The hospital staff supplied an abundance of supplies and encouraged us to be creative. I painted my plaque bright pink. Used the glitter to write “keep out” in the middle. Strategically placed faux rhinestones and diamonds gave my plaque a girly look.
Danielle eyed my plaque. “That’s cute.” “Thanks,” I said, admiring my work of art.
After activities, quite a few residents remained in the lounge watching TV. I glanced around the room, taking in my surroundings. The residents seemed to be doing their own thing. Some talked to themselves, while others were isolated in corners. A heavyset, black woman rocked back and forth, occasionally blurting out nonsense phrases.
A middle-aged woman entered the lounge and started talking to an old man. She didn’t appear to be as crazy as the others. I wondered what her story was.
“She a ho,” Danielle said quietly.
Astonished I turned to face her, unaware that she was watching me.
“She been to the Boom Boom Room with all the guys,” Danielle continued. Her eyes never focusing on me. “What’s the Boom Boom Room?”
Danielle said, “That room down the hall where they go to have sex.”
I couldn’t believe my ears. They allowed these crazy ass residents to have sex! The last thing this world needed was two loonies procreating!
Bryce finally came to visit the next day. I was so pissed he missed two days. Wished I could stop the mailman from delivering that damn letter.
Bryce brought E. Lynn Harris’s new novel and the latest issue of Essence. He looked so handsome wearing a pair of Sean Jean jeans with a tan mock neck shirt and brown blazer. His clean-shaven face and freshly cut hair, made my mouth water. Wanted him to kiss me so bad, but he only offered a brief hug. Not wanting to push the issue, I sat across from him at a table by the window.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Better today. I was depressed yesterday, since I couldn’t go to
Leslie’s funeral.”
He simply nodded.
“How my baby? I miss him so much.”
“He’s good. Oh, I almost forgot. He made you something.” Bryce retrieved a card from his bag.
Elated, I read the card aloud. “I miss you, Mommy, and can’t wait for you to come home. Love you BJ.”
Tears rolled freely down my cheeks, as I closed the homemade card and placed it on the table in front of me.
“I got to get out of here. My baby needs me.”
“Just concentrate on getting better. BJ needs you to be well.”
I wiped the tears away. “How much longer I got to stay in here?”
“Until they feel that you’re well enough to come home.” “That could be weeks… months,” I protested.
“However long it takes. With you being away, I had a lot of time to think. Clear my head.”
“Oh yeah, And what did you decide?” “We’ll talk about that when you get home.”
I nodded. “Did you talk to my boss about the leave of absence?” “I did everything. They said take all the time you need. I got the clothes from the cleaners and have been watering your plants.”
I smiled a little. “Seems like you have everything under control.”
Bryce nodded.
An uncomfortable silence filled the room. “Sign me outta here. I don’t belong here.” “When the doctors feel—”
“Is this my punishment?” I asked. “Has nothing to do with—”
I slammed my hand against the table. “Stop lying. I know you
Bryce! You’re pissed, and you wanna make me suffer!” “You need to calm down before they end the visit.”
I sighed heavily and leaned back in the fold-up chair. “What- ever.”
“I didn’t come here to argue. I came to see how you are doing.” “Well now you see.”
“Do you want me to leave?” He asked calmly. “If that’s what you feel like doing.”
Bryce said, “You didn’t answer my question.” “If you want to leave then leave!”
Bryce shook his head. “Why do I bother?”
“You didn’t come see me for two days. Then you come in here today trying to keep me in here as long as possible!”
“You paranoid. Nobody’s trying to keep you in here—” “Why you didn’t come see me yesterday?” I asked.
“I had a lot of things to catch up on. By the time I finished, visiting hours were over.”
“I guess I’m not important anymore,” I said. “I didn’t come here for all this!”
“Well leave, cause I’m going to say what I feel!” Walking toward the door Bryce said, “I’m out of here.”
“I’m going to get out of here with or without your help,” I called behind him.
Monica Davis
“Shoot, I’m all ears.” Ray closed the door behind him and sat on the bed.
I stood by the dresser, purposely avoiding his eyes. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“You still don’t believe me about those damn pictures?”
“It’s not just the pictures, but to be honest, it is doubt in the back of my mind.”
“What do I need to do to erase that doubt?”
I shook my head. “It’s nothing you can do. My mind is made up. I’ve thought about this long and hard all day. Leslie’s death made me realize life can be short. And I don’t want to be one of those people who die suddenly, not ever knowing what it feels like to be happy.”
“You saying I ain’t never made you happy?” Ray asked.
“In the very beginning I was kind of happy, but we’ve always had our issues. I’m talking about one hundred per cent happy.”
Ray said, “One hundred per cent happy doesn’t exist.”
“It may not, but I just need to take some time to work on me.” “Who is he?” Ray shifted on the bed.
“I’m not seeing anyone. This is about me not settling because
I’m so damn afraid of starting over!”
Ray jumped from the bed and began rummaging through the closet.
“I’m not asking you to leave today. I’ll give you some time to find a place.”
Ray continued gathering his clothing. “I’ll be fine.” “Where are you going to go this time of night?” I asked. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”
“You don’t have a car.”
“I’ll call someone to pick me up.”
“Who, Tasha?” I asked with a hint of jealousy.
Ray sighed and turned to face me. “Why are you so concerned about who’s picking me up?”
“I didn’t mean for you to leave in the middle of the night.” “Since I don’t make you happy, and apparently never have, I wouldn’t want you to waste another minute being unhappy.” I said, “That’s not fair.”
Ray tossed his tattered suitcase on the bed and packed his selected clothes. “Your words, not mine. I want you to know that once I walk out that door, that’s it. No more calling me trying to hook back up. I’ll be there as a father to Rene but that’s it.”
“I know.”
Ray took out his cell phone and exited the room. He returned a short while later.
“Did you find a ride?”
“Not yet, but I’ll keep trying.”
I yawned before sliding under the covers. “I told you it was no rush.”
Ray stretched out on his side of the bed over the covers, with his feet hanging along the side. He was still wearing his shoes.
Neither of us spoke for a moment.
“I hope this doesn’t mean we can’t be friends,” I said. “We’ll get there eventually.”
Bryce walked to the side of my bed. “Don’t get yourself all worked up. Your mother is here because she loves you and want to make it right. Will you just hear her out and quit being so damn stubborn?”
I shook my head and massaged my temples. “This is not the time nor place.”
"I could have lost you, Natalie Pooh.”
"Don’t call me Natalie Pooh. You lost that right when you decided you no longer wanted to be a mother!” I snapped.
“I always wanted to be your mother, but the alcohol wouldn’t let me. Don’t you think I feel terrible about what I put you through? I’m so sorry, but the reality is I can’t take it back. In order for us to heal we have to quit dwelling on the past.”
“You think you can just walk in here after all this time and I forgive you for all the pain you caused, just like that! Do you know what it feels like to be in the child welfare system! Do you know what it feels like to cry out for your mother each and every night! Do you know what it feels like to go through Christmases, birthdays, and have your momma show up drunk and act a complete fool!”
“What I did was wrong, but you gotta understand that I was under the influence of alcohol. I’m getting better now. I’ve been clean now for six years! I don’t ever want to let alcohol control me again. I hurt a lot of innocent people, but I can’t change that!
I’m reaching out to you cause I love you so much, and I don’t ever want you to doubt that. No one should have to go through the pain I put you through. I’m tired of every day of my life being filled with regret.”
I refused to break. “You don’t give a damn about me! You just here to clear your conscience.”
“That’s not true! I did the best I could given the circumstances.” “Yeah well if that’s your best,” I said, “I’d hate to see your worst.”
“I guess I deserve that.”
“You ruined my life before I even had a chance to reach puberty!”
Momma folded her arms across her chest. “You were forced to live with your grandparents! And you turned out fine. What’s so bad about that?”
“I guess it wouldn’t have been too bad if Grandpa could have kept his hands to his self.”
Momma looked confused. “He beat you?”
I shook my head. “Sometimes I wish he would, though. That way I could just hide behind the scars.”
Her expression said it all. She knew exactly what I meant. Momma reached out to rub my arm. I pulled away from her touch.
Tears fell down Momma’s cheeks. “I’ll dig him up and kill the bastard myself.”
Momma wiped the tears from her eyes. “I’m so sorry, sweetie. I never knew.”
“Of course not. You weren’t there.”
“Momma’s here now. And I wanna be part of your life. I wanna see my grandson.” Momma looked at Bryce. “Get to know my son- in-law. Please, don’t shut me out!”
I stared at the stark white wall ahead. Maybe if I stare long enough she’d disappear. A single tear rolled down my cheek.
“My therapist thinks it’ll be a good idea if you join me in a few sessions. It’s only once a week for an hour, but it really has helped me so much.”
Silence.
Momma dug in her purse and placed a business card on the table. “The address and everything is there if you decide to come.” She turned and walked toward the door. “I know I may not have been the best mother, but everybody deserves a second chance.”
Monica Davis
“You want some breakfast?” Ray removed the covers from my head.
“No, I’m not hungry.”
“You have to eat something.” “I will eat, just not right now.”
Ray walked across the crowded bedroom, stepping over piles of clothes and tossed shoes. He dug a pair of boots out the closet and sat on the side of the bed putting them on.
“You sure you don’t want me to stay home?”
“I told you. I’ll be fine,” I said, “I just need some rest.”
“You been in the bed for two days straight. How much more rest do you need?”
I turned on my side facing Ray. “I’m dealing with the loss of a friend. What do you expect from me?”
“Sleeping your life away is not going to make it better. Maybe you should give that grief counselor a call.”
I shook my head. “I’ll be fine. I just need time, that’s all.” “Okay, love you. Call me if you need me.” Ray planted a quick kiss on my forehead before heading out the door.
It was another three hours before I finally dragged myself out of bed. I ran a shower and slowly undressed. I closed my eyes. Reminisced on all the good times me and Leslie shared. She was like the sister I never had. So outspoken and lively. Always the life of the party. Tears swelled in my eyes as I thought about Trinity. She’d never know her mother. I knew Mr. and Mrs. Morgan would do a fine job in raising her, but nothing takes the place of Mom. A part of me felt responsible. I knew Leslie was depressed and did nothing. She complained all the time of these nightmares. I guess I underestimated the severity of her depression. Never did I imagine she’d choose to end it all. Postpartum depression was something I was fortunate enough to never experience.
I showered and slipped into my favorite silk pajamas. The phone rang. I looked at the caller ID. Unavailable. Which meant it was either a bill collector or a telemarketer. Not being in the mood for either, I let the answering machine pick up. The gas company left a brief message regarding the delinquent balance on my account. I listened to the remaining messages. Thirteen messages from creditors, two from my mother, and one from Natalie.
I dialed Natalie’s cell phone number. She answered on the third ring.
“Hey girl,” Natalie said.
“Hey. Where you been? I called you like five times?” Natalie said, “I’m in the hospital.”
“Oh, is everything all right?”
Natalie tried her best to sound upbeat. “I’m okay. It’s a long story, we’ll talk about it when I get out. Anyways, what’s this news about Leslie?”
“I didn’t want to tell you this over the phone,” I said. “Okay, now you’re scaring me. Tell me!”
I searched for the correct words. “Leslie, um, didn’t make it.” “What!”
“They found her body in the lake. They think she… she jumped.”
“Oh, my God! This can’t be happening!” Natalie sobbed.
“I’m still in shock. It’s like a nightmare that just keeps going and going.” I wiped the tears that freely ran down my cheek.
Natalie whispered, “I gotta go,” before the phone went dead.
Natalie Ellis
The straw that broke the camel’s back. I threw my cell phone to the floor and snatched the IV from my arm, screaming uncontrol- lably. Several doctors and nurses rushed in the room.
“AWWWWWW!” I swiped everything from the nightstand and banged it repeatedly against the wall.
“Natalie, calm down.” A nurse spoke in a calm tone. “AWWWWWWW!” The drywall cracked and peeled away, as I continued ramming the nightstand into it.
Staff quickly moved in to restrain me, each holding a limb. Suddenly, a large nurse entered the room carrying a long needle.
“No! No! WHY!” I tried to break free, but my tiny frame was no match for their strong hold.
Seconds later, a shot of thorazine invaded my bloodstream. A state of calmness overcame me. Wanted to fight, but couldn’t move my limbs.
Mouth felt like I’d eaten a bowl of cotton. Skin perspired. Eyelids shut.
* * *
My doctor sent my ass straight to Tinley Park Mental Hospital. My first day consisted of settling in and a therapy session.
“How are you feeling today, Natalie?” Silence. “Is there something you would like to talk about?” Dr. Anderson removed her glasses and placed her elbows on her walnut desk.
Silence.
I refused to talk to anyone. Don’t belong here with these crazy people.
Dr. Anderson made several more attempts to get me to speak before sending a staff to escort me to my room.
Sitting on the full-sized bed, I peered out the window. Missed Bryce and BJ so much it hurt. Thought about all my mistakes. Wished I could go back in time to do things differently.
Kenneth crossed my mind. Still had feelings for him. I knew it would take some time before I’d get over him.
I grabbed the notebook and pencil Bryce sent from home. The first time I had the urge to write.
Dear Bryce,
I‘ve loved you since the day I laid eyes on you. It‘s clear now more than ever that you are my soul mate. I‘ll stop at nothing to win back your trust and respect.
You learned a lot about my troubled childhood that I tried desperately to bury. I‘m sorry for all the lies. I‘m sorry for all the pain. I thought if I never told anybody about my past that it would magically disappear. I guess I was wrong. The truth of the matter is a part of me was trying to push you away before you, too, hurt me. Your love is so strong and flawless that I panicked.
If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I‘ll make you the happiest man on the planet. I‘m okay with being a stay-home mom if that‘s what you want. You name it, I‘ll do it.
When people cheat, they always say it meant nothing.
Why risk your marriage over nothing? I want to be clear on one thing: I did grow to care for him, but it pales in comparison to what I feel for you. I got so wrapped up in it because he gave me attention I was so desperately seeking. I was tired of being lonely. Tired of only seeing you in passing. Our bond had weakened.
Why do I feel the need to spend every waking moment around people? I‘m scared of being alone. Loneliness takes me back to childhood right after Grandpa would touch me. I had no one to talk to. Never want to feel that way again. I realize now that you are the one person I can completely trust. Without you, I feel like my heart has a hole in it. Please don‘t give up on our love. Give me a chance to make it better.
I love you and appreciate all you have done for me
Natalie
A couple days passed when I noticed a stale odor in my room. Turns out I was rooming with Danielle the hoarder. Staff removed stashes of week-old food from her mattress and closet.
Danielle was a tall, frail, woman with clammy skin. She had a tattoo of a rosary around her pale neck. Small vacant eyes that always seemed to look past you, and matted blond hair.
During activity hour, she sat next to me. Our activity for the day was to create a door plaque from precut wood. The hospital staff supplied an abundance of supplies and encouraged us to be creative. I painted my plaque bright pink. Used the glitter to write “keep out” in the middle. Strategically placed faux rhinestones and diamonds gave my plaque a girly look.
Danielle eyed my plaque. “That’s cute.” “Thanks,” I said, admiring my work of art.
After activities, quite a few residents remained in the lounge watching TV. I glanced around the room, taking in my surroundings. The residents seemed to be doing their own thing. Some talked to themselves, while others were isolated in corners. A heavyset, black woman rocked back and forth, occasionally blurting out nonsense phrases.
A middle-aged woman entered the lounge and started talking to an old man. She didn’t appear to be as crazy as the others. I wondered what her story was.
“She a ho,” Danielle said quietly.
Astonished I turned to face her, unaware that she was watching me.
“She been to the Boom Boom Room with all the guys,” Danielle continued. Her eyes never focusing on me. “What’s the Boom Boom Room?”
Danielle said, “That room down the hall where they go to have sex.”
I couldn’t believe my ears. They allowed these crazy ass residents to have sex! The last thing this world needed was two loonies procreating!
Bryce finally came to visit the next day. I was so pissed he missed two days. Wished I could stop the mailman from delivering that damn letter.
Bryce brought E. Lynn Harris’s new novel and the latest issue of Essence. He looked so handsome wearing a pair of Sean Jean jeans with a tan mock neck shirt and brown blazer. His clean-shaven face and freshly cut hair, made my mouth water. Wanted him to kiss me so bad, but he only offered a brief hug. Not wanting to push the issue, I sat across from him at a table by the window.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Better today. I was depressed yesterday, since I couldn’t go to
Leslie’s funeral.”
He simply nodded.
“How my baby? I miss him so much.”
“He’s good. Oh, I almost forgot. He made you something.” Bryce retrieved a card from his bag.
Elated, I read the card aloud. “I miss you, Mommy, and can’t wait for you to come home. Love you BJ.”
Tears rolled freely down my cheeks, as I closed the homemade card and placed it on the table in front of me.
“I got to get out of here. My baby needs me.”
“Just concentrate on getting better. BJ needs you to be well.”
I wiped the tears away. “How much longer I got to stay in here?”
“Until they feel that you’re well enough to come home.” “That could be weeks… months,” I protested.
“However long it takes. With you being away, I had a lot of time to think. Clear my head.”
“Oh yeah, And what did you decide?” “We’ll talk about that when you get home.”
I nodded. “Did you talk to my boss about the leave of absence?” “I did everything. They said take all the time you need. I got the clothes from the cleaners and have been watering your plants.”
I smiled a little. “Seems like you have everything under control.”
Bryce nodded.
An uncomfortable silence filled the room. “Sign me outta here. I don’t belong here.” “When the doctors feel—”
“Is this my punishment?” I asked. “Has nothing to do with—”
I slammed my hand against the table. “Stop lying. I know you
Bryce! You’re pissed, and you wanna make me suffer!” “You need to calm down before they end the visit.”
I sighed heavily and leaned back in the fold-up chair. “What- ever.”
“I didn’t come here to argue. I came to see how you are doing.” “Well now you see.”
“Do you want me to leave?” He asked calmly. “If that’s what you feel like doing.”
Bryce said, “You didn’t answer my question.” “If you want to leave then leave!”
Bryce shook his head. “Why do I bother?”
“You didn’t come see me for two days. Then you come in here today trying to keep me in here as long as possible!”
“You paranoid. Nobody’s trying to keep you in here—” “Why you didn’t come see me yesterday?” I asked.
“I had a lot of things to catch up on. By the time I finished, visiting hours were over.”
“I guess I’m not important anymore,” I said. “I didn’t come here for all this!”
“Well leave, cause I’m going to say what I feel!” Walking toward the door Bryce said, “I’m out of here.”
“I’m going to get out of here with or without your help,” I called behind him.
Monica Davis
“Shoot, I’m all ears.” Ray closed the door behind him and sat on the bed.
I stood by the dresser, purposely avoiding his eyes. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“You still don’t believe me about those damn pictures?”
“It’s not just the pictures, but to be honest, it is doubt in the back of my mind.”
“What do I need to do to erase that doubt?”
I shook my head. “It’s nothing you can do. My mind is made up. I’ve thought about this long and hard all day. Leslie’s death made me realize life can be short. And I don’t want to be one of those people who die suddenly, not ever knowing what it feels like to be happy.”
“You saying I ain’t never made you happy?” Ray asked.
“In the very beginning I was kind of happy, but we’ve always had our issues. I’m talking about one hundred per cent happy.”
Ray said, “One hundred per cent happy doesn’t exist.”
“It may not, but I just need to take some time to work on me.” “Who is he?” Ray shifted on the bed.
“I’m not seeing anyone. This is about me not settling because
I’m so damn afraid of starting over!”
Ray jumped from the bed and began rummaging through the closet.
“I’m not asking you to leave today. I’ll give you some time to find a place.”
Ray continued gathering his clothing. “I’ll be fine.” “Where are you going to go this time of night?” I asked. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”
“You don’t have a car.”
“I’ll call someone to pick me up.”
“Who, Tasha?” I asked with a hint of jealousy.
Ray sighed and turned to face me. “Why are you so concerned about who’s picking me up?”
“I didn’t mean for you to leave in the middle of the night.” “Since I don’t make you happy, and apparently never have, I wouldn’t want you to waste another minute being unhappy.” I said, “That’s not fair.”
Ray tossed his tattered suitcase on the bed and packed his selected clothes. “Your words, not mine. I want you to know that once I walk out that door, that’s it. No more calling me trying to hook back up. I’ll be there as a father to Rene but that’s it.”
“I know.”
Ray took out his cell phone and exited the room. He returned a short while later.
“Did you find a ride?”
“Not yet, but I’ll keep trying.”
I yawned before sliding under the covers. “I told you it was no rush.”
Ray stretched out on his side of the bed over the covers, with his feet hanging along the side. He was still wearing his shoes.
Neither of us spoke for a moment.
“I hope this doesn’t mean we can’t be friends,” I said. “We’ll get there eventually.”
