Eight seconds, p.7
Eight Seconds, page 7
But the station manager’s cottage where Margi and John lived was a good half mile away from the main homestead, making it less likely that Grace could drop in for a chat at any hour. When Edgar returned each day to his family’s camp, a couple of miles away, it left only a handful of stockmen close by. They slept in separate quarters near the stables, leaving Grace relatively alone in the corrugated sleep-out attached to the homestead.
Someone had left an old radio in her room, and after preparing and eating her dinner, she would often listen to the only station she could access. It aired a mix of classical and modern music only broken by news segments. It wasn’t much, but it was better than listening to the crickets, night animals or the lonely howl of a dingo. Apart from a rickety single bed with a lumpy mattress, and a paint-chipped chest of drawers, and a small wooden table and chair, there wasn’t too much else to keep her amused in her room.
A tepid shower —directly outside her room with an adjoining outhouse — did nothing to lessen the sweat continuously coating her skin, but after so many months, she was acclimatising, and it wasn’t so hard to sleep. The window could be kept permanently opened when needed as it was barred and screened. The front door was always locked.
She was in that zone between awake and asleep when the doorhandle rattled. Alarmed, she sat up but didn’t turn the bedside lamp on. She waited for her eyes to adjust to the dark. Who was trying to get inside her room? Holding her breath, she tiptoed to the door. If someone was breaking in, she would surprise them and dash out the door at the same time. She’d make a run for it to the station manager’s cottage. Even in the dark she wouldn’t hesitate to find safety in Margi’s arms.
Releasing the trapped air slowly out of her lungs, she listened carefully, making sure it sounded like someone was trying to break in.
“Grace, open up!”
Her heart slammed against her chest. That thick German accent. She’d tried every tactic to ignore the warning signs every time Rolf looked her over. The hairs on the back of her neck shot up, and she squeezed her hands into balls to stop them from trembling. Heck, what were her options?
The door rattled harder, sending her beating heart into another spin. Would the rusted bolt hold? Would he try and bash the door open? She didn’t have a weapon to defend herself.
“I’ll be back in a few minutes. You open up the door then,” he hissed.
With his wife away and no one else close by, he must’ve thought it a good time to … she didn’t want to think about his intentions. She listened to the sound of his retreating steps on the concrete path. She had to make a run for it.
Sliding across the pad bolt, she turned the doorknob and pulled the door open enough to stick her head out and check the moonlit yard. Taking a step out, she almost stepped on Dog. “Shit! What are you doing here, boy?” Afraid Rolf would hear her and return, she grabbed Dog by the ear and pulled him into the room with her. Damn! She should’ve run to Margi’s cottage, but it was too late. Rolf’s returning footsteps were stomping down the path.
Slamming the door shut and bolting the pad bolt across, she added the security chain. Then she collected a sturdy chair from around the table and secured it underneath the handle.
Dog seemed to sense her fear and sat to attention by the chair. Resembling a statue, he didn’t move a muscle or make a single sound. Grace gathered her pillow and knelt beside Dog, comforted by the warmth and strength of the guard dog. Rolf eventually swore and cursed, his words coming through the door sounding slurred. When he eventually walked off, he kicked the door once before stillness surrounded it.
Thank goodness for Dog. While she tossed and turned, her sleep disturbed and uncomfortable, she was relieved to have taken the time to get to know him. With Dog by her side and eventually on the end of her bed, she felt safe.
By the time the sun peeked over the distant ranges and the station woke, she’d left the Marble Bar property. She wouldn’t, no, couldn’t stay, not while Rolf owned it. She’d found a stockman going to Port Hedland and begged a lift. Then caught a bus to take her home. She didn’t have to tell Rolf anything. She didn’t owe him a thing. He could damn well go to hell for all she cared.
She would tell Margi the truth one day, though. It was the least she could do since Margi had befriended her. Why did men have that sort of power over women? Dressed in jeans and Akubra, she resembled a bloke, but Rolf had seen past that and spied her curves and growing boobs.
There was no choice but to return home and face her father or find a new job. Neither were appealing.
CHAPTER 9
16 Years Old
Grace meandered along the makeshift fence housing the Sole Bros Circus. It’d set up camp on the outskirts of Kalamunda the previous week, and she longingly gazed at the animals that belonged to the troupe. The giant, majestic elephants and the palominos casually grazed on the surrounding grass and bales of hay. Barred cages held a lion and lioness secure. They paced up and back the length of the gate, watching, waiting. Monkeys were causing a racket in an enclosed trailer.
Friendly chatter carried on the morning breeze. Without meaning to, she wandered in that direction, along the temporary fence, completely absorbed in her thoughts until she was only yards away from the cluster of caravans the troupe travelled in. She stopped and eavesdropped on the conversation.
“Sounds like it’d be a great job to have.” She hadn’t meant to speak her thoughts aloud, and it was too late to take them back.
One of the girls smiled and beckoned her closer. “We can get you a job here if you want.”
Grace’s mind spun. It was the last proposition she had expected that morning.
After the long trip home from Marble Bar, she’d rung the house phone, hoping her mother would pick up. Instead, her father had, and he’d mistaken the call, thinking she was her sister, Annette, when he’d agreed to collect her from the bus stop. When he’d arrived at the bus stop to find Grace waiting, the look on his face was one of utter surprise, then remorse. There were no grand gestures or comforting hugs, only a muttered apology for the beating, which surprised Grace. He’d never apologised for any of his abuse before. She’d never heard the word sorry leave his mouth, ever. But Grace wasn’t interested in apologies, and the truce didn’t last.
She’d been glad to see her mother, Annette, and Robert, but Grace had changed from the naïve fourteen-year-old who had fled home close on eighteen months earlier. Now she did her own thing and lived independently and had worked at various stable jobs for a few months. She didn’t need to answer to her parents anymore, but she did need a more permanent job.
With a rushed breath, she asked, “Can you?”
The teenage girl nodded and rose from the camping box where she sat. “Follow me.”
Grace straightened her smart black coat and gave the guests her best friendly smile as they arrived for another performance. The smell of sawdust and fairy floss tickled her nose, adding to the buzz of excitement that stirred inside. “Welcome to the circus.” Grace took their tickets and showed them to their seat. “Are you excited to see the animals?” she asked a pair of twins bouncing on their toes, faces full of excitement. In the two months she’d been working with Sole Bros, each day had brought a new learning experience.
One of her first tasks had been learning to ride the elephant. The ringmaster taught her to sit and pose atop the enormous animal they called Rosie, in her fish-net stockings and sparkly leotards. Her heart had initially hammered at being so far off the ground, but Rosie was gentle and it hadn’t taken long to bond with her.
In the past few weeks, she’d been training for the swinging ladder and descent rope acts. Her strength and persistence, coupled with her flexible body, made her very popular with the circus family. That night, she would perform it for the first time.
A slight shiver of nerves rattled through her limbs, and she rolled her shoulders to settle it. She had the confidence and the strength, and her circus family believed in her—something she’d never experienced before.
With her newfound family, they moved from town to town in a never-ending tour that brought colour, dazzle and excitement to communities that had experienced nothing of this magnitude. She loved being part of it. The management quickly took up her skills, and her love of animals shone through from day one. What added to her sense of belonging was being able to help take care of the animals. The palominos were her favourite, and she rode them whenever the circus had a day off.
As for her actual family, it didn’t appear anyone missed her.
“Hey, Grace, time to change outfits.” One of the other performers called out.
This call stirred her nerves again. Lost in thought, she’d forgotten her new act for a few minutes. But she knew the rules. Whenever she was afraid of anything, she would confront her fears head-on. She almost laughed at this as she made her way outside to her caravan. As long as she didn’t fall off the swing rope and land in the fine sawdust sprinkled on the centre ring, she’d be fine.
She had a few minutes to compose herself and change into her dazzling orange leotard. She loved its silky texture against her skin, and the fish-net stockings that encased her legs made them look like they went on forever. Inside the small space they’d allotted her, she re-checked her hair and make-up that was done earlier. She would ride the elephants later in the program as she’d done at every other performance, but tonight she hoped to shine in her new act.
She tossed aside her black jacket and stripped down to her stockings before slipping into the leotard. Grace had to believe she could do this. Had to believe her athletic body had the strength to perform what she’d been training to do ever since joining the troupe. She crossed her fingers and said a silent prayer. It was something she rarely did but tonight was extra special.
The trapeze act was first after the initial welcome by the ringmaster, and Grace took a deep breath as she waited in the wings. Even though her stretches were complete, her legs twitched, and she danced on the spot waiting the few extra seconds as her act was announced through the PA system. She closed her eyes, took one last calming breath and strode to the middle of the ring, where the swing dangled from one of the circus tent supports.
Her first move was holding the handle and swinging up in a hand-stand position with her legs twisted around the rope for support. To start with, she executed tricks with the rope hanging still. Then she swung the swing forward and backward. With the extra momentum, she’d do different tricks, doing everything possible not to let the handle fall from her hands. Whenever she had to let go of the handle, she wrapped her legs tightly around the ropes.
The single spotlight followed every move, almost blinding her, and the oohs and ahhs of the crowd grew with every swing until she performed the finale. It required a split second where she was neither holding the handle nor had the rope curled around her legs. But when her hands safely connected back to the handle, she let out a sigh of relief knowing she’d done okay on her first swing ladder act. Only then did she allow the excitement to filter to the end of her fingertips with a tingle.
Grace descended from the swing and bowed to all quarters of the crowd. Some members of the crowd stood and clapped enthusiastically. She offered them a small wave of thanks. The trumpet medley which signalled the entrance of the clowns blared, but her only concern was the next costume change and act. Pride swelled inside her chest, and her cheeks ached from smiling. She’d done it without a hitch.
Her mind was already on what she needed to do for her next appearance—the parade of animals. It was her favourite. In another fun-filled act, she entered the ring by riding atop Rosie. The cheeky monkeys would walk in on a lead. One even rode a bike. And finally, the graceful and majestic palominos would follow. Rosie needed no introduction. Its enormity and standing in the animal community spoke volumes. Small kids would sit with their mouths agape as she passed their seats.
That night, she would go to sleep revelling in her success. And tomorrow morning, she would get a precious sleep-in as they weren’t moving to the next town until the day after. She gave one final bow, then turned and waved as she left the ring.
CHAPTER 10
Present Day
Erin typed the last sentence of her report, saved the work and switched off the computer. Dull, repetitive inputting of information was everything she dreamt of doing for a year. She smiled as she rose — reminded of some soreness near her butt from horsersiding — at how weird that sounded and how happy it made her and collected her bag. How stupid to wish for that? At her age, she should be living life to the fullest. Not shying away from the real issue niggling at the back of her mind.
Walking towards the building’s exit, she admitted she’d never confronted this issue before. Never openly spoken about it to anyone except Grace. Not her parents and definitely not Nicholas.
When Erin had blurted out that she wasn’t keen to finish her medical degree, Grace had questioned her about her family. It’d been easy opening up to Grace, even though she’d felt like a traitor to her family.
“All doctors, hey?” Grace had asked with raised eyebrows.
“Every single one.” Erin had answered matter-of-factly.
“What about your mum’s family?”
“Don’t know anything about them.”
“Maybe it’s time you did some digging. It could help you find where you belong.”
Grace was easy to talk to, and the weekly interviews didn’t come fast enough. Monday was finally finished, leaving only Tuesday before Erin’s next appointment with Grace on Wednesday. Erin was keen to learn more about why Tom thought Grace was a remarkable woman. Sure she had a multitude of trophies and ribbons, but she got the feeling there was more to his comment than her life achievements on display. The opportunity to ask her more was lost when Tom had hollered out that the horse was saddled and ready.
Ever since that conversation with Grace and her first encounter on a horse, she looked at the world from a different perspective. It’d taken a while to get her head around it, but now everything made sense. She didn’t want to be responsible for taking on a person’s health and well-being. She lacked the confidence. What was the point in finishing her medical degree if every day would only bring frustration, leaving her constantly uncomfortable?
Halfway across the car park to her Honda, she stopped, her heart racing frantically, her breaths quickening. What did she want to do?
She pressed her hand to her chest and took a deep breath in and out. With tentative steps again, she tried to address the problem she didn’t know how to solve. It’d been whirling around her head, searching for an answer ever since she’d let slip her concerns to Grace.
She’d only driven down to Cairns that morning in time for work, having stayed the entire weekend with her grandparents and Lacey. She couldn’t avoid her parents or Nicholas any longer. There’d be sour expressions and disappointed reminders. But all she thought about was her next interview with Grace on Wednesday and another offer of horseriding next weekend. Was there something seriously wrong with her priorities?
Only one way to find out. She settled in her seat, dumped her bag in the passenger footwell and started the car. The last of her confidence that she could work her way through this rocky patch was holding steady for now. How would she cope with facing her family and a boyfriend … a boyfriend she was fast realising she might not love anymore? Now, where did that come from?
Erin puffed out a weary sigh. They moved in together six months ago after being a couple for three years. But something had jarred from the start of their lease and wouldn’t leave her. Nothing had felt right once the subtle red flags to Nicholas’ personality became more apparent. Once she understood she was being controlled rather than loved, her love for him had withered away. Would her resolve to stop her medical studies buckle at the slightest push?
Erin squared her shoulders and put the car in gear. She was an adult now; it was time to act like one.
Dinner at her parent’s place. Always on a Monday night, always with a strictly medical theme. Her mother was too busy to cook, so she hired a chef and kitchen hand to prepare most of her meals. ‘Life is too short to waste on menial, repetitive chores.’
Erin didn’t bother going home first to shower and change and sent Nicholas a message to that effect. She’d worked as long as possible in front of her computer that afternoon and rubbed her tired eyes while stopped at traffic lights. She didn’t want to give her mother too much time to pull her aside and remind her of their disappointment.
The drive had given Erin time to put her thoughts in order, and as she turned into her parent’s street, there was clarity around the reasons she didn’t want her life to follow the desired route her parents had hoped for. As for any missing link that might be hiding on her mother’s side of the family, well—that night, she was going to change the table talk. She couldn’t wait for the moment they all scowled at her audacity. You can do this, girl.
A second later, her heart sunk when she spotted Nicholas’ car on the drive, and it looked like her brother James was there too. Great! She would cop it from all angles. She glanced at the time on the dash and chewed on her bottom lip as she parked. Okay, so maybe I am a tad later than usual.
When she stepped through the front door, voices filtered down the wide hallway from the living room. A glass of chilled white wine would be waiting for her on the drinks trolly. Except she wanted a beer. It’d been a long time between beers since she’d mingled with the outback university kids who’d welcomed her into their crowd. That nostalgic memory resurfaced regret at her poor attempt to stay in touch with them. They weren’t the friends Nicholas wanted her to be around, though. She’d changed a lot about herself to ensure she moulded into Nicholas’ ideal girlfriend. It was something else that irked her.
