The most dangerous enemy, p.13
The Most Dangerous Enemy, page 13
part #3 of The Elizabeth of England Chronicles Series
I turned at a slight noise behind me to see Kat, dressed in crimson and gold, wipe a tear from her eye as she gazed at me. I smiled. “You are sad today, Kat?” I asked gently and she shook her head fervently.
“Happier than I have ever known, my lady. These are tears of joy!” she laughed and gulped at the same time, making a noise reminiscent of a surprised frog. “For finally I have seen you become the Queen I always knew you would be.”
“Ah, Kat,” I reached out for her, but she hung back.
“I would not mess your gown, Majesty,” she said, scandalised, but I brushed aside her arguments and pulled her to me.
“There is so much metal sewn in this dress, Kat,” I said, holding her to me, “that I doubt any mortal could cause it to fold or to crinkle.”
“You look beautiful,” she pulled back to reach out and touch my face as though in benediction. “The most beautiful woman I have ever seen.”
“Gold and silver, pearls and diamonds may make any woman look like a queen,” I looked back in the mirror and saw my own painted face twist wryly at my words.
“There was never another who looked more a queen than you, Majesty,” breathed Kat fervently. “Nor any with as good a heart as yours… with more pure intentions toward her subjects. Gold and silver may make any woman look like a queen, but it is what you carry within you that sets you apart from any who have walked this path before you, or any who will come after you. England will never have a ruler who loved her people more, nor who wanted so much for them. They love you for it, Majesty, and all of them can see it in you. That is what shines from you today… Not gold and silver, but the pure heart of a queen who loves her people.”
My heart tripped within my chest, both with joy at her words, and with nerves. Much was expected of me… I hoped I would be enough for my people. It is a hard thing, to live up to such high expectations, and to thwart any low ones. Especially as a woman given the traditional seat of a man… Although the people of England supported my ascension to the throne, many still muttered on a woman taking the place of a man. Could I be both to them? Could I perform all that was needed of me, both as a queen, and as a king? I hoped so… My people needed strength, they needed courage; they needed a leader such as my own father had been. I could not disappoint them, or myself.
“Today is the day my people show me what they expect of me, Kat,” I wished my heart and stomach would stop churning so. “The pageants on the eve of coronation demonstrate to a monarch what his people wish for his reign.” I turned back to her gravely, “I hope I can be all they wish of me.”
“You will be, my lady,” Kat reached out to straighten the gems at my throat. “Since you were a girl, it was all I could do not to lose you to the pages of a book. Your head was always working out the moral, the end, the story and the lessons held therein. You never missed the slightest aspect of any story, always understood the meanings better than anyone else. If you put yourself as diligently to the cause of your people, you will do more than any other in the God-given grace granted to you.” She smiled gently at me. “They need you to be a reader, Majesty, and you were ever a diligent and dedicated pupil.”
I nodded, but my heart was racing, and my belly was troubled… I wondered if there was time to think about retiring to the privy to bring my last meal back up before we embarked upon our progress through the streets of the city.
The procession would take us from the Tower of London to the Palace of Westminster, where the sovereign… where I… would spend the night in prayer and solitude; beseeching God for guidance to rule well and long for my people.
Since times long forgotten, the procession on the eve of the coronation was filled with much cheering and celebrating, but it was also a chance for the people of the realm to perform pageants for their sovereign; plays, songs and skits. Through costume and allegory, the people of England would show me what they expected of me as their Queen: wisdom; excellence; strength; courage; love… All these things that we hold as noble and virtuous in any person would now be demanded of me in every thing I did, in every decision I made. Today, was the day that, in order to do right by my people, I would need to hold in my mind for the rest of my life. It was going to be a lot to live up to. The expectations of a whole nation rested upon my shoulders. The dreams of thousands of people nestled within my mind and heart. I was nervous. With one false step or one clumsy touch, I could crush the dearest desires of so many. I wanted so much to show I was worthy of their trust; that I could be trusted to hold their dreams in my hands and see them through to fruition…
Outside, the skies were grey; light, delicate flecks of snow danced in the air, whirling prettily around the heads of nobles, bishops, groomsmen, lords, ladies and servants as they gathered together for the procession. Although the skies were like lead, and the air around them freezing, a joyous sound came from those below. They, like the common people who lined the streets of London, were waiting for me; they were all waiting for me.
There are times in one’s life when events open up like a great maw before us. One must choose whether to step inside of one’s own accord and on one’s own terms, or be swallowed up and absorbed by it in strife, and against one’s will. Such a time was now. I steeled myself. I must step inside with courage and not allow myself to be washed away.
I took one last look at the gorgeous creature in the mirror and braced my heart. I told my shaking stomach to pull itself together, and I breathed in, deep and long. Soon, they would be coming for me.
A knock came to the door, and Kat went to open it.
Chapter Fourteen
The Tower of London
January 14th 1559
Robin stopped at the threshold to bow. “Your Majesty,” he said, rising, “the procession is read…” He stopped, mid-word, as his eyes met the flaming, glimmering sight of me. His dark eyes roamed, as though out of their owner’s control, over the skin-tight gown, the soft ermine at my throat, the tiny pearls that gleamed from my ears; across the curve of my breasts, the lines of my slim waist, over the shimmering cream of my skin.
It was with some surprise, that I watched Robin’s cheeks blush pale pink, like a country maiden caught staring at the legs of a fine lord.
“Are you well, Lord Dudley?” I asked, feeling the nerves in my heart and my stomach suddenly replaced by a desire to giggle. “You seem to have lost your words.”
Robin swallowed and smiled cagily at me, his handsome face still flushed, making his eyes sparkle even more than usual. He looked so clipped and fine; his crimson tunic was tight against the hard muscles of his chest, his legs showing their goodly shape through close-fitting dark silk. His clothes spoke in whispers of the fine figure that was clothed beneath their folds. As I looked on his striking face and body I felt a slight blush steal through my own cheeks; he was most desirable to my eyes, a prince of a man, in the body of my courtier and servant.
“I am more than well, Your Majesty,” he recovered himself. “This is a glorious day for all of England.”
“I am glad to hear you are well,” I said, almost shyly. “We have a long day ahead of us. I thought for a moment that you might faint as you came in.”
The blush upon his cheek burned deeper. “I was struck by the vision of Your Majesty,” he said softly, and I heard a gruffness of desire in his tone that I liked well.
I turned to Kat. “Check if all is ready in the hall to start the procession,” I motioned to my other ladies to follow her. Robin looked at the ladies as they left the room, a flock of pretty birds in crimson and gold plumage, all eyeing him with undisguised admiration.
“You cut a fine figure, Rob,” I noted as they closed the door. “You look wonderful.” Robin walked towards me slowly; when he reached the space before me he stopped and I extended my hand to him. The air between us seemed to crackle. As he kissed the top of my white hand, I felt tiny tingles of delight race through my blood. The feel of his short beard on my skin was rough yet pleasurable; the touch of his lips like wildfire to my flesh. One by one, he kissed my fingers. I could feel my breathing quicken, and I had no way to hide such from him.
“You are the most beautiful creature I ever saw…” he lifted his dark eyes to me. “… Your Majesty,” he added swiftly, as though he had quite forgotten who I was. For one moment, we might have been a lover and his lass stood in a barn… For one moment, I quite wished we were, for the outcome of our mutual desire might have been much easier to resolve…
“More beautiful than your own wife?” My heart was hammering within me, and I needed a way to deflect the rising heat between us. It was becoming quite overwhelming and confusing to me. I could never, it seemed, feel passion, without echoes of fear coming to my heart.
Robin looked sad for a moment that I should have mentioned his wife, and therefore flung cold water on the moment between us. He shook his head. “My wife is like every other woman in this world, my lady; a mortal woman. Your beauty is above all others, for you are a supreme being… The Queen.”
“Some part of even Queens are mortal, Rob,” I said. “We have the same blood, the same flesh… the same hearts as all those below us.”
“I would give anything to know my Queen’s heart…” He looked at me earnestly, still holding my hand.
“As I would give anything to trust to show my heart to another,” I whispered, reaching out and touching a hand to his chest. I did not want to stop the moment again, for I was becoming intoxicated by his presence and closeness. “For so long I have had to hide the woman inside me in order to protect the Queen to come.” I looked up, and our eyes danced at each other. I could see the slackening face of a man who looked at me with desire, with lust. Robin desired the woman before him, but would he want me if I were not Queen? I wanted to believe it was so… But how would I ever know?
“I would that you would never hide from me.” His voice was gruff. “I will always work to protect you and to honour you, as the Queen of my country, but also as the woman I…” He broke off as a sound at the door startled us both.
“A moment,” I cried loudly at the closed door, and then looked back at Rob.
“… As the woman I love!” His voice was rushed; his words tripped over themselves. I stared at him, eyes wide with shock. He blushed deeper as his eyes sought reassurance from me. I did not quite know what to say.
It was hardly unusual for a courtier to tell a Queen or a lady that he loved her; this was all within the great game of the court, the game of courtly love. But to be told that a man loved you as a woman, rather than as a queen… here was a different thing. “You are… special… to me too, Robin,” I felt a stab of sorrow as I watched his face fall at my hesitant words. “But I am not made like other women.” I touched his face gently. “The love of a normal woman may be bought with a pretty flower, a gem cast in gold, a promise of security. But to my heart, the efforts of loyalty and friendship are the most important offices. Do not think for a moment that your words fall on empty ears, or an uncaring heart. Your words mean more to me than I can tell you.”
He kissed my hand. “I give you my heart, such as it is, my lady,” he said. “And whilst I know I could never be yours in truth, for I have a wife already… and you are too great a possession to ever be mine… I will serve you loyally all the days of my life. In the very darkest days of my days, when we were imprisoned together in this Tower, you were the light that kept me alive with hope. You are my heart, the very thing that keeps the life beating within me. You are everything to me and to England… Elizabeth.”
I stood on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek softly. As I did, I felt his body shudder and stiffen. His arms moved as though he would encase me in them and for one blinded, brilliant moment, I wanted him to, even as I felt my blood race in panic. But he stopped himself and stood back.
“I am your servant, Your Majesty,” he said and bowed.
“As I, am your Queen and master.” I felt sadness steal over me. If I were any other woman, then the feelings within me would not have to be quashed. If I were but a lowly maid, I could give in to the rash feelings of desire that wracked my blood. I could fall willingly into the arms of this handsome man.
But I was not, and I could not.
“Come, Robin,” My hands stroked at his fine chest once more, as though tidying its fabric of stray dust where there was none. “It is time I found out what my people want of me.”
He smiled. “They want only you,” he said. “As I do.”
“If only, my lord, that were all they wanted! Myself, I can give to them as freely and as readily as my parents gave life to me. The Queen they want me to be may take some more work and toil to achieve.”
The door opened and Kat strolled back in at the head of my ladies, looking at Robin and me, standing so close together, with barely disguised curiosity. Kat’s face was creased with that same look that she always had when she was dying to tell me gossip; her unending fascination with the workings of everyday life was what made her one of my most valuable informants.
And my most frustrating of servants.
I removed my hands from Robin’s chest and turned to my flock of ladies. My taut nerves and the nauseous feeling in my stomach had dissipated somewhat with Robin’s words. He had given me courage, without even intending to. He had distracted me of my fears, and offered me love. I smiled to him, and to the others.
“Come, then,” I felt my old courage rise within me. “It is time we discovered what my people desire of me.”
As we left my royal chambers in the confines of the Tower, my velvet slipper tripped on something small and hard on the floor. I stopped and drew back the many folds of my dress to see what it was.
It was a small playing dice, made of humble wood. For a moment I stopped, staring at it, until Robin picked it up and offered it to me with a face most quizzical. I did not tell them why I had felt such a shiver run through me when I saw it on the floor. I did not tell them that in a dream of the previous night, my ghostly fingers had knocked it from the hands of one of my guards as I ran through these halls in the company of my ghostly mother.
Was it the same dice? I had no idea. Parts of my mind which were entirely rational told me that this was, of course, a coincidence. That the dice had been dropped at some other time and lost by other means.
Parts of my heart, which did not listen to such sense, told me to keep it, as a last remembrance of the woman who had borne me into this world and had come to offer her strength and love to me on the night before I was to embark on my journey as Queen. I put the crude little object in the pocket of my gown, and, saying nothing to the others in my train, continued to walk outside. They followed, looking at each other with bemused expressions for the strange behaviour of their Queen.
Chapter Fifteen
The Eve of Coronation Procession
London
January 14th 1559
I walked from the royal apartments out into the sharp, cold air. The chill of the wind was an elixir to my nerves and I breathed deep of the radiance of the day. Thousands were gathered at the Tower, both inside and outside its great walls; their lines pressed together, mingling and jostling as they waited for me to arrive. At the front of the procession were the city aldermen, knights, lords, members of the clergy, court ambassadors, and all their servants. Trumpeters, wearing crimson were flanked by heralds in polished armour; who crowded about my litter... What a thing of beauty that was! Dark, polished wood shone proudly against intricately carved golden letters which winked in the pale light; ER for Elizabeth Regina. Glimpses into the litter’s interior shone bright with white satin, as crisp and pure as the flakes of snow that fell from the leaden skies above. Cushions sat within the litter, white silk lined with pink satin, like the curtains. White and pink and gold and silver… my litter looked like a fair maid’s complexion on a May morning.
As I stood before my litter, my long loose hair bouncing slightly in the breeze, the lions in the Tower menagerie growled as though heralding my presence. They looked out at me from the darkness below, and I saw their bright eyes of amber and gold. One of them held me in her gaze, and then blinked, bowing her head, resuming her pacing about the cage. In a way, I felt as though she had acknowledged me as master. I nodded to her, watching her pace restlessly back and forwards. I understood her edgy spirit; I too was restless and longing for motion.
The whole court was turned out. Even through the falling gloom of the grey skies my courtiers glittered; rich with gemstones, clad in shades of crimson and scarlet, their clothing sparkling here and there with gold and silver. My footmen, in ruby velvet, stood beside me, along with Gentlemen Pensioners carrying their ceremonial hammers and dressed in red damask. I nodded and waved to my friends and supporters as we assembled to be ready to leave. I wanted the world to know I was merry on the day I went to prepare for my throne. I did not want them to see my still slightly frayed nerves. Directly behind my litter was Robin, on a great white charger, leading my own palfrey, and behind him, my own ladies. Behind them would come the rest of my household, and then the members of the court and their servants.
