Disarray the hallowed cr.., p.20
Disarray: The Hallowed Crows MC 4, page 20
It’s that thought that sparks my mind into thinking about where he could be staying. He was shot, and we left him in that place in the woods to die, yet somehow he escaped, but was still injured. I’ve seen first-hand what recovering from a gunshot wound looks like, so there is no way he is at his full strength, which I could be able to use to my advantage. I tuck that piece of information away in my mind for when I might need it and focus on the information in front of me.
No matter how hard we look, we still haven’t been able to find where he has been staying, and I don’t think that is going to miraculously change now. Which means in order to get to him, he has to come to us. I’ve already proven I know how his mind works, and drew him into leaving me that little gift at the clubhouse, which means somehow he is watching us. He knows where we are, but he can’t get to me. It’s impossible, Blade made sure of that. The security in this building is the tightest I have ever seen, but Blade did some business with Carter before he saved us, which means the Mayor knows him, or at least knows him enough to know where we are.
I don’t want to bring trouble here, it's the reason I didn’t stay with Elle and her family. Other people shouldn’t be caught in the line of fire that is only meant to burn me, and Carter is smart, he knows coming here would leave him outgunned and outmanned. He wouldn’t put himself in a position to fail, yet his obsession with me won’t allow him to just let me go, which means for any kind of plan to work, he has to be able to think he can have me again.
My eyes flick back down to the letter in my hand, to the words my dad wrote for me, and it’s only then I know what I have to do. My dad sacrificed his life for me, and now it’s time I do the same for the three men I love, and the club we call family.
She’s gone. I know it the second I wake up, I don’t even have to open my eyes to confirm it, I just know. I roll onto my side and find Killian and Ezra wrapped up in one another, and an unfamiliar ache burns inside of me to see them like this. No more secrets, no more hiding, they finally got everything they always wanted, and I guess in a way I did too. Deep down I have always known that Rebecca loved all three of us, and if I have to share her with anyone, I’m glad it’s the two of them.
When I move to sit up, Killian’s eyes snap open instantly. “Where is she?” His stare flicks around the room, noting the empty space between us, and the lack of noise coming from everywhere else in the apartment.
“She’s gone.” Two words. I never thought two fucking words could rip me apart, and when I look down at the black band on my ring finger, I feel like I might throw up.
Ezra rouses as Killian jumps from the bed and storms out into the apartment naked, in search of what he definitely won’t find. If she were still here I would be able to feel her presence, just like always. I spent years trying to fucking ignore it and it didn’t work, so I don’t have to go and check to know I’m right.
“What’s going on?” Ezra asks, as Killian walks back into the room, anger pouring from him.
“Rebecca’s gone.” Again those two words, and I feel like I might pass out if I hear them again.
“Gone, what do you mean gone?” Ezra sits up, shaking the sleep from his mind as he glances between the two of us.
I don’t answer him. Instead, I slide from the bed and reach for some clothes to start getting dressed. I feel both their stares burning into my back, waiting for me to freak out, or worse, deal with it, but I can’t, not right now. “Just fucking get dressed,” I snap, struggling to keep my temper in check as I fumble with my jeans.
Thankfully, the two of them know me well enough to know when I am on the edge, and they don’t argue, moving silently to start throwing on clothes of their own. Then they follow me into the main living area and watch as I start strapping weapons to my body. I feel them exchanging looks, but I can’t focus on them. No, my only focus is on the fact that she’s gone, she isn’t here, and there aren’t many explanations as to where she could be.
Just as I strap a fourth gun to my chest, the front door opens and all our heads snap in the direction of it. Rebecca appears with Angel and the rest of the club crowded behind her. “Oh good,” she smiles, when she sees us standing here silently. “You’re finally up. I left you guys to get some rest.” There is a slight smirk curving at the corner of her mouth as she says that, no doubt replaying how we spent our wedding night, but there is something else in her eyes that I can’t quite decipher.
She moves inside, letting the guys all pass by, before she gives the two guards still outside the door the finger, and then slams it shut in their face. “I rounded everyone up so we could start…” I storm towards her, cutting her off as I slam my lips to hers, silencing her completely. She gasps in shock, allowing me to slip my tongue into her mouth without warning, and shivering at the feel of hers as I massage my own against it. She tastes like heaven and hell combined, like mine, and despite coming twice last night, I feel ready to take her all over again, right here in front of everybody.
When I pull back, I see a slight frown in her stare as she looks at me, and it only deepens when I bring my hand to her throat and squeeze it tight. “I don’t remember giving my wife permission to leave my bed this morning.” My words have her frown turning back into a smirk, as Ezra groans behind me.
“In case you hadn’t noticed, the ring has made our President fucking insufferable,” he complains, moving to pluck Rebecca from my grasp and dropping his own kiss to her mouth. “Good morning, Love, try not to leave without telling us, it only makes this fucker grumpy.”
I roll my eyes, stepping back to let Killian slide in my place to have his own moment with our girl, and shake my head at how fucking annoying it is to share her affection. I make a mental note that when all of this is done, I am going to kick those two pricks out, drag Rebecca to bed and spend all day showing her how fucking hard she makes me.
“I went to rally the troops,” Rebecca shrugs, moving towards the dining room table where she has a bunch of shit spread out across it, like all of this is no big deal. Like we didn’t get married just last night, and regardless of whether I suggested it as a fuck you to Carter, having her as my wife still means something to me. It means everything, in fact, and I’m not sure what is going on in her mind right now, but I intend to find out.
“Rebecca, what is this?” I gesture to the table, and the men now forming a circle around it, while she takes her place at the head, and she watches me silently as I try to assess what is going on. I see her note the weapons now decorating my torso, the readiness in which I am to go to war for her, but it seems she doesn’t care.
“This is the end,” she replies sweetly, almost too sweetly, and when she nods her head at the guys, they all start to take a seat. Killian and Ezra take the chairs closest to me, but I don’t move, I can’t. I’m frozen on the other side of the table watching as she tries to hide the shake in her hands.
When she sees me watching, she flexes out her fingers, and then picks up a couple of pieces of paper that appear handwritten, smiling softly at whatever is written there. “The night I invited the Mayor to join me for dinner I was feeling a little lost,” she starts, dragging his file towards her, and studying his picture closely. Her fingers reach out to stroke his face in an almost affectionate manner, as if she can recall every second of that night with ease. “My heart was broken, and he was kind to me, even flirted with me a little.” She smiles fondly, before shaking her head. “I thought…” she trails off, as if she doesn’t want to finish that thought out loud. “I thought a fling with an older man might make me feel better.”
Bile crawls up my throat at her words, as my fists tighten at my side, the band of my new ring now cutting into my palm. Pain, I need pain. Our eyes lock and I know she sees the regret in my stare, the anger at what could have happened if the Mayor wasn’t a psychotic piece of shit. She would have fucked him, fucked him because we fucked her, because Connor forced us to walk away, and like a bunch of fucking cowards we let him.
I don’t have many regrets in my life, but walking away from Rebecca the morning after her birthday is one of them. Things were never the same after that, we ruined everything. I’m still not sure how we got from there to here, and the fact her finger now bears a ring that matches the one on my own hand will forever astound me.
“Fucking hell, Love,” Ezra scoffs, scrunching his eyes closed as if he can erase what she just said. “Not really the kind of shit your husbands want to hear the morning after we married you.” I can tell he is trying to lighten the mood, choking down the disgust I am sure he is feeling too, and I don’t miss the way he smirks when he says the word husbands. He might be making fun of me for being all possessive over her, but I know deep down he loves it just as much as I do.
We wanted her for a long time, denied it for even longer, so the fact she is now tied to us until death do us part, well, it makes the dead organ inside of my fucking chest beat again.
Of course Rebecca ignores him completely, she’s too focused, too distant, and I can tell from the look on her face that whatever she is planning on doing next has already been decided. “My point is this all started with me, and that’s how it’s going to end.”
I try to read her face, fill in the blanks of all the words she is not saying, but it’s her best friend that breaks the silence. “What the fuck does that mean, Becca?” Angel snaps in fury, the gentle Crow she grew up with nowhere to be seen. He didn’t just give her away to us yesterday, he let her go, let us all go. I know he will always be there for her, will always have her back, but I doubt I will ever see him in a cut again. He isn’t one of us, not anymore.
I can’t help but wonder if I told him what I have already done, the moves I have already made, would he support me? I don’t know what Rebecca is planning, and I have to try and work out if whatever she is about to say is going to railroad the plans I already have in place. I know I should tell them what I have planned, that I asked her for trust without putting my trust in her. It’s not that I don’t trust her, it’s that I actually do. I know her better than I know anyone, and I know if I told her what I had already done that she would hate me for it, but that’s a risk I am willing to take. I just have to hope it works in time to save us from all of this before it’s too late.
“It means I am going to draw Carter out of hiding.” Her tone is casual, but I don’t miss the undertones of what she means, and all of the air in my lungs evaporates. No, no fucking way. I can see where this is going, and I refuse to let it happen.
“And how are you going to do that?” Ezra asks, sounding annoyed, but it’s Killian’s stoic form beside him that he should be worried about.
“She’s going to use herself as bait,” he grits through his teeth, the enforcer in him coming out to play and taking over completely. Yet where I hope and pray she shuts him down for saying something so stupid, she remains silent.
It’s in that silence I see the cage. The room where he made her shower. The bullets in my brother’s chest. I feel the cattle prod burning into my torso, and the whore that was forced to fuck me. I see the bruises on her body, and the maroon tint of blood on her skin. I hear her pleading for my life, her begging for him to stop, and the tears in her eyes as they went cold on that goddamn fucking table. I see the Mayor hurting her and breaking her every fucking day for over two years, and I see us doing absolutely nothing about it.
She fought and he killed, she obeyed and he killed, she fucking submitted, and he fucking killed. This went on until body after body was left bleeding at her feet, and now she wants to just hand herself back over to him? I thought she realized that what I did to her arm was just a precaution, a preliminary step to ensure if things went wrong, we would have a way to find her, not a fucking invitation for her to go rogue.
“We are not fucking using you as bait,” I seethe. “I’m not going to let you offer yourself up to the fucking Mayor just so we can get to him.” Does she not remember what he did to her, how fucking broken he made her? I saw the fucking cage, I can barely stand to think about what he did to me, and I was only there a few days. I stop myself from thinking of all the stuff he would have done to her in two years. What I saw was enough.
“It’s the only choice,” she insists, and the silence from the rest of the club is deafening.
I look to my brothers, her other two fucking husbands, and plead with them to find this as ridiculous as I do, but Killian remains silent, watching Rebecca closely, like he can dissect every thought in her mind. Yet it’s Ezra who meets my eyes, assessing how his next words will affect me before he shrugs. “It could work.”
I’m already shaking my head. “You weren’t there,” I tell them, before looking at Rebecca and then Angel, praying for him to back me up. “You didn’t see him hold her down and almost rape her!” I feel the entire club flinch in response. I don't care, I can’t. Nothing matters more to me than keeping her safe. “I won’t put her back in his arms,” I add, before focusing back on Rebecca. “And fuck you for thinking I would.”
My last words affect her more than any of the others, and I regret them as soon as they leave my mouth, but does she not see what her absence did to us, what it did to me? We were just as broken as her while she was gone, we lost everything, and I can’t keep losing. The price we have paid is already too high.
Everyone remains silent as Rebecca moves around the table towards me, keeping her head high, and I notice her hands are no longer shaking. When she reaches me and I look down into her eyes, all I see is the young girl who jumped over the fence that day and fell in love with me at first sight. The girl who grew up to be everything I didn’t realize I’d always wanted, and now she wants to throw it all away.
“You can’t ask me to do this, Princess,” I whisper, the lump in my throat threatening to choke me. “I can’t lose you, I wouldn’t survive it, not again.”
Her hands reach up to cup my cheeks, as she rises up on her toes to press a soft kiss to my mouth, before she pulls back. “I’m not asking, Aiden. I’m telling you, I have to do this.” Tears threaten to spill from my eyes, as she takes a step back and clears her throat so she can address all of us at once. “Carter knows how to get to me. He tortured and killed people in front of me, he abused me, punished me, violated me, yet I survived. I learned how to survive and stay on his good side, but when it comes to people I know and people close to me, he knows I will do anything to protect them.”
I don’t miss the look she flicks towards Ezra and then Angel, no doubt recalling the blood pouring from their bodies. She has to take a deep breath before she turns back to me and continues, “I know you’re scared, I am too, but there is no other way, and I am not backing down. I am going to do this, and you can either have my back, or step aside.”
Alfred is the first to stand, his eyes solely on Rebecca as he brings his hand up and covers his patch with it. “For Connor,” he gruffs out, before he adds, “For his legacy.”
Rebecca smiles tightly, nodding at him as her eyes turn glossy. Then one by one the other members of the Hallowed Crows MC stand up and repeat Butler’s words, until there is only Killian, Ezra, Angel and myself remaining.
Ezra moves first, standing up to join her at my side, pulling one of her hands into his. “I got your back, Love, always.” His words slice through me, and when Killian joins them to add, “Whatever you need to do, Sweetheart, I got you.” I find myself looking at her best friend. The only other person who understands Carter like I do is him, he was there.
He watches her for a long time, the silence stretching out between them, until finally he sighs, “I don’t agree with your choices, Becca, but I learned a long time ago that when you have your mind set on something there is no changing it.” He smiles softly, and I see the underlying heartbreak still lingering there.
When Rebecca looks back at me, waiting for me to say something, I find myself not able to meet her eye. Instead, I look at the rest of the Crows, all of them standing for her, supporting her, ready to do anything for her, and I can’t help but smile. I wish Connor was here to see how strong she has become. That despite everything she has been through, Carter didn’t break her, he made her into a Queen.
I reach out and grip her throat, my ring cold against her heated skin, as I smile and say, “Okay let’s do this.” Four simple words that I hope I don’t regret.
Rain falls heavily on the car as we drive through town, and I can’t help but smile as I watch the drops splatter against the windows of the SUV we borrowed from Elle. A storm is brewing, the sky dark and filled with clouds. Chaos is ready to erupt, yet the only thing I feel is calm. Today it will end, I will make sure of it. My plan will work, it has to, because I can’t take another minute of wondering. Of looking over my shoulder, of worrying about the people I love. No, it has to stop, it has to end, and Carter Fitzgerald has to die.
We’ve been in the car for almost two hours on and off now, and my adrenaline is rushing through me in waves. I’d instructed the guys to make a couple of stops on the way to our destination. I wanted to make sure wherever the Mayor is hiding, that he gets word we are on the move. We even drove past the clubhouse, stopping on the other side of the police tape this time, and inspecting it like nothing but outsiders. Then we made a stop at a local diner, the guys making a show of grabbing food, their cut and patches standing out loud on their torsos, making sure everyone knew the members of the Hallowed Crows MC were around. For once in our lives we didn’t want to fly under the radar, we needed to be seen.
By the time we make it to the cemetery, my heart is thundering in my chest. All I can think of is the day of my father’s funeral, how the weather was just the same as it is today. Maybe that’s a bad omen, but it’s too late to turn back now. When the car rolls to a stop by the gates, I jump out instantly, not waiting for the guys to chime in with any last minute ploys to try and change my mind. I step out of the car and slam the door behind me, tipping my chin back and forcing my face up to the sky, letting the rain drench into my skin. Washing away all my sins just as I am about to commit another.
