Baby steps, p.11
Baby Steps, page 11
“I don’t really have friends with babies. Maybe we will become friendlier. Or maybe not. But, the two babies share a donor, just like Cora and Ada. It’s a modern family, in a strange way. So, it’s kind of nice. They’re due eight weeks apart.”
Belle grinned as she got out of the car. “I love newborn cuddles, so I’m excited for the end of the year.” As soon as she said it, she had an uncomfortable feeling—Georgia was carrying her biological child.
When she’d decided to donate her embryos, Belle had thought it made sense and was a nice thing to do—to help out a family and potentially give life to the embryos. She hadn’t thought that an acquaintance would become the mother of her own biological child and that she would see the child grow up. She certainly hadn’t thought that person would become one of her closest friends. While Georgia was pregnant, their friendship was safe, but Belle realised this was becoming dangerous. And whenever Georgia looked at her, really looked at her, Belle realised it was becoming more dangerous than she ever thought possible.
Chapter Seventeen
“AARGH, I’M SO nervous,” Georgia said, and Belle noticed her hands were shaking.
“It’s a scary time, the first scan.”
Georgia screwed her face up. “Yeah. I just feel like it’s taken me so long to get to this point.”
“You’ve got a lot riding on it.”
“And you too. I shouldn’t forget that this impacts on you.” Georgia grabbed Belle’s hand and looked at her intently. “You’re a big part of all of this. Without you, there is no this.”
“It doesn’t impact me as much as it impacts on you.” But then she looked at Georgia, wondering what there was between them. Wondering what her role with the baby might end up being. Wondering whether they were friends, or more than friends. Wondering what on earth Georgia saw between them. Wondering if she was just an embryo donor going along for the pregnancy. Wondering why she was doing this to herself.
Again, she reminded herself she was simply an embryo donor in a fake relationship with a very straight friend. But, at the same time, she couldn’t help feeling that her moments with Georgia were the most intimate moments she’d had in years. She couldn’t help but think there was something in the way that Georgia looked at her. There was definitely something in the way she held her hand. But did it only mean something to Belle?
The nurse called them into the room, interrupting her thoughts. “We do a transvaginal ultrasound at this early stage,” the nurse explained. “We can’t see much with a belly ultrasound, but once you’re twelve weeks and onwards, that’s how we’ll do it.”
“Okay,” Georgia said anxiously. Once the nurse left the room, Georgia got ready, then sat up on the bed. “I’m so nervous, my hands are shaking.” She held her hand out to Belle. Belle moved to the chair next to the bed and sat down, taking Georgia’s hand. During the scan, they held hands.
The ultrasound technician moved the ultrasound wand around inside Georgia, looking at her uterus. She then stopped on a blob that resembled a baby if you squinted hard enough. “See that? That’s your baby.”
Georgia grinned and turned to Belle, who had tears in her eyes. “There’s our baby,” Georgia whispered. Belle felt so touched for the inclusion, and so confused.
The technician continued. “See the flicker just there? There?” She pointed at the flickering on the screen. Georgia nodded, clearly anticipating the explanation. “That’s your baby’s heartbeat. It’s too soon for us to hear it, but we can see it. At the twelve-week mark, you should be able to hear it, all going well. But the fact we’ve got to this point is a very good sign.”
Tears sprang to Georgia’s eyes, but she was grinning. Belle was relieved.
They both had to rush to work straight after the scan, so said farewell, and Georgia gave Belle a hug. “Thanks for coming,” she said. “I can’t believe I have a baby in here.” She pointed to her belly. “It’s so surreal.”
*
“OH, NIKKI, IT was so wonderful,” Belle said to her friend on the phone after work that evening.
“I’m so happy for you. Or for Georgia. Or for you both.”
“It really does feel strange, I’ll tell you that much. I understand it’s not my baby, I knew that going in, but it’s all a bit weird.”
“I guess it would be. It’s not the usual way of things, is it?” Nikki pondered aloud.
“No, and that’s why I was so keen to donate embryos. I wouldn’t be a mother without the use of donor sperm. It’s only due to the kindness of someone I didn’t know that I have my girls. I wanted to give someone that too.”
“Yes,” Nikki responded, and then paused. “I guess it’s just that the sperm donor is someone you don’t know, while Georgia—”
“Is quickly becoming one of my closest friends,” Belle said.
“Oi!” said Nikki, laughing. “‘One of’ is fine, but, if you ever say closest, watch out.”
“No, that won’t happen. But I point it out, because I didn’t expect to get this close to Georgia when I offered. It’s not like we were close friends at the time. We’ve just become close because we’ve spent so much time together.”
Nikki sighed. “Do you think it’s your way of being close to the baby?”
Belle took some time to answer her, and then finally said, “No, I don’t. Because we were becoming really close before I even knew she would get pregnant. We just really click. She’s great.”
“Maybe you need to find a girlfriend, then,” Nikki said. “Maybe there’s something missing in your life. Maybe that’s why you’ve connected with her so much.”
Belle rolled her eyes. “I’ve told you that I’m really happy single. For the first time in my life, I’ve got the opportunity to just be me. Just because you and Jason are all loved up doesn’t mean the rest of us need that in our lives. I do not need a girlfriend, and I don’t understand why you’re even bringing that up, especially when she’s straight.”
“Just be careful, Belle.” Now that was something they could both agree on.
*
“HERE WE ARE again,” Georgia said on the day of the scan. This time they were not at the IVF clinic, but at an ultrasound place. “My hands are still shaking. I’m sure they haven’t stopped since I first did that pee test.” Georgia closed her eyes and exhaled, as if she was trying to calm herself down. “If all goes well, I think we should start to make the announcements.”
“Well, it’s really up to you,” Belle said. She was always clear to ensure it was understood that Belle knew her place in this—embryo donor, full stop. She didn’t want Georgia thinking she expected some rights over the baby, beyond what they had first discussed. Updates and photographs. Obviously, their friendship was blurring the lines a little, but Belle had to remind herself that friendships didn’t always last forever. She wasn’t going to hold Georgia ransom to a different kind of arrangement simply because they’d become friends.
When she and Tash had sat in this very waiting room, anxiously awaiting their scans for the girls, they’d discussed baby names, nursery décor, how much time to take off work, and who to tell and when. They had been completely there, together. In some ways sitting beside Georgia felt very different. In other ways, it felt just the same—the anticipation of a baby that was going to change their lives; the excitement and anxiety about what was to come.
A tall, young man called them in to the room. He introduced himself and explained the process. Within minutes, Georgia was up on the bed and the gel was being rubbed on her tummy. Up on the screen popped the image—a much more baby-like image than what had appeared weeks earlier. Soon, he tuned the sound in, and they could hear the baby’s beating heart. Georgia instantly burst into tears, and that started Belle crying too. She looked down at Georgia through her tears, and Georgia grinned, then reached up and wiped away one of Belle’s tears.
“Relieved?” the ultrasound technician asked. The two women nodded in unison, grinning through their tears.
“It’s been a complicated path to get here,” Georgia confessed openly. “And now I’m carrying Belle’s embryo,” she explained, and then reached to hold Belle’s hand.
“Oh, I see a lot of couples that do that,” he said. “It’s nice that it’s worked out, and that you’re now becoming parents.”
“Oh I’m not—” Belle started to tell him that she wasn’t Georgia’s partner, but Georgia spoke over the top of her.
“She’s not a first-time parent,” Georgia said. “This is just our first together.” Georgia smiled at Belle, but she frowned in confusion back at her. They were no longer at the IVF clinic. There was no reason to pretend anymore.
At lunch, Belle asked her why she’d done that. Georgia shrugged. “It is our first child together. I don’t know, to be honest. It’s complicated, isn’t it?”
“It’s complicated, but it needn’t be. I donated an embryo to you.” When she said it like that, it sounded simple, but it felt anything but. “I’m not this baby’s mother.”
“No, I will be,” Georgia said, “but what role do you want?”
Belle sighed. As she spoke, slowly, she shook her head. “I don’t know. I said photos and updates to you in the early days, but obviously we’re closer now than we were then.” Georgia nodded, but didn’t say anything, so Belle continued to speak. “An aunty type of role, I suppose? But with no expectations from you. This is your child.”
“Thank you. You’re one of my best friends now. I love spending time with you, and I hope you’ll be a big part of our lives.”
Belle smiled, relieved. That was what she wanted, but it hurt, even to admit that to herself.
Georgia continued. “Our children will be biological siblings too. Maybe I can babysit your girls, or you can babysit my kid? Let them have some sleepovers together.”
Belle silently wondered whether she and Georgia could have sleepovers too. She kicked herself for thinking it. Things were complicated enough without her getting a crush on Georgia. Her mother and Nikki were right—she needed to tread carefully. She simply responded, “I’m so happy for you.”
As they paid for their lunches, Georgia turned to Belle. “Who do you want to tell?”
“Just Alex, Mum, and Dad,” Belle said.
“Not Tash?”
“Maybe I’ll wait until later on. There’s no rush.” Belle decided to wait until the twenty-week scan but didn’t want to say that to Georgia in case it worried her that they shouldn’t be excited yet.
*
THAT EVENING, SHE invited her parents and sister over for a barbeque dinner. It was her week with the girls, and Belle often had the family over when the girls were with her. After dinner, the girls went to the lounge room to play, while the adults stayed at the table. Belle was nervous but just blurted it out.
“You know how we had embryos left over?”
Everyone nodded, and Julie said, “Oh my God, you’re pregnant?” Alex looked knowingly at Belle. She knew that Belle had intended to donate the embryos to Georgia, so would have put two and two together.
Belle gave a crooked grin in response to her mother’s question. “No, I’m not pregnant. I donated the embryos.”
Her father looked surprised. “You donated them? To a couple, or to science?”
“To a family. Well, a single mother, actually.” Julie and Clive looked at one another to check each other’s reactions. They both nodded apprehensively, clearly waiting for further information. “Do you remember Georgia?”
Julie audibly gasped. “Oh, honey,” she said, clearly concerned. She shook her head. “I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.”
“Good idea or not, it’s done,” Belle said flippantly. “And I’m happy with it.”
“Well, that’s…good.” Her mother always panicked first, blurted out her feelings, but would inevitably be supportive.
“What do you mean done, though? Done as in you have an agreement, or done as in…” Her father blushed as he spoke.
“Done as in done, and not only done. Georgia’s pregnant.”
“Oh, lovely!” Belle’s mother spoke up. “Another grandchild.”
“Well, that’s the thing,” Belle said. “It’s Georgia’s child, not mine. I’ve donated the embryo to Georgia, so it won’t actually be your grandchild.”
Clive fiddled with his placemat, and then said, “Well, it’s as much our grandchild as Cora and Ada, isn’t it?”
Belle shook her head in response. “It won’t be. Think of it as if I had a baby and adopted it out. Embryo donation is a bit similar, except that Georgia’s doing the pregnancy part too. If I adopted out a baby, it wouldn’t be your grandchild.”
“It actually would,” Clive said. “Biologically and as far as your mother and I are concerned, it would be. Anyway, if you’re right, and it’s not our grandchild, will we even get to meet the baby?”
Julie had remained silent during this exchange, but Belle could tell she was thinking something. Finally, she spoke up, directing her comment to her husband. “The thing is, love, Georgia is that lovely girl we met at the Gala. She’s a friend of both Annabelle and Alexandra.”
“Right,” Clive said, clearly exasperated. “So we’ll get to meet the child, is that what you’re saying?”
Julie nodded slowly. “I expect so.” She then turned to Belle. “Darling, it’s not that I’m not happy for Georgia. I am. It’s just that… Oh, darling, I saw the way you look at her.” She gave her a look that screamed sympathy and worry. “I told you not to get your heart broken, and now…” Julie’s voice was muffled, and Belle saw tears in her eyes. She suddenly wished she’d talked to her mother alone, and especially so when she noticed Alex’s eyes on her.
“Huh?” Alex said. “You haven’t got a crush on Georgia?”
Belle took a moment too long to respond. “Georgia’s straight,” she said.
“That wasn’t the question,” Alex said pointedly.
Belle shrugged. “She’s just a friend,” she mumbled in response.
“Seriously?” Alex said. “Are you okay?” She looked really concerned.
“I don’t have a crush on her. Mum’s imagining things. I’m happily single. I like Georgia, she’s a great girl, but I’m not looking for a girlfriend. I had one of those, had the family of my dreams, and look where that got me.” Belle was fighting back the tears but knew her voice was choked up.
“We just want you to be happy,” Julie said, “and getting some girl pregnant when you’re not in a relationship… Well, I don’t know about that, I have to be honest.”
Alex and Belle both laughed.
“It’s not like I had sex with her and got her up the duff, Mum! God, you sound like the mother of a seventeen-year-old boy, not the mother of an adult lesbian who kindly donated her embryos she no longer required.”
Even Clive started to laugh, and finally Julie, realising the craziness of the situation, also joined in. “You’re right, darling, you’re absolutely right. I just worry about my girls and their happiness. If donating your embryos to Georgia makes you happy, then who am I to judge?”
“To be fair,” Alex started, “I think Belle decided to donate to Georgia when they weren’t friends. Just acquaintances.”
Belle nodded her agreement.
“Maybe the friendship has complicated things, but it’s not like she donated embryos to Georgia hoping she’d fall in love with her.”
“Absolutely not,” Belle said, relieved her little sister was sticking up for her. “Not in the slightest. Whatever you think you saw between Georgia and me—which, by the way, will go nowhere because she’s straight and I’m happily single—well, whatever that was, it wasn’t there when I offered to donate to her. And maybe I wouldn’t have donated to her if I thought there was something there.”
Julie sat back in her chair and sighed audibly. “So you’re having regrets, love?”
“Not at all. I’m thrilled for Georgia.”
“I did think she should tell you about all of this early on,” Alex said pointedly.
Julie raised an eyebrow. “You knew about this?”
“Not that they’d transferred the embryo, or that Georgia was pregnant. I knew she was considering it. I rang her and said, ‘Tell Mum and Dad.’”
Belle rolled her eyes but was bemused—her sister, ever the tattletale. She spoke up, “Yes, and I said that you’d support me no matter what. After all, they were my embryos, and I’m an adult.”
“What about Tash?” Clive asked, his brow creasing. “Does she know? Because they’re her embryos too.”
“No. When she and Emily started trying for a baby, she signed the embryos over to me. She told me I could make all decisions about them. I’ll have to tell her eventually, since the baby will be a full bio sibling of the girls, but maybe I’ll wait until around the twenty-week mark. Just to be sure.”
“Are you sure?” her mother asked. “You don’t think you owe it to her to tell her sooner rather than later?”
Belle appreciated her mother’s confusion. She had gone back and forth on the matter herself—who had rights over the embryos? But all she could remember was how flippant Tash had been, that Belle would have all rights and responsibilities. Tash had wanted to sever her responsibilities over the embryos, and as far as Belle was concerned, that meant she had also severed her rights. Deep down, Belle was reluctant to have the conversation, because she felt guilty. She realised now she probably should have told Tash before she agreed to the donation, but she didn’t know what she could do about it, so it was easier to just let it go.
“Oh, this is all so confusing,” Clive said, and everyone around the table agreed.
*
THE NEXT MONTH passed quickly. Belle was busy at work, which always helped, and when she wasn’t working, she was spending time with the girls. She caught up with Nikki regularly, though less frequently than she had before Nikki and Jason had moved in together. Belle and Georgia talked most days, even if it was just a check-in text, but neither of them initiated many catch ups. Every Wednesday, Georgia sent a ‘bump’ photo to Belle, for ‘Bump Day’—the day in the middle of the working week. Belle looked forward to her Bump Day photos and had stored them up in a photo album on her phone.
