A lump formed in my throat at the innocence in her face. ‘I’m sure she is. She’ll be doing all the things she used to love, like gardening and…’ My words drifted, as I had nothing more to add.

  ‘Will we go to heaven?’ Lauren’s bottom lip wobbled slightly, and I pulled her into my arms.

  ‘Definitely.’

  Lauren extricated herself from my grip after a minute, despite me being reluctant to let her go, and resumed her position on the sofa, controller in hand. While she was content, I put some washing on and pushed the hoover around upstairs, popping my head into the office and smiling at the space I couldn’t wait to use. At Mum’s, I worked from the kitchen table, with barely enough light to see in the dark oak beamed room. It was any wonder I’d been able to build a successful client base, but sheer perseverance had paid off.

  We had an early dinner and I promised Lauren a trip to the swings as Teddy needed a walk after sleeping in the shade all afternoon. As we left, clicking shut the front door and locking it, I glanced around Beech Close. Derek’s car remained on his driveway, and I doubted he’d be going anywhere in it soon. Even with a sprain, he’d struggle. A sense of responsibility niggled at my side, and I decided to pop in on him on the way back, to check he was okay. He might need some shopping and I wanted to be neighbourly. I reasoned I didn’t have to go in the house, and I was sure I’d be safe, despite what his intentions might have been towards Danielle.

  Amber and Leo’s drive was empty, and I assumed they were out, enjoying their Saturday, probably somewhere in town perusing an art gallery and sipping espresso martinis. Becky and Maxwell were likely drunk on cider by now, shrivelled to a prune and naked in the hot tub. Over at Niamh and Finn’s, the Range Rover was missing. Perhaps he was working again or frolicking with a twenty-something secretary in some secret tryst while Niamh planned another extension.

  ‘Mum, what are you smiling at?’ Lauren asked, as I chuckled to myself at my ludicrous thoughts.

  ‘Nothing, honey, have you got Teddy’s ball?’ I said, heading towards the green.

  ‘Uh-huh,’ she replied, holding it out for me to see.

  Remy’s car was absent from Valerie’s driveway and it reminded me I hadn’t text him back yet. Perhaps it would be good to play a little hard to get, some distance might be an idea as I didn’t want to get too attached.

  The park was busier than I’d ever seen it. A family were having a late picnic, playing cricket on the flat grass and there were lots of children in the play park. Despite no swings being free, Lauren bounded in, keen for the company of people her own age. I did the usual circuit with Teddy, throwing the ball and getting him to bring it back until his tongue was hanging from his mouth.

  I rang Josh as I made my way back towards the swings, he answered breathless, and I was worried I’d disturbed his time with Jamie.

  ‘I’ve just got back from a run,’ he said, still panting when I queried what sounded like a dirty phone call.

  ‘Are you mad?’ I knew he was where fitness was concerned, ever striving for the perfect physique.

  ‘Gotta feel the burn, baby,’ he laughed. ‘Are you still coming for dinner tomorrow?’

  ‘Yes! Will it be the four of us?’ I enquired. Was it serious enough for Josh to bring Jamie home to meet his mum?

  ‘Yes,’ he replied, a playful edge to his voice because he knew what I was alluding to.

  ‘Okay, well I can’t wait. I’ll let you go and get in the shower, I bet you stink.’

  ‘Try not to dream about me lathering up too much,’ he shot back.

  ‘Don’t flatter yourself,’ I said with giggle. There was only one man I was dreaming about and I still needed to text him back.

  40

  I beckoned to Lauren, who stomped back towards the gate, protesting she didn’t want to leave yet. I was already thinking about a cold bottle of lager in the garden, reading my book in the glorious sunshine. Celebrating the sale of Mum’s cottage and the end to a perfect day.

  ‘Come on, Lauren, I want to go back now.’

  Lauren sulked and moved at a snail’s pace to annoy me. When I said I was going to check on Derek, she held out her hand for the key and I was glad to get her out of the way.

  I knocked on the door, aware of a fluttering of movement through the window. Derek pulled the door open, a welcoming smile across his face. He held on to the frame to keep his balance, his foot slightly lifted from the ground, strapped in a boot.

  ‘Here’s my saviour,’ he said, running a hand through his grey hair, trying to flatten it down as though he’d been asleep on the sofa.

  ‘How are you?’ I asked. ‘Was it broken?’

  ‘No, no, just sprained, they want me off it for a few days, but it’s already healing. The swelling has gone down.’

  ‘I’m glad you didn’t break it. Is there anything you need, any shopping?’

  ‘My son has been over already today, stocked the fridge and brought me a nip of whisky too, so I can’t complain.’

  ‘Well, don’t drink too much and fall over again,’ I said, chuckling.

  ‘It’s the boredom. Daytime television is what’s wrong with the generation today, and don’t get me started on Love Island,’ he said. A brief image of Derek’s office and computer flashed into my mind, Danielle’s photo on the wall. Who knew what his Google search history might contain? The warped idea made my throat tighten and I coughed, eager to make my escape.

  ‘Well, as long as you’re okay. Take care, Derek.’ I considered offering my number in case of an emergency, too used to being someone’s nurse, but Derek had a son who was perfectly capable of looking after him.

  Remy’s Mercedes pulled into Valerie’s driveway as I was crossing the road. He climbed out, wearing jeans and a white T-shirt, heading towards me. Before I could say hello, he planted a kiss on my lips as Teddy jumped up to get some attention of his own.

  ‘Well, hello,’ I said, raising my eyebrows.

  ‘I’ve been thinking about doing that all day,’ he said, unabashed, snaking his arm around my waist and nuzzling into my neck, on full display to the neighbours. He was a heady mix of sweat and antiperspirant and my resolve weakened as he brushed his hand across my backside. My mind already straying to when Remy spent the night and how good it felt to be intimate again.

  ‘I’ve got to get some dinner for Mum, but are you around later tonight, once she’s safely in bed?’ He gave me a wink and I had an influx of irritation. Was I just a booty call? I couldn’t deny I wanted him over, but was there any more to us than lust?

  ‘Sure,’ I said, eventually, watching Remy’s frown at my answer taking too long to morph into a grin at my acquiesce.

  ‘I’ll see you later,’ he said, emphasising the ‘you’ so there could be no mistake as to what his intentions were.

  Butterflies continued to flutter around my chest as I negotiated an early night with Lauren. Bath, book, cuddle and bed was our routine and I hoped it would still give me time to freshen up before Remy arrived. Thankfully, it did and I managed an attempt to look sexy and tousled without it seeming like I’d put much effort in. I had the same clothes on as earlier, but the underwear I’d put freshly on was one of only two matching sets I owned.

  I waited by the window, staring out into the dusk, drinking first one beer, then another, feeling more pathetic as it got to ten o’clock and Remy still hadn’t arrived. I hadn’t been stood up by a guy since my teens and as the minutes ticked past I became more annoyed. At half past when there was a tap at the door, I left it for a few minutes before opening. He tapped again before I answered. The evening had brought rain with it and the shoulders of his T-shirt were damp.

  ‘You managed to sneak out then,’ I said, without bothering to smile.

  Remy stepped over the threshold, shaking droplets out of his hair. He closed the door behind him, eyes glinting as I stepped back against the opposite wall, about to move into the lounge. The hallway was cramped, discarded shoes pushed to the side and Lauren’s coat shoved in the corner.

  ‘Wait,’ he said as I made to move. ‘Close your eyes.’ I did as I was told and Remy took the beer bottle from my hand, the clink of it making contact with the tiles as he lowered it to the floor. I was acutely aware of his breath at my neck and the smell of bourbon that came with it. The door to the lounge behind me clicked shut, Remy making sure we were alone, sandwiched together in the small space. A finger traced along my collarbone; our faces so close his lips brushed my ear when he whispered his question, ‘Do you trust me?’

  I nodded, despite it being a lie. My pulse throbbed in my neck, suddenly galloping as the hand at my collarbone moved to my throat. Remy rubbed the skin with his thumb, a gentle caress before the pressure intensified. His other hand found its way between the waistband of my jeans and my stomach, zip pulling apart. Before I could slow things down, Remy pushed his fingers into me, and I gasped. A mix of fear and pleasure fought inside my head as his breathing quickened from excitement. Remy’s thumb and forefinger were lodged underneath my jaw, squeezing, restricting my airway as I orgasmed, legs trembling.

  I slumped against Remy, opening my eyes to find him grinning, revelling in his achievement.

  ‘That wasn’t so bad, was it?’

  I pushed away from him and through the door to the lounge, holding myself upright on the arm of the sofa. My groin pulsed and for a second my head was as light as a feather.

  ‘Look, I’m not a pervert or anything, it just intensifies it. Tell me that’s not the best orgasm you’ve ever had.’

  I scoffed at him, incredulous. One minute Remy was the perfect gentleman, the next he was an arrogant prick. It was like he had two sides, two faces. It was clear he was a man used to getting whatever he wanted.

  Remy’s brows knitted together, frustrated by my lack of response, but I was at a loss what to say. Yes, it had been nice, but did I like to be choked as a rule during any kind of intimacy? Absolutely not.

  ‘It was intense, yes, but it’s not something I’m into. I thought you understood that.’

  ‘I didn’t hear you saying no back there.’ Remy’s sullen teenager act was pissing me off.

  ‘It’s not about consent, I gave you consent, I did what you asked, but would I do it again, knowing what you intended to do? No, I wouldn’t,’ I snapped.

  ‘I don’t think you know what you want,’ Remy sneered.

  My cheeks were on fire and I pulled myself upright.

  ‘I’d like you to leave,’ I said, pointing towards the door.

  ‘Really?’ he said, surprised at the sharpness of my voice.

  ‘Now,’ I added.

  Remy stared at me for a second, open-mouthed, as if he couldn’t understand why his visit hadn’t gone as planned. It made me second-guess myself. Was I wrong? Was I weird not to want it? He’d been late, there’d been no evening spent together, just a fumble in a hallway. And what? I was supposed to be grateful. The silence filled the room until there was no air left.

  Remy let out a cold laugh, shaking his head in disbelief as he walked to the front door and opened it. ‘I’ll tell you who liked it… Danielle, that’s who. She couldn’t get enough of it,’ he said, his parting shot dripping with venom.

  41

  It took another two beers before I was able to go to bed, the time almost midnight. I’d locked all the doors and windows. Remy’s words echoed around my head as I climbed beneath the covers. At first he’d alluded to barely knowing Danielle, then I’d found out from Becky he took her to dinner, and now he was boasting how much she enjoyed his weird sex games.

  He could be spiteful when he wanted to be, and I was ready to draw a line under our brief fling. It was no wonder he was unattached. Perhaps he was a narcissist and him playing nice – helping me build furniture and move the chest at Mum’s cottage – was specifically to reel me in. Get me to trust him so he could draw me into his deviancy. I should never have got involved in the first place.

  Perhaps I should take Lauren away for the last week of the Easter holidays, use some of the funds from the cottage for a last-minute trip? But that would mean running away, which wasn’t something I ever did, and I wasn’t about to start now. Remy and I could be civil I was sure, and if he couldn’t, I’d ignore him. We needed this house, this address, so Lauren could get into Briarwood High School when it came time to apply in September. I couldn’t lose sight of why we moved here in the first place.

  Despite the awkwardness of the evening with Remy, I slept like a log for the first time in ages. I attributed it to the sale of the cottage having finally gone through, the massive weight now off my shoulders. With each week that went by since the passing of my mother, I was able to relax more. The tension in my shoulders slowly easing with the realisation life would be so much better moving forward.

  I woke on Easter Sunday before Lauren and headed downstairs to put out her giant chick I’d bought from Ikea as well as the KitKat egg she’d chosen and the Maltesers one gifted from Anna. I added the hollow chocolate eggs we’d use for the hunt later once back from Joyce’s. While I waited for her to wake, I pinned bunting to the wall and, satisfied with the display, made a cup of tea. Knowing Lauren would squeal with delight when she got up, nothing excited her more than chocolate and she was the only kid I knew who loved Easter more than Christmas.

  I was determined we’d have a great day and was looking forward to visiting Joyce and spending time with Josh. If anyone could talk me out of my funk, it would be him. He’d tell me to kick Remy to the kerb, forget about him and move on. Team Lucas all the way. It’s what Lauren and I had always been, and I would be content going back to that. A relationship, or even a brief fling as it turned out, was sometimes more hassle than it was worth, and I wanted to pour my energy and focus into Lauren. We needed to heal after the nightmare with Mum, and we would, in time.

  My concentration was broken by Lauren’s shriek as she rounded the bottom of the stairs, causing Teddy to bark, tail wagging ready to play.

  ‘Happy Easter, honey. We’re going to go to Joyce’s for a lovely roast dinner.’

  ‘What about the egg hunt?’ Lauren was already cuddling her chick, tweaking the beak.

  ‘We can do it when we get back.’

  ‘I’m going to call her Chica,’ Lauren said, opening the egg and digging into a Maltesers bunny. I didn’t argue, it was one of the rules. Chocolate for breakfast was only allowed two days a year: Christmas and Easter.

  I fetched Lauren a glass of water and opened the back door so Teddy could chase a pigeon who’d dared to land on his turf. He barked and I winced, hurrying out after him.

  ‘Teddy, shush!’ I snapped, waiting for him to urinate and pointing for him to go back inside. As I turned, I could hear muttering, words carried on the breeze I couldn’t make out. Stepping down the path, they grew slightly louder, coming from Valerie’s side. I edged onto the grass, covered in dew, trying to be as quiet as I could.

  ‘She’s gone, she’s gone, she’s gone,’ Valerie’s voice came through the fence. Who was gone?

  ‘Valerie, are you okay?’ I asked. Was she talking to herself or was Remy there?

  As soon as I spoke, the whispering stopped abruptly. I looked at the fence, searching for a tiny divot I could peek through. I found one, around chest height, and bent down to look through into Valerie’s garden. All I could see was an expanse of grass and the opposite fence. I placed my palms either side of the hole, pushing my face against the scratchy wood, straining my eye to see as much as I could into Valerie’s garden.

  A second later, a muddy grey eye stared back, blinking at me.

  I screamed, jumping backwards, hands trembling.

  ‘Valerie?’ I said, looking back through the hole and taking in the slate mix of her iris.

  ‘Danielle,’ she gasped, and the eye was suddenly gone, replaced with white fabric. I recognised it as her nightgown. She had straightened her legs, face no longer level with the hole in the fence, and now clawed against the wooden panel, raspy breaths that unnerved me.

  ‘Valerie, where’s Remy?’ I asked, keeping my voice calm and non-threatening.

  ‘Mum?’ Lauren called from the kitchen. Perhaps she thought I was going mad, talking to the fence.

  I shooed her away with my hand, mouthing the words ‘go back inside’.

  ‘Why are you here? What do you want with my son?’ Valerie snapped, sounding more like the woman I’d met on my first day at Beech Close.

  ‘Nothing. Is Remy there, with you?’

  ‘He’s mine! You can’t have him,’ she spat, banging on the fence so violently I jolted back. I had half a mind to tell her I didn’t want anything to do with her son, not now, but before I could reply, she began hollering at the top of her voice. ‘You shouldn’t be here.’ Repeating the words again and again as Teddy barked from the kitchen.

  Trying to communicate with her had been a mistake. Did she think I was Danielle? Had she hated her too? If Remy had taken her out, it was likely Valerie would have known about it, and no doubt loathed the idea.

  Trust me to land myself with a nightmare neighbour, I thought to myself as I went back inside and double locked the back door. Leaving her yelling in the garden.

  ‘She’s mental,’ Lauren said, her mouth full of chocolate, teeth covered in brown slime. I grabbed my phone, typing a short message to Remy to tell him his mother was yelling in the garden. I waited for the two blue ticks to show me it was read before setting it down again.

  ‘No, Lauren, she’s sick. Enough egg now, go upstairs and get dressed and don’t forget to clean your teeth please,’ I said, annoyed I’d let Valerie sour my mood. I turned on the radio, loud enough to drown her out when I heard Maxwell shouting from his back garden. Valerie must have woken him up. I sniggered to myself, imagining a harassed Remy having to come out in his boxer shorts to fetch her inside. It would serve him right.

  42

  We got to Joyce’s around midday. Lauren had picked out a bunch of flowers from Marks and Spencer’s on the way, as well as a lemon pavlova with lashings of whipped cream. Joyce knew I wasn’t the best cook, but I was sure she would appreciate my token offer of dessert. In stark contrast, Joyce was excellent in the kitchen and had cooked me many a roast dinner over the years, exclaiming I needed feeding up whenever Josh brought me home. I adored her, even more so when she made it clear I was always welcome at her house.

 

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