No smoke without flames, p.11
No Smoke Without Flames, page 11
“We’ll find one. Maybe we’ll ask Tori to come up with it.” She sat up. “We should try to get some sleep. I think I can relax now that I have someone here with me.”
“Okay. If you’re sure.”
“Mm-hmm. They probably won’t be updating much, and the news won’t cover it until the morning edition, if they even bother with a story. No point in staying awake waiting.”
Janice nodded. “Okay, then.”
Lea stood and held out her hand. “Come on.”
“Oh. I’m, I think... I’m fine on the couch.”
“Don’t be silly. We slept together last night.”
Janice smiled. “Yeah. But we also slept together last night. And Tori was there. It was a different situation. I don’t know if I would feel right about it.”
Lea sat down again. “It would just be sleeping.”
“I know. Even then, it seems like something we should talk over with Tori.”
“I suppose you’re right... No. You’re absolutely right.”
Janice watched Lea’s face, noted the way her voice trailed off. She cupped Lea’s face and made her look up.
“You really won’t be able to sleep unless someone is with you.”
“No, no.” Lea pulled back and stood up. “It’s fine. You can take the couch. It will be close enough.”
Janice stood up. “Come on.”
“No, it’s okay, really. If you’re not comfortable--”
“Sh. You heard Tori this morning, right? She’s not going to get jealous over a good-morning kiss, and I don’t think she’d get upset about providing comfort when it’s needed.”
Lea chewed her lip, conflicted, but then she took Janice’s hand. “It’s just sleeping.”
“Right. So come on. It’s late, and we both need to get some sleep.”
Lea nodded and guided Janice to the bedroom.
***
Tori could barely keep her eyes open for the drive home. She was sore, frustrated, exhausted, and she could smell herself to an upsetting degree. She’d barely gotten to sleep when the alarm came. She’d left her cozy bed to walk through an apartment building filled with more smoke than oxygen to make sure everyone was out, then greeted the sunrise by hanging around outside securing the building and assessing the damage.
She parked and climbed the stairs to their apartment, already fantasizing about the six or seven hours of sleep ahead of her.
“Lea, estoy aquí.” She put down her coat and bag, then went into the kitchen to start Lea’s coffee. She heard the bedroom door open while she was pouring her orange juice. “Buenos...” She cut herself off when she realized the woman sheepishly coming down the hall was not Lea, but Janice. Her hair was a mess and she was wearing clothes that were clearly pajamas. She looked like she anticipated a fight.
“Good morning,” Tori said cautiously.
“Hi,” Janice said. “We... we slept. We just slept. We were going to send you a text, just to make sure everyone was... in the loop. But she fell asleep so fast. And I didn’t have your number, and I didn’t feel right using her phone, so I thought if she woke up before you got home, we...” She scratched her neck and looked toward the window. “Gosh. Wow. This looks bad.”
Tori carefully closed the juice and put it back in the fridge. In her mind, she knew that Lea and Janice had spent a lot of time together while she was at work. Dinner at the studio and everything. But she also knew Lea had been alone when she went to bed. And the biggest piece of evidence that nothing happened was the T-shirt Janice was wearing.
“I’ve never seen that shirt,” Tori said.
“What?” Janice looked down at herself. It was a yellow T-shirt with the Wrigley marquee with the words No Lights In Wrigley in place of the park name. It was faded and stretched out from dozens of washings. She looked up again, confused. “You haven’t? I know it’s old, but...”
“I mean I’ve never seen it here, which means it isn’t mine. Or Lea’s. Which means you put it on at home. Which means you came over here sometime after you were already in bed.” She kept her voice steady. “She called you, didn’t she.”
Janice swallowed. “I don’t know why, but I get the feeling you’re not mad at me anymore.”
Tori shook her head. “I’m not mad. But you should probably go.”
“Yeah, that’s...” She moved quickly to the couch and retrieved her shoes. “Lea is still asleep. I got out of bed without waking her. God, that sounds... We just slept. We really just slept.”
“I know. And for what it’s worth, I’m glad you were here for her.”
Janice relaxed a little. “She was hysterical. Panicking.”
Tori nodded. “I know. For the record, this doesn’t change anything about...” She waved her hand. “Anything. Us, the three of us. That’s all still good.”
“Oh.” Fear and relief washed over her face. She clearly hadn’t even considered that. “Oh, good. I’ll, um.” Janice hesitated. “W-well, you know where to find me.”
Tori nodded again, and Janice fled.
Once she was gone, Tori finished her juice and went into the bedroom. Lea was curled around the pillow, hair across her face like an eye mask, her knees bent as if she’d just fallen down while running. Tori went to her side of the bed and sat down, resting her back against the headboard.
A few minutes later, Lea breathed in deeply and stretched. She lifted her head without opening her eyes and muttered Tori’s name. She scooted closer, sliding her hand over Tori’s thigh to situate herself before she moved down to lay her head in her wife’s lap. Then realization hit her and she opened her eyes, looked up at Tori, and scanned the room.
“Janice already left,” Tori said.
“We only--”
“You only slept. She said. I know.” She let Lea sit up. “You lied to me.”
“No, she didn’t come over--”
Tori shook her head. “Not about that. I don’t care about her being here. I’m glad she was here for you. You lied about therapy.”
Lea repositioned herself so that she was also leaning against the headboard. “I tried. But I kept thinking that if it was successful, I would... what? Care less about you? Fuck that.”
Tori sighed. “It’s not about how much you care. It’s about managing your fear and anxiety--”
“What if I’m lying here asleep and something happens to you? What if me being awake and, and sending my concern out into the universe--”
“Please don’t start with that, Lea.” She closed her eyes and rocked her head back. “I’m so exhausted.”
Lea crossed her arms. “It’s a superstition, okay? I understand that. And I’m okay with it. I decided it was something I could live with, and I’ve been doing it. Every shift, every call you’ve gone out on. I’ve paced and stayed up--”
“Every--” Tori opened her eyes. “Give me your phone.”
Lea realized her mistake. “No.”
“Lea, you said you deleted that fucking app.”
“I did. And the only thing worse than knowing is having no way to check.”
“Damn it, Lea.” She got out of bed and walked to the wall. “Am I supposed to just be okay with this? Do you think it’s easy for me going into burning buildings knowing what might happen? Knowing you’re back here eavesdropping on Conrad’s updates? We all have people at home waiting for us, worried for us. But we have to block that out so we can do the job.”
Lea drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. “I guess I’m not as strong as you.”
Tori walked back to the bed. “That’s why there are support groups. Other wives you can talk to, confide in, worry with.”
“I don’t know them.” She hugged her legs tighter. “Janice helped. Having her here helped.”
Tori relaxed slightly. “Really? You’re not just saying that?”
“No. She calmed me down. And I... I liked being held. I swear to you, nothing sexual happened.”
“I know,” Tori said softly.
Lea narrowed her eyes. “Oh. Maybe that’s worse. Emotional cheating.”
“No,” Tori said. “You needed someone. It couldn’t be me, so it had to be someone else. I’m glad it was someone I also like. I really mean that. I’m not jealous of her.”
She sat down on the mattress. After a moment, Lea crawled to her, hugged her from behind, and kissed her neck.
“I’m sorry I lied to you. About therapy. And the app.”
Tori covered Lea’s hands, then twisted and kissed her lips. “I love you.”
“I love you, too. I really am sorry.”
“I know, querida.” She brought Lea’s hand up to her mouth and kissed the knuckles. A thought occurred to her, and she tilted her head to the side. “The fire was at two in the morning. What time did you call Janice?”
Lea shrugged. “Around then. Maybe two-thirty.” She pulled away from Tori and walked on her knees toward the nightstand. “I can check my phone.”
Tori said, “And she came?”
“Mm-hmm.” Lea realized what Tori was getting at. “Yes. I didn’t even have to tell her what was wrong. She just heard that I was upset and she came.”
“At two-thirty in the morning.”
“Two thirty-three,” Lea said, holding up the call log.
Tori looked at her. “Huh. That’s something worth thinking about...”
Lea raised an eyebrow and nodded.
Chapter Eleven
That afternoon, once Tori had gotten a few hours of sleep, she woke up to an empty apartment. Lea was at the studio and would probably be there until dinner. So Tori dressed and headed for Canvas.
Tori requested to be sat at the same table she and Lea had been given on their first visit. She skimmed the menu, sipped her water, and eyed the walls to see where the art Lea was working on would go. She had ordered by the time Janice came out of the kitchen. She looked like she was anticipating an execution, so Tori offered a smile and gestured at the seat across from her.
“If it’s okay,” Tori said, “I want to talk before you say anything.”
Janice nodded.
“Good. I wanted to say thank you, sincerely, for coming when Lea called last night. This morning. Whatever. Her anxiety over my job has been an issue for a while. I thought she had a handle on it, but it turns out she’s been lying to me about it. That’s why I was angry this morning. It had nothing to do with you, or the fact you were there.”
The tension faded from Janice’s shoulders. “Thank God. I--”
“I’m not done.”
Janice pressed her lips together. Tori leaned forward.
“I think you’re falling in love with my wife.”
Tori’s eyes widened. “I know I’m not supposed to talk, but I barely know her. We’ve spent a couple of hours together. Some of those hours were... much, much better than others, granted--”
“I think Lea is falling in love with you, too.”
That shut Janice up. “I think I should let you talk.”
Tori looked around to make sure no one was close enough to listen in. “I know Lea. I know how she acts around people, and I can tell that she has feelings for you. You know that saying, ‘where there’s smoke, there’s fire’? And yes, the firefighter is making a fire analogy...”
Janice chuckled nervously.
“You being in the apartment this morning? That was smoke. Lea has been dealing with these anxiety attacks alone for six years, and this is the first time she’s called anyone to be there with her. I should be jealous. But I’m just happy she wasn’t alone. And like you said, I might not know you very well, but I know that when Lea called you at two-thirty, you rode the train across town to be there for her. How many of your friends would you have done that for?”
“Not a lot.”
“No, I didn’t think so. More smoke. That’s enough for me to assume something is burning somewhere.”
Janice rubbed her hands together. “I’m not a homewrecker. I’m... I’m not sure how I feel about Lea. I like her. I like her a lot. And I like you. But regardless of what those feelings might be, I would never break up a marriage.”
Tori shook her head. “I’m not worried about that. I never said I thought Lea was falling out of love with me, or shifting her affections, or anything like that. I think she loves us both.”
Janice’s eyebrows twitched, betraying her confusion.
Tori wet her lips. “The problem here is us. You and me. Other than an initial attraction and the night we had together, we haven’t gotten to know each other the way you and Lea have.”
“Okay,” Janice said slowly.
“I’m here to ask you out.”
Janice blinked. “On a date?”
“On a... day.” She gestured toward the windows. “Like you and Lea had. You walked around downtown. You had dinner at her studio. You spent quality time together, just the two of you. I’d like for us to have the same opportunity to bond.”
For a while, Janice didn’t say anything. She looked down at the table, worked her lips, searched the room for clues, all while flipping through a series of responses in her head. Finally she looked at Tori again.
“What did you have in mind?”
“A baseball game,” Tori said. “A guy I work with has season tickets. I can wrangle a couple from him. I thought maybe you liked baseball because of the, you know, the Cubs shirt you were wearing this morning.”
“Oh. Right. Yeah. I-I like baseball.”
Tori nodded. “Okay. We can figure out everything else later on. But I can text you when I find out the specifics of what tickets I can get.”
“Sounds... good.” Janice wet her lips. “What’s... what’s...” She made a gesture with her hand. “I don’t want to say ‘what’s the point’, but really, wh-why are you bothering to go to all this trouble? Why are we going on a date if you’re already married? If you think your wife and I are falling in love with each other. Shouldn’t you want to keep us as far apart as possible? I mean, that’s my instinct.”
“Because I like that you care about Lea. I like that she had someone she could call when she was hurting, and that person cared enough to risk going out in the middle of the night just to hold her. You didn’t ask for anything in return, you just sat with her. I think Lea needs that. And it’s something I can’t give her. So if you... and I... if we all agree that we fit together, and work well together, then maybe what we did the other night can be more than just a... fun thing we do sometimes.”
“Are you inviting me into your marriage?” Janice’s voice was so low Tori could barely hear it.
Tori shrugged. “Right now I’m inviting you to a baseball game. From there? Who knows.”
***
Captain Gambol was willing to sacrifice tickets for the next home game against Cincinnati. She offered to pay face value, but he waved her off. “They would’ve gone to waste anyway. Take ‘em. Try to have fun knowing that you will owe me. One huge favor. That you can’t refuse.”
“Be careful, Captain,” she said. “I could construe that as sexual harassment.”
“True. But you know that I am very much in love with my wife, and would much rather have you... oh, I don’t know... man the grill at my next barbeque.”
Tori shook her head. “I should never have let you taste my ribs.”
Gambol grinned, his teeth shining under his mustache. “Out of context, that sounds like harassment. Very, very weird harassment.”
“I don’t know any other kind,” Tori said.
She texted Janice to make sure the day of the game worked for her - it did - and went back to work. She was able to put the whole endeavor out of her mind until that weekend. She started getting ready and realized she felt the same nerves and anxiety she used to get when she went on dates. It seemed wholly unfair that she was suffering them again.
“Maybe I should have gotten three tickets,” Tori said, using the bathroom mirror to figure out what her hair was capable of doing.
Lea, sitting on the bed to enjoy the spectacle of her wife’s preparations, smiled. “The whole point of this is for you and Janice to spend some time together. Without me.”
Tori sighed. “I just like a buffer.”
“I know, baby.” She sat up and put her feet on the floor. “We can probably get a last minute ticket if you’re really feeling anxious.”
“No,” Tori said reluctantly. “You’re right, this is about seeing how we click. Besides, it wouldn’t be as fun with you there.”
Lea’s jaw dropped. “How. Dare. You.”
“C’mon, honey. You know it’s true. You don’t even like baseball.”
“I...” She hunched her shoulders. “I don’t... hate it. I know the big players. Mickey Mantle, Satchel Paige, Caroline Rainy.”
Tori smiled. “Can you name one from this century?”
“Those weren’t from this century?” Lea got off the bed and went to Tori. She turned her around and reached up to tease her hair. “You are an amazing woman, okay? You’re fascinating, you’re fun, and being around you is joyous. You have nothing to worry about. Remember, all this started because she asked you out on a date. She was interested from the first moment.”
“I guess. I just feel like I’m starting from behind and playing catch-up.”
“It isn’t a game.” She straightened Tori’s collar and smoothed down wrinkles on the shoulders. “You just have to find out if you like her. And if she likes you. Which she will. And I think you will like her, too. She’s very great.”
Tori nodded and put her hands on Lea’s hips. “And what if we click? What if I decide I like her as much as you do?”
Lea looked into Tori’s eyes. “Then we work out everything else and move forward from there.” She took a step back and examined Tori’s outfit. She nodded her approval. “So go over your plans one more time. It will ease your mind.”
Tori sighed. “We meet at Wrigley. We watch the game, which should end around eight-thirty. Then we go out for dinner. And then back here to give you a full report.”
“Okay...”
“What?”
“No, I’m just... thinking. When she came over the other night, we talked about spending the night together without you knowing or giving permission. It made sense to me that you should have had a say in what happened that night. And even though you were more angry about my lying to you, I think there’s a part of you that also wishes we had told you before it happened.”
