The heirs of columbus, p.14
The Heirs of Columbus, page 14
Carp Radio was on the air with the first live broadcast of the creation of a tribal nation. Stone Columbus had announced the time and date of the insurrection earlier in the summer, but most people assumed it was part of the quincentenary for Christopher Columbus. Network television scorned the announcement as one of many counterevents of the day, and the heirs were old radio news since the bingo barge sank in a thunderstorm. Corporate advertisers, however, were wiser, and eager to be heard at the same time as Stone Columbus.
“Admiral White is on the air with the truth of the night much earlier than usual so we can bring you the actual creation of a tribal nation as we promised last month on Carp Radio,” said Luckie White.
“Stone Columbus and his mariners have anchored the Santa María Ferry to the new Miigis Marina, and you can hear the cheers from the hundreds of curious well-wishers on boats near the shore, and now the man who claims he is an heir and the namesake of that great explorer who landed in the New World five hundred years ago today is about to raise their flag and declare, at this very moment, a sovereign nation.
“The Trickster of Liberty, that marvelous copper giant dedicated to tribal humor, was moved from the reservation and now stands on shore near the marina, more than a hundred and eighty feet, head to toe, taller than the Statue of Liberty.”
Stone hoisted the red banner with the blue bear paw and shouted into the microphone: “This flag represents our survivance and the sovereignty of Point Assinika.” Miigis danced on the blue copper moccasins on the trickster statue. Admire barked under the hollow trickster and then she puckered her blue lips for the first time in several months and whistled a wild tune from the New World Symphony, by Dvoák.
The point was claimed by the heirs as a free state with no prisons, no passports, no public schools, no missionaries, no television, and no public taxation; genetic therapies, natural medicine, bingo cards, and entertainment were free to those who came to be healed and those who lived on the point. The residents who owned land on the point were overcome with the humor of the moment; there was no resistance, because there was nothing to lose. Bingo would pay for local services, and games of chance would heal the wounded and the lonesome.
Several government agencies had the heirs, the scientists, and their research under surveillance; state and federal officials were cautious and did not move against the insurrection because of public sympathies raised by radio talk shows. Several national polls indicated that the public was in favor of the new tribal state. That the new nation honored humor and common sense, and was dedicated to heal children without taxation, inspired millions of citizens who contributed more cash to the gene banks than they had ever given in the past to television evangelists. Carp Radio encouraged citizens to open gene banks with their cash in every state to further the research on survivance in the New World.
“Radio is real, and the rest is bad television,” said Stone.
“Our listeners are watching,” said Luckie White.
“Right, what we hear on radio is what we see, and the remains, mean crows and evangelists, are poses on television,” said Stone. The bear paw waved in a light breeze under the crotch of the Trickster of Liberty.
“Stone Columbus, our man of the hour, once more on talk show radio, has come full circle from a sovereign bingo barge to more bingo and a new nation of gene banks,” said the Admiral.
“Jesus Christ heals with bingo,” shouted Stone.
“Name the winners,” said the Admiral.
“Wiindigoo at a moccasin game, Columbus, Pocahontas, Wovoka, Crazy Horse, George Washington, Felipa, my father, and the soldiers of fortune and independence were gamblers, and healers,” said Stone.
“Wiindigoo needs a voice for our listeners,” said the Admiral.
“That evil gambler was frozen in motion by the ice woman on the last draw with the tribe, now that was a moccasin game, and we were healed, but she holds him in her cave for a future game,” said Stone.
Almost Browne created a laser light show that night to commemorate the new nation. Christopher Columbus arose with a burst of light in the east and came ashore; his head swelled and turned blue near the Trickster of Liberty. The adventurer raised a banner in the name of the monarchs, and then waved his sword over his head, the lase of the blade bounced on the black water.
George Washington marched out of the north and met Crazy Horse and Louis Riel over the marina on the point. Almost was cheered when the four laser men, the adventurer, the general, the warrior, the crossblood, and later a lover and princess combined in a blue radiance near the statue.
Almost sounded the wind in the birch, the rush of summer on the meadow at the headwaters, and the music of sandhill cranes. Then, at a distance in the east, two figures seemed to arise from the bay and dance toward the point. The audience on the marina moaned and cried with tender remembrance; the last two images in the night were Pocahontas and Felipa Flowers on each side of the Trickster of Liberty.
“Stone Columbus is here with a new nation to answer your questions and mine, the truth in the night, so you’re on the air Oklahoma City,” said the radio admiral.
“My grandmother was an Indian, and we were wondering if you could come down here and fix us a new nation, just like the one you did up there,” said the woman from Oklahoma City.
“Fix it for what?” asked Stone.
“You got the bingo, and we got taxes,” she said.
“The white man’s burden, you’ve got the time and civilization has the taxes, and we got a commercial announcement,” said the Admiral. She was silent, listened with her head back, and counted the seconds of a new aspirin advertisement, a precise touch of material time. “Carp Radio is back to take your calls, questions, and comments from listeners around the world.”
“Point Assinika is a natural nation,” said Stone. “Humor rules and tricksters heal in our state, and we have no checkpoints or passports, no parking meters to ruin the liberty of the day.”
“Pocatello, Idaho, you’re on the air tonight,” said Admiral White.
“Columbus was lost, so what’s with you?” asked Pocatello.
“Slowfood, mongrels that whistle, panic hole parks, a statue with a sense of humor, genes that heal, and the most dangerous herb in the history of the world,” said Stone.
“What’s so special about that?”
“Nothing,” said Stone.
“Wait a minute, slow down, you’ve told us about tribal panic holes, the primal shout that raises gardens, and other incredible things, but what on earth is this bad herb?” asked the Admiral.
“Nothing, we inherited the genes that heal, and dreamed the herb that could eliminate the world, and now we can shout from our own sovereign nation,” said Stone.
“Stone, our listeners want the truth at night,” said the Admiral.
“The tribal truth is what you hear,” said Stone.
“But a killer herb?”
“Yes, the war herb could eliminate humans, time, and civilization, in the right combination the herb causes people to vanish from memory and history,” said Stone.
“So, why the secret?” asked Admiral White.
“We never needed the herb before now,” said Stone.
“Carp Radio with the incredible truth of the night, and now a public service announcement,” said the radio admiral. She counted the seconds and smiled at the same time over the herb revelation. “We’re back, and you heard the future here for the first time, the gene man has a secret herbal power, and you’re on the air Rapid City.”
“Where did you hear that herb?”
“That’s a secret, only dreamers can touch this powerful herb, and yet thousands of people have vanished with a mere thought of the herb, and no one ever knew why,” said Stone.
“Black Elk had a vision of a war herb that was so powerful it could destroy the white man, but he was a man of peace and never told how to find it,” said Rapid City.
“Black Elk was a dreamer,” said Stone.
“So, how do you know about this war herb?” asked the radio admiral. “Who told you the stories, and what are you going to do with the war herb?”
“Binn Columbus heard the herb,” said Stone.
“Come on, touch me with your wild herb, give me your best shot in the dark,” said Luckie White. “Let’s see who’s eliminated on talk show radio in the herb wars, come on with the herbs and our listeners will be the judge.”
Admiral White turned to an advertisement and burst into laughter. She broadcast several announcements to enhance the moment, and then with no explanation she was back on the air; the listeners heard the sound of water on the shore near the marina, now and then a voice in the distance, a horn at sea. She teased with silence.
“The Admiral of Carp Radio has returned from the herb wars with a vision,” she said in a blithe tone of voice. “The rest of the night holds the truth of our time, and you’re on the air Duck Lake, Saskatchewan.”
“Stone has been compared to Louis Riel because both of them are crossbloods and leaders of insurrections, and both of their fathers were wool weavers,” said Duck Lake.
“Christopher Columbus was raised by a weaver too, so now we have the sons of three weavers, and three explorers in the New World, what’s your question?” asked Luckie White.
“Riel was executed for treason,” said Duck Lake.
“That’s not a question,” said the Admiral.
“Riel was a dreamer with too much religion, he was a tragic hero in the blood, but the heirs are comic, we got humor, bingo, and great genes,” said Stone.
“Your genes could be the new treason,” said Duck Lake.
“Who are you?” asked the radio admiral.
“Louis Riel was my distant relative,” said Duck Lake.
“Crossbloods are serious,” said Stone.
“Serious about genes?” asked Duck Lake.
“The genes that heal,” said Stone.
“Columbus could forgive but never heal your enemies.”
“Point Assinika is not our Fort Garry, and besides, Louis Riel never had panic holes to shout into or bingo to prove he was real and sane,” said Stone.
“The Heirs of Columbus shout, laugh, and pray to get their way in the New World, but the heirs are closer to creation in their humor than simple confessions, so that’s what cut the ice in their insurrection,” said the radio admiral. She broadcast a commercial for a sodium free antacid.
“Carp Radio is back with Stone Columbus, the gene man of the New World, and bingo of the night, the heir of the primal hand talkers from the civilization of the Maya to Point Assinika,” said Admiral White.
“Columbus landed twice in five centuries,” said Stone.
“Indeed he did,” said the Admiral.
“Columbus and Jesus are hand talkers,” said Stone.
“Albuquerque, what’s on your mind tonight?”
“Mayan hand talkers, man you must be crazy.”
“Saint Louis, go ahead with your question,” said the Admiral.
“How can you tell when you got the right genes?”
“Columbus genes are a signature, we got the chemical code that proves we are the tribal descendants of the great explorer, we got the secret in the stone,” said Stone.
“You told, so how can it be a secret?”
“The seventeen gene signature is a tribal secret, and that secret is held in the stone, but soon you might hear about the power of our healer genes,” said Stone.
“Admiral Luckie White has the last word, and the last word tonight is in the stone,” she said. “Carp Radio has run the wire once more, hear you real soon with your late night voices of the truth.”
Luckie White was more amative and custodial as the ratings of her talk show rose higher; over the months with the heirs she had become even more considerate of tribal memories, a radio patron of the heirs and their true adventures. She argued with the station owners that tribal humor was good business, and healed, the new commercials would prove that point; she praised the heirs for not being corrupted by their considerable cash and public attention, or ruined by political censure on the reservation.
GENOME PAVILION
The New York Times reported in an editorial that television stations and the federal government have remained silent on the recent insurrection at Point Roberts by the Heirs of Columbus. The report speculated that the silence could be in response to the acquiescence of the residents on the point, the censure of the heirs and crossbloods by tribal governments, but the most obvious consideration was the public support in discussions of the new nation on Carp Radio.
“The White House observed silence on the insurrection, the president was more concerned with television than radio, a doubtable democratic simulation; consequently, the nation would be governed by listeners on late night radio,” the editorial reported. “The Heirs of Christopher Columbus are unconcerned over the silence, and the rumors that military units have been activated in the area. That the heirs would give their very genes to save the world is neither ironic nor moronic, as they believe their unique genes are healers. Such noble ambitions, however, are not without critics. Leading scientists are skeptical, to put it kindly, that a ragtag group of rebellious, uneducated mixedbloods would be the actual selective heirs of a ‘genetic signature’ from Christopher Columbus.
“Doctor Canon Simpson, the outspoken biogenetic engineer, national science adviser, and friend of the president, pointed out that the study of ‘genetic inheritance is more than counting the spots on mongrels.’
“Stone Columbus, the tribal bingo tycoon and heirship leader of the insurrection, which has been compared to the métis rebellion of Louis Riel in Canada, told the chairman of the quincentenary commission that ‘Columbus would return just as we have, and what was good enough for him is even better for his tribal heirs.’ The chairman denied reports that the commission had funded the heirs and the insurrection as a part of quincentenary celebrations. Riel was convicted of treason and hanged in 1885.”
The Felipa Flowers Casino was established on the international border between Canada and Point Assinika. Bingo gamblers could enter the bright, enormous tandem pavilions and leave from either nation, as there were no inspections at the tribal border; indeed, the heirs honored tribal identities but no political boundaries on the earth.
Stone never owned a passport, and he would never hold a mere photograph, a political simulation with a national seal, to be more real than the human it represented. “People have died defending the simulations of families in photographs, the loneliness of civilization,” he said. Stone has no photographs of Felipa or Miigis; he dreams and remembers them in stories. Miigis remembers her mother as a bird in dreams.
The casino was managed by the pale man with no name; he counted the cash, paid salaries, hired and retired, recorded the presence of enemies and conspirators. There were tribal fascists who would abolish the heirs, their bingo, humor, and certain words, such as crossblood, and the genes of survivance; there were government agents and investigators who would overturn the new nation. No name was a controversial overseer, to be sure; he posted “not wanted portraits” of the fascists, investigators, and agents provocateurs, with embellished features, at the entrances to the casino.
Even more unusual was his order that the male casino attendants must crossdress. “Regrettably men are no longer that interesting unless they dress as women,” said the father of Stone Columbus. Pale no name was a transvestite, a posture that had no name or instance on the reservation, but the poseur enlivened the casino and was lauded by the patrons. No name, the paramount transvestite, posed as first ladies, either Eleanor Roosevelt, Nancy Reagan, or his favorite, Lady Bird Johnson.
Pavilion communities were established between panic hole parks on the point. The residence and shelter pavilions were located on the rise, protected by a natural stand of hemlock and spruce. The scientific pavilions were laced, one to the other, near the statue and marina. The sides of the blue pavilions were radiant at night, and the massive computers hummed and sounded the beats of memories, the genetic signatures of survivance.
The Dorado Genome Pavilion, the heart of the genetic research, was directed by Doctor Pir Cantrip, an exobiologist turned genetic engineer. He and other scientists had isolated the genetic code of tribal survivance and radiance, that native signature of seventeen mitochondrial genes that could reverse human mutations, nurture shamanic resurrection, heal wounded children, and incite parthenogenesis in separatist women.
The Ojibwe News reported that the signature was an “estate antidote to terminal blood quantum creeds.” The actuation of parthenogenesis, however, would become the most contestable revision of the signature, the monopolitical reproduction of humans without men.
Molecular biologists and genetic engineers representing five countries rushed to the new tribal nation in search of a place to conduct their genetic research and experiments without state or federal restrictions. The research on polymerase chain reaction in gene copies, genetic therapies, intron, and intromission, for instance, was unwarrantable and banned in most nations to protect the interests of major pharmaceutical companies. Thousands of wounded children would be humored, honored, and healed at Point Assinika.
Doctor Cantrip and his research team had discovered that there were seventeen genes in the signature of survivance; the heirs, shamans, and healers carried an unbroken radiance, a genetic chain from the first hand talkers of creation. Millions of these genetic signatures were copied in vacuum clean laboratories.
“This signature is neither neoteric nor fortuitous, as the genes are a tribal code inherited from hand talkers over five thousand generations,” said the genetic engineer. Cantrip had been asked by the State Department to discuss his genetic research with a foursome of molecular biologists from the Soviet Union, and two biorobotic engineers from Japan.
