“I, uh, I’m not coming alone. Is there room for two in your guesthouse?”

  “Since when did you start dating? I thought you were doing the celibate thing?” Apparently there was some rule about twelve-step programs and celibacy during the first year. Nix had glossed over it at the time, but when I’d asked about girls a few weeks back, he’d told me he was still celibate. Maybe that’d changed?

  “Uh, still doing the celibate thing.” Nix coughed like he was choking. “So we’d have separate rooms. Is that okay?”

  “Yeah, I guess. Same rules apply to your friend. No drugs, no parties, no more guests other than the two of you. I’m not running a freaking hotel out here.”

  “Yeah, yeah, no. I get it. Thanks, bro. This’ll be great. You’ll see.”

  “Yeah sure, Nix.” I sighed and ran a hand over my head as I suddenly felt ancient. And exhausted. “Great,” I repeated weakly. “Any idea when you’re coming down?”

  “It’ll be a couple of weeks I think. I want to line up a few more agents to meet with to make the trip worthwhile. Who knows? Maybe it’ll be a one-way trip, and I’ll be sticking around.”

  “In your own place. You’re not living here long term.”

  “Right. Hey, I gotta go. I’ll let you know when I have details lined up. Thanks again, bro.”

  “You’re welcome. Talk to you later.”

  “Later.”

  I pressed the red button on my phone then set it down on my desk with a groan. I’d been so freaking proud of all the work my brother had done to get clean. So why this overwhelming sense of doom? His coming here felt like a mistake, but what could I do? It was his life and his decision.

  But maybe if Nix wanted to come to LA, he should have to do it all on his own. I wanted to call Rome and get his opinion, but the two of them weren’t exactly on the best of terms. Nix still had a lot to make up for with Rome.

  Although him being here could give him the opportunity to patch things up with Rome if the stars aligned and their visits lined up.

  I scrubbed a hand over my face. No doubt I was overthinking shit.

  My phone chirped. I looked over and saw an alert from my baby monitor app. Smiling, I thumbed the app open and heard my daughter’s babbling. Someone was up again. Despite the dim lighting, I could see Zoe still in bed, talking to her bunny.

  Everything else in my life might be a dumpster fire, but I would do anything for her.

  I stood up from my desk and was on my way to my office door when I heard another voice join Zoe’s.

  Briar.

  “Did you have a good nap?” Briar murmured, her voice low and calm.

  “Bunny!” Zoe squealed, holding her stuffed pet out to Briar.

  My heart stuttered in my chest. Zoe had accepted Briar in her life without a qualm. Like it was normal for someone she’d only seen twice before walking into her room.

  The guilt almost ate me alive. Her life had been so chaotic when it should be anything but. Thirteen nannies in the small time since her mom died. And that didn’t even include the chaos we’d been living in when Ariel had been here. I tried like hell to not remember those few months. I was just thankful that Zoe wouldn’t have to bury those memories—she’d never remember her selfish, greedy, irresponsible mother.

  “Are you hungry, peanut?” Briar asked on the video feed. “Or thirsty? Let’s get you some water and a snack, then see what fun we can get up to in the playroom.”

  Zoe babbled something then held out her arms for Briar to pick her up. I held my breath as I watched Briar easily picked up my daughter and carried her out of the room, asking Zoe about numbers as they went.

  Zoe needed normalcy. A calm and steady woman in her life. So far, all signals were pointing to Briar being that person.

  But I was afraid to let myself hope.

  I’d already been burned so many times before.

  Chapter Five

  Three days later

  Briar

  “So tell me! How’s it going?” Lyla’s mellow voice came from my speakerphone as I sat alone in a corner of the living room. “I usually give my clients at least a week before I check in, but I have to know. Are you liking it? How are you settling in?”

  I’d been reading an ebook on my phone after putting Zoe to bed. And now I had the whole house to myself, since King was out at a business dinner with his agent. I took it as a good sign.

  It’d only taken him three days to leave me alone with her.

  I cleared my throat. “It’s going good so far. I love Zoe. She’s so cute and smart. I swear she already knows more than a lot of my students when they arrive at preschool at the beginning of the year. And she’s not even two yet!”

  “I knew you were the perfect fit for this job. I swear I felt it in my bones when I read the specifics.” Lyla’s voice rang with self-satisfied pride. “But how are things with her father? Everything okay? Are you comfortable with the living arrangements?”

  “Are you kidding? My closet is bigger than my bedroom back home, and I have my own bathroom. The house is gorgeous, but it doesn’t exactly feel like home, you know? I’m very aware that I’m living in someone else’s house. Tonight’s the first night I’ve ventured out of my room during my down time, and that’s only because he’s not here.”

  “What about Kingston? Is he not making you feel at home? Is there…friction there? I thought he was a pretty nice, warm guy when I spoke to him.”

  He must’ve saved all his charm for other people. I sighed. “I haven’t really spent much time with Kingston. He’s around, but he hasn’t really talked with me much aside from Zoe’s schedule, security info, his schedule. He’s all about Zoe or busy with whatever. He doesn’t really talk.”

  “I’m sure that will just take time. After a few weeks it’ll feel like you’re a member of the family.”

  I seriously doubted I’d ever think of Kingston Grier as a member of my family.

  Sure, he was good looking. A movie star. And I’d been so nervous around him—at first. He was also kind of a dud when I talked to him. I’d met more charismatic wallpaper.

  But instead of letting all that unprofessionalism leak out—yes, Lyla was my bestie, but she was also technically my boss, which would put her in a weird place—I gave her a weak, “Uh-huh.”

  “I know it’s only been a few days, but you’ll get there. I really think this is the perfect job for you. Have you given any thought about when you’ll give notice to your school?”

  I laughed. “I’m only three days into this job, Lyla. I’m still on probation with Kingston and your company.”

  “I know, I know. I’m sorry. I’m just excited for you. And I like it when you acknowledge that I’m right. You giving your notice at your old job would be just one more tally mark in my column.”

  “You’re crazy.” I shook my head as I laughed. “But yes, you were right. I love the job, and so far, everything is great. Thank you for being so awesome and right.”

  “You’re very welcome.” Lyla laughed with me, then after a beat she sighed. “I’m guessing by your attitude you haven’t been on social media tonight.”

  And just like that, all the levity disappeared. Something not good was coming. “No.”

  “I think it would be best if you stayed off for the next few days. Until their posts fall out of your feed.”

  An icy feeling of doom clutched at my heart. I didn’t have to ask to know who she was talking about.

  “I’m sorry, Bri. I just don’t want you to see it and get hurt again. If it helps any, I didn’t get invited. I’m clearly Team Briar. But unfortunately, we have a few mutual friends who aren’t as loyal.”

  Tears burned my eyes as I whispered, “Yeah. Thanks, Ly.”

  “You know this will pass, right? I get that it’s still raw, but that asshole isn’t worth any more of your tears. And you’ll do so much better than him and his tiny, cheating pecker when you’re ready. You’ll see.”

  “Thanks, Ly.” I swiped at the tear rolling down my cheek. “You know I love you, right? You’re the best friend a girl could ever ask for.”

  “Love you too, Bri. Get some sleep and stay off social media. Don’t torture yourself.”

  “I’m going to bed now. ‘Night.”

  “’Night.”

  I pushed the red button on my screen, then swiped to the home screen.

  Where that icon mocked me.

  Nothing good would come of clicking on it.

  It would only make me feel bad and rip open old, barely healing wounds.

  And yet…

  My finger was tapping it before I’d consciously thought to do it.

  At first, my feed was the normal pictures of friends and family eating out, their cute pets, and even cuter kiddos. I was half convinced that Lyla had overreacted, blew something little way out of proportion.

  And then I saw it.

  A bunch of pictures from Danny and Shana’s gender reveal party. Danny’s hands on her burgeoning belly. The huge grin on his face as pink streamers rained down on them. The two of them kissing under a hail of pink confetti and bubbles.

  They were having a girl.

  A baby girl.

  The pain in my chest about crippled me. My phone dropped to the floor with a muffled thud, then my ears swam as I curled into myself. Everything I’d ever wanted was happening for them.

  Sobs racked my body as I gave into the pain.

  Why?

  Why wasn’t I the one feeling my baby kicking in my belly?

  Why couldn’t that be me?

  It would never be me.

  Never.

  God.

  It hurt so much.

  I cried for I don’t even know how long. Until my head and chest ached from my sobs.

  Until I didn’t have any tears left.

  I should’ve listened to Lyla. Knowing was so much worse than wondering.

  But I couldn’t sit out here all night crying on someone else’s couch. God, I didn’t even have my own couch.

  I used my shirt to mop up the mess streaming down my face, leaving smudges of mascara all over it. Not that I gave a damn. More than anything, I wanted a glass of wine the size of my head, but I was still responsible for a tiny human, so that was out of the question.

  I sat up, picked up my phone, and tried to gather enough energy to get off the couch and climb the mountain of stairs to my room. But I couldn’t. I just sat there and stared at my black phone screen. Part of me was glad I couldn’t still see the pictures, but it didn’t really matter—they were seared in my brain. When I closed my eyes, I could see that expression on Danny’s face. His hands on her round belly.

  The life that should’ve been mine.

  “Everything okay?” A deep voice asked above me.

  I jumped, and my phone went flying into the air.

  Straight at Kingston Grier’s body.

  He flinched as the phone bounced off his chest before it clattered to the floor for the second time tonight.

  I couldn’t bring myself to give a crap whether it was broken or not. At least that way I couldn’t torture myself with pictures of them.

  “Sorry.” I buried my face in my shirt again and wiped the mixture of tears, snot, and mascara off again. Or tried to. “Zoe is asleep. Has been for a few hours. I’m not drunk. I swear. Totally sober. Unfortunately.”

  I stood, shuffled over to grab my phone, and headed for the stairs without once looking at Kingston. I got all of two steps away when his hand grabbed mine, pulling me to a stop.

  “Are you okay?”

  I shook my head, still refusing to look at him. “Not even a little.”

  “Is there anything I can do?”

  “No,” I whispered. “It’s fine. I mean, I’ll be fine.”

  Kingston made a rough sound in the back of his throat. “I was married, remember? I know exactly what ‘fine’ means.”

  “Then you should know it’s best if you just leave me alone.”

  “I should. And yet…” He sighed.

  I finally looked up to find Kingston staring back at me with a concerned expression. Something about having all his focus on me did something to me. I didn’t want to think about it or examine it. I just needed to get upstairs and hole up in my borrowed bedroom. So I shrugged despite his hold on me. “Some wounds just take longer to heal.”

  “Believe me, I’ve been there. It’s kind of trite, but it does get better. It won’t always hurt this much.”

  “Thanks.” I took a shuddering breath and then my mouth opened and something I never should’ve said poured out. “How long did it take you to get over…”

  I closed my eyes and winced. Think before you speak, Briar. Think!

  Kingston let go of my hand and took a step away.

  The whole time, I was calling myself twelve kinds of moron. I opened my mouth to apologize.

  “I didn’t really keep track. But it was months. Almost a year, maybe. It helps to have something else to focus on and keep your mind off of…them. Definitely stay away from the press, or social media, in your case. Delete all that shit off your phone so you’re not tempted. Just keep pushing on and stay in the moment. Before you know it, you’ll be saying asshole who?”

  I choked. Legit swallowed wrong and choked. Then I had a huge coughing fit—my face no doubt a bright red. Kingston bent toward me, but I waved him off as I coughed.

  Finally, when I could breathe, I wiped the best kind of tears from my eyes. “I cannot believe you just said that.”

  “What? It’s true. Your ex has all the markings of an asshole. I should know—I work in Hollywood.”

  I smiled at his weak joke. Because it was sweet, and I still couldn’t believe we were talking. Who was this man in front of me? He couldn’t be the same man who had mostly communicated in grunts or to Zoe for the past three days.

  He dipped his head. “I’m going to turn in. I already locked up, so don’t worry about it.”

  “Thanks, Kingston. ‘Night.”

  “Goodnight, Briar.” He gave me a half smile then turned and headed for the stairs.

  Leaving me to stare in bewilderment after him. Who was that version of Kingston? I’d never met him before, but I could almost believe I’d be friends with him one day.

  * * *

  Despite our odd bonding moment, we were back to grunts and him only addressing Zoe as we sat at the table the next morning. The charming, relatable, and curiously vulnerable man from the night before was long gone. This morning Kingston had said exactly five words to me in an hour.

  I was keeping track.

  “Do you want some pancakes?”

  It took me a beat to realize he was talking to me. “Uh, yes. Please.”

  He grunted in response, and that was it.

  I turned back to Zoe and entertained her with a pot and some silverware. The hellacious noise so early in the morning was jarring, but I couldn’t resist the huge grin on her face when she first banged the spoon down.

  Speaking of things I couldn’t resist, I took another glance over Zoe’s head and watched Kingston cooking breakfast. He waved the spatula to some beat in his head as he stared at the pancakes cooking on the griddle. He was totally unguarded. Although I wondered if he would’ve sung if I wasn’t here. I would’ve loved to hear that.

  Because it definitely felt like he was being less than his usual self because of my presence. I was so confused. We’d totally had a bonding moment last night. I thought this morning would be different. That maybe we were on our way to being friends.

  But Kingston was back to being his usual grunting, potato personality self.

  I had to quickly school my expression as Kingston turned around with a heaping plate of pancakes in one hand and a tray of bacon in the other.

  He set them on the table, and I smoothly fixed Zoe’s plate as he dished his own. It was pretty easy to hide from someone who rarely even looked in your direction.

  We all ate in mostly contemplative silence—only interrupted by Zoe’s babble and occasional clank against the plate.

  Finally, Kingston jerked his chin at me. “I was thinking since you’re going to be working full out for the next few weeks you should take the next few days off.”

  “Oh. Okay.”

  “Adam was right—you’re a good fit. You get along great with Zoe, and I trust you. Take the next two days, and we’ll see you Sunday night. Maybe try to pop in before Zoe’s bedtime, so Monday morning won’t be as jarring for her.”

  “Okay. Wow. Thanks.” My cheeks heated at his matter-of-fact compliments. “And I will.”

  We finished breakfast in awkward silence—Kingston looking at his phone and occasionally urging food into Zoe’s mouth, and me trying and failing to not watch every move he made.

  When we finished, I gathered the dishes and loaded the dishwasher.

  Everything cleaned up, I turned and clutched my hands. I’d been given two days off, and I literally had nothing to do, nowhere to go. I guess I could go back home to my parents’ house? Capital L Loser. Ugh.

  But that reminded me.

  “Um, Kingston? Before I go, I wanted to run something by you.”

  He pulled Zoe out of the highchair then turned to face me. “Yeah?”

  “I was wondering if it would be okay if my parents could come by to visit, or maybe Zoe and I could go to their house?”

  His eyes narrowed and a muscle flexed in his jaw. After a few beats—and while waiting, sweat built up under my boobs—he finally spoke. “Let’s get one thing clear right now. I don’t want you driving anywhere with Zo. I have a car service with tactically trained drivers to take you where you need to go when you’re with her. But you’re not to take her anywhere without my prior approval. And as for your parents…”

  Zoe babbled something and grabbed Kingston’s collar in her tiny fist. “Bunny.”

  Almost like the reminder of his daughter’s presence calmed him slightly, Kingston sighed. “They can come here if I meet them, and they agree to sign an NDA.”

  “I get that you want to know who’s around your daughter, but an NDA? Really, Kingston? You won’t even be here. Besides, my parents won’t talk to reporters. They’re not like that.”

 

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