Coming ine box set, p.76
Coming in Hot: Rescue Me Box Set, page 76
So, why hadn’t he called any of his fuck buddies or went out to find new ones lately?
Why did he feel so numb?
No other woman would fill the void Jen’s death had carved into his life, so it wasn’t as if he was waiting for Mrs. Right. Or that he believed he’d still find his happily ever after. He had had his chance at that, but his selfishness had ruined it when it caused Jen’s death. He wouldn’t survive that kind of heartache again.
It was better to avoid relationships altogether. It was safer that way.
***
Late October in Northern California wasn’t as cold as crimson autumnal New England. Yet, it was chilly enough for locals to hunch their shoulders against the stubborn winds blowing from San Francisco Bay.
Leaving One World, where he volunteered and taught refugee kids, after another rewarding Wednesday afternoon, Drew drove home planning to have an early evening. He wouldn’t meet with his kindergarten class on the following morning, but nightmares had plagued him in the last weeks. A relaxing evening in front of the television binge-watching some nonsense shows could help put him in the right headspace to have a decent night’s sleep.
After a warm shower, he sat on the overstuffed black couch with a light snack on the coffee table in front of him and clicked on the first comedy show he found on the menu. When he finished his food, the episode was still halfway through, but he was already bored. Maybe his choice hadn’t been the wisest one. Why did he think he would enjoy watching a show that told the story of how a guy met his future wife? Worse still, the poor sap spent years chasing the love of his life just to keep missing her over and over. Drew knew how that story would end—in heartache, one way or the other.
He clicked the remote to turn the television off and hid his face in his hands. Elbows propped on his thighs, he balled his hands into fists and pressed them to his temples, then stared blankly ahead. The entertainment unit disappeared as his mind traveled back in time to the day he met Jennifer at a Halloween party. Snugged in a revealing Cat Woman costume, she was the most alluring creature in the place.
Drew couldn’t take his eyes off her. She gave him the cold shoulder that night and made him work hard for her phone number. She eventually gave him the information five seconds before she left the party with the group of friends she had come with.
He called and texted her regularly for over a month until she agreed to go out on a date. He thought she was playing hard to get because it was clear she was interested, but it sounded like she kept coming up with excuses not to meet with him. Eventually, he realized she was being cautious. It hadn’t been easy for her to raise Martin as a single mom and she had a whole system put in place to screen potential dates. He passed her tests with honors and the rest was history, as they say.
In another week or so it would be their anniversary and Drew was aware that was part of the reason for the nightmares. He had lost his parents around Halloween. When he met Jen, he thought that would change the meaning of that time of the year for him forever. And it had. While they were together, Halloween was less painful for Drew. After he lost Jen, it just added salt to the wound as those days brought sweet and sad memories to mind.
With a grunt, he quit lying to himself and unfolded from the couch. On his way out, he snatched a brown leather jacket that was hanging by the door and left his empty house. No amount of light comedy on television would improve his mood.
Making a right as he reached the sidewalk, Drew turned up the collar and zipped the jacket up, shoving his hands inside its deep pockets. His jeans didn’t offer enough protection against the cold wind, but he didn’t feel it. Too numb for that.
His long legs in hasty steps covered the two blocks to Finnegan’s in record time. Once inside the bar, he plopped himself on a stool at the counter and greeted the barkeep. “Hey, what’s up?”
“Hey, yourself. The usual?” asked the attractive blonde inserting a pint glass under the Guinness tap.
“Nope. Tequila. I need something stronger tonight.”
Gina Fox nodded and reached for a shot glass and filled it to the brim with a rich amber liquid. “Patrón Extra Añejo, only the best for you.” She winked.
He offered a lopsided smile and gulped down the shot throwing his head back. With a flourish, he tapped the glass back on the counter. “Hit me. I bet you were a cheerleader at school,” he commented as she poured the second round.
Gina shrugged. “High school and college.”
Drew grinned. “Called it. I’ve got an eye for these things.”
She shook her head and tipped it to her left where the other owner of Finnegan’s also tended to the busy bar. “Watch it, I’ve got a jealous girlfriend.”
He waved and winked at Marcia. “She knows I’m harmless.” He shrugged.
Gina’s pealing laughter caused Marcia to frown their way before retuning her attention to the cocktail she was mixing. “She also knows I’m bi. Just saying,” she whispered.
He shook his head and smiled. Since he discovered that bar, right after he moved into the new house, Drew and Gina had kept that banter going. It meant nothing to either of them other than making them both laugh. He could use some mirth tonight, as long as it came with a generous side order of Patrón.
He pointed to the empty glass. “Hit me.”
“I’d rather hit on you, but I’m open to new experiences,” a husky voice whispered in his ear as its owner sat on the empty stool on Drew’s left. Her breasts brushed his upper arm as she settled and a scent not too different from cotton candy enveloped him.
He eyeballed her at the same time she gave him a once-over, and her sultry green stare confirmed she meant each word she had just said. Her auburn curly hair reached her shoulders and framed a lovely round face sprinkled with freckles that covered her high cheek bones and the bridge of her small nose. He smiled and lifted an eyebrow, but didn’t say a word. Instead, he saluted her with the shot of tequila and bottomed it up.
Her catlike eyes remained glued to his every movement. When he didn’t speak, she added, “You rock the scruffy look. Thank goodness you didn’t go for the male bun thing, such a turn off, in my humble opinion.” She outstretched her hand in a greeting and began to say, “I’m…”
Drew held her hand, but cut her off, leaning into her and whispering in her ear. “I’d rather keep the mystery, if you don’t mind.”
He didn’t withdraw, waiting for her reply.
It came in a breathy whisper as her lips brushed his ear with a feathery touch. “Not at all.”
He nuzzled his cheek against her neck right under her ear. A telltale shiver shook her body and he smiled against her cheek. “Good. Your place or mine? I’m two blocks away, just so you know.”
Her fingers squeezed his thigh dangerously close to his crotch. “Yours.”
Good thing Drew ran a tab at Finnegan’s. Standing up and motioning for the lady to go first, he pointed at her empty cocktail glass on the counter beside the shot glass he had drained, catching Gina’s attention. “On me.”
She acknowledged him with a curt nod as she poured whiskey for a customer.
Once outside, his companion laced her arm around his and they walked in silence. Just another regular night for Drew Collins since Jen had perished in that fire. He would enjoy a couple of hours of steamy sex with a stranger he hoped never to meet again. Before morning came, he would go back to feeling hollow.
It felt a lot like limbo, but it was the only kind of life he knew.
Chapter Six
Bruna
The promenade along Beira Mar Norte Avenue in Florianópolis offered its users a stunning view of the bay that lay between the island where the city was located and the coast of Santa Catarina. The late spring sun sinking in the ocean behind the iconic Hercilio Luz bridge painted the water and sky in a kaleidoscope of colors from orange to purple to navy blue.
Bruna spotted an empty bench and sank on it, stretching her legs and crossing them at the ankles. She inhaled the salty air and closed her eyes feeling it cleansing her lungs. If only it were that easy to clean her mind and heart.
Her fingers searched and found the envelope she had tucked inside the deep pocket of her oversized hoodie sweatshirt. She patted the piece of paper as her eyes focused on Hercilio Luz bridge. Closed since the early nineties for security reasons, it had been built over a century ago and had rapidly become the city’s most famous landmark. The suspension bridge was the longest in Brazil and it reminded Bruna of San Francisco Bay Bridge. On the rare occasions she indulged in sightseeing while going to Stanford Med, San Francisco had been a favorite destination with the Bay Bridge, the Golden Gate, Fisherman’s Wharf, among other sites.
Her hand crushed the envelope as she felt like her mind ran in circles. She had called her friend Vanessa when she received the letter, but the darn woman was nowhere to be found. Probably after the next big scoop on Brazilian politicians. Bruna could have used her down to earth approach to life though. The invitation inside the envelope meant a unique opportunity for advancement in her practice, but it would also put her smack in the middle of the place she dreaded most in the world. At Stanford, she had been the happiest and the most miserable in her life and she didn’t know if she wanted to face the challenge of discovering if she had healed completely.
Breathing in deep and letting the air out in a long sigh, Bruna watched the seagulls picking food in the rocks nearby. If her former therapist was still alive, she could ask his input in the matter. Then she remembered how he had never told her what she should do and smiled to herself. He wouldn’t have given her the answer to her dilemma, but he had given her the tools to decide for herself.
Why the heck was she so hesitant?
Tristan’s image came to mind, but she shook her head and muttered to herself. She couldn’t pin that on him. For starters, they were not a couple. She had repeated that to herself a lot lately, but after his ex-girlfriend arrived and set him off track like that, Bruna had zero illusions about Tristan. He had come by and explained to her why Izzie had returned. His world had turned upside down with Izzie’s revelations, but Bruna thought he had made the right choice. She supported and even nudged him in that direction. She would be very unfair if she were to blame him for her hesitations. At thirty-five, she was old enough to make her decisions and own them.
She unfolded from the bench and turned around looking for a pedestrian crossing. The apartment building where she lived was half a block away. Strolling back home, she caressed the envelope one more time. The invitation to be part of a research team led by Stanford scholars was more than a dream come true. She would have access to cutting edge technology and information she could later offer to her patients and students in Brazil. The rippling effects alone of such an opportunity made her dizzy. Thanking the head of the committee who had invited her and packing for the trip should be a no-brainer, right? If only she could erase the bitter memories of her last year at Stanford.
Back at her apartment, after a relaxing bath, Bruna sat down to grade papers. She lost track of time and was surprised to find out it was almost one in the morning when the doorbell rang.
Tristan stood behind the door and she smiled when she looked through the peephole and watched him fidget with the plants in the vase by her door. Good thing he was uncomfortable. In the three weeks since their last conversation, he hadn’t sent as much as an emoji to let her know how he was doing and now he popped up at her door at one in the morning.
“Hey,” she greeted him as she opened the door.
“Sorry to call on you this late. I noticed your light was on; otherwise, I wouldn’t have. May I come in? It won’t take long. Promise.”
She gestured for him to follow her. “Why so formal? It’s me you’re talking to, T.”
Taking a chair facing Bruna’s spot on the couch, he blurted out, “You know my life turned on its head a couple of weeks ago with Izzie’s arrival. The doctors are running tests to determine if I’m a compatible donor. If so, I’ll go back to the United States for the surgery and should stay for a few months. I wanted to tell you that myself before you heard it from Noah or somebody else.”
“Considering I’m a regular at the bistro, thank you for the consideration. I do appreciate it. As for you donating a kidney, I knew you’d make the right decision. You might be Arthur’s only chance.” Izzie’s son needed a new kidney and apparently Tristan was the boy’s last hope. “I’m sure that will also bring you and Izzie close together again. Maybe you’ll finally forgive her?”
Bruna’s silly heart skipped a few beats as he hesitated to reply. Then her last hope flatlined.
“I never thought that would be possible after the way Izzie razed my life fifteen years ago. Over these past weeks, I’m beginning to change my mind.” He shrugged. “We’ll see how that plays out, though.”
Swallowing past the lump in her throat, Bruna smiled. “I’m sure you guys will patch things up.”
Tristan returned her smile with a broad grin, his dark-blue eyes sparkled with a light she didn’t remember ever seeing in them before. He shrugged again and stood up. “I’d better get going. Goodnight, beautiful.”
The endearment came out naturally and she knew he meant it; but, it hurt to think another woman made Tristan’s expression light up like a Christmas tree.
She walked him to the door. “I hope Izzie knows how lucky she is. You’re quite a catch.”
He cupped her cheek and kissed the other. “Right back at you. You’re one in a million. Hope you meet your better half soon. You deserve to be happy.”
With a last wave, he climbed the stairs and she closed the door, going back to her spot on the couch.
She wouldn’t be able to grade any more papers, so she closed the laptop, grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and headed out to the balcony. The cool ocean breeze welcomed her and she wrapped the silk robe tighter around her waist.
She wished Tristan the best, she really did. But, it would take time for her to heal. For the first time in ten years, she had considered having a man in her life for more than casual sex. The irony being she had chosen well. Tristan was the real deal. He had integrity, honesty and kindness.
Taking a swig from the bottle, she stared into the sky as she often did. Tristan’s words echoed in her mind. She did deserve to be happy. She had hidden behind casual relationships for so long, not much different from Tristan. That was one of the reasons they had been perfect for each other. If he had found his happily ever after, why couldn’t she?
Fascinated, she followed a shooting star as it crossed the darkness and seemed to dive in the ocean. Maybe the universe was telling her she should take the leap and look for a committed relationship. She would do so once she recovered from the heartache of losing her chance with Tristan.
Chapter Seven
Drew
Drew sat at the kitchen counter nursing a cup of coffee and watching the patterns the winter sun created on the stainless-steel surface of the refrigerator door. A golden glow that mocked his gloomy mood.
He dragged his eyes up to check the time on the kitchen clock. He didn’t need to be at One World, the non-profit organization where he volunteered on Wednesdays, until one in the afternoon.
Too much time to wallow in the memories. He’d better snap out of it.
He’d better review the activities he had planned for that day, so he powered the laptop on just to find out that due to an unscheduled update that could take several minutes he was shut out of the damn computer.
“Fuck!”
In his personal experience, several minutes often became an hour or more for that operational system to update. He groaned a few more colorful cuss words and let his head fall over the headrest of the couch. He had the class activities sorted out, that wasn’t the issue. He just wanted to focus on something other than Jennifer’s birthday.
Had she been alive, she would have turned thirty-six today. Her birthdays used to a big thing with her large family and circle of friends coming over the house for a couple of hours. The mix of cheer and sass that Jen balanced out so well made her the natural center of attention everywhere she went. People flocked to her like bees on honey. She also had an uncanny ability to maintain friendships for the long haul. She had kept in touch with elementary school classmates. Who the fuck did that? Drew certainly did not. Jen was the perfect counterpart to his snarky, often broody nature.
Self-pity wasn’t going to improve his disposition, so Drew forced himself to get up and find something to do with his time. The stroll down memory lane would only put him in a lousier mood, worse than the one he had worked himself into since Halloween.
As he put on his jogging gear, he pondered not for the first time that he hadn’t been himself of late. He had barely visited Finnegan’s or any other bar for that matter. He hadn’t felt the urge to hook up with any women he knew and certainly not random ladies he would pick up for a one-night stand.
He was numb.
He felt nothing.
“Not true,” he muttered as he closed the front door and jogged to the park.
He felt hollow.
The void inside him, as a gaping wound, sucked whatever little happiness he managed to get from things. Like his interactions with the kids at One World. That emptiness inside was stealing the joy he used to get from helping them.
Even though he was aware he was helping people at probably their most vulnerable, he resented not being a firefighter anymore. For the most part, his students were children struggling to fit in a new-to-them society, learn the rules as they learned the language. They experienced discrimination and prejudice with a potential to taint them forever. That was true for his students at One World and at the regular schools where he worked.
