If someone was able to take a peek inside his head, they would be shocked. It had to be every single coherent thought was now its own little minion in his head, screaming frantically and running around with their hands up in the air. Oh, and the imaginary floor in his mind was swallowing them whole like a bad case of hungry, hungry hippos. Every time they took a bite – then they were on fire… while spitting fire. There was item after item, thought after thought, popping up in his brain randomly… like little flames dancing. Yeah, every thought in his head was literally screaming… with lots of mental fires to put out.

  Not. Good.

  “So… hey,” Colton said numbly as they stood there looking at each other, shutting the front door. “You’ve got a kid now.” He could practically see her face shutter in that second as she took a deep breath and started to crumble before him. “I didn’t mean anything bad, but rather, I’m acknowledging there is a short male version of… um, yeah… well, me, right there in your arms.”

  “His name is Zane.”

  “Zannnneee…?” he drawled expectantly, waving his hand. “Zane what?”

  “Zane Fischer Landry…” she whispered, looking away.

  “Oh.”

  He nearly doubled over at the immense cramp that hit his gut at that moment as he realized she didn’t put him on the birth certificate. Did she hate him so very much? If so, then why was she here?

  “Who’s… ah,” he cleared his throat and hesitated. “I bet you’re cold and him, too. Um, do you want to borrow a shirt, or do you have stuff in your car that you need me to get?”

  “Colton, my apartment burned to the ground yesterday,” she began in a warbling voice that told him she was really close to bawling hysterically.

  He nodded, stepping forward awkwardly, and hugged her lightly. It was like hugging a corpse – cold and stiff because neither ended things on good terms. It wasn’t like she was running here to resolve things. She’d just had her life turned upside down and had nowhere to turn to – and flinched again.

  He was convenient.

  She was desperate.

  “Sorry,” he apologized immediately and looked at Zane, unsure what to say or do around a kid. “How old…?”

  “Three.”

  He nodded. Yep. That was his child because it would be four years since she broke his heart on April 1st. He’d been the biggest fool, and that was a reminder every single year.

  “Let me get you a T-shirt and some running pants. Um, can I get him a shirt or something… I mean, he’s gonna be swimming in it,” Colton chuckled nervously, looking at the boy.

  “Please,” she whispered.

  “Do you want something to drink or eat? Is he hungry?”

  “I think we’re just exhausted, and I really don’t need my sunroof dripping on me when I sleep,” she said quietly. “Look, if I’m bothering you – I could just borrow your dryer or…”

  “You’re not bothering me,” he replied. “Make yourself at home and let me have your car keys. I’ll pull it into the garage so you don’t have a small lake inside your vehicle.”

  Surprisingly, she handed him her car keys and whispered, ‘thank you’ before sitting down on the edge of the couch… and then standing up again nervously. She was antsy and he couldn’t blame her either. She was about to have to deal with this one way or another - with him.

  He disappeared into his bedroom and winced at the mess where he’d kicked his clothes near the hamper. His closet door was open, revealing his shoes just tossed inside. Grabbing two T-shirts and a pair of pants for her, he returned to the living room to see her yawning.

  “Eris, go change…” he said quietly, pointing at the bedroom. “Go change and lie down with Zane.”

  “I’ll take the couch,” she replied nervously, glancing at him in surprise.

  “I can take the couch if it bothers you, but we’re adults, and it’s nearly two in the morning. I’m exhausted. We’ve got a lot to talk about, and the world’s best contraception is sleeping between us.”

  “That’s why I didn’t tell you,” she snapped, frustration lacing her words and immediately protective.

  “I’m talking about him watching,” he hissed, reacting to her tone. “Quit assuming the worst about me. I just want to sleep for a bit and then guzzle a pot of coffee in the morning while we eat and talk. Okay?”

  To his relief, Eris nodded and looked away, reaching for the clothing.

  “Nothing is childproofed, so please watch him,” he warned… “I’ll be right back.”

  “Colton?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Thank you – for everything.”

  He nodded and yanked open the front door, grimacing at the cold rain pelting down. There were soggy puddles in the yard that he could easily see with the flashes of lightning in the distance. What a miserable evening. A soggy bone-chilling downpour and a heck of a surprise, multiplied by two, he thought as he ran barefoot across the grass. Quickly darting into her little car, he winced as he sat in a very wet driver’s seat that squished audibly under his butt cheek.

  “Ughhh…”

  Starting her car, he saw that her airbag light turned on, and she was almost out of gas. Flipping on the wipers, he couldn’t help but let out a nervous laugh as the driver’s side wiper arm moved but the passenger side didn’t.

  “Jeez, Eris… you seriously need someone to take care of you,” he muttered and then surprisingly realized he was glad she’d turned to him. Yeah, it might not be the greatest hello or reunion, but at least there was a chance to talk about things.

  “And I have a son?” he whispered aloud to himself, pulling into the driveway around his truck and into the garage before turning off the car. Yep. They were going to have a very long talk tomorrow – and he wanted that birth certificate corrected immediately.

  “Zane Fischer… Fischer? She gave him my surname as his middle name? Yeahhhh, we’ve gotta fix that too,” he chuckled, getting out of the car and pulling his sopping wet shorts from his cheek where they stuck to him.

  Lots of things were about to get corrected.

  6

  ERIS

  Eris hated the way her hands were trembling as she changed Zane quickly into one of Colton’s shirts – and the guy was right – her son was swimming in the material and giggling.

  “Bwankie?”

  “No, it’s not a blankie,” she whispered, rushing and changing while he was moving her car into the garage. That was a sweet gesture from him that was quite unexpected. He was trying to prevent more damage from the water intrusion and taking them in for the night calmly.

  She had honestly expected him to flip out, yell or get angry, or demand for them to talk immediately; yet he was concerned about their comfort. Her head popped up hearing the door close in the distance and then hearing the garage door rumbling softly, indicating it was closing behind him.

  Like a deer in headlights, she froze, waiting, and remained where she was until she heard Colton humming quietly in the kitchen, shutting the microwave door and warming up something. Looking at Zane where he was swallowed by the t-shirt, she scooped him up.

  “C’mon, little man,” she whispered sweetly, kissing him on the temple and listening to him question her.

  “Was dis pwace, Mama?”

  “A friend’s house,” she whispered back, kissing him once more as she opened the bedroom door and peered out.

  “Hungry?” Colton said simply with his back to her in the distance. “I’m not good with kids, but I saw he had a few teeth. Can he have some cheese toast or something? We’ll need to get something better for him…”

  “Toast? I wike toast,” Zane volunteered before she could say anything, causing Colton to toss her an easy look as he grinned at the little boy.

  “I like toast, too. In fact, I think I’m going to have some with you before I go back to bed. Is that okay?”

  “So’kay,” her son answered – and stuck out his fist with his pointer finger sticking out.

  “Like this, buddy,” Eris volunteered, holding up her own thumbs up and heard Colton chuckle again, looking at him. The man looked a little intimidated and completely fascinated as he stared at them, and she swallowed in awareness.

  This was the same man who ran into burning houses because he liked the thrill of it? His face used to light up with excitement when he would talk about how a particular call went. It was always ‘the fire’ and never referred to it as ‘the house’ because he had to keep that separated in his mind, whether he realized it or not.

  “Eris, do you want some toast with Cheez Whiz spread on it, too?” he asked easily. “It’s a good thing I ran to the grocery store last night. My last loaf of bread molded because I didn’t eat it fast enough. Zane, do you like raspberries?”

  Her son’s face scrunched up at the word, and he looked at her curiously.

  “Berries are expensive,” she whispered, feeling ashamed. They were horrifically expensive now, and she could get an entire jar of preserves or a package of baby wipes for the same price or less.

  “Ah,” Colton acknowledged and nodded. “Yeah, they are – and they go bad quickly, but they’re my favorite. I bought a package yesterday and thought you both might like some on your plate. It’s not a healthy meal, but filling.”

  “You don’t have to explain,” she replied quietly, still feeling weirdly out of place and nervous, waiting for the ‘why didn’t you tell me’ comments that were sure to come eventually.

  “I figured one of us should…”

  And there it was, she thought, flinching.

  “Maybe we can go to the store in the morning together and…”

  “I needed a safe place for us to sleep that was dry,” Eris said candidly, feeling like she was being criticized for that single statement said so quietly by Colton. “Don’t mistake this for something else.”

  He walked over with two plates and set them down on the small table beside her before meeting her eyes – hard.

  “We’re going to talk about this,” Colton began quietly. “I think this talk is about four years overdue, and I don’t want to argue right now. Let’s eat something, get some sleep, and we can discuss this tomorrow like adults.”

  “There’s nothing to discuss.”

  Colton’s whole face frowned as he pressed his lips together and scrunched up his nose – almost in the adult version of Zane, pointing at the child silently, and she practically heard his unspoken retort.

  Zane? You had a baby, remember?!

  Just seeing that look she knew so well, realizing just how similar they were, and how much he was trying to keep calm about it, well, it really hit home. He could have yelled, flipped his lid, started snapping at her – like the old Colton she once knew but life had obviously changed them both.

  “You’re right,” she sighed, putting Zane in the wooden chair, realizing that none of them really matched around the round table. There were four different wooden chairs, and she smiled sadly. Classic Colton, she mused, so long as it functioned, it worked – just like his truck.

  “I’m right?”

  The surprise in his voice caused her to look up at him. Had she once been so hardheaded about things? He looked so shocked standing there that she rolled her eyes, unsure how to respond or if she needed to say something about it.

  “Zane, be careful in the chair and chew slowly,” she instructed, but her son was already picking up one of the raspberries and staring at it in awe. It was perched on his finger and, not a second later, in his mouth.

  “Mmmm is good, Mama…”

  Colton sat down on the other side of Zane, her son, watching him as he shoveled another mauled raspberry into his mouth. Watching the two of them really hit her in the gut because it was so glaringly obvious seeing them together.

  “They’re good,” Colton said softly. “Aren’t they, buddy?”

  Her son must really like the raspberries, she mused, holding back a smile. Usually, Zane would ask her if she wanted a ‘bite’ – but instead, he was devouring the small pile of berries in record time. Not a second later, she looked up to see Colton’s eyes on her.

  “Eat, Eris,” he invited quietly, and she nodded, picking up her slice of toast.

  It was so weird to think of them like this, and it felt almost familial to have the three of them here, together. Colton seemed so fascinated with Zane. He was currently rolling a few raspberries off the edge of his plate onto Zane’s – making her son chuckle as he picked them up and held them for inspection before popping them in his mouth with a happy sound of contentment.

  She didn’t want to think of him like this because she’d held onto that particular night in her mind for so long. Each word was a dagger to her soul. The one time that things had gotten so far out of control and she’d given in, despite her wanting to wait for marriage. He’d been so sweet, so loving, having asked her, ‘are you sure’ at least twenty times… only to have it all fall apart not seconds afterward.

  Colton had jumped out of the bed and away from her, cursing angrily as he ran from the bedroom. His words echoed off the bathroom walls, embedding themselves like daggers in her mind.

  The condom broke?! Oh my gosh! This can’t be happening to me! I can’t be some kid’s daddy. I don’t even want kids. What am I gonna do? She’s gonna flip out. Heck, I’m flipping out! I don’t wanna get married yet or deal with any of this.

  Oh yes, each word hurt – especially the unspoken ones. Eris had shared of herself, thought it was something beyond beautiful between them… yet he leaped away from her like she was some monster. She felt such shame lying there, feeling used and betrayed. Those moments when he was in the bathroom alone, having his little mental freakout… she had been having her own.

  He doesn’t love me? He lied to me just to be able to fool around and sleep with me? We should have talked about things like this if we were in a true relationship and now – after all of this - I’m finding out that he doesn’t want to get married? He doesn’t want children in his future, and I do. What happens now? What if we made a baby? What am I going to do? Why is he being like this?

  Colton had exited the bathroom, looking like a ghost with a towel wrapped around his hips – and she immediately gathered the sheet to her, covering herself from him.

  “You should go,” he’d said hoarsely, nearly in tears. “I need to think and be alone.”

  Eris had dressed quickly, feeling such regret, shame, disappointment, and betrayal at his words. He hadn’t even thought of her or her feelings at that moment. No, he’d been concerned with what would happen to him. In that moment, her life and mindset changed immediately.

  Colton didn’t call her for almost two weeks. When he finally did, she ignored it. She was upset, angry, hurt, and then she missed her period. He’d shown up at her work, asking her bluntly if she was pregnant – and she lied.

  She lied directly to his face.

  “No,” she’d told him – and saw the relief on his face combined with a fervently whispered ‘Thank you, God’ that hurt so much.

  “I’ll call you later when I get off work at the station,” he volunteered, looking like his old self… but she wasn’t the same. No, she was indeed pregnant and had scheduled her first checkup during her lunch break, not two hours earlier.

  When he left, she stood there silently watching him. She needed space, distance, and a fresh start because while he might have given up on being a part of her life when things got tough, she was about to buckle down and deal with things like an adult.

  No, she wasn’t the same girl that would follow him adoringly because having witnessed him at his worst had given her new insight into their relationship – or lack thereof.

  A pregnancy was not something she could hide – and not something he wanted. She had lied to him to protect him, to give him a sense of relief while taking the unknown burden on herself. If he didn’t want a child or children in his future, and she did. She’d just been gifted one by the man who owned her heart and always would, no matter how much she didn’t like him at that moment.

  At twenty-four years old, she had been an adult and made decisions that affected her life and her future and would deal with them… however at twenty-five, Colton had not been mature in the slightest – and that much was evident now.

  The man before her did not act nor react the same. He was looking at her son, her son, with avid curiosity and wonder as they played with their food together… and saw the differences in his eyes, his face from years ago. But that jaded young woman kept whispering in the back of her mind...

  How long is it going to take to see Colton at his worst once again?

  Getting up, Eris picked up the kitchen rag draped over the faucet over the sink and wet it, wiping down Zane’s face and fingers with practiced ease. Colton stood up immediately, getting the plates and joining her in the kitchen, and she sighed despondently.

  Colton had left a toddler alone in the kitchen chair and didn’t even realize that he could fall. He didn’t know. He hadn’t learned over the years, and it was just another sign that things were broken. Biting her tongue, she immediately dropped the rag to get Zane as he was already trying to stand up in the seat, the T-shirt tucked under his foot.

  “Mama, Mama…” he whimpered, immediately leaning onto her shoulder, completely ‘tuckered out’ like her mother used to say when she was a little girl. It was funny how often she thought of her mom, wishing she could be here to meet Zane, and how many questions she had about raising a child. Life seemed so unfair sometimes – and so fragile. One day, you are rushing to work and then never come home again. Reality was a cruel mistress and her outlook had changed so much over the last few years.

  “I’ll clean this up in the morning,” she offered nervously, feeling completely out of place. “I need to get Zane down for bed and…”

  “We’re all going,” he interrupted. “I’m beat, too. We have a big day tomorrow.”

 

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