Writings on the wall, p.25
Writings on the Wall, page 25
part #1 of Writings on the Wall Series
Everyone laughs along with her.
“Anyways, we sat there together over twelve slices of a meat lovers’ deep dish pizza and before I could spit it out, he said, ‘is it a boy or a girl?’” She begins to choke up, her glistening green eyes becoming clouded. “He—he was a wizard, man. And I looked at him. And I said—I said, ‘who knows, but I am so happy.’ And he got up and he gave me the biggest hug I’ve ever experienced. And he said, ‘no matter what it is I know in my heart that that baby will experience the love of a thousand parents from just you.’ He didn’t care about the conditions or even the father. He just trusted me. I got the news that he didn’t have much time a bit after that. I want you all to know that if it’s a boy I will be naming him after the beautiful man we all got to experience. The man that guided me and made sure I had a clear path.”
The silence after Savannah steps back from the stand isn’t a scary one. Instead, it’s comforting. My index finger pats under my eye as a warm liquid sits there. Shit, shit. I cannot be sympathizing with Savannah right now. She and Jerrica entangle themselves in a long hug as the audience rises and begins to cry or hug one another. I stand there awkwardly while everyone makes movements around the church.
My eyes locate Jerrica, and I know there’s no way I can talk to her without Savannah. But maybe, I should say hi to her at least. It’s been years, right? There’s a glow about her that’s brand new; maybe she’s okay now. My tiny feet quickly pass through the crowd of people. I have to get to her before anyone else does, or else I’d be waiting in a mile long line.
“Arlissa!” Jerrica calls out as her eyes watch me peel from the crowd.
A small smile graces my face while I hold the brunette’s hand. “Hi. I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you. Savannah, you met Lissa, right? My memory is shit these days.”
The question makes my heart skip but Savannah’s seemingly genuine smile calms it back down. “Don’t worry about it, love. You’ve gone through a lot. It’s nice to see you again, Arlissa.”
Huh? How? “You, too. Jerrica—”
“Jerrica!” her mom calls, waving from the far end of the church.
“I’ll be right back. Savannah, keep her company please.” Before I can even blink Jerrica is lost in a sea of black attire.
“So . . . congratulations. You’re pregnant, that’s amazing.”
“Yes, thank you. How are you?”
“I’m . . . amazing.” I’m lying and somehow I feel like she can tell.
The green-eyed beauty lets out a deep sigh before smiling at me again. “I want to apologize.”
“Huh?”
“I just, I want to apologize.”
“For what?”
“What a broad question. Just know I’m sorry.” She lets out a soft giggle. “Have an amazing life, Arlissa. Remember you deserve that.” She gives me a slight nod before leaning in to kiss me on the cheek and walking away. The whole thing is so cryptic, and I’m left standing alone.
My thoughts eat me up for the rest of the day. Whether it’s going over the funeral speeches in my head or what Savannah had said, I know I needed to hear it all. But I also come to the conclusion that it making sense of it all won’t happen today.
Fifty
“MAKE SURE YOU go and grab your first week free trial with the code ‘Lissaxo’ because you will not regret it! Love you!”
My finger releases the record button before I step back into the condo from the balcony. Work these days seems to be getting easier and easier. I can wear pajama pants and a nice top to promote some product to my willing and eager social media followers. And I can also stay out of away events that might remind me of my hospital visit. Working from home, something we all should do. A knock on the door takes me out of my zone as I quickly save the video into my gallery and head to the huge entrance.
“Who is it?” I call out as my brain scans the possibilities.
Xavier’s voice transfers through the thick metal to my ears. “Open up!”
Brow furrowed in confusion, I swing the door open to my boyfriend bent over something small and furry. “Is that a mouse? What the hell, X?”
He lets out a laugh before fully showcasing the animal that can practically fit in his hand. “I got you something. A friend of mine just got some puppies and I thought . . . my girl would literally eat this shit up.”
I stand there caught off guard trying to understand what the hell is going on. Sobriety had put him in a mood lately, but things might be looking up. “That’s . . . that was your exact thought process?”
He chuckles again before attempting to slowly put the puppy in my palms. “Yes. Plus, I know you had that funeral shit, so I just wanted to see you smile.”
The small animal melts into my touch. I can’t help but pout. “He’s absolutely precious,” I whine while Xavier brings in some shopping bags and shuts the door.
“He’s a she.”
I focus on the tan fur and huge black eyes that are barely opening. “Oh. Well, I’ll name her . . . Dixie.”
The warmth of Xavier’s embrace overcomes me as his arms slowly wrap around my waist. “Well, Dixie. Welcome home. We’re your parents.”
I freeze up like a child who just walked in on their parents wrapping Christmas gifts. I pushed the idea of moving any further with Xavier out of my mind a long time ago. We moved in together, I’m nowhere near my thirties, there’s no need to rush. Aly and Greyson have their own thing going, and I swear I’m okay with that. Those two are going to have a baby by next week, and that’s okay. She’s meant to have it all—the family and the career. Xavier and I aren’t. Well, there were times where I’d fall asleep to the idea of us parenting a girl or a boy—or both. But that’s it.
Hm, if Savannah can have it, why can’t you?
“Parents, huh?”
He plants a quick kiss on my neck before backing up off of me. “Yeah, dog parents.”
Rolling my eyes, I turn to him while also keeping Dixie close to my chest. “Right.”
Xavier raises a brow before shaking his head. “Right. Anyways, I got something else.”
“Oh, what is it?”
The man’s large hands ruffles through his bookbag for a few minutes and still, all I can think of is the idea of us being parents. “Guess who is the new face of Nike?”
“Oh my God, you!”
“This calls for a motherfuckin’ celebration.”
“Are you serious? That’s fucking awesome, Xavier!”
He pulls out two small green pills in a Ziploc bag. “With these.”
“Xavier . . . ”
“Come on! We’re finally getting over all the drama. Let’s do it.”
“Fine. But Dixie gets put safely in our room first.”
“This is your world, princess, I’m just living in it.”
“Did you buy her anything?”
“Oh, shit. Yeah. I walked into a Petco and went fucking wild, those two bags over there are hers.”
“Petco?”
He laughs, “Petco, where the pets go!”
I bend over and slip my wrist through the handles and head back to the bedroom. Dixie has a cute pink bed that’s so small I’m convinced she can sleep on the TV stand. He also got her some toys, a bottle, and soft food. After everything is set up and she’s safe and sound, I shut the door and head back to the living room where Xavier awaits.
We get as high as we used to over the course of the last few years. We’d take a pill, he’d probably take more than just that and a few shots to chase it down. My heart pounds out of my chest for the first five minutes, but one tablet of molly shouldn’t kill me, right?
Last time was just a super bad trip. This is going to be different, Arlissa.
Xavier keeps himself composed for the most part but he’s so out of it he can’t tell that I’m losing my mind. Taking several deep breaths, the drugs finally take their toll on me, and I can calm my spirits. My body lays lazily on that marble floor, hair sprawled out every which way. Xavier joins me, intertwining his long fingers with mine as we both take in the infinite white space that’s our ceiling.
“All right, everybody! Great shoot! Let’s wrap it up and get home to our couches.”
“Or our families!” one of the stylists shouts.
There’s a roar of laughter as I tiptoe over to the photographer. “Hey, can I see those last two shots?” I inquire, adjusting my annoying blue top.
“Yeah, no problem.” Her slim fingers click through the photos as my eyes follow. One with my head down, one with my head up, one straight ahead. I glare at the one straight ahead—Jesus, my cheeks have gotten fat. I need to lose weight, and I need to do it now.
“Uh, can we use the other angles, not the straight-ahead ones? That won’t be a problem, right?”
“Yeah, I’m sure that would be cool.”
“Okay, thank you so much. You did amazing today, by the way.” I flash the woman a smile before skipping off to Holly, who’s standing casually with my boyfriend.
Her smile expands as I approach the two. “Hey superstar, why the long face?”
“How long until the next shoot?”
“Right, about that.”
I’m half focused, trying to gather my things. “Go on.”
“I mean, since you asked, I guess I can tell you now.”
“Holls, you’re giving me an anxiety attack here. When is it?”
Xavier smirks. “Go on, tell her.”
“No, no. You did all the heavy lifting. You tell her.”
“Vogue. Right after my birthday.”
“You must have said rogue because I—”
“I got you a Vogue shoot. British Vogue, but I like them better anyways.”
I rest my hand on my chest in a desperate attempt to stop my heart from falling onto the floor. “Oh . . . Oh my God.”
Holly gasps, placing her hand on my shoulder, “What? What’s wrong? Why are you not smiling?”
After a couple deep breaths, I try my best to give him the best smile I can muster. “Thank you, thank you so much—both of you.”
Xavier wraps his arms around me and immediately my entire being calms. “Of course, baby.”
“There’s a tiny issue, though.”
His hazel eyes look down at me. “Okay.”
“I need to lose weight ,and I need to do it now. Or else I’m gonna lose my fucking marbles.”
“I got you.”
Holly raises a brow. “No, no. I don’t need her on an athlete’s diet, Amari.”
He chuckles before shaking his head. “I promise she won’t be.”
Fifty-One
“HEAD DOWN. SQUEEZE my hand if anything, okay? Be cool.”
I nod, adjusting my yellow leather dress as the limo driver parks in front of the club. Xavier is turning twenty-four tonight, and I’m one hundred percent positive I’m more excited than he is. “This isn’t my first rodeo.”
When the limousine comes to a complete stop, he waits a few seconds for the driver to open the door, then slides out of the car with his head down and pulls me behind him. I follow the instructions, head down, and squeeze his hand like someone is trying to kidnap me. Paparazzi have a habit of getting too close if you engage with them in the slightest way. So, the best we can do is act like they aren’t there and speed walk into the nightclub.
“Amari,” Xavier says to the bouncer before he quickly lets us in. Next, we head up to VIP before anyone else knows we’re there. Of course people noticed, but if you walk fast enough they might be too intimidated to speak. Plus, we always make sure our security is present whenever we’re around a ton of people. Xavier rented the whole upstairs section of the biggest nightclub in California. All of his friends are coming and some of mine as well. Yet, this only left one question lingering in my mind.
I stretch upward so that I can whisper in his ear as we get comfortable in our booth. “Xavier?”
“What’s up?”
“Who all is gonna be here?”
“You know, everybody.”
“Max, Gregory, Ellie . . . ” I pause, wondering if I should mention her name at all. “Willow?”
“Yeah, all of them. Why, what’s up?”
I’m fucking starving since Xavier’s idea of a fast diet was one meal a day and a lot of cocaine. Sure, my energy is through the roof, but the last thing I have time for is the girl who gets way too giggly around Xavier and tries to take him away with corny remember-the-time commentary. “No reason.”
“Cool, because I’m just trying to have a good time tonight. Stay in your lane, yeah?”
“Yes, sir. You’re the boss.”
An instant wave of annoyance fills my system; I definitely need a drink now. My eyes remain glued to the entrance. If she’s coming in, I have to make sure I have a thirty-second notice at least. With every person who enters and high-fives Xavier or offers me an awkward side hug, I take a shot. I’m about eight shots in before my eyeballs practically jump out of my head. There she is. She looks so tiny down there as she happily waves to everyone on the ground floor while making her way through the club. Her normally curly hair is now straightened for the occasion. Great, we practically have the same hairstyle. She’s wearing an all-black dress with just enough cleavage to catch Xavier’s attention. With every step Willow takes up the stairs, I take another sip out of my glass.
Once Willow arrives in Xavier’s sights, I feel a gush of air as he rushes past me and wraps her in those huge arms of his. I hate it. Those hugs are meant for me, and me only. I know, they’re friends. That’s what Xavier says but it still doesn’t feel right. Their chemistry is undeniable, and it is driving me crazy. I’ve spent the last two years being a “cool” girlfriend. Trying my best to be the total opposite of Savannah. But good God, I cannot take the way he lights up whenever she’s in the room. Why the hell isn’t he letting go of her? I slam my glass down onto the table, the sound masked by the unbearably loud music, and take fast-paced steps over to them. Maybe it’s the intense amount of alcohol in my system, or it’s the cocaine we snorted in the limo. But something’s giving me the confidence to nip this situation in the bud once and for all.
You will not end up like Savannah.
“I’m so glad you could make it, man!”
“Anything for you, X.”
I roll my eyes before tapping him on his shoulder. “Babe, I think Travis needs you. He was just saying he had something for you in his car, I think. Might want to go check that out.”
Xavier releases his grip on the small woman and nods. “Shit, yeah. Let me go take care of that. You two have fun. Drinks on me! I’ll be back.”
Just like that, it’s Willow and me. “Nice party, huh?”
I nod and hesitantly rub the side of my neck. “Yeah, I organized the whole thing for him. It is his birthday after all.”
“Technically it’s tomorrow.”
My eyes practically roll to the back of my head. “Okay, Willow. What’s the deal with you?”
The words that slide out of my lips catch her off guard as she looks at me in shock. “What are you talking about?”
“You and Xavier!” I scope my surroundings once I realize my voice is getting a bit too high. “Why are you guys so close?”
“Look, I’ve known Xavier since we were kids. We held hands in, like, second grade, but girl, I am nothing to worry about.”
“Somehow I don’t believe that,” I snap.
“Well, you should. I’m not even into guys.”
I facepalm right in front of her in order to hide the bright red my cheeks are turning. “You’re kidding.”
“No, not at all. Xavier’s just a really good friend of mine, okay? I’m into chicks. Don’t worry. He’s all about you as far as I’m concerned.”
“I’m so, so sorry. I . . . I’ve just been under a lot of stress these days.”
She places a hand on my shoulder. “You’re too pretty to be stressed about anything. It’s a party, enjoy it. And maybe grab a cracker or something. You look out of it.”
Willow flashes a cheeky smile before walking past me and beginning to engage with the other guests. And just like clockwork, the birthday boy comes back up the stairs. “What’d I miss?”
“Nothing,” I quickly respond, wrapping my arm around my waist. “I just love you. Now can we enjoy your night?”
“Fuck, yeah, we can.”
My worries about Willow wash away as we enjoy the rest of the night. There’s no reason not to trust him. History isn’t going to repeat itself because I’m so much better than Savannah ever will be.
We dance on top of tables, blow out the candles on his giant birthday cake, take blurry Polaroids, and spill champagne everywhere. If anyone can throw a party where people attempt to spend the night on the floor of a dirty nightclub, it’d be Xavier.
Fifty-Two
VOGUE. I CAN now say that I posed for Vogue. My mother has been calling me all morning and demanding that I get the images blown up so she can hang them in the living room. This feels good; better than sex, maybe. I adjust my sunglasses on top of my head as my excited hands fumble with the door knob. Once that reassuring click fills my ears, I quickly push it open to reveal Xavier sprawled out lazily on the couch.
“You’re home!” we both exclaim in unison as he jumps up.
“I thought you’d be at the gym.”
He walks toward me and places a quick kiss on my lips. “I couldn’t focus.”
I raise a brow, wanting to be concerned, but the smile plastered on his face says otherwise. “Well! I’m just—I’m so happy! Like, over the moon happy! That whole shoot was amazing. I can’t wait for you to see the shots and, ugh, the snack table? Let’s talk about it. It’s only up from here, though. And you’re right, I couldn’t have done it without you. Speaking of, we need to go to the UK now. Next vacation, maybe? How come we haven’t done that yet?”
