Dungeon master, p.6
Dungeon Master, page 6
“Oh my God, Cyana.” Esther scrunched in her seat, covering her face with her hands. “Can’t we talk about the therapy now and the sex later? After I’ve had a few more drinks, and we’re not in public?”
“Fine,” Cyana sighed, then made a happy humming noise when she took her first bite of steak. Leah knew how she felt. The shrimp and grits were perfectly cooked, practically melting on her tongue. Damn, she’d needed this. “Are you going to go to therapy with him?”
“Do you think I should?” Leah had to admit she was tempted. Seriously… Gavin in therapy? It felt like something she should witness firsthand. On the other hand, she still had a lot of resentment built up from when she’d been the one trying to get him to go with her. “I mean, he had his chance, years ago, and didn’t want it then. Why should I jump just because he finally decided to get on board?”
“I guess it depends on what you want,” Cyana said thoughtfully. “If you want a second chance at a relationship with him—a real one, not the act-that-shall-not-be-named-in-public thing you’ve been doing for the past few years.” Esther scowled at her, but Cyana ignored it and kept going. “Then you might have to accept he was just very, very, very slow on the uptake.”
“Better late than never?” Esther quipped. They all laughed, but Leah still felt unsettled.
“Is it, though?” she asked, making the other two laugh again. She was only half-joking. They were right. The real question… was it too late?
Gavin
The Outlands was hopping, as it always was on a Friday night. Leather and lace, sex and seduction, the sounds of pain and pleasure all intermingling. Unfortunately, he couldn’t enjoy it the way he normally did, when all he could think about was Leah and grit his teeth in frustration that she wasn’t here. He hadn’t been expecting her, but now that he knew she was dating, he wasn’t as confident about the nights she didn’t come in.
Tomorrow, when she was actually out on a date, was going to be pure torture. Maybe he shouldn’t have put his hands on her last night. If he hadn’t kissed her, he wouldn’t be feeling this hopeful. For once, he wished his appointment with Dr. Silverwood was sooner rather than later. He wasn’t seeing her until next Wednesday, but he could use someone to talk everything out with.
“Hey. Hey. Hey. Anyone home? Helloooooo in there?” Aiden waved his hand in front of Gavin’s face.
Yeah, unfortunately, he was stuck with Aiden as a confidant for now.
Sighing, he turned to face his friend, raising his eyebrow.
“Do ye need something, laddie?”
“Och, aye,” Aiden responded in the worst Scottish accent Gavin had ever heard. He had to suppress his smile. Yeah, his brogue had come through pretty thick, thanks to his roiling emotions. Thankfully, Aiden dropped the terrible accent. “What’s going on? You look like you’re barely paying attention to the scenes, and that never happens.”
Gavin’s first instinct was to say nothing, but that wasn’t true, and he knew it wasn’t helpful. He’d seen Leah’s reaction when he’d shared some of his feelings in front of their friends. Seemed like it was something he was going to need to get more used to.
“I can’t stop thinking about Leah.”
To his surprise, Aiden recoiled, making the sign of the cross in front of himself as if he was trying to ward off evil. The horrified expression on his face was so exaggerated, it was comical.
“Wait, seriously? You’re supposed to say, ‘I’m fine.’ Man up, man. I am not the right person for this.” Despite his reaction, and even though he was shaking his head, Aiden showed no signs of fleeing. He was a good friend, even if he was an ass.
“You’re the only one who’s here, and you asked.”
“Yeah, but you’re not supposed to give a real answer. Suppress that shit, man. Bury it deep. You’re fine. I’m fine. We’re all fine.” Aiden gestured to the club at large. “Everybody is fine. That was supposed to snap you out of it, not open up a conversation.”
“You know you sound like a poster boy for toxic masculinity, right? Do you think it’s possible this worldview has anything to do with the fact you’ve been divorced twice?” Tilting his head at Aiden, Gavin raised his eyebrows, genuinely amused.
Aiden only took a moment to think about the question. “Nah.”
Snorting, Gavin couldn’t help but chuckle. His friend was a git sometimes, but he was entertaining. Dressed in his leathers and a vest, Gavin was surprised Aiden wasn’t out there, finding a likely submissive to scene with. When was the last time he’d seen Aiden actually do a scene? He frowned.
“Are you okay?”
“Me? Yeah, of course, I’m fine.” Aiden grinned. The lighting where they were standing, off to the sides of the actual scenes, was dim, so Gavin couldn’t tell if Aiden was completely serious or not.
“You haven’t scened in a while.”
Aiden turned away, so Gavin was looking at his profile while Aiden looked out across the club, one of his shoulders lifting in a shrug.
“Does it ever get kind of boring to you?” For Aiden, that was being vulnerable, and Gavin’s concern ratcheted up a notch.
“Boring?”
“Yeah, it’s the same thing, over and over again. Sub wants this, sub wants that. Spank this one, flog that one. To keep it interesting, I find myself doing things I’m not actually interested in, just to do something different.” Aiden shrugged again, shoving his hands in his pockets in an almost defensive gesture.
Unfortunately, Gavin couldn’t really relate. When he scened with Leah, he was always so focused on her and her pleasure, on seeing how she reacted to various things, he didn’t get bored. But then, they had a connection beyond the sexual encounter for the evening, even when they’d tried to make their relationship all about sex.
“Have you thought about trying for a longer contract with a submissive instead of scening for one night, then dropping her?” Gavin asked, keeping his tone mild.
“Yeah, but then they start expecting things, and I have to be the jerk who lets them down.” Aiden sighed, and there was more to it than letting out his breath. It sounded heavy, tired. “Since we’re being all touchy-feely, I feel old and jaded, man. I find myself coming here more to see my friends than to get my freak on. And that’s weird.”
Something suddenly occurred to Gavin.
“Is this why you’ve been flirting more with Cyana? Are you looking to switch?”
“What? Hell, no!” Aiden jerked back, appearing to be horrified again. “I mean, yeah, I’d love to scene with her, but you know… with me in charge. I feel like that’s the kind of challenge that could kick me out of my rut.”
“That’s the kind of challenge that could get your nuts cut off.” Gavin shook his head. There was no freaking way. If he had to lay down money on Aiden vs. Cyana, he’d back Cyana every time. Aiden, well, he wasn’t exactly a lazy Dom, but he’d gotten lazier as he got older. Perhaps because he was jaded or cynical, but maybe his heart wasn’t really in it anymore. “Do you want to take up with some of the new trainees? Maybe helping them figure out their limits will help you.”
“Maybe.” Aiden made a face, but he hadn’t said no. “It can’t hurt to try something new, right?”
“That’s pretty much my philosophy right now.”
Leah
Sprawled on Cyana’s couch, which was very comfortable, Leah was pretty sure she would never be able to move again. The cushions had sunk in, and she was trapped. She would just have to live here forever.
The good news was living on Cyana’s couch would probably mean she wouldn’t have to face Gavin again… unless they moved game night to Cyana’s house, but as long as she was stuck on the couch, there would only be so much Gavin could do to her.
“What’s that noise?” she asked. Something was beeping.
“I think it’s the oven,” Esther said from the other side of the couch, struggling to her feet—and so far, she was losing the struggle. This was why Leah wasn’t even trying.
“Stupid needy oven,” Cyana muttered under her breath, getting up and heading into the kitchen. How did she do that? Then again, it was her couch. She was probably used to having to battle it for supremacy.
Despite being stuffed full at the restaurant, especially after dessert, once they got to Cyana’s place and started really drinking, they had the munchies. Thankfully, Cyana had tater tots in her freezer, but Leah was going to have to sit up to eat them.
She pushed and heaved, managing to get herself into a sitting position. Woo-hoo! The couch was still winning the war, but she’d take the battle and be happy for it. Sighing, she glanced over at Esther, who was still struggling to sit up.
“Here, take my hand.” Leah held her hand out. Esther reached. Strained. Their fingers touched, and she pulled Esther upright.
“You two are pathetic,” Cyana said, chuckling as she came back into the room with a plate full of tater tots piled high.
“I can live with that, as long as there’s ranch.” Esther grinned, bouncing with excitement now that she was upright. Cyana shot her a look.
“Of course, there’s ranch. This is a respectable household. Now eat up. We need the grease to counteract the hangovers in the morning.”
Ugh. Yeah, she wasn’t wrong. Leah was not looking forward to that part, but she was also having too much fun to really care at the moment. Worth it. At least, she thought so now. She might change her mind tomorrow.
“I think I might need to sleep over,” Esther muttered.
“Will Daddy let you?” Leah teased. Jax was pure Daddy Dom, and Leah couldn’t remember a time he’d ever let Esther do a sleepover unless it had been pre-arranged. He liked having her home.
“I’m not sure he’ll care.”
The bitterness in Esther’s voice took both Leah and Cyana by surprise, and they exchanged a glance. Crap, was that the alcohol talking? Or was the buzz letting her be more honest than she might have been otherwise? Leah hadn’t noticed anything amiss between Jax and Esther, but would she have? As if she’d realized she was bringing the mood down, Esther smiled as she reached forward to take a tater tot off the stack.
“Don’t mind me, ladies. Jax has been working late a lot and hasn’t had as much time for me, and I’m annoyed.”
“Want the name of a couples’ counselor? I hear Gavin has a good one,” Cyana said, a light note of teasing in her voice, but her concern was clear.
“We’ll see.” Esther sighed, chewing thoughtfully. “Mmmm, this is exactly what I needed. I think I’m probably too sensitive. I hate being home alone in the evenings.”
“What about the kids?”
“They’re teenagers.” Esther shook her head. “I’m the last person they want to hang out with.”
Ah, yes, Leah remembered those years. Mitch had been pretty good about spending time with her; she’d often thought it was his way of trying to prevent her from spending time with Gavin. Look how that had turned out. A decade later and her ex was finally ready for couples counseling. Ugh.
It was too late, right? Surely, it was too late. Too much water under the bridge. Too many old resentments. Too much history and hurt.
But what if…
CHAPTER SEVEN
Gavin
Should he knock?
No. She might not want to see him this morning.
If he didn’t, she might not realize she had anything outside her door.
Plastic bag full of Leah’s favorite hangover cures hanging from his hand, Gavin shifted, staring at her door. Was it presumptuous or thoughtful to think she might have a hangover this morning? He didn’t remember a ladies’ night ending without one while they were married.
He wasn’t used to second-guessing himself like this. Maybe because he wasn’t used to trying to anticipate what Leah might need instead of fulfilling those she asked for.
He hadn’t done a great job of the latter by the end of their marriage. Dr. Silverwood said it wasn’t all his fault, communication did take two people, but the guilt about how much he’d taken Leah for granted didn’t go away easily. He also didn’t want to let himself off the hook because he knew he could have asked her more often. Should have. And he should have listened when she did finally ask him for something.
Rubbing his hand over his chest where it felt particularly tight, he stared at her door.
Only to hear a car pulling up behind him. Turning, he realized Leah hadn’t even been home as she pulled into the driveway. Large, dark sunglasses covered her eyes, and her hair was done up in a bun. The sunglasses were big enough, they obscured most of her expression, making it impossible to tell what she was thinking, but he was ninety-nine percent sure she was staring at him.
Of course, she’s staring at you. You’re standing in front of her house, ya cunt.
Getting out of the car, she kept staring at him. He wished he could tell what she was thinking, but it was impossible while she was wearing those massive sunglasses.
“Gavin?” Her voice was a little rough, a little croaky, and sent him right back to when they were in their thirties, and the first time she swore she was never drinking again. Hangovers hit harder after twenty-five, but it had been their thirties when she’d mostly stopped getting drunk, even when things were at their shittiest.
“I brought you some orange juice.” He lifted up the bag. “And a sausage pretzel.”
Even with the glasses on, he could see the way her face lit up. The pretzels were damn good. He made them himself after discovering them at an Amish market when visiting Mitch down in Maryland. Sadly, there weren’t any close enough to Pittsburgh to get them on a regular basis, so he’d ended up recreating them as best he could. He’d always made them for Leah as hangover food. Another one of his food gestures of love.
Leah picked up her pace, hurrying over to take his offering. As she got closer, he could see the tightness around her lips and the way her forehead was creased, as if she had a headache.
“Seriously? Thank you. You didn’t have to do this.” She hesitated after taking the bag, thinking about inviting him in.
It was better if he stayed away… for now. She had a date tonight.
“I know, but I wanted to. I know how you lasses get.” He grinned down at her. A little smile lifted her lips. He couldn’t see her eyes, but he took that as a win.
“We had fun. How was your night with Aiden and Jax?”
“It was the Outlands. Same old, same old. No Jax. Aiden and I hung out most of the night. I’m going to put him to work with some of the trainees.”
“That sounds good.” The smile had slipped from her face, and she was frowning. “No Jax… maybe I misunderstood Esther. I thought he was going to the Outlands.”
“Haven’t seen him there in weeks. He and Esther don’t come in much anymore. Was he supposed to be with us last night?” Crap. Was there trouble in paradise? Esther and Jax were the couple who seemed to have it all together. Two kids, a happy marriage, and they’d made it far longer than Gavin and Leah had, though they’d gotten married a little later, too. Their youngest was about the same age as Mitch had been when Gavin and Leah divorced.
“I guess not.” Leah sighed. “Esther said he’s been working a lot lately. She wasn’t real happy about it.”
Great. Something else for him to worry about. Strangely, he couldn’t stop smiling despite now being a little concerned about Jax and Esther. He and Leah hadn’t small talked in a while. When they were alone together, it was all about the scene they were about to do, or they talked about Mitch. They sure as hell didn’t stand around chatting.
Progress. That’s what this was.
But she had a date tonight. He should leave now while things were on a good note. Let her keep this in her head when she was out with Simon later.
“Hopefully, it’s a short-lived thing. You should get inside before your pretzel gets cold.” Leaning down, he brushed a kiss over her cheek, noting her quick intake of breath as he did so. “I’ll talk to you later. Have a good evening.”
By ‘have a good evening,’ he really meant, ‘I hope you spend tonight thinking about me and not your date.’ Damn, it was going to suck waiting to hear how her second date with Professor Simon went.
Leah
Dammit, Gavin.
He’d ruined her second date with Simon just as thoroughly as he’d ruined her first. Maybe more. Even hours later, all she could think about was how he’d shown up with her favorite morning-after-drinking food, which he’d made himself, and they weren’t exactly effortless. Oliver had tried to steal a bite, and she’d had to resist giving in to his pathetic mewing. She didn’t want to teach him bad habits.
Plus… she didn’t share sausage rolls.
Hmmm, no matter how bad their marriage had become, Gavin had always made them for her after a night of drinking. Somehow, she’d forgotten that. She’d never had to ask. He’d just made them. It had been one of the things she’d really missed after they split. Making them herself wasn’t the same, especially since she was usually cranky and had a pounding headache when she tried.
So, now she was out at dinner with Simon, and all she could think about was Gavin’s sausage. Which would be funny later, but right now, she was too frustrated to laugh about it.
“Leah? Is everything okay?” Jerked out of her thoughts by Simon’s direct question, Leah shook her head, trying to shake off her distraction.
“Yeah, sorry, Gav— I mean, Simon! Oh my God, I’m so sorry.” Horrified, Leah felt something turn over in the pit of her stomach. There was no way she could possibly be more mortified than she was at this moment. “Um, everything’s great. The food is great. I’m just a little distracted. I’m so sorry.”
At least you didn’t call him Gavin’s name while you were having sex.
Seriously? That was the best she could do for an upside? They weren’t anywhere near having sex—the way things were going, she didn’t think they were going to be. Not that she was super interested in having sex with Simon. He was attractive, and a nice guy, and had a certain aura about him, but the chemistry between them was lacking.
