Venus rising boxset, p.87
Venus Rising Boxset, page 87
“Oh...” Jessica's face suddenly got an expression of enlightenment on it. She'd been thinking about Hilary moving in with Liam in terms of her own relationship with Chris and Justin, but the truth was, she’d been romantically involved with them since the summer, and she still sometimes felt their relationship was moving too fast. It also felt right, but that was beside the point. Hilary and Liam hadn’t started actually dating until the end of September, and now, it was almost the end of November. Like Justin and Chris, Liam seemed to know what he wanted and approached it in the same linear fashion.
I want... I go… I get.
For a woman caught up in that kind of overwhelming force of nature, it could be more than a little disconcerting. Especially if he hadn’t said the L word yet.
“Have you asked him?” she asked curiously. “Did you guys talk about any of this?”
“Not really,” said Hilary, slumping back down into the couch and rubbing her hands over her face and through her hair. “I mean... sort of.”
“Well, how did he ask you? What brought it up?”
“Well... we had um... you know.” Hilary blushed, and Jessica laughed. Bringing up her sexual relationship with Liam caused Hilary to blush a lot more than with any other guy. Maybe because the things she was doing with Liam were kinkier and more embarrassing than she’d ever done with any other guy. “Anyway, we were cuddling afterward, and I was lying on top of his chest with my head against his shoulder while he stroked my hair, and he just... he just asked me. Out of nowhere! I’m just lying there, and all of a sudden he’s saying ‘What would you think about moving in here with me?’”
“What did you say?”
“I kinda froze, and I said I didn’t know. Then he started talking about how he likes having me around, and how it would be safer for me than living alone, and how it’s better than getting a strange roommate I don’t know... and, I mean yeah he said he likes having me around, but the rest of it... He hasn’t even said he loves me. I feel like he wants me to move in because it’d be nice to have me there and so he doesn’t have to worry about me. Which, I mean, it’s sweet that he’s worried about my living situation, but we’ve only been together for like, two months! We can’t move in together, right?”
Hilary stared at her friend as if Jessica had all the answers. After all, Jessica was moving in with her boyfriends. Sure, she’d been with them for several months longer than Hilary and Liam had been together, and there were a lot of outside social pressures which made the three of them want to demonstrate just how serious their relationship was... okay, it was a totally different situation, but who else was she going to ask?
Her mother would be ecstatic to find out Hilary was moving in with Liam. Carrie might be a good confidante, but she’d never lived with a guy either or even contemplated it. Brooke would be appalled at the idea of moving in with a guy and giving up her freedom. She couldn’t tell Olivia because she wasn’t sure the fiery redhead wouldn’t have it out with Liam for pushing Hilary too fast. And it’s not like she could ask anyone at work; she didn’t tell her work friends much about her personal life.
“I don’t know...” Jessica said slowly, obviously thinking through the random thoughts Hilary had just spewed. “I mean... I don’t think a couple of months would be too soon to move in together as long as you felt ready. There are people who get married after a couple of months, or less, and some of them work out, and some of them don’t, it really depends on the people involved. But if you’re really not comfortable with the idea yet, then I don’t think you should force it, just because I’m moving in with Justin and Chris. Would you rather live with Liam than get another roommate? Or live by yourself?”
“I don’t know....” Hilary let out a long groan. “I think I hurt his feelings when I wasn’t jumping up and down with joy.”
Jessica snorted. “He’ll get over it. He’s a big boy. He should have realized moving in with each other isn’t the kind of thing someone can just agree to without thinking things through. I didn’t say yes to Justin and Chris right away either. We had to talk about combining finances, furniture, closets, and how we like to live. I’m just lucky that how we are at home melds together well, but I’ve spent enough time over there to know that.”
“That’s just it,” said Hilary with a little sigh of relief that Jessica had put her own doubts into words. “Liam and I don’t spend every night together like you and the guys do. We spend a fair amount of time together, but there are a lot of things he doesn’t know about me. Like, I give myself a weekly face mask, or I like to clip my toenails while I watch America’s Next Top Model...”
“Ah... Secret Single Behavior,” Jessica said, nodding sagely, referencing one of their favorite Sex and the City Episodes.
“Exactly! How am I supposed to feel about eating a tub full of raw cookie dough where my boyfriend can see and judge me?! Or when he comes home, and I’m crying over Hedwig dying in Harry Potter?”
“Well, I don’t think Liam would judge you for either of those things.”
“But maybe he would. What if I move in, then find out he does something I can’t live with? And then I have to find a new place anyway or a new roommate, and I have to do it with a broken heart.” Her heart was pounding as she admitted this fear.
It was silly to think about the end of the relationship when Liam was suggesting the next step... but it was just such a big next step! What if things didn’t work out? What if it turned out they couldn’t live together happily? She knew she was creating problems in her head, but she couldn’t stop. Her usual optimistic outlook seemed to have deserted her in a panic, considering this possible new leap of faith.
What if the only reason he was asking her to move in was he felt protective, or he wanted easy access to hot sex, not because he saw a future for them?
She didn’t want to move in with him, just to move in with him. Even though she kept insisting things were moving too fast, and they hadn’t been together long, she knew part of her anxiety was how fast her heart had moved. She’d already fallen in love with Liam. She could picture spending the rest of her life with him. At the same time, she knew what she pictured in her head wasn’t real. How could it be? They’d gotten to know each other, but there were so many little things she did during a normal day he might or might not be able to live with. And who knew what his home habits were?
It was easy to think, oh I love him, I should move in... but what about his feelings for her? He was such a protective, caring guy, she could all too easily see him making a decision to live with her rather than having her live by herself. Although they hadn’t done so in front of her, she could tell Liam had talked with Justin and Chris about her being on her own once Jessica was gone. She didn’t mind it really, she thought it was sweet they were all concerned, but that wasn’t a good enough reason for her to move in with her boyfriend.
There were just so many things to think about. What about his plans for the future? What if she moved in and discovered he never wanted to get married? Or have kids? They hadn’t even talked about those kinds of things! She didn’t want to move in with a guy who wasn’t thinking about some kind of lifelong future together. And for that, she needed to at least hear him say the L word… didn’t she?
So, what would happen if she moved in with him and reality bit them both in the butt? Did they really know each other well enough to move in together?
And why wasn’t there a road map for this sort of thing?
“I’ve thought about those things too,” said Jessica quietly, reaching out and taking Hilary’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “What if I move in with them, then we realize this relationship doesn’t work? What if one or both of them decide they’d rather have a traditional relationship? What if things suddenly change? But sometimes, you just have to make the leap. I’m not saying it’s right for you to make the leap now, you have to decide if it is for yourself… but I have my own doubts, despite how hard all three of us are working to make this relationship real. Despite Chris losing his family, my Mom trying to convince me I’m making a mistake, and my Dad still won’t talk to me, sometimes I wonder if we’re only fighting to be stubborn. But then I think about how much I love both of them and have to trust they love me. I have to trust they’re showing me their true selves, and they aren’t going to suddenly change when we move in together. I’m sure I’ll find out some things I never knew…” Her face lit up in a sudden grin. “I’ve already discovered Justin occasionally blow dries his hair.”
“No!” Hilary stared at Jessica, the image of big, bad Justin, standing in front of a mirror, holding a hairdryer to those wavy, dark locks was too shockingly funny for words.
Jessica was giggling as she nodded confirmation, eyes dancing as she remembered her reaction. “He uses more hair product than I do. I just about peed myself laughing, mostly because he got all prissy about me catching him and started going on and on about the importance of proper hair care, and threatening to spank me if I didn’t stop laughing—which of course meant I couldn’t shut it down to save my life. Then he got all huffy and told me I couldn’t argue with results.”
Both girls laughed. Oh goodness… no wonder Justin’s hair always looked so good! It made sense, but it just wasn’t something she’d thought about guys doing. Maybe because she always assumed it was easier for them to look good—after all, they didn’t have to deal with makeup and hair. Except maybe they spent more time on the latter than she’d realized.
She tried to picture Liam blow drying his hair, and it gave her another fit of the giggles.
“But you have to be ready when you decide to take the leap,” said Jessica, bringing them back to a more serious place. “And that has nothing to do with time… but if you’re feeling panicky about the idea of moving in with him, you’re probably not ready.”
Hilary made a face. “No… I don’t think I am. I mean… I don’t know. I feel like I could be convinced, but I don’t know if needing to be convinced is a good thing. If I was ready, wouldn’t I just be all set to jump in?”
“Not necessarily.” Jessica shrugged. “Cuz no matter what, whether you moved in with him tomorrow or next year, it’s still a big step, and it’s still scary. I think you should talk to him about it. Not to give him a chance to convince you, but so he knows where you’re at, and you can get a better idea of where he’s at. And also so you can talk about some of the less fun stuff, like finances and how he pictures you fitting into his place since I’m assuming it’s fully furnished.”
“Right…” Hilary blew out a long breath.
Liam’s place was definitely fully furnished and didn’t really need any more stuff in it, but she liked her stuff. Justin’s place had been furnished too, but since it was a pretty decent sized house, there had been plenty of room for Chris and Jessica’s stuff, and she knew it would feel like a mix of all three of them by the time they were done. Had Liam thought about any of this?
“Yeah, I should talk to him.”
The look Jessica shot her was skeptical. Obviously, she could hear Hilary’s lack of enthusiasm. It just seemed fraught with pitfalls, and she didn’t even know her own feelings on the matter. Shouldn’t she sort them out before she tried to talk it over with Liam?
Pasting a smile on her face, she decided she’d had enough thinking this morning. She needed some pampering and relaxing.
“What are you doing for the rest of the day? I could use a pedicure!”
Tuesday found Hilary hard at work in her cubicle, doing her best to concentrate on the pile of work that had been mounting since the day before. She couldn’t do much of anything for very long before she started thinking about Liam and moving in with him. The morning had dragged by, and the afternoon wasn’t shaping up to be any better. She had gone to see a movie with Jessica on Sunday, and it had been great to get out and see a chick flick, but then Sunday night, Jessica had gone back over to the house to spend the night with the guys, and Hilary had wandered around the apartment by herself.
Maybe she should have called Liam and had him come over, she’d been tempted to, but she hadn’t been ready yet. Instead, she’d just chickened out and texted him before going to bed. They’d talked on the phone last night, but it had been a strained conversation, both of them telling the other about their day, neither of them mentioning his offer. She just didn’t know how she felt about it yet.
Still.
She knew she didn’t like the tension growing between them and wanted it to stop. She worried if she turned him down, he’d be insulted or hurt, and it would end up ruining their relationship, anyway—damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
“Damnit,” she muttered under her breath, the cursing in her head and out loud a measure of how frustrated she was. When she looked at her computer screen, she realized she’d just done an entire page of data entry incorrectly.
Sighing, she tried to refocus herself as she unnecessarily smoothed down the piece of paper in front of her and scrolled back up the screen to where she’d started to input the incorrect data.
She had just gotten started again when the other end of the office erupted in excited babble and giggling, a few voices standing out… “Who are those for?” “What is that?” “Oh my god, they’re gorgeous!”
The kind of office disruption which guaranteed everyone was going to look, including Hilary, and not just because she wanted a break from data entry, especially redoing data entry.
Lisa, one of the receptionists, was coming down the hall of cubicles, holding a gigantic and gorgeous flower arrangement —tiger lilies, yellow tulips, sprays of something that looked like honeysuckle, colorfully dyed orange and yellow carnations, and an entire assortment of other sunny blooms Hilary couldn’t identify. As soon as she stood up, the young receptionist caught her eye, and her grin widened. Hilary’s heart pounded... those were for her?
It was just like Lisa to make a big production out of this. She was a college student, very sweet but with a tendency to be a bit dramatic and always the first to offer to deliver a bouquet of flowers. The romance appealed to her, and she said she liked to see people’s faces.
The way she was looking at her, Hilary knew she must look absolutely dumbfounded as Lisa came closer and closer, her blue eyes sparkling, the flowers obviously for Hilary. Her heart was beating faster, tears sparking in the back of her eyes as she quickly blinked, trying to hold them back. Normally, she would have said she didn’t like big public displays, she was more of a private person... but as Lisa reached her cubicle, she found the stares and excited exclamations of her co-workers didn’t bother her. Maybe it was the way they were all looking at her with awe and a touch of envy.
Maybe because this was the first time a man had ever sent her flowers at work.
At least, she assumed it was from Liam... although her heart sank a little as she realized maybe she shouldn’t assume.
“Flower delivery for Ms. Bryant!” Lisa chimed, practically dancing as she put them on Hilary’s desk. “Aren’t they gorgeous?!”
“They really are,” said Hilary, staring at it. Maybe overly large, but gorgeous. Although with the arrangement on her desk, she could see most of the “big” came from the sprays of honeysuckle. Definitely honeysuckle... the aroma was fantastic. She was grinning ear to ear, so hard her face actually hurt, and she couldn’t stop.
Honeysuckle had to mean Liam. It had to.
“Who are they from? Open the card!” Lisa squealed, clapping her hands. Those close by were craning their heads to catch more of the conversation, although about half the people had gone back to work, curiosity satisfied now that they knew who was getting the flowers. Hilary had to laugh at Lisa, who was practically bouncing in her excitement, almost excited as she was!
Hilary took a moment to admire all the variegated hues of orange, yellow, and gold, making up the bouquet, an arrangement of sunshine, brightening up her entire desk. The card was hidden under one of the tiger lilies. Plucking the card out of the little plastic stick holding it, she opened up the envelope and read it quickly before looking up to grin at Lisa and the rest of her co-workers who were still interested.
“It’s from my boyfriend.”
Letting out a huge sigh, Lisa put her hands over her heart as if she couldn’t imagine anything more romantic. “Oh... that’s so amazing! It’s gorgeous!”
Others chimed in with their compliments, laughing a little at Lisa’s dramatic reaction. The receptionist gave the bouquet one last envious look before heading back to her desk.
“How long have you been dating this guy?” asked Ravi, her cubicle buddy, as he looked over the divider between their spaces.
“A couple of months.” Stroking her finger over the soft petals of the flowers, she leaned down to inhale the various fragrances. She grinned at Ravi, who smiled back and shook his head.
“He’s making the rest of us look bad. Maybe I’ll send my wife some flowers next week.”
“You should,” Hilary said encouragingly, looking back down at the gorgeous bouquet. “I had no idea how good it would make me feel to get flowers at work!”
“You’re a lucky girl, hold on to that one.” Ravi winked one chocolate-brown eye and disappeared; she heard the squeak as he sat back down in front of his computer.
He had no idea, she thought to herself, a happy smile on her lips as she reread the card.
