The apollo, p.25
The Apollo, page 25
Avira’s furrowed brow knit together even more closely. Matteo noticed she was wringing her hands together like a nervous child. Most of the time, Matteo could see so much strength in Avira. It oozed out of every pore of her being. She was powerful and brave and unstoppable. But at this moment he couldn’t see any of that. He saw a girl who had abandoned everything she knew, everything she was comfortable with. He saw a girl hundreds of miles away from home. He saw a child in her. He wondered if she could see the child in him too.
“I need to show you something, Matteo.”
Avira pulled something large and long out from beside her. He hadn’t seen it at first, she must have kept it hidden under her leg on the bed.
It was a roll of parchment. It looked like it had been through a war. Then again, it had been through a war.
“This is a map of my father’s trade routes. It has every mine, port town, trade route, sand dune and canal from Polislav to Irajmi on it. It’s the most comprehensive one I’ve ever seen.”
She unrolled the map on the bed for him to see. It was indeed comprehensive. Even more detailed than the one she’d made on her bedroom floor back in Alvanii. Avira placed a finger on a red circle that sat along the coastline south of Shaheen.
“The red circles are military forts. I’ve never seen another map with them labeled like this. That’s why I stole this one in particular.”
“Military forts? Like for armies.”
Avira nodded. “I think the battle with the Shaheeni was only the beginning. War is coming. My father wants the world in a teacup and I don’t think I’m strong enough to stop him. I’m just one girl.”
“I’m sorry Avira.” Matteo placed his hand on her knee, and, instead of pulling away, she placed her hand on top of his, holding on tight.
“But, if I share this map with the world, I can warn people he’s coming. I can stop him before he even gets a foothold. People who know about the world around them are far harder to control, just look at the Shaheeni. That’s my mission, Matteo. Now that I’m free of Gavriel, I can finally begin.” She let out a little laugh, so faint Matteo nearly missed it. “I used to think the biggest obstacle in my life was the fact that I am a girl, that I could not inherit my father’s fortune, that no matter how hard I worked I would never matter as much as a boy. But now I see that harder by far is proving to myself that I deserve this life I dream of. It’s in my heart for a reason, Matteo. I can't pretend it’s not there. It will kill me.”
Avira’s dark eyes sparkled with hope as bright as the stars. But her words terrified Matteo. She wasn’t saying it directly, but he knew what was coming next.
“You’re leaving.”
Avira took his hands frantically. “Come with me.”
“I have duties here. I belong here. Mirjana needs me.” Even as he said the words, he wasn't sure if they were true. He knew Mirjana was powerful on her own, and wasn’t delusional enough to believe he’d be all that much help. But he’d made a promise to Adipe, a promise he wasn’t keen on breaking, even if his heart yearned for Avira every step of the way.
“Why won’t you come with me?” There was a girlishness to the way Avira begged.
“Why won’t you stay?”
With this Avira stood and paced about the room. She was angry, he could tell from the way her slender shoulders pushed together, and she chewed on her lips. Her freckles danced under the furrow of her brow like fireworks. She didn’t know what to say, but still she spoke.
“Because you know who I am, Matteo. You knew who I was when you kissed me in the crows nest of The Apollo. You knew who I was when we made that lemonade together. You knew who I was the moment we met. Stop asking me to stay when you know I am not a person who stays.” Avira held the map up and shook it at him. “I am a person who goes. Please. Either come with me or let me go.”
Her words hurt. But despite the pain of what she was saying to him, despite the way her words pierced into his stomach and twisted around like a hot blade, despite it all, Matteo stood and slowly walked towards her. He took her hips in his hands and pulled her into him. And he kissed her. He kissed her hard. And she kissed back.
Her lips tasted like lemons and vanilla and the incense. Her face was hot and wet with tears. Matteo felt the tears before he realized what was happening. And then it was all happening too quickly. Avira was crying. She was sobbing into his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her as gently as he could, placing his palms flat on her back and willing all of the light in the world into her body through his outstretched fingers.
“Nobody’s ever held me like this before,” she said as she wiped snot from her face.
“They should have,” was all Matteo could say in response. He held her for a long time, never once letting go, never once closing his eyes. He kept them fixed on a vine of jasmine flowers blossoming in the garden. Their white blooms practically shimmered in the starlight.
“You love me, don’t you?” Avira croaked.
“Of course, I do.”
“Well, please, please stop. Please choose someone different.”
Matteo shook his head. “We don’t get to choose, Avira.”
She sobbed some more, and he walked with her to his bed where they sat for a long time. They sat together until the moon rose high in the sky. Not far away, a peacock crowed in the garden. The sound startled Avira and she held Matteo even closer to her chest.
There was no world in which Avira would stay. Matteo had known that all along, but it had only just become so clear. Even if she did love him back, there were things out there in the world that she would always love more than him. He would have to live with that fact. Avira was destined to be a woman who saw the whole world, maybe even saved it. But he didn’t yet know what he was supposed to be. For so long, she had been his only goal. Who was he before Avira? He could barely remember anymore.
“You have to go, Avira,” he heard himself say.
She looked up at him, eyes wide.
“Where’s that boy from the garden? The boy who would tear down the stars for me. He’s gone, isn’t he?” Her voice was soft and gentle, but her eyes glistened with pain.
He had to stay. For once, he had to do something for himself. Avira sat straight up and cupped his face in her palms. “If you change your mind, come find me. I’ll be in the skies, waiting for you.”
And then she kissed him again, running her hands over the braids that sat tight against his head. “I miss your curls.” They spent the rest of that night together, holding one another close.
When you know a goodbye is coming with the dawn, sunrise becomes far less beautiful. But sure enough, Aurora delivered a gorgeous sunrise that morning. And sure enough, when Matteo woke, Avira was gone.
Chapter forty
When Avira closed her eyes and tried to picture herself ten years in the future, she wasn’t picturing herself as Matteo’s wife, living in a palace, reading books, and tending to the gardens. No matter how much she loved him, and she knew she loved him quite a lot, she couldn’t stay. She hoped one day he’d understand.
“Come find me someday,” she whispered in his ear before she left. “I’ll be in the skies.”
She wore a silk satchel over her back. It contained everything she owned in the world, everything she cared about at least. A few items of clothing, a brick of pu’er Mirjana had given her as a parting gift, and her father’s map. Everything else she’d carried with her from her old life had gone down with The Apollo. It was almost as if Avira Bianco herself had sunk into the sea alongside it. Because the woman who crept away from her lover’s bed, using only the light of the stars to guide her through the palace gardens, was not the same girl who’d fled her marriage to Gavriel Castillo all those weeks ago.
But isn’t that how life works? If you live long enough you wake up one day and find yourself a completely different person than you were the night before. In that way, humans are quite a lot like caterpillars.
Dawn was breaking as Avi’s new ship raised anchor. It had taken about a week for her bruises to heal enough for her to fly again. She’d used that time to ask for Mirjana’s help securing a small skyship for her to use.
Nicolo and Diego had been easy to convince to come along. The ship only needed a crew of fifteen and they were the first people she asked. Diego needed work while Artemis rebuilt The Apollo and Nicolo was anxious for a new adventure. A few of her old crewmates from The Apollo had been quick to volunteer as well. She’d rounded out the crew with a handful of Shaheeni guards, women who she knew were far better pilots than most men she’d known.
Diego had made fast friends with Ines, a young kitchen girl from the palace who’d practically begged to come along. Nicolo served as first mate while a few of the furnace men from The Apollo worked to keep Avi’s new ship aloft.
They set off towards the rising sun. The East was somewhere Avi had always wanted to explore. In her cabin Avi splayed out her stolen map against the wall and secured it with pins. Touching her fingers to the edge of the map she let herself smile, really smile. She was going to chart what lay past the edges of even her father’s map. Her stomach got flippy floppy with excitement just at the thought of it.
Her ship was a reject of Adipe’s fleet due to its insufficient camouflage but it was still far better hidden than any Alvanian ship. Standing at the helm with Nicolo, Avi let herself breathe in the cool morning air. Shaheen grew small in the distance behind them.
“Where are we headed, Captain?” a woman named Aya shouted down to her from high up in the ropes. Aya was great with knots, so Avi had put her in charge of a one-woman ropes crew, keeping the skyship running.
“How far south can you imagine, Aya?” Avi called back.
“Pretty far south.”
“Well, we’re going farther than that.”
“Why?” Ines called. Avira had captured the entire crew's attention.
“Don’t you ever wonder who makes the maps?” Avi asked. “It’s us. We are building the maps of the world that people will follow someday to forge great alliances, make peace, have adventures, and tell stories. We make the maps now.”
The crew seemed to like this goal, how peaceful, simple, and mysterious it was. They were hard workers and good souls. Avi felt lucky to be their captain. She knew she could sleep well at night, knowing they were keeping her ship in the air because they believed in her mission. Secretly, she also wondered if her father used to be like this too before his greed corrupted him. She didn’t take long with those thoughts. They exhausted her.
Later that night Avi and Nicolo shared a pot of pu’er Mirjana had sent along as a parting gift. The sky was peaceful and gentle in the way it always is after a great battle.
Nicolo poured his second cup and swirled it around in the little ceramic cup, he was more quiet than she’d ever seen him.
“Is something wrong, Nicolo?” Avi always felt like she sounded too stern when talking to Nicolo. He was so warm and soft but she was all hard edges and ambition.
“In a week and a half, Benjamin will be expecting me back at the port in Alvanii. I wonder what he’ll think when The Apollo never arrives.”
Avi thought about this for a moment, sipping her tea. “Surely, he’ll hear the word of the ship sinking. I do not doubt that news is all across Alvanii at this point. The entire Bianco fleet sank to the bottom of the sea.”
“That’s what I’m worried about.” Nicolo didn’t look up, he stared intensely into his teacup, lips almost white from being pursed together.
“You’re afraid he’ll think you died with the ship.”
“I don’t know why he’d think anything else.”
Avi’s heart felt heavy. She wanted to help her friend but had no idea how. They weren’t heading anywhere near Veronii and, with her reputation, Alvanii was far from out of the question. Then an idea hit her.
“What if you could send him a letter? We have some Shaheeni falcons on board. Maybe we could send one to Veronii.”
“Can they fly that far?”
“Mirjana told me they can travel the whole world if needed. They’re powerful animals.”
Avi got up and dashed to her cabin, grabbing a piece of parchment she’d planned on using for maps. This was more important. She handed Nicolo the quill eagerly.
“Write to him. Say you’ve taken up business with the Great Pirate Avi and you are going on an expedition to the South. Tell him you’ll send letters as often as possible and promise you’ll come home to him.”
“Am I supposed to know who the Great Pirate Avi is? I’ve never heard of him.”
“It’s me you oaf. I’m the Great Pirate Avi — Maker of maps! Conqueror of the stars!”
Nicolo laughed. “It’s a little on the nose, isn’t it.”
“Well, just don’t use my full name, okay?” Avi had thought that Great Pirate Avi was an acceptable, even formidable, alias but perhaps she needed to rethink that. She had plenty of time to come up with something better. Avira Bianco didn’t fit anymore, and neither did Cesario. She’d have to make up something new. She liked how many opportunities there were to choose a brand-new name. A fresh start is precisely what she needed.
Nicolo’s eyes were wild with hope. “Do you think he will write back?”
“Why wouldn’t he?”
“And you promise I will get to go home to him someday?”
Avi took his hands in hers and looked at him with all her softness. Nicolo had done so much for her. This was the least she could do for him. “I promise,” she said.
Nicolo scrawled out the note and tucked it away to give to Diego later. He’d know how to get a falcon in the air and on its way. Avi looked out at the horizon as he wrote and thought of Matteo.
Avi smiled at the thought of Matteo teaching Mirjana anything. The child wasn’t exactly the type to sit and be taught. And Matteo didn’t know anything about ruling a country. He didn’t even speak Shaheeni.
Nicolo caught her giggling at the thought and asked what about. She quickly changed the subject. Eventually, the conversation turned to their next big adventure.
“Have you picked out a name yet? For the ship?” he asked.
“I’ve had a name picked out since I was a little girl, Nicolo.”
“And what’s that?”
And with a signature smirk, one she’d learned from Artemis Cascella himself, she named her ship The Falconer.
The Falconer
Coming Spring 2025
The second installment in Avira and Matteo's story follows the crew of The Falconer North to Polislav where Avira reconnects with an old friend and works to undermine her father's tyranny in the Polislavic ice mines. Meanwhile, Matteo and Rihane set out together, with a reluctant Artemis in tow, following the clues Matteo's dead mother left behind. Will our hero's paths converge again? If they do, will Matteo forgive Avira for her abandonment? All your favorite characters are back, this time with even more cutthroat adventure, swashbuckling, and romance.
Acknowledgements
I started writing this book in the midst of a very dark time in my life. I was stuck in a job that had killed my creative drive and I was battling multiple chronic illnesses and great uncertainty about my health. In the darkest moments of illness and burnout, I realized that I desperately wanted to share my writing with the world. I didn't want to sit around to be the most healthy or the most inspired to tell this story. So, I started writing every day. I took ten minute breaks from my desk job, typed away in the parking lot of doctor's offices, and kept pushing. One paragraph at a time, this book appeared before me.
My love for fantasy and adventure stories comes first and foremost from my dad. My dad took the time every single night of my childhood to read us books. We read The Hobbit, His Dark Materials, Harry Potter and so much more as a family all curled up in my parents bed. My dad also showed me all of my favorite childhood movies. From Ghibli to Spielburg, my dad made sure my brothers and I had seen it all. On nights when my dad couldn't do it, my mom stepped in. For this reason, I have my parents to thank more than anyone for the book you hold in your hands today. As I edited, I stumbled upon dozens of callbacks to stories I first read with my parents. I was one lucky kid.
I also have to thank my incredible partner Brandon, for cheering me on as I pulled this book out of my brain. He took the time to read every page and then read them all again. i love you.
My book design team is the best there is. Hayden Pedersen, an exceptional artist and dear friend, took the time to truly love my story as much as I do and design a cover that meshes so perfectly into the world of The Apollo. Rachael Ward, who is not related to me but does share my last name, designed the gorgeous map for this book. Ruben Ward, who is related to me, did endless concept art and dust jacket art for this book. And Nadiya Atkinson took time to design stickers for the pre order launch. I am not a visual artist in the slightest and I feel so blessed to have such an exceptional team of visual art masters who worked to make this book look and feel as dazzling as I hoped.
Thank you to my friends Calvin Pineda, Zach Pinkley and Hannah Thomas for being The Apollo's cheerleaders from day one. I can't tell you how much your support meant to me as I pushed this work out into the world. And one more thank you to ALL of my beta readers. Corban Cvitanich-Bishop, Brandon Goranson, Lauren Axness, Hannah Thomas, Debi Farber, Ashley King, Mateusz Czopek, Emily Stacey, Calvin Pineda, Ruben Ward & Trixie Zwolfer.
Finally, a thank you to my community. When I decided to indie publish this book, I felt so many feelings all at once. I was excited to share this story with more people but felt like a failure for not securing a traditional book deal. Every step of the way there have been people cheering me on with kindness and constant encouragement. I am forever blessed. Thank you all.
