Insolence a dark ff roma.., p.27
Insolence: A Dark FF+ Romantasy, page 27
A shiver skips down my spine. “I’d like that very much.”
“If we go down this path together, we’ll need to be careful, Tiss.”
“Oh, I fully comprehend the risk involved.”
“Good,” he says, and it’s nearly a purr. “We’ll start at the beginning. Keep things simple.” He moves close enough that our knees brush.
“What,” I sputter. “Now?”
“Is there another time you’d like to reschedule for?”
“No,” I snort.
“All right, then.” He motions for me to place my hands in his. “We’re going to close our eyes and relax our minds together. Try to feel each other.”
Unsure what to think, I lay my hands on his upturned palms. The thread between us shivers the moment we touch. With heat flooding my bloodstream, I let my eyes drift shut. I focus on his warm fingers around mine, his grip steady and sure.
“That’s it. Can you feel me?”
“Yes?” Of course I can feel him.
“Not physically.” His soft laugh ghosts across my cheek. “I mean, can you feel me here?” He releases one hand to rest his palm directly over my heart.
My thoughts are buzzing with Sadrie ignoring me, the heat of his hand on my sternum, and the fear and doubt and endless wondering if I’ll ever be able to tame the restless beast I can’t begin to understand.
When will it come back? What will I do when it does?
“You’re struggling.” El’s voice pierces the mental racket, but his tone is neither judgmental nor displeased. Merely observant. “Clear your mind.”
“I don’t know how,” I whisper, adrift and unmoored within myself.
“Match my breathing. Think about how you feel when you’re doing something that brings you joy, like reading a good book. Enjoying a favorite food. Passing a test.”
I huff a soft laugh.
“Laughing with friends.”
“I have no friends.”
“You have me,” he says, and my heart leaps.
“Focus on that feeling and relax into the rhythm of our heartbeats. Be mindful of your body and mine.”
Pausing, I listen for the breath rushing softly from his lungs and follow it with mine. I think of the bite of pickled blueberries on my tongue and the drumbeat of my pulse when Sadrie would get me laughing really hard.
His hand on my heart is reassuring, his touch grounding. All the while, the intoxicating combination of amber and cedar makes my head feel light. Gradually, the building around us fades, and there’s only me and El, the feeling of remembered happiness, and the swirling dark behind my closed eyes.
“I’ve got you,” he whispers. “You can let go now.”
I give myself permission to release the fears and anxieties shackling me in place.
Suddenly the fabric between realities stretches so thin that it wants to shred apart completely. I become overly aware of my life-force—my very essence—living both inside and outside of my body.
Realizing there’s nothing holding me together, I fear I might dissolve into nothingness but for El.
That’s when the darkness sunders before me, revealing a thread stretched between us. Taut like a zither string, it pulses with otherworldly light.
My stomach does a somersault, my breath catching. A moment later, I understand.
El is my anchor, my tether in this world and the next, a tree rooted deeply into the earth. For unaccounted moments, I’m clinging to him for dear life to keep from coming completely apart—flying into pieces and losing myself forever to the yawning abyss.
Just as I’m wobbling between realities, trying to decide between letting myself veer into nothingness or clinging to my sanity awhile longer yet, he reaches through the dark and churning vortex lapping at the edges of my substance. He offers his hand, showing me the way.
Inside the shared expanse of our minds, I take it.
“Mmm, there you are.” He says it so softly, at first I’m scarcely aware he’s spoken. “Can you let me in?”
“Yes,” I whisper, my consciousness suddenly splitting apart like an opening blossom as we breathe one another's breath.
My heart and mind are in two places at once. I realize I’m occupying space within the confines of my own consciousness and inside of his, too. Internally, he moves over to make room for me.
And I make room for him.
“Good,” he sighs.
Strangely, everything is right with the world. My eyes flutter open to find his gaze locked on mine. It’s gleaming with approval.
“That was very, very good, Tiss.”
As always, his praise is irresistible. His green and brown irises seem more vibrant, the fire’s hiss more pronounced. The vague stench of smoke is sharper now, more acrid; the amber and cedar headier and more consuming still.
“You have the power to reach inside of yourself anytime you want to find this calm. This peace. It's the same concept as breathing through your emotions. It’s another step on the same path.”
Feeling his warm skin beneath my fingers, I look down to find my free hand wrapped around his wrist. His hand is still positioned over my heart.
We release each other. Fingertips feathering over my jaw, he takes my chin between his thumb and forefinger. “Is this all right?”
“Yes,” I croak. “I think I wouldn’t mind you touching me again, without asking first.” Damn it. I didn’t plan on saying that. “You know, if you want to.”
“Oh, I want to, Tiss,” he breathes. “I can't wait to show you more.”
Again, I’m caught in his sway, helplessly enthralled with his nearness and the strange alchemy between us. Our connection pulses stronger now, as if I’ve thrown a door wide open that I wasn’t aware existed.
Chapter 34
Itissa
We have our next exam on the last Aodhsday of Stormdrift. Two more days pass before we get our grades back. Sadrie, Cordelia, and I passed again, and the three of us are allowed to select another token.
I choose a ring of Signet Silver with a turquoise stone in the middle, framed with scrolling silver openwork in an elegant leaf motif. According to Lady Maida, turquoise offers protection and healing. With any luck it’ll continue to keep the hungry predator with me at bay.
Like before, we are dismissed for break, and Elodie asks me to hang back.
She waits until everyone leaves to approach me. “You did well, Tiss. You’ve been committing to your studies admirably, and it’s showing; don’t think I haven’t noticed.” Her approval makes my heart skip a beat. “Do you know what you want to ask?”
“I want to know more about dark magic.” Her eyebrows bunch, and I hold up my hand. “Not to use it. To the contrary, actually. We haven’t covered it in class yet, but I need to make sure I never utilize something that could hurt someone.”
“I appreciate you seeking to understand. It’s not quite so simple, though.” She looks thoughtful. “There’s something I need to show you. Meet me in the Orrery Tower on Rìasday. After dinner. Let’s say 20:15. Is that suitable for you?”
“I think so,” I say, knowing full well I don’t have a damn thing to do during my free time other than study.
“Wear sturdy shoes,” she says, cryptically, before heading out.
Three evenings later, my sensible lace-up boots and I are relaxing in the Orrery Tower. I’m perusing the same book of archaic Aritertan myths in the same alcove where we bashed our heads together.
The door opens and closes, a blustery wind gusting in with whoever entered. Thirty seconds later, a familiar voice rings out behind me: “Ready?” The question comes an octave lower than usual.
I turn to glimpse El, the same white flannel shirt and canvas trousers he wore to class peeking from beneath his cloak. His thick hair is still coiled on the back of his head.
He leads us outdoors after I reshelve the volume. “This way.” He jerks his chin and takes off, skirting the broad tower and turning into the passage below the Observatory.
The bitter wind is quieter here, in the narrow gap between the building and towering escarpment. Although the moon is out, the shadows are thick at night, and I stick close.
Confused, I trail him into the fissure again. “Where are—?”
“In here. You’ll see.” He ducks into the near-invisible split in the sheer rock wall.
This time he follows the cramped crevice all the way back until the shadows swallow him. A rogue gust of wind howls past the entrance, capturing my attention.
When I turn back, he’s vanished.
“Hello?” I venture, stepping forward. “I can’t see a damn thing.” It’s oppressively dark in here at night, and I grope along the rock, wandering further. The dead end nears, barely visible as my eyes slowly adjust.
A low chuckle floats to my ears, coming from seemingly nowhere and directly in front of me, followed by the unmistakable scratch and sizzle of a match being struck and flaring to life.
“El?”
“Pssst.” His hiss echoes, bouncing off the sandstone walls.
I whirl around, fumbling in the shadows. “Where the hell did you go? Can you hear me?”
Delight ripples up the thread connecting us. “Over here.”
Turning in a circle, I feel like an idiot. “I have no idea where you are.” I huff, tired of whatever pointless caper this is supposed to be. “I’m going back. I have studying to do.”
With a roguish smirk, El materializes several steps in front of me. Somehow, he’s standing beyond where the dead end is supposed to be, bathed in the golden glow of a kerosene lamp. Its bubbled glass cover is dusty but still allows plenty of light through. “What are you waiting for? Get over here.”
Intrigue overshadows my frustration, and I scurry to his side.
“Hold this?” He passes off the lamp, something reflective flashing in his other hand. “Watch.” He reaches overhead, tucking what looks like a gilt mirror compact into a niche in the stone.
Instantly, a perfect replication of the blunt stone walls seals the passage I just came through, giving the appearance of a dead-end that isn’t there.
“Wha—?”
“Illusion magic,” he smiles. “Not mine. This mirror’s been here a long time. It’s been Altered to reflect an adjacent wall and project the image. To make it seem as though there’s no way past, but look—” He waves his arm through the mirage.
The limb appears cut off at the elbow.
A dopey giggle bubbles out of me. “All right, I’ll admit that’s actually incredible.”
“Oh. You haven’t seen anything yet.” He inches past me, taking the lamp again. “Let’s go.”
In the dim golden light, I barely make out a narrow passageway weaving ahead of us through the mountain. The air is close and stuffy as we wend our way along, sometimes coming to gaps so tight, we have to turn sideways to squeeze through.
“Lucky neither of us is claustrophobic,” I say, needing something to fill the heavy silence. “Where are you taking us, by the way?”
“You’ll have to wait and see.”
I’m too curious to summon exasperation.
The tunnel gradually widens, the confining walls spreading, and the ceiling rising as our walkway grades downward on an incline. The gentle slope becomes steeper. My shins soon burn with the exertion of staying upright. The stale air turns cool and surprisingly fresh as he leads us further down.
Finally, we round a blind turn to emerge on a shelf overlooking an enormous cavern.
I stagger to a halt and look around, my jaw nearly hitting the floor. We’re standing in a massive, hollowed-out chamber.
The ceiling is low enough here to touch on tiptoes, but it angles sharply up beyond the end of the shelf. The cavern extends so far down and out, the entire Residential Quarters could easily fit inside the space with room to spare.
Moonlight is pouring through a jagged opening in the rock across the chasm. Most astoundingly, the goddess Eisha looms in front of us, her stone eyes level with the end of the shelf. The monstrous statue rises four stories from the floor, her bottom half lost in the hazy dimness far below. She must have taken ages to carve and hone.
Her face is serene, her outstretched hands suspended below us. She holds a stone finch chiseled in intricate detail and a yew branch carved from a piece of wood that looks like it was once an entire sapling.
Goosebumps erupt all over me, and my hand goes to my chest. “Blessed Aodh, Father of Creation. How did— What— How, El?”
His laughter is full and rich, echoing into the yawning abyss below. “I promise you, Aodh had nothing to do with this, my dear. Come on, let’s get a better view.”
To the left of the shelf, a series of stairs has been painstakingly notched into the stone. They turn in steep switchbacks, ultimately disappearing into the shadows.
He descends in front of me, holding the lamp.
While the stairs are an impressive feat, their risers are irregular, no two quite the same height. One side of the staircase is flanked by the sheer rock wall, while the other drops straight down, making me woozy if I peek over the edge.
Thankfully, the steps are wide enough that I don’t have to look if I don’t want to.
Edging down, I skim one hand along the wall. But I’m already tired from the strenuous walk on top of a full day of class and chores. My shin and calf muscles burn. The effort of keeping my balance on the uneven stairs has my legs trembling in no time.
All it takes is one misstep, one stumble, and my ankle rolls. My knee collapses, the steps going out from under me.
Before I know what’s happening, I’m slipping and then pitching out of control. A scream tears from my lungs as the world rushes by in a blur. El’s next to me in another second, scooping me up and throwing his weight backward in one seamless motion. We hit the wall together.
He presses me close to his bound chest, his arm around me possessive, squeezing like a vise. My shriek is still echoing.
I gulp air while his gaze roves over me, probing for any sign of injury. His face is blanched, eyes wild. “You good, Tiss?” His voice comes out strained and coarse.
It’s impossible to determine where his terror ends and mine begins on the crowded thread between us.
“I-I-I think so.” I’m shaking all over. “I rolled my ankle.”
“Can you put weight on it?” His grip around me loosens but doesn’t release. Not yet.
He looks panic-stricken, like he’s struggling to keep his composure. Like he doesn’t want to let me go. I can’t fathom how he didn’t drop the damn lamp in his rush to grab me.
I test my foot out and nod. My ankle throbs like a bastard, and dull pain is shooting up my leg, but there’s no serious damage.
“You’re sure?” He releases a relieved breath at my insistence and slowly pulls away. “There’s somewhere to rest not much further. It’s a good stopping point, I think. At least for tonight.”
He gives up forging the way, settling on descending sideways so he can act as a human banister. Hands joined, we inch down together, soon arriving on another sheer shelf marking the start of a switchback.
We sit side by side on the dusty landing, feet propped on the stair below us. The lamp glows on the next stair down. In the hazy amber light he keeps glancing at me, as if to reassure himself I’m still here and in one piece.
“I know we’ve had our differences,” I mumble, catching him looking yet again, “but attempted murder seems a bit harsh, El.”
A surprised laugh breaks out of him. Then another, louder laugh, and I join in. Soon we’re both cackling so hard tears are running down our cheeks. We don’t stop until I’m weak and sagging against him.
“Next time you want to show me something, try and pick a less hazardous place, huh?” I finally wheeze, my cheeks sore.
“First order of business is installing some type of railing before you set one toe on these stairs again.”
“Thank you,” I whisper. “You know… for saving my life and all.”
His gaze pins me in the dim cavern. “Please don’t ever scare me like that again,” he whispers back, looping his arm around me, drawing me close, and pressing a soft kiss to my forehead.
Every fiber of my body tingles as his arm falls away, the echo of his soft lips pulsing above my eyebrow.
Eisha towers overhead, presiding benevolently over her secret realm inside the mountain. Her graceful hands with their tapered fingers loom above us. The moonlight filtering through the ceiling opening bathes her in ethereal radiance.
His voice is reverent when next he speaks: “From this angle, she truly looks how I imagine her.”
“She’s breathtaking. How did she get here?”
He tells me about the generations of high priestesses before him, before Maida and her predecessors, stealing away in secret. How they chipped away at the sandstone bit by bit until the cavern and the stairs and the goddess came into being.
He points upward, to where the wind is howling past the opening in the rock. “This place was just a small natural chamber at first. The weather had wormed its way inside and worn away at the rock. But the rest of it was formed by hand. Dug out gradually over hundreds of years.”
The sheer scale of such an undertaking leaves me astounded. “Does the prioress know about this place?”
“Absolutely not,” he scoffs. “We call it the Sanctum of the True Goddess. Its existence has been passed between high priestesses alone all these years.”
“This is a sacred place,” I breathe. My heart clenches at the enormity of what he’s sharing—the trust he’s placing at my feet.
He gazes at the stone goddess in her majesty, and I gaze at him, my pulse beating in my cheeks.
“Mother of Destruction and Regeneration,” I finally murmur, shifting my gaze to Eisha and reciting the part of her motto I remember. “Patron goddess of builders and craftsmen. In particular blacksmiths.”
“There’s more to it.” He glances sidelong at me.
