Amid twisted chaos, p.46
Amid Twisted Chaos, page 46
“But we also didn’t know what else to do,” Balthazar said. “Zephyrine and Anjou were gone when we came back out.”
Both of Cressida’s parents were seated on a narrow sofa, its yellow-gold upholstery clashing with Sarsali’s purple blouse. Balthazar ran a hand over his bald head.
“I’ll go look for them,” Jin said. “We all need to talk. Wait here.”
Astrea dropped into one of the formal armchairs across from Sarsali and Balthazar, wincing at its lack of decent cushioning. “Are you two alright?” she asked as she watched the Nikaphoroses. Both sat with too-straight posture.
“It’s all just a lot, my dear,” Sarsali said gently. “We didn’t wake up a couple of days ago thinking we’d go on the run. Not that we aren’t relieved to see you and Cress. It’s still . . .”
“Still a lot,” Astrea finished for her. “I know. That’s how it feels all the time, honestly.”
“Now that the initial shock has worn off . . .” Balthazar’s voice trailed off. “I feel like I’ve run all the way across Kalama in twenty minutes.”
That was how Astrea often felt, too. Bone-deep weariness followed her wherever she went, never letting up even when she managed to get a full night’s rest. Which wasn’t often, but some relief would’ve been nice.
“Can I do anything?” Astrea asked.
“If you’re inclined to do something,” Sarsali said with a smile, “you can give me a proper hug.”
Laughing, Astrea pushed herself to her feet. Sarsali met her halfway between the sofa and chair, then pulled Astrea into a tight embrace. Astrea melted into her arms. Relief pulsed against her skin, cool and light, just before a third joined them. Balthazar. Being here with the Nikaphoroses—two of the most important people in her life for so long—nearly made Astrea weep.
But she didn’t. Instead, as she pulled away, she said, “Can I ask you something about Mom?”
“Roxana?” Sarsali asked, gray confusion dancing around her head. “Of course, sweetheart.”
“Do you know if she was involved in . . . in anything like what we’ve told you about the Paragon?” Astrea swallowed hard as the question hung in the air between them.
Sarsali’s narrow eyebrows furrowed while Balthazar’s thick ones shot up. “I’ve never really thought about it,” Sarsali said. “Nothing jumps to mind, but let me think. That was so long ago.”
“Or anything about my father?” Astrea asked. “I think he might be, you know . . .” She gestured vaguely to the room. “Involved?”
“Now that’s a secret she never told us,” Sarsali said. “I tried to figure out who it was, but she wouldn’t tell me, just that he didn’t live in Irvina.”
“How’d she meet him?”
“She told me they’d met in town while she was making her healing rounds,” Sarsali said. “That he’d been charming and polite and she’d been lonely, and it just . . . happened.”
That didn’t exactly sound like someone connected to the void. Could it be that only Souleaters, like Astrea and Lucian, could sense the cold that surrounded void mages? No . . . that wouldn’t make sense. Plenty of Lightbringers at the palace back in Novaria could sense the void mages.
Unless . . . that cold was just a barrier, like the wall Jin put up. Could the void mages let their emotions open up past that? Would that have disguised her father’s true identity?
Or maybe he wasn’t a void mage at all. Plenty of people who weren’t void mages were connected to the Paragon.
Astrea wished she knew. More than anything, she wished she knew. Maybe that would give her some answers about why the Paragon thought she was this moon in this prophecy.
Or maybe not. Maybe her father had just been a kind stranger passing through town. Perhaps he hadn’t been connected to any of this at all.
“She met him just after we moved away,” Sarsali said. “Just before I got pregnant with Cress. I wish we’d still been there so we could’ve met him.”
“Why did you move, anyway?” Astrea asked. She’d never really thought to ask for specifics; she’d just known that the Nikaphoroses had lived in several cities around the continent before settling in Helosia.
“Better opportunities for us to start Lodestar in Kalama,” Balthazar said. “Guessing by the look on your face, you were hoping we knew more about him. Sorry.”
Astrea forced herself to smile. “Honestly, that’s the most anyone’s ever been able to tell me. It’s helpful, thank you.”
As Sarsali and Balthazar both gave Astrea one more hug, Astrea tucked away that piece of information about her father for later. The rest of the house’s inhabitants moved closer to the parlor, a mix of nervous energy and fatigue. Astrea settled back down in her chair as the Nikaphoroses returned to their sofa, just in time for everyone else to arrive.
Everyone moved into the room, either standing or sitting, but Saros stayed on the far end near the door.
“Well,” Zephyrine said as she surveyed the group, “Jin, you said you have a plan to propose. Would you like to fill us in?”
“It was actually Az’s idea,” he said, taking the book from Astrea as she passed it to him. “But we think it’s best for us not to be with this. We don’t think we should be the ones to take it to Talmaris.”
“What, you think the void mages are going to come after it?” Cressida asked.
“Obviously Nazarov didn’t intend for us to keep it, Cress,” Astrea said. Cressida nodded. “And after the dreamwalking, I just don’t want to take any chances.”
“Or if my father’s people catch up to us and he’s realized the Paragon think the two of us are key, that could be equally bad,” Jin said. “No matter which of the three groups finds us, they can’t have us and the book.”
“If they realize you do not have the book,” Sarsali said, “don’t you think they’ll just figure out who does?”
“Maybe,” Jin said. “They very well could. But if they think Az and I have it and catch up to us first, that buys the rest of you time.”
“Should you two even travel together?” Marko asked.
“I won’t split us up.” Jin’s firm answer left no room for argument. “Besides, if we’re split and they come for us, it’ll just make it that much harder to fight them off. Some strength in numbers, right?”
“I suppose,” Marko murmured.
Astrea took the book back from Jin, turning it over in her hands. Another half-formed idea tickled her mind as she stared down at the book’s dark cover. “We should take it apart.”
“Destroy it?” Cressida asked. “Az, after all that, we can’t just—”
“Not destroy it,” Astrea said. “Take it apart. Send it off to Talmaris in a new binding and put something else in the old binding. Which Jin and I can keep.”
“Trick them, you mean,” Adi said. “If they catch up to you two, they might think you actually do have the real thing.”
“At least for long enough to buy the rest of you some time,” Astrea said.
Saros cleared his throat. “I do have experience rebinding books. I haven’t in many years, but . . .”
“I used to help Raela fix bindings sometimes at the library, too,” Astrea said.
“Would it be possible to split the actual book up into two volumes?” Jin asked. “And then we split up that way? It would make it less likely that any one faction would get both volumes.”
“We could make it work,” Astrea said. She’d find a way to make that happen.
“And who would split up?” Zephyrine asked. “Do you even have enough transportation for us to get to Talmaris, Anjou?”
“I do not, but I think it’s a good idea. I’ve got contacts in Katavena. We’ll be able to split up.”
“And how will we split up?” Zephyrine asked.
The general didn’t sound entirely convinced. Astrea fidgeted in her seat.
“I think Sarsali and Balthazar should go with Anjou,” Jin said. “Saros and Zephyrine, you can take the other half. Adi, Marko, Cress, Az, and I will take the decoy.”
Splitting up again. Astrea could barely stomach the thought even though this had been her idea in the first place. It just hurt, looking at Sarsali, Balthazar, and Saros and knowing it was in everyone’s best interest to split up again. Two months she’d been separated from her family, and after just two days of being reunited, they’d have to go their separate ways again.
“How do we begin with this plan?” Zephyrine asked. “What supplies do you need to deconstruct the book?”
“Scalpels, glue, boards, something to wrap the covers in . . .” Astrea trailed off, thinking back to what Raela often used. “Linen’s easiest, probably. And extra paper, or we’ll need another book to take apart to use for the decoy.”
“I have none of that here,” Anjou said. “Well, other books, sure, but none of the rest. I can go to town and get some supplies if you think we have time to spare. Besides, I need to meet with my contact about the third route off the island.”
Astrea didn’t really see much of a choice unless they wanted to abandon this plan. Would taking an extra day or two be worth it?
“We should do it,” Zephyrine said. The others echoed their agreement.
“Then I will leave for town right now,” Anjou said. “I can be back tonight with the supplies if you can get me a list.”
Chapter 46
Despite Cressida and Balthazar cooking a delicious dinner, Astrea barely had an appetite. Anjou, Zephyrine, and Saros had set off for Katavena hours before to get the supplies they needed to rebind the void book. It sat on the credenza on the dining room wall opposite where Astrea sat, almost beckoning her to leaf through it again.
Dinner had been less awkward than she’d expected. Sarsali had taken an immediate liking to Adi and Marko both, and Balthazar had appreciated Adi’s knowledge of some of the mage athletes working their way up the professional rankings back in Kalama. It had been entirely unimportant conversation, but Astrea wouldn’t take that comfort away from any of them. Some of the anxiety pulsing around both the Nikaphoros parents had finally died off.
“So, what do we do while we wait for the others to return from the city?” Balthazar asked. “Wait up all night for them?”
“No,” Jin said. “We’ll take shifts and stay up on watch. Adi, Marko, take the first shift. Az and I will take the second. And you three”—he smiled at the Nikaphoroses—“should take the third shift. Cress can walk you through it. Rotate every four hours, even when the others are back.”
“Shall we do the dishes and get to it?” Sarsali asked.
“Cress and I can clean up,” Astrea said.
Already pushing out of her seat, Cressida said, “Yeah, don’t worry about it, Ma. Go get some sleep. I’ll wake you up when it’s time.”
As Sarsali and Balthazar headed back toward their room, Adi, Marko, and Jin helped Astrea and Cressida bring the dishes to the kitchen. Then the three men headed out of the house. A window over the wide kitchen sink revealed the setting sun. Hints of red and orange still clung to the horizon even as the dark night sky threatened to consume them.
For the first few minutes, Astrea and Cressida worked in silence. They put food scraps outside to compost, then started in on washing and drying the dishes. Cressida took the spot in front of the sink, just as she always did back home.
“You think this is the right decision?” she asked as she handed Astrea a freshly washed plate.
“Nothing ever feels like the right decision anymore, Cress,” Astrea said. “Not fully. But I think it’s our best choice.”
“Yeah.” Cressida slid another dish under the water and began scrubbing it clean.
“We shouldn’t be split up for too long at least. We’ll all get back to Talmaris in, what, a week? A week and a half? And then we’ll all be there with Ellie.”
“You’re right.”
“I often am.”
Peach amusement flashed in the air as Cressida nudged Astrea’s ribs with her elbow. “Shut up.”
“And by the time we get back, I bet Civan, Lennor, and Adi’s sister will be in Talmaris, or close to it,” Astrea said.
A faint sheen of blue wavered around Cressida. “What if they don’t come back?”
“They have to.” Astrea couldn’t let herself think of the alternatives. She had to believe that Jin was right, that they’d find Jin’s old commander and get her aid. “They will. You’ll get to see Len again.”
Cressida half smiled. “And finally tell her I like her.”
“I think she knows. She certainly likes you.”
“You know,” Cressida said as she handed Astrea the last plate to dry, “it’s a bit unfair that you get to read people like that. I mean, how is anyone supposed to stand a chance when I have you as my wing woman?”
Laughing, Astrea set the final dry dish on the counter. Over the years, she’d helped Cressida in all kinds of romantic situations. There’d been several women she’d had crushes on in their university days, plus a couple of men in recent years. But Cressida certainly had a type, and that type was Lennor. Smart, strong, funny people with dark hair. That was who Cressida was always drawn to the most.
“I’ll always help you, Cress. In life and in love.”
“Now look who’s getting emotional,” Cressida teased. She dried her hands off, then pulled Astrea into a tight hug. “I’m lucky to call you my sister.”
Heavy guilt settled in Astrea’s bones as she wrapped her arms around Cressida. A few rooms away, Sarsali and Balthazar’s relief and anxiety threatened to bury Astrea with renewed intensity.
“I’m sorry, Cress.”
“What? Why?”
“You—your parents—got dragged into this because of me and Saros. Maybe if we hadn’t been friends—if he hadn’t brought me to Kalama—”
“Then we would both have had lonely lives,” Cressida whispered. “We can’t change who our parents were friends with or what Saros did, but I’m glad to be here, Az. Even when it’s scary and awful. There’s no one whose side I’d rather fight by than yours.”
“I don’t say it enough, but I hope you know how grateful I am for you.”
“Don’t worry, I know.”
“And I love you. I don’t say that enough, either.”
“I love you, too.” A half laugh left Cressida as she pulled away and wiped at her eyes, her jade irises bright with tears. “Skies, just imagine if Ellie were here. I don’t know if she’d poke fun at us or join us.”
“Both,” Astrea said. “She’d do both.”
“Hopefully she’s not driving Nicos too mad.”
“You know she is.”
As they both began putting the clean dishes back into the cupboards, Astrea hoped she was right. That Lennor and Civan and Adi’s sister were alright. That they’d all get back to Talmaris soon.
By the time Astrea had cleaned up for the night and climbed into bed, nearly an hour had passed. She tried her best not to stare at the clock. Where was Jin? And how long would Zephyrine, Anjou, and Saros be?
She rolled onto her side so she faced the windows, staring at the sliver of moonlight she could see through the semi-sheer curtains. She’d often stared out at the moonlight just like this back in Kalama, watching its glow through her bedroom window as her mind raced. It raced now, too, her thoughts jumbling together as sleep pulled her eyes closed and worries forced them back open.
Had Eliana gotten anything sorted to dethrone her father? What if Saros and the others ran into Helosian soldiers or the Paragon while in the city? What if Nazarov showed up tonight? Would Sarsali and Balthazar be alright? They had been pulled from their home with little warning, even if it was ultimately for their safety. Where were Lennor, Civan, and Adi’s sister?
Astrea’s eyelids drooped again, the glow of moonlight flickering as she tried to fight the fatigue. Burrowing into the soft blankets didn’t help, yet she still burrowed deeper.
The bed dipped behind her. Familiar warm hands touched her waist, somehow heavy and soft at the same time. Longing shot through her core. Astrea turned halfway over to find molten golden eyes staring down at her.
“Go back to sleep,” Jin whispered. His bare chest and shoulders glowed in the faint moonlight still streaming in through the crack in the curtains.
Astrea missed that silly Talmaran guest house and that base. They’d barely had any rest in recent days. Any rest or any privacy. So much time spent on cots and in cargo holds and nightclub basements, so little time with those hands on her waist.
Angling herself toward Jin, Astrea reached for his face and pulled him down into a kiss. He melted under her touch, groaning softly as she nipped at his lower lip.
“That’s not sleeping,” he whispered against her mouth.
“Sleep soon,” she murmured. “Touch me, please.”
Tart lust coated Astrea’s tongue as Jin moved his mouth down her jaw and throat. He continued sucking the delicate skin there as he unbuttoned her nightshirt, only pulling away when he’d accomplished his task. He cupped her left breast, massaging it gently as he kissed the right. His journey down her body continued as he trailed kisses along her soft belly and down to the waistband of her bloomers.
“Can I take these off?” he asked, voice low.
Sleep and lust tugged at her mind, an internal war. She just wanted to feel good. She just wanted Jin to make her feel good for a while. Make him feel good. “Please.”
Jin pulled them off her slowly, then kissed the insides of her thighs. Astrea squirmed as he touched her exactly how she liked. And when his mouth was on her and his tongue flicked every sensitive spot, Astrea fisted his curls in one hand.
Her legs trembled, but she didn’t want to climax. Not yet.
“Wait.” She tugged on his hair, and Jin pulled away. “Come here.”
As soon as Jin’s face was nearly even with hers, Astrea fumbled with his underwear. He shucked it off, fucking into Astrea’s hand as soon as she’d wrapped it around his warm, hard length. As she pushed him onto his back, surprise danced over her skin. It was quickly replaced by approval and even stronger lust as she brought her lips to his erection.
