Queen of dust, p.16
Queen of Dust, page 16
“I’m sure I could.”
It must have been the chill in her tone that made his eyes close with remorse.
“Pent says you can’t—”
Or maybe not.
“Moons, Cal, really?” She couldn’t decide what pissed her off more, that he’d remind her of Liam’s rules or that he was actually worried she’d track Dr. Protaris down and suck his cock in exchange for a tour of the Pearl.
The third course arrived while Mara sat with her arms crossed.
“Fish it is,” complained the general.
The joy she’d been hoping to find not on the evening’s menu either, Mara snapped. “Well, there is an abundance of it. When there were people here—they needed to eat.”
D’Mont’s smile was half grimace. “I can think of better ways to fill a Balti mouth.”
Calvy rose from his seat, a cold, detached look in his eyes she’d never seen before. “We’re leaving.”
“No, we’re not.”
“Pity,” the general said.
Mara trained her eyes on him. “You’re as closed-minded as you are rude.”
He pushed back in his chair. “Me? I’ve heard about you, girl. Were you not spread on a table like this once, acting as the entertainment? Is that not rude?”
“It was a simple expression of pleasure—no more offensive than Mr. Rosier moaning over that soup.” She stood, dropping her napkin over her plate. “Do you install a chip at birth that limits Dern cognitive ability or is it a natural display of inferiority that you cannot manage any thinking that requires a shift in perspective?”
“If you think so poorly of us why do you keep one on staff?”
Mara opened her mouth but couldn’t respond. The fact was: she didn’t consider Calvy one of them anymore. “It’s Liam’s business,” she said finally.
The general laughed. “That’s how we felt about him too, Ms. Leanor—best to pass him off and hope someone else takes the blame for him.”
“It was my understanding that Private D’Aldiern had a stellar record prior to his demotion.”
Calvy took hold of her arm and tried to pull her from the table. “I believe the intent of Ms. Leanor’s flattery is to ensure you continue to hold Mr. Pent’s business prowess in high esteem.”
Mara turned her glare on him. “The intent of Ms. Leanor’s flattery is to issue recognition where it is due.”
She shook him off and headed for the elevator. Now she’d had enough. None of them should even be here. Celebrating something that wasn’t theirs—judging it, corrupting it.
Calvy pushed their floor number. She stepped forward to jam her thumb into the button for street level.
Of course he followed her out into the night.
Mara’s heart hammered in her chest as loud as her feet on the pavement. Her eyes stung and she told herself it was irritation from the wind generated by her quick pace. An army truck rattled behind them but she refused to move aside, to give up the road. The truck honked.
“Let them pass, Mara.”
“No.”
The engine revved, drawing nearer—much nearer by the sound of it—and a moment later Calvy had yanked her into a narrow pass between buildings. Her hair snagged on the rough wall as his body pressed her against it. She shoved him back but he couldn’t go far before he hit the opposite wall.
His chest heaved. “They were going to plow through you.”
“So let them. It feels like they already did most of the time.”
“I would never let them.”
“You wouldn’t? That’s why you had my back up there? That’s why you called for a retreat?”
“You were making a scene.”
She angled her head. “You’ve gone along with it before.”
His jaw jutted out. “You don’t want to be linked with me, Mara. You know who that was. General D’Mont gave me the order to leave my people on Theos. They were going to rot in that zoo even though he gave them counterfeit weapons—army-issued. It wasn’t their fault. But he has protection. And they didn’t. So I stepped in, and he fucking loved it. That was torture for me, Mara, sitting there with him, biting my tongue instead of ripping out his throat. I’d have spent an extra month on Theos to have avoided that table. Avoided how useless it made me feel. So, thanks for that.”
“My pleasure.”
“It always is. Whatever you want.”
“I wanted some support up there—if Liam were here—”
“The general wouldn’t have dared treat you that way. You think I don’t know that? But Pent wasn’t there. You just had me. And I couldn’t do anything. Not if I want to go back.” He looked up at the sliver of sky revealed in the gap between the two buildings. Then he turned to the side, away from her. “No matter what I do. Born a fucking eleven.”
She pulled at his elbow. “You’re not an eleven.”
It was his turn to try to shake her off. “Right. I have no title. No number.”
She persisted, ducking under his arm as he twisted away from her again. She took hold of his jacket. “You’ve got a number. Oh dash two six one one dash one four two three two seven.”
“You’ve memorized my military ID number.”
She put her hand on his chest over the tattoo. “I’ve seen it a few times.”
“And? You’re trying to remind me I might have no rank as well?”
“I’m trying to remind you that you made them give you something they didn’t want to give you. That you can take more from them than you think.” He didn’t answer. He didn’t consider the Dern his enemy like she did. They were on opposite sides. They always would be. “You don’t believe me. But I see your power too, Cal. I wanted to be with you tonight. I wanted you to be my date.”
He held up his hands, bracketing his face. “I can’t be your date!” He pulled at his tie. “That’s not me!”
Mara straightened her neck. “Who are you then? What do you want?”
Calvy squeezed his eyes shut, his dark lashes crushed into his cheeks.
“You can’t tell me? Or you don’t know?” She wanted to push him again. Shake him, shove him, make him see. But this was exactly the kind of conversation that would make what had become easy too complicated to bear. “Kiss me, Cal.”
“Mara—you don’t want me to kiss you. You’re pissed at me.”
“I am. And you’re going to fix it. By making me feel better.”
Then she did push him, following him into the wall, pinning him against it. Hard as it was, she waited. For him to do as he was told. To end the conversation before they reached more dangerous waters.
When he kissed her, his mouth was hot and angry—like he was trying to continue the argument, but without words. They battled with teeth and tongues, heads pitching one way and then the other. They slammed into the walls on either side of them, bumping along the surface as they moved further between the buildings. Mara was breathless when Calvy finally shifted down a gear, slowing them into a rhythm of desire instead of vexation. Without the storm of his mouth clouding her mind, she could focus on what came next. Hands that had gripped his jacket, holding on through the onslaught of his kiss, could now drift lower. She found him already there, unfastening his pants. And then he was hoisting her up, and driving his cock into her waiting cunt, stretching her to make room for himself inside her.
The moment they connected, Mara groaned, dropping her forehead to Calvy’s. He rocked his brow against hers.
“I should have—the way he spoke to you—”
“Just kiss me, Cal.”
Again he obeyed, his lips caressing hers as she gripped his neck. She held tight as he jounced her up, bringing her down hard on his cock.
Her fingers cramped and her grasp slipped to his shoulders, his jacket dusty from scraping against the sand plaster. His knees buckled and together they slid down to the ground, legs bending. Mara straddled Calvy, her dress peeling up. His hands at the top of her thighs kept them connected through the fall. And it didn’t stop him. He lifted his hips, pumping into her, hitting that spot inside of her that made her throw her head back and moan. Calvy braced his back on one wall and Mara found leverage with her shoulders against the other. She angled her hips, matching his thrusts, her abdomen tightening each time they moved up.
For once his eyes weren’t on hers, but trained on her cunt, spread wide in his lap, his cock plunging in and out of her depths.
She was exposed, to him, to the moons. A moan stuttered in her throat as everything squeezed shut—her eyes, her knees, and her cunt closing around the sensation that was Calvy beneath her, inside her, with her. Like she could keep him there, if she just held tight enough.
Pleasure overwhelmed her as he continued to delve in and out of her warmth. Pressure blocked her ears. Calvy sounded fuzzy and far away. But he was right there. Another thrust and then another and then his straining pelvis was lifting her up and it was his turn to crush a groan behind his gritted teeth.
Calvy lowered his hips back down, his chest rising and falling from the exertion. With his cock still deep inside her, he ran both thumbs along the sides of the slippery pink skin that was open to him, to the night.
“I was right,” he said finally.
“Unlikely,” she managed.
A satisfied smile pulled at his cheeks. “You wanted me.”
Chapter Twenty
Mara couldn’t shake the thought she’d had during the full moons. That she wouldn’t experience them again.
And definitely not like that.
Not with Calvy.
She’d spent nearly six months on Balti—getting to know it, getting to love it—and she still hadn’t found a single trace of who she used to be. Time was rubbing against her heels, blistering her skin worse with every movement, every moment.
And Liam’s bright face from the projector did little to ease the sting. “I don’t know what to tell you, you’re right. You know you are.”
She’d asked him to confirm what she suspected, that he wasn’t planning an extended stop on Balti. “But what if I’m not ready to go.”
“Mara. You’ll have had six months. It’ll be time to move on.”
“But—”
“We won’t be staying long after I get there.”
She pushed back. “Why is there a rush? I might need more time. To find out where I lived—where I came from.”
He threaded his hands together and leaned in. “There’s no record of Leanors owning property or business on the planet.”
“Balti didn’t keep the same meticulous records that Dern do. People knew each other—there was no need to catalog every little thing.”
“However—”
“Don’t say it, Liam.”
“However. There is a possibility that your name could be wrong.”
Her eyes shut and her shoulders sagged forward. She knew that too. But she wasn’t ready to face the possibility yet. It would mean stripping away one of the few things she had left.
“It’s a small planet, my dove. You must have looked everywhere by now. What else is there to see?”
“The Pearl.”
He tsked at the reminder. “Oh—I was meant to—I forgot. I’ll do it when I arrive. We’ll go together. I should have done it sooner. I’m sor—”
Her eyes flashed open. “Don’t. Just. Just fix it. Okay?”
“Okay.” Those soft green eyes hardened, reflecting his resolve. “See you in a few weeks.”
A few weeks.
In a few weeks she’d be raw and aching.
In a few weeks she’d have to admit that she’d failed. That it was over. That she was no one.
She couldn’t ignore the awful constriction of time. Even now, as she walked hand in hand with Calvy around the Ring, she was plagued by the gaps in her past. She’d done everything she could think to shake loose some memory, but all she found were whispers of familiar tastes, smells, feelings. Nothing concrete, nothing she could hold on to. Nothing she could take with her.
Calvy squeezed her hand, reading the tightness in her face. “There’s still time.”
The night was clear and the stars were bright. She felt the pull of the moons in her veins, her Balti blood responding to it like the ocean. He’d been right, saying they should get some fresh air. It helped. She tried to focus on the night. Before it was gone.
The square was bustling with late-night business. Men and women from the factory, looking weary from the day yet energized by the night. Like her. That moon magic that came alive inside all of them, connecting them to the planet and the sky they shared, connecting them to each other. And was it her imagination? Or had she caught a few glimpses of red hair in the crowd? She’d noticed an increase lately—Iola converting more followers to her cause while Mara had been cut loose, found wanting.
Think about what you believe.
Think about what you want.
She looked down where her fingers were linked with Calvy’s. His knuckles grazed her thigh and she used the connection to tug herself up, bring him closer, and take a bite of the rice cake in his other hand.
“No. I don’t think so. You said you didn’t want one.” He extended his arm, moving the cake out of her range, and she caught his wrist to pull it back, taking hold of the dessert.
“I changed my mind.”
He was reaching out to wipe the powdered sugar from the corner of her mouth when someone hit them from behind, slamming into her shoulder. The rice cake dropped. Mara’s wrist bent painfully trying to hold on, but Calvy let go.
He turned on the assailant, a hand reflexively going for his sidearm. Mara stepped back as the man rushed forward again, tackling Calvy about the waist and lifting him into the air. Calvy clapped his hands on the man’s back, his face twisted in—a grin? Then he laughed. And Mara’s brow furrowed. What? She wasn’t used to hearing him laugh like that. He’d quip with her often enough, but Calvy wasn’t prone to such easy displays of humor. He wasn’t loose, he was always so buttoned-up. She found herself grinning at him, despite the strangeness of the situation. That laugh. There was so much more to him under the surface.
The attacker set Calvy down and the assault transformed into an embrace.
“I thought they’d sent you back to that palace of yours,” the man said.
“They tried.”
“You never do as you’re told, do you?” The man crushed him in another hug.
When they pulled back, Calvy blocked the glinting chevrons on the man’s uniform. “What’s this? I’m blind.”
“You’re the one with the story—what are you doing here?”
Calvy glanced at Mara. “Private detail—this is Ms. Leanor. Ms. Leanor, Shef. Lieutenant in the Third.”
“You served with Private D’Aldiern?” Mara asked.
“Captain. I serve under him.”
“Not anymore. You outrank me,” Calvy said.
“What a crock of—” Shef spat on the ground. “Sorry, miss.”
“No need to apologize. It’s white, runny shit, Lieutenant.”
Shef looked Mara over before raising his eyebrows at Calvy. “Private detail, eh?”
“Temporary. Until I can get back in the service. Back in a grunt ditch with you lot, where I belong.”
Where I belong. At least one of them knew. And why would he trade that? A Dern king hadn’t traded his kingdom for a Balti queen’s. Why would a prince trade his rank for a nobody? Why would she want that? Knowing the man who’d made him a prince was the same man who’d made her an orphan. Except he hadn’t made Calvy a prince. And she didn’t see the link between them as clearly as she once had. What Calvy represented now was...something else.
Mara tapped her foot to release some of the anxious confusion that swelled in her.
Calvy cleared his throat. “We’ve got to be—”
“Yeah, yeah, always on task—but a bunch of us just arrived. Waiting orders here. The squad would love to see you. After what you did. They didn’t get a chance to thank you. Meet us out for a drink?”
Mara watched Calvy struggle for an answer. But why shouldn’t he go?
“He’s free tomorrow. Lunchtime,” she answered for him.
“Stellar.” Shef smiled at her and after exchanging a few more bits of news with Calvy, he left.
“Mara,” Calvy said when they were alone, “why did you do that?”
“You were going to say no.”
“Yes. I was.”
“You shouldn’t say no. You should see them.”
This was the start of it. The start of the end. They had to remember what was waiting for them. When this was over. Calvy had found his place.
“I don’t know if I—I don’t know how to—”
“That squad knows you, believes in you. Don’t you miss that? Don’t you miss them?”
“Yes.”
“Then go have a drink.”
He lifted his hand to finish wiping the sugar from her lips. “Small pleasures?”
“May there be many.”
There, that was the smile she associated with Calvy. Slow and steady, paired with a deadly smolder from his black-brown eyes.
A warning pricked her neck and she turned away, her gaze fixing on Iola, standing in the narrow slip between the buildings. Hood up, face half-covered, she nodded Mara over.
Calvy turned to see what had distracted Mara and she caught his arm.
“Shame about the rice cake,” she said with a pout. The fried ball had smashed into the ground at his feet, the sticky filling exposed. “Get us another?”
He looked around, gauging the crowd. Would he refuse to leave her?
“I’ll wait right over there.” She pointed to the wall near where Iola was hiding out of sight. “Okay? Out of harm’s way.”
