BRUCE Maybe I should just hit up the local convalescent home for a date like you.

  CHAD She’s not that old.

  BRUCE Better yet, I’ll TiVO Golden Girls tonight.

  BRUCE gestures WHACKING OFF.

  CHAD

  ...why don’t you just continue to drop hundred dollar bills on that Cambodian refugee at Ming’s House of Massage.

  BRUCE Hey, Shamnang has had a hard life.

  CHAD I bet she has.

  BRUCE Okay. You have the hots for a forty-eight year old. Go on.

  CHAD She’s thirty-four!

  BRUCE Thirty-four. Got it.

  CHAD Alright. Even though Eric wrote the Play, I had to formally audition.

 

 

  H. T. Night, Vampire Love Story

 

 

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