Cut from the same wester.., p.24
Cut from the Same Western Cloth, page 24
Chapter 32
Alice traced gentle fingers over the cover of her mother’s diary. She hadn’t opened it, not since the young man from the early morning had brought it. Fear tugged at her heart when she thought of finishing the last few pages. She didn’t want to feel what it was like to say goodbye to her mother again.
Her mind carried her back to the last time they’d said goodbye to one another.
Alice pressed a cool cloth to her mother’s forehead. She was feverish, sweat pouring off her brow. Alice hated seeing her this way, but she’d done her best to look past it the last couple of weeks. She’d tried to see her mother as she remembered her, strong and happy.
“What’s troubling you, Alice?” Her mother reached out a weak hand, cupping Alice’s cheek.
“I … I don’t want to say goodbye. It’s too soon. I want you to get better, but the doctor says…”
Her mother shook her head.
“I know, dear. This isn’t going to be easy for you, but it’s my time. Try not to be sad. I know that will be hard and sometimes seem impossible, but I had a happy life with you and your father.”
Alice nodded, trying her best to hold back the tears that threatened to break through.
“Let’s not talk of such dismal things.”
“How did you know Papa was the one for you?” Alice wanted nothing more than to make her mother happy, and if that meant changing the topic, she was happy to. She wanted to cherish every moment she still had with the woman who had raised her and who she considered her best friend. She didn’t want to feel what it was like not having her mother around, yet soon she’d have no choice.
Her mother’s face grew radiant, and if it weren’t for the physical symptoms of the illness whisking her mother away, she wouldn’t have been able to tell how terribly ill she was.
“There were several men before your father I thought I could love. But when I got to know him, everything changed. I understood what real love felt like. I knew that no matter what, your father would be there for me, and I just knew I could count on him to understand anything.”
Alice smiled at the thought. She knew what her mother said was true. Her father was the type of person who was always there for his family, no matter what. She wanted to find someone like that one day.
Her mother squeezed her hand gently.
“One day, you’ll meet a man who makes you feel like you’ve known each other forever. You can’t imagine living life without him because your life feels so perfect with him in it. I wish I could see that day.” Her mother paused, a fit of coughing tearing through her.
“I’m sorry, Mama.”
“It’s not your fault. Thank you for being here with me. I know it isn’t easy to lose your mother.” Her mother smiled a watery, sad smile. “I love you, Alice. No matter what happens, what you find out, or what you hear, always know that I loved you the moment I set eyes on you, and I’ll always love you.”
“Of course, Mama. I will always love you, too.”
Alice wiped away a lone tear. She wished she could go back to that day. It was the day before her mother passed. She would have thanked her for everything she sacrificed, for taking her to a life full of love and happiness. There was no going back now, no telling her mother how much she understood what she’d done.
She wished she could reassure her mother that she loved her no matter what came to light about how they’d come to be a family. She would never forget what her mother had done. No matter if her mother was her natural mother or not, she would forever be her mother.
She opened the book. It was time to finish the diary. She would read it one hundred times whenever she wanted to feel close to the woman who raised her. She needed to see the end.
As she flipped through the pages, she thought of Henry. What would Luisa have thought of him? Would she have approved? Would she have thought Alice made a terrible mistake? Not that Henry was even a part of her life any longer. She turned to the last couple of entries her mother wrote in the little leather-bound book.
Dear Diary,
Things have taken such a turn; where to begin? The Carpenters did what I have feared from the moment I started working for them. Naomi refused to go to her mother. They told me to pack my things, to leave.
I intended to do so. I promise that with every fiber of my being, I intended to pack up my things and leave. As I set my things in my satchel, Naomi began to cry. I looked at her little face and saw her eyes light up.
She wouldn’t survive in such a cold world. When I lost my husband and daughter, I prayed that God would somehow mend my life, and I believe now he has. This journal will most likely carry my secrets to the grave, and only if I pass shall it fall into the hands of those, perhaps my darling Alice herself, who need to know what happened.
I took Naomi. I picked her up, and as she nestled into my chest, I knew I couldn’t leave her behind. It happened so fast. One moment, I was packing my things, and the next, I was running through the streets of New York with a baby wrapped up in a blanket, fearing I’d be caught.
She didn’t make it difficult. She didn’t cry. It was like she knew I was carrying her to safety. I stopped in town. The man who I thought I would marry, I had to say goodbye to him. Dear Blake, I’m so sorry. I suppose he would be Dr. Blake Williams to me now.
His son, Leonel Henry, is quite the little man. I thought he and Naomi would be good friends someday. I will miss them both, but I have to make a clean break, and I will not implicate Blake in my crime.
I’ve decided to call her Alice. The Carpenters are wealthy people. They have resources I could only dream of. They’ll come after me, search for me to the ends of the Earth. I couldn’t put Dr. Williams through that. Little Leonel, I’ve grown to care for him and might have even cared for him as a son one day.
I’m afraid now I’ll never know him. His father is a good man. I am sure he will turn out to be a good man as well. For now, I must put some distance between us and the Carpenters.
Alice paused, her breath hitching. She’d never expected to run across names she recognized, yet there was the Williams family. She’d heard that several rich families from the city moved to San Francisco several years back, but she never imagined that her mother had known Henry’s father.
She shook her head in bewilderment. Leonel Henry Williams. She never would have guessed that Henry’s name was Leonel. Something strong tugged at her heart. There was something there. Something real. She’d met Henry when she was a child, and despite everything that had taken them to distant places, they’d managed to reconnect as adults.
She wiped away one more stray tear. Her mother would have said it was a divine sign, showing Alice where she was supposed to be and with whom she was supposed to be. But Henry didn’t want her. He’d made that clear. The ache she’d struggled with ever since her altercation with Henry came back. Why did it feel so hard to imagine life moving forward without Henry in it?
She took a deep breath and continued reading the entry.
I’m leaving in a couple of hours with what I can carry and Alice. We’ll head out to the Midwest to one of the smaller towns, and one day, we’ll settle down and be a family. I will carry the guilt of what I am doing with me forever, knowing I’ll cause great pain to the Carpenters when they find their daughter has gone missing.
However, if I left Alice behind, I would also live with guilt for the rest of my life, knowing I left a child I loved in a situation where she never would be loved properly. Maybe it’s not my place to judge, but I do feel like it’s my place to do something about it. May the Lord forgive me if I am wrong.
Luisa
Alice sucked in a breath. The familiar aches of goodbye tugged at her heart. She missed the new words already, discovering more about her mother, but it seemed her mother’s past was completely laid bare.
There were so many feelings in Alice’s chest she didn’t know what to do with them. Her mother made the ultimate sacrifice for her. Perhaps she would have been happy if she’d married Mr. Williams and become Henry’s mother. Perhaps then, she could have had something to do with Alice’s life growing up, even from afar.
The very idea of not having her mother’s loving, calm, consistent presence in her life made her eyes fill with tears. No. She was glad that her mother took her.
The Carpenters must have suffered terribly. Losing a baby, no matter how terrible of a parent they were, must have been awful for them. But judging by how they’d treated her, even after finding out who she was, didn’t make her think that they would have done what was right by her.
She imagined growing up with the Carpenters. The only small solace she saw would have been having Cora as a sister during all those years. She felt sad that they’d never gotten to truly know each other the way sisters should.
Maybe her mother should have taken both of them. She swallowed hard. That might have been going too far. If the Carpenters had lost both their daughters, that might have been a loss too difficult to come back from.
A loud knock on the door made her jump. She had no idea what to think. Was it Cora? Why would Cora knock? After all, it was technically her house. She made her way to the little window beside the door to peek outside. Her heart jumped into her throat.
Not only was Cora there, but so was Henry. She hadn’t expected to see Henry there. He had made it clear he didn’t want her for who she was. He wanted Cora, the wealthy young woman he thought he was getting to know.
Perhaps the two of them had decided they were more right for one another after all. No. She shook the ludicrous idea from her head. Cora wouldn’t do that to her. She was certain.
She ran a hand over her hair, then adjusted her shirt and skirt. She’d gotten plenty ready this morning but hadn’t seen Henry in her normal clothes since the seamstress shop. Would he care that her clothes were faded and well-used?
They weren’t the fancy gowns she’d worn around him at the Carpenter estate. She was not the same person he’d come to love. Not in his case. He’d thought that she grew up in a wealthy estate, learning all the proper manners and things she’d need for society.
He thought she dressed in fancy dresses, knew the proper etiquette for being called on, and drank from fancy china. What would he think when he realized even more than he had that she was the complete opposite?
She’d rarely worn anything new, didn’t know how to manage herself in a fancy social setting, and spent her days on a farm, doing what needed to be done with the animals, and did not mind one bit.
“You’re being silly,” she whispered to herself. “Open the door, and he will be what he is, nothing else.”
She gave herself another reassuring nod. She could face Henry. No matter what would come, she needed to face him.
She opened the door and regarded Cora first, doing her best not to look at Henry. She didn’t realize how much it would hurt to see him so close and not know how he felt about her. She’d been trying to convince herself all this time that he disliked her, but the reality hit her harder than she’d ever expected.
“Alice, how are you feeling?” Cora reached out a tentative hand, touching her elbow. “I didn’t want to bring Mr. Williams here, but he insisted.” She cast him a side-eyed expression as if annoyed by his very presence.
“You have no idea how worried I’ve been.” Henry’s voice was deep with emotion. It took her off guard, jolting heavy emotions into her heart. He’d just said that he was worried. Had he been worried about her? Surely not.
“I …”
“Come, let’s all go inside. No reason to stand on the street and invite everyone in town to watch this.” Cora ushered her inside, a caring air about her, as if she were the overly protective older sister. For all Alice knew, she could be. She had no idea who of the two had been born first, she or Cora.
“So, how was your morning? Did you find everything all right?”
Alice shrugged. She felt strange talking about her day in front of Henry as if there were nothing to say between them when there was a world of things for them to discuss.
“It …was all right. When you didn’t come home last night, I thought something must have happened, but then figured you had to stay for some reason.”
Cora nodded. “It was nearly the middle of the night, and my parents … our parents, it was just too much to handle all at once. I suggested we all wait until morning. Some were more eager to get started earlier than others.” She pointed another look in Henry’s direction as if he had been the one to be so inconvenient that morning.
Everything she was hearing pointed to Henry being worried sick and wanting to find her, but how could she believe that about him after the way he’d treated her, the way he’d turned against her so easily?
She didn’t know what to think of it, quite honestly.
Another knock on the door stopped her from replying to her sister or addressing things with Henry.
“Who is that?”
“No idea.” Cora hurried to answer the door. Unlike Alice, she did not take the time to check through the window but simply threw it open. Alice immediately recognized the man standing there. Oliver, her sister’s fiancé.
“I’m sorry. I hope I’m not intruding. I just saw you were back and …” Oliver held his hat in his hands awkwardly. The first thing Alice noticed was how Cora’s eyes lit up as she looked at him. She looked as if she’d just spotted the only person on the planet that could make her happy.
A tiny streak of envy ran through Alice. She looked at Henry that way a day or two ago. She’d thought he’d be the man she loved forever. How naïve she’d been.
“Come in. You’re not intruding at all. In fact, you have perfect timing. You can help us all figure out what to do next.” Cora’s cheery voice pulled Alice back to what was happening in front of her.
Oliver stepped in, looking about as awkward as Alice felt. She wasn’t sure she wanted to argue with Henry in front of Cora and her fiancé.
“Wow. Hi. You do look just like Cora! I thought maybe you might look similar, but I would have a hard time telling you apart. Nice to meet you,” Oliver stammered.
“Nice to meet you too, Alice answered, all the while wondering what it would be like to see two Henrys at the same time. It would be very strange for sure.
“Before Henry gets to you, Alice, Mother and Father want to meet you, I mean, really meet you.” Cora watched her carefully as if waiting to watch every tiny reaction on her face.
“I … they didn’t seem like they had much interest in me.” Alice tried to bury the bitter feeling in her center, but she just couldn’t.
“They do. They really do. They were just surprised, shocked, stunned. They didn’t even really understand what had happened,” Cora countered.
“My father … they’ll want to put him in jail, or worse.” She shook her head. She couldn’t put him through any of that.
“No. I’ve spoken with them. They won’t do it. They won’t get the sheriff involved. Would you at least sit down with them and talk with them? Maybe you can consider a future that involves us?”
“I … I need time to think about it.”
“All right.” Cora took a step back. Why don’t Oliver and I get out of here and let you and Henry talk? Then maybe we can go back to the house together.”
Alice nodded, though all she felt was numb. She didn’t know if she was ready to face Henry alone. How would she tell if anything he said was real? She didn’t want to trust her heart to him so soon after he’d broken it. She wasn’t sure if she’d ever be ready to give him a second chance, if that were even what he was there to ask her.
Cora ushered Oliver out of the house, leaving Alice with Henry. She noticed the sharp curve of his jaw, the intense look in his eyes, the way he watched her as if she were the only person that existed in the world. He seemed very sad.
