Daisys decision, p.16
Daisy's Decision, page 16
After congratulations ran through the family, Jon disappeared into the pool house with his father. Ken sat, stunned. Jon and Alex were getting married.
His heart pounded, and he felt cold sweat on his brow. They were getting married, and here he sat, trying to work out his place in the life of the woman he loved. He wanted to marry her and bring her home to the house he was building for her. But they’d only had a few weeks together, hardly enough time. What could he consider the right thing to do, the right time to act?
He glanced over at his future sister-in-law and observed her trembling hands and bright red cheeks as she drank half of a bottle of water. He frowned. “You might want to get out of the heat.”
She fanned her face with her hand. “It was so hot today. And I’m usually so sick in the morning. I think I started this adventure off a little dehydrated.”
He gestured with his head toward the pool house. “That building is air-conditioned. There’s a couch in there you can go lie on.”
She stood and put her hand on the back of the chair as if to steady herself. “I feel like their conversation is too important to interrupt. I think I’ll just go back up to the main house.”
He stood. “I’ll walk with you.”
She held up a hand. “Ken, I’m okay. I’m just overheated.”
He shrugged. “Yeah, me too. Besides, I want to get a drink out of the main house fridge. This is a good excuse.” He walked next to her down the brick path. “You settling in okay?”
Glancing at him under her lashes, she said, “I don’t have the words to express my feelings for your family. You have been more welcoming to me in the three days I’ve been here than my family was to me for my whole life.”
Ken pondered just what kind of family Alexandra had for her to say such a thing. Even so, they didn’t speak again. When they reached the back of the house, he opened the door for her, and she preceded him inside.
They went through the mudroom and into the kitchen, where he headed straight for the refrigerator. “See you later, Alex.”
She turned as she reached the kitchen door. “Thanks for gallantly rescuing me, Ken. The cool air feels so good in here. I probably should have come in an hour ago.”
“Just don’t pass out on me. Jon might have something to say about that.” She waved goodbye and left the room. He grabbed a soda out of the fridge then walked through the house. Once he made sure Alex felt better and rested comfortably on the couch in his mother’s den, he went back out to the pool house to help clean up from dinner.
While he cleaned the grill, his mind wandered back to Jon’s upcoming nuptials. Oh, how he longed to make Daisy his. When would that timing be right?
Daisy sat in the hard pew next to Ken. He had his arm around her shoulders, and the smell of his aftershave tickled her senses. She had managed to volunteer with the children’s program of her church every Sunday since getting her positive pregnancy test. Today marked the first time she’d sat and listened to a sermon. As the pastor read from the book of John, recounting about Jesus writing in the dirt and the woman actively caught in sin had been dragged in front of him, her mind started spinning.
Why did all of these examples of confronting Jesus with sexual sin have to do with women? She thought of the woman at the well who lived with a man who was not her husband; this woman caught in the act of adultery with a man then dragged through the streets; and then the prostitute who wept at Jesus’s feet, washing his feet with her tears. Why all women and no men?
Where could she find the story of the man who preyed on an innocent woman, told her lies, and seduced her, getting her pregnant then rejecting her and the unborn baby? Where was that story in God’s word?
She closed her eyes and willed herself not to start crying. Jason did not carry all the blame here. She went into everything with both eyes wide open. They didn’t do anything she didn’t want to do.
Perhaps that’s why she felt so guilty. Because she willfully did something she knew opposed her moral standards and her faith. Then, instead of it just staying hidden like some dark secret, soon everyone would know, and her hypocrisy would come fully into the light.
Yet, God already knew, and she’d spent the last several weeks avoiding Him as if she could hide. She hadn’t stopped to pray for the baby, its future, its life. Why? Dare she search her heart and find out the truth?
A tear slipped down her cheek, followed by another and another. Soon, she had to dig through her purse and find the package of tissues. Her fingers trembled as she tried to open the little plastic flap. Finally, she just ripped the whole thing, and it fell open into her lap. She picked up two tissues and pressed them to her eyes. So much for her carefully constructed makeup.
Ken rubbed her back between her shoulder blades. He couldn’t possibly know why she suddenly felt so upset, but he didn’t ask or question, just supported. When she thought she could raise her head without wailing, she slowly looked at the pastor. He talked about Christ’s love and wisdom, how the crowd dispersed without stoning the woman to death because of Christ’s challenge of he who is without sin cast the first stone. Left alone with the woman, He asked her, “Has no one condemned you?”
When she admitted no one had, Christ said, “Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more.”
“Beloved,” the pastor said, “let’s take a moment and look at that. What does it mean to condemn? It is the Greek word katakrinō, which means basically to judge worthy of punishment. Now, her accusers say that the law of Moses required her to be stoned to death. However, that’s not what the law says. This kind of wordplay reminds me of the serpent as he addressed the first woman and asked, ‘Did God really say…?’”
He held up his Bible. “What the law of Moses says is that if a man and woman commit adultery, then they should both be put to death. But that’s not what they were doing here. They only brought half of the sinful couple, and in doing so, they were trying to trick Jesus. Because, after all, who was He to go against the law of Moses?”
The congregation murmured in amusement. He continued. “So, stoning her to death was not following the law, and Christ knew that. But, beyond that, what He said to the woman is most encouraging! ‘Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more.’ Which is to say, ‘Neither do I judge you worthy of punishment.’ Now, how is that possible? She was sinning! Whether they brought her partner with her for judgment or not didn’t take her sin out of the equation. Did Jesus really not judge her?”
He slammed his hand down on the pulpit and pointed at the congregation. “I do not for one second believe that Jesus condoned her sin. What I believe is that He knew her heart and could see her desire for repentance. So, what did He do? He forgave her and told her to go and sin no more. He didn’t say, ‘Girl, you’re good. Those are old laws. They don’t apply anymore.’” He paused as everyone chuckled. “He simply said, ‘Go and sin no more.’
“Now, one sidebar worth mentioning here. He didn’t say, ‘Go back to your sinful ways. It’s cool.’ He said she shouldn’t sin anymore. He knew she felt repentant.
“How often do we find ourselves sinning, then asking for forgiveness, then kind of hanging out and waiting, making sure it really happened? We ask ourselves, ‘Am I really forgiven? Like, really truly forgiven? I just can’t believe it!’ And you know what? That’s true. We really don’t believe it. Instead, we focus on our pasts, our mistakes, our sins. They drag us down with the weight of guilt and regret until we can barely walk forward.
“But Christ has given us the out. He is here to share our burdens, lighten the load, and pay the cost for our sins so we can claim that we are redeemed! He didn’t tell her to go and think about what she’d done! No! He said, ‘Go and sin no more.’”
He paced to the front of the platform, his Bible in one hand and his other hand casually in his pocket. “Now, I don’t know about you, but that encourages me. It frees me. It removes the burden of sin off of my shoulders and lays it at the feet of my Savior so I can go out, sinless, guiltless, blameless, and work for Him and His kingdom. It would be impossible to serve Him while struggling under the weight of my past. He doesn’t want that. He wants me out here, working, doing, being the light and the hands and feet! And that’s what He wants for you, too.”
As he spoke, his wife, who led the worship team, stepped onto the stage, followed by the musicians. Daisy felt such a weight lifted from her heart as she listened to the chords of a song softly filling the room.
The weight of her decision to involve herself in a physical relationship with Jason had overwhelmed her, dragged her down, weighted her with guilt and shame. Even though she’d admitted her sin to God and asked His forgiveness, she really had just kind of been hanging out, worried He was mad at her, thinking He could never possibly forgive her for embarrassing Him this way.
But He wasn’t that kind of God. He loved her and wanted her to give Jesus her burdens, let Him take up the yoke so she could continue in the ministry where He’d placed her. He wanted her to go and sin no more. Not sit here and make sure the forgiveness really stuck.
Daisy wanted to stand up and applaud. What perfect timing for a sermon of this caliber! She glanced at Ken. He must have sensed her gaze because he turned his head. She could read the concern in his eyes and smiled at him to help alleviate his worry.
With her legs crossed, Daisy leaned her head back and looked up at the ceiling of the gazebo. Ken lay across the bench with his head in her lap, and she casually ran her fingers through his hair. They had just finished eating lunch with most of his family. At first, she worried about how his parents would treat her because she had broken down so openly in church. But they never asked any questions, just treated her with welcome kindness.
“I’m glad you came today,” Ken said.
“Me, too. I had no idea that you were taking up an offering for Gálatas Seis. I just thought you were going to talk about it.”
His church had handed her a check for more than a thousand dollars from an offering they had taken after Ken spoke about the charity.
“Nothing special. We do that monthly. The charity on the books for the last year got folded up into a larger company that we don’t typically support. My dad sits on the committee and asked if we could highlight you instead.”
“I really appreciate it. Every little bit helps.”
They sat in comfortable silence for several minutes. The sound of tweeting birds and buzzing insects filled the air. Daisy found her eyes resting on the surface of the pond. The coy breached the surface like an orca out in the ocean. She jumped and then giggled. “I didn’t know they did that.”
Ken apparently knew what she referred to because he didn’t even turn his head to look. “When we first got them, lots of them did that all the time. Apparently, that’s normal when they come to a new place. That one is just crazy, I think. Never did settle in.”
“How do you know which one it was?”
He smiled, and she stared down at his face. “We’ve had the same fish for fifteen years. I know which one it was. It’s not my first day.”
She looked around at the gardens and the edge of the castle she could see. “I can’t imagine growing up here.”
“Yeah, we had it rough.” His chest shook with a silent chuckle. “Actually, it was just my brothers and me and Valerie. This entire property was our playground. We played, too. Can’t imagine a better place to raise triplet boys.”
“That’s right. Your mom raised Valerie.”
His head moved back and forth on her lap as he shook it. “No, her uncle Buddy raised her. Mama had her during the day with us. She and Buddy lived in the cottage down that path there.” He pointed then closed his eyes as if completely relaxed. “She moved out right before your dad came to our church.”
Daisy thought of the close relationship Brad and Valerie obviously shared. She wondered if spending so many of their formative years together contributed to that.
“The sermon today really resonated with me. As I sat next to you on that pew, it occurred to me that this was the first sermon I’ve heard since I found out I was pregnant. I think I’ve had a bit of a Jonah experience as I have volunteered to work with the children or nursery service at my church for the last six or seven weeks.”
Ken opened his eyes and looked up at her. His eyes had shifted to a shade of blue-gray in the afternoon sunlight. “Why?”
She pursed her lips and thought about it. “I think because I hadn’t quite accepted that I was really forgiven because I had a physical manifestation of my sin. And I don’t mean that against the baby at all. I just mean it’s not something I’ll be able to hide. It’s not something I was able to identify that I had done, come to God in private and seek forgiveness and repent, and then be forgiven and walk away like it was some secret, private dealing in a back room. No matter how forgiven I am, in a few short months, it will all come out.”
With graceful movements, Ken sat up and shifted his body to turn and face her. He slipped his arm across the back of the bench so he could put a hand on her shoulder. “And?”
“And facing judgment is nothing I’ve ever been good at.” She didn’t feel emotional, and it occurred to her that she truly heard the sermon’s point today. “But I can take it and get through it. It’s not like they’ll actually take me outside and stone me these days. That’s what the cross was for, right?”
He stared at her for several moments, his eyes serious, his expression focused. Finally, he asked, “You’re okay?”
She smiled. “I am okay.”
He tilted his head, studied her face, and finally said, “Good. I’m glad.”
He lay back down, and she continued to run her fingers through his hair. Finally, he said, “Jon and Alex are getting married.”
Daisy’s heart gave a jealous little tug at the news. “Really? When?”
“Two weeks. A week from Saturday.”
“I look forward to meeting her.”
“You will today, I hope.” He reached up and wound a strand of her hair with his finger. “How was the Quinceañera?”
He butchered the pronunciation, so she corrected him, and he said it again, this time properly. “It was a beautiful party,” she said. “My parents were slightly emotional and acting a little weird, but if anyone picked up on it, they didn’t ask me about it.”
“Do you think it will end up being okay with them?”
“I really do.” She rested her hand on his chest, feeling his steady heartbeat under her hand. “They just need to sort it out. We called my brother on the way down to Columbus. He was less overwhelmed at the beginning of the conversation than my parents were.”
“Well, he’s our age. Different perspective.”
“True.”
He picked up her hand and brought it to his lips, pressing a kiss to her wrist. The feeling of the touch raced through her arm and sent her pulse rate skittering. She watched the koi jump in the pond again and thought that if she could just sit like this for the rest of her life, she’d die in perfect contentment.
As he stirred the tomato sauce into the aromatics on the stove, Ken looked over at Daisy. She propped her chin in her hand and watched him cook with confidence. “I’ve never seen anchovies as the base of a sauce before,” she remarked.
He winked at her. “Trust me. Briny, salty, garlicky.” He kissed his fingertips. “They build the best sauces.” He slid the bass fillets into the pan and put a lid on the skillet. Daisy resumed chopping the cucumber for the salad as he stirred couscous into boiling water.
The ease with which they made this meal in her kitchen filled her with a sense of security. She’d told him, and he was still here. What did that mean? Dare she hope for a future with him?
Everything her little fifteen-year-old heart had longed for had started coming true. Except for one thing.
Ken put the lid on the couscous and walked over to her. She sat across the bar from him, perched on a stool. Ken had hooked up his phone to her Bluetooth speakers, and a popular song from the eighties played quietly in the background. He slid the salad bowl into the center of the bar and filled it with the contents of a bag of rinsed lettuce.
“How’s the house coming along?” she asked.
He rolled the top of the bag closed and put it in the fridge. “Steady. Drywall’s up in the first floor. Working on the second floor. Lot’s to do.” He grinned a sheepish grin. “I’d get more done if I didn’t enjoy being with you so much.”
“So, it’s my fault,” she chuckled. “Good to know.”
She slid cucumbers and tomatoes onto the lettuce, then carried the bowl to the table. A few minutes later, Ken carried plates with the fish and the aromatic sauce sitting on a bed of couscous to their spots at the table. Her mouth watered as she took his hand and bowed her head, listening to his voice as he asked God’s blessing over their meal.
At the first bite, the salty, rich flavor filled her mouth in a beautiful way. She closed her eyes and just enjoyed it, then opened them to watch Ken staring at her with a very stoic expression on his face. “It’s so good,” she said, gesturing at the fork halfway to his mouth. “Taste it.”
He smiled and nodded. “I plan to.”
Heat flushed her face, but she didn’t reply. She just kept enjoying her dinner.
An hour later, with the kitchen clean and the sun setting around them, Daisy sat nestled against Ken on the swing on her front porch.
“I really enjoyed going to church with you yesterday.” She sighed and closed her eyes. “It was nice to sit next to you.”
He kissed the top of her head. “Think you can sit through a sermon again this Sunday?”
She chuckled. “I could be persuaded to if you were sitting next to me.”
“Hmm.” His arm squeezed her close. “Your place or mine?”
