Coup de coeur, p.14
Coup de Coeur, page 14
He hoped it would. He could forgive Aubrey the transgresses he’d committed months before; in some way, Aubrey had been looking out for him. Aubrey wasn’t always the most emotive but over the course of their relationship, Ethaniel had been privy to the molten core Aubrey hid away, and hid well.
Perhaps there was room for something more once again.
They waited while Aubrey wrapped the book in what appeared to be tea-stained linen, then wrapped a heavy iron chain around it. The chain was padlocked, the key added to Aubrey’s already immense ring he carried at all times, and then Aubrey disappeared for a few minutes into what he simply called “the vault”. When he returned, Aubrey was still ashen but he’d righted his coat and now had his hat and cane in hand.
“Are you ready?” Aubrey asked Ethaniel and Calix, his gaze scrutinizing.
“As much as I can be,” Calix said while Ethaniel nodded.
“Ethaniel?” Aubrey asked.
For a brief moment, Ethaniel wondered if Aubrey would extend his arm, a silent ask for Ethaniel to take it. But the moment passed and Ethaniel was left to reply, “Yes, of course.”
Ethaniel spent the entire walk wondering if he’d missed an opportunity.
“Well, you did say unconventional,” Ethaniel muttered as the three of them entered a glossy, clearly expensive building. “A bank?” He stared up at the high ceilings from which bright glass light fixtures hung. It was a beautiful building, clearly well cared for — freshly waxed marble floors and shining panes behind which smartly dressed tellers sat. The customers were of the wealthy sort, decked in furs and jewels even though it was barely noon.
Aubrey gave him a soft, secretive smile. “Not in the least. We’re headed downstairs.”
It was perhaps foolish of Ethaniel to whisper, “All right, I trust you,” to Aubrey as they walked past the customers standing in line and wood paneled offices holding loan managers deep in conversation with well-dressed clientele. Aubrey didn’t appear to react, but a single glance at how tightly he gripped his cane told Ethaniel everything.
Ethaniel hid his smile by turning to Calix and saying, “I’m glad you’re here, Calix.”
Calix ducked his head, eyes averted. Perhaps it was Ethaniel’s imagination, but the man seemed to be blushing. “Thank you. I appreciate the invite, especially because I’m the one who caused all this trouble.”
They’d reached a heavy iron and wood door, something one might see at the front of a church in London. A man dressed in all navy blue with no adornments but the gold buttons on his tightly tailored jacket waved them forward. Aubrey strode ahead, shoulders back and head raised high while Ethaniel and Calix followed in his shadow. Watching Aubrey tower over the man in blue, seeing his confidence radiate out and turn a few people’s heads? It was opium to Ethaniel, heady and unadulterated. It made him yearn, made him ache.
He didn’t care where they were going. All he wanted was to be near Aubrey, somewhere quiet and soft, where they could talk and…
Ethaniel shook his head to clear it. They had much more to worry about right now. The man at his elbow, this young, wealthy earl who had careened into his life, and then into Aubrey’s, was in distress and possibly danger.
But all that logic did nothing for the slow burn simmering in Ethaniel’s chest.
“You didn’t cause anything,” Ethaniel replied softly, looking down into Calix’s big brown eyes. “By luck or fate, you found two people willing to help. Perhaps it was meant to be.”
“Maybe.” But Calix looked unconvinced, his brow pinched and mouth tightly pursed. “I’ve never put much stock in fate. Or any god, to be honest.”
“We’re of similar minds in that regard,” Aubrey said as the uniformed man opened the door and stepped aside. “Come. We’ll discuss all that once we’re somewhere more private.”
Aubrey led them down a wide, winding stone staircase, which curved and curved again. The lower they went, the damper the air became, until the walls were slick with moisture and the scent of salt made Ethaniel’s nose tingle.
“I’ve heard of this place,” Calix breathed out as they came to the bottom of the stairs.
“Somehow I’m not surprised,” Aubrey said, his tone lightly teasing. Ethaniel made note of that — Aubrey wasn’t one to warm up to others easily, but when he did, it was like watching a painter finish a masterpiece. Those final brush strokes revealed the painting’s full nature, in all its glory. “I envy you both, seeing the Minotaur Baths for the first time.”
The room opened up in a massive chamber, at least three stories tall and ringed with walkways across which figures moved. His head swam with the scent of salt and the tingle of magic; a place like this would be impossible on its own, but every day that passed convinced Ethaniel even more of magic’s capabilities. The stone walls, dripping with condensation, were a soft coral brown, like the sandstone cliffs of England, but instead of dropping into the ocean, they sloped and zagged into multi-tiered hot springs. There were no gas or electric lights down here, only magical lanterns gently bobbing in the air and casting a golden glow. They reminded Ethaniel of the lanterns he’d seen in places like Acadia Gardens; places where direct, bright light often attracted the wrong kind of attention.
He turned his gaze to the hot springs, astounded by what he saw. All around the pools of steaming water were bathers, bold in their various states of undress and utterly unconcerned about themselves or those around them. Stature, color, appearance…none of it seemed to matter. Some bathers were bare-chested and decked in fluffy blue towels, dangling their feet into the water or walking arm in arm with another, sometimes two. Others lounged near the pools’ edges, their glistening skin and shifting muscles impossible to look away from. And others frolicked in the water, small groups of bathers in tight circles chatting and hanging off each other while others sank to their necks and rested, eyes closed.
It was an incredible, impossible sight.
The glistening walls. The inlaid slate flooring, in more pinks and browns and touches of copper. No, wait…Ethaniel peered closer at the stone beneath his feet. Those were actual copper veins running through each and every dinner plate-sized tile, as if they’d been ripped from the Earth whole and only sanded into shape. And with the gentle bob of lanterns overhead, Ethaniel wondered if he hadn’t stepped foot across some invisible veil to an impossible demimonde.
But fairy worlds would likely have women, and this place did not. Every single person in view appeared male, and they ranged from those with bulging biceps and beautifully sculpted legs to the more lithe, almost dainty fairies whose red lips and slicked back hair accentuated the dangling earrings and sparkling rings they wore.
Ethaniel could hardly believe what he was seeing.
“The Minotaur Baths are some of the oldest in the city, and they’re well protected,” Aubrey said as he turned to face them. Something like pride stood out on Aubrey’s face. Pride, mixed with the headiness of a close-kept secret. “I’ve been coming here for years. It’s survived every police raid, every attempt to shutter its doors permanently. It’s as private a place as we might find anywhere else.”
They were interrupted by an attendant carrying a folded bundle of cloth dyed such a deep red it looked nearly black in the dim lights. “It’s good to see you again, Mr. Lavigne. Cahill up front told me you’d brought friends.” The attendant’s eyes were a verdant green, shining darkly in the flickering, golden light; the paint on his lips was a shade lighter, but only a shade. He was sharply featured, from the point of his chin to the cheekbones that shifted under sun-golden skin. So sharp Ethaniel thought he might cut himself.
Aubrey was quick to wave the man away, taking the bundle from his hands. “Get them situated, Basil. Which room?”
“Four, sir.” Basil paused, spreading his hands wide in a gesture toward Ethaniel and Calix. “Unless you’re wanting the third level.”
What glittered in Aubrey’s glass-hued eyes shifted. Darkened. Not anger, Ethaniel had seen that before and this…gods, this was far from it. It made him shiver, that look, and a glance at Calix found the younger man enraptured by the sight, too. Ethaniel could hardly blame Calix. It was impossible to resist Aubrey when he broke down his staid veneer for even a moment.
They were the best moments, in Ethaniel’s humble opinion.
“I’ll meet you both in room four,” Aubrey said as Basil held out both his arms in offering. “Let Basil help you and then we can partake.”
Ethaniel swore he heard the click of Calix’s throat as he swallowed hard. “I’m so sorry. Could someone explain what’s going on?”
Ethaniel shot Aubrey a rather pointed look. “I’ve some notion but Aubrey…”
One of Aubrey’s dark, thick eyebrows rose. The playful glint was still in his eyes, but from the way Aubrey was stroking the collar of the garment in his hands, he was clearly distracted. “Basil will help you find robes, towels, and the like. Then he’ll bring you to me and you can partake in what the baths have to offer, for as long as you’d like. You’re on my tab.”
“Aubrey, that can’t be…” Ethaniel shook his head. “I thought we were here to discuss our next moves. That’s very generous but I’ve already been gone too long.”
“I can go back with you,” Calix said softly as he put his hand on Ethaniel’s arm.
“And that’s quite kind,” Ethaniel replied, smiling slightly. “But we’ll be fine.”
“Ethaniel.” Aubrey’s voice was steel now, rough-cut and raking across Ethaniel. “Even the world’s most dedicated nephew needs a breather now and again. You can’t properly take care of Jeremiah if you’re not seen to. We are here to discuss our plan. A harried, anxious mind and tense body do not a good plan make.”
That old rage boiled inside Ethaniel at that single comment. He snapped his head up and met Aubrey’s gaze with the knife-tip of his own. Calix’s hand tightening on his arm, each fingertip like a brand even through his clothes, was grounding enough to let Ethaniel draw back into his common sense.
Aubrey was right, and Ethaniel knew it. But his instinct was to jump forward, to protect, to hurl himself into problems and work the solutions as things progressed. Aubrey was calm and collected, never missing a beat of his own song. Ethaniel was the one who felt unmoored, even more so now while standing in a place too opulent for him, his life.
“Ethaniel.” Aubrey was before him now, bundle neatly tucked under his arm while he stared straight at Ethaniel. “Could you two give us a moment? Basil, perhaps take Calix on to pick out a robe.”
“Of course. This way, sir.”
Calix and Basil drifted out of sight and no sooner were they out of peripheral vision did Aubrey steer Ethaniel to an open doorway and into a small chamber. It was barely more than an offshoot of the springs, a private little pool for intimate conversation.
“Can we sit?” Aubrey gestured to the gently curved stone bench to the left, just inside the room.
“Of course.” But Ethaniel was biting his tongue. Snarking at Aubrey would get him nowhere, and would be unfair. So Ethaniel sat and Aubrey settled to his left.
Ethaniel waited. They were close enough that their shoulders and knees touched, soft bumps of cloth and flesh and bone.
“I’m so sorry, Ethaniel.”
A million responses came to mind, but what Ethaniel eventually said was, “Why now?”
“Because I’m a fool.” Aubrey pressed into him, solid and real and already glistening from the humidity in the air. “Because I should have repaired things sooner than this. Because I should have come to find you, to beg at your feet.”
Aubrey’s response, so beautifully simple and incredibly raw, made a knot form in Ethaniel’s chest. “I don’t need that,” Ethaniel replied, voice thin. “It wasn’t all your fault, Aubrey.”
“Perhaps. Perhaps not. But I know I didn’t give you time or space. I was thinking only of myself.” Aubrey’s right hand now drifted down Ethaniel’s back. Ethaniel’s throat went dry. “Because I want…no, I need to make sure you’re safe. Taken care of. And I made an error in judgment thinking my offer of assistance for your uncle would be seen as just that. I assumed, when I shouldn’t have.” The hand drifted lower again, light pressure now just above the small of Ethaniel’s back.
I used to shiver every time he did this. It was always after we were together, tucked away in his office or in the back of the shop. So gentle, that Aubrey. So vulnerable, as though I could see every piece of him laid bare, able to admire its rigorous symmetry and its glittering heart.
“I made many mistakes before our parting.” With the softest touch, Aubrey turned Ethaniel’s face so their eyes could meet. “I should have invited you over, damn what the neighbors think. Taken you out more. Gone with you to Acadia Gardens to see that dance troupe you love so much.”
“Aubrey.” Ethaniel could barely choke out the name. Aubrey was here, now, staring into Ethaniel’s damned soul and asking for forgiveness.
“I only wish to help. Truly. But I am deeply sorry for what I caused between us last summer.” The side of Aubrey’s thumb traced across Ethaniel’s cheek. Ethaniel felt weak, lightheaded. Every touch, every glance, every word Aubrey had for him…it all conveyed genuine sorrow. Genuine kindness.
Genuine regret.
“And I will not ever apologize for looking out for you.” That thumb traced lower still, Aubrey’s fingers curling up behind the hinge of Ethaniel’s jaw.
He wanted. Burned with it. Had told himself over and over again that accepting help wasn’t weak, wasn’t giving up on Jeremiah. But when Aubrey had insisted on helping, it had turned Ethaniel’s vision red.
“Charity? I don’t need your charity, Aubrey! I’ve taken care of my uncle for years now, and run the shop, and made every order with my own two hands! And you dare to suggest—”
The knot in his chest tightened again, a fist of past mistakes and failures growing larger with each second. “You’ve apologized plenty,” Ethaniel whispered, letting his head drop so he could turn his face into Aubrey’s shoulder.
“And yet it feels as though I’ve come up short.” Aubrey’s long, agile fingers sunk into Ethaniel’s wavy hair, making them both shudder.
Time apart had only made the longing worse, it seemed.
They sat in silence, listening to each other breathe. The tension eased out of Ethaniel’s body; he imagined it slipping away like an afternoon shadow at dusk. He needed to go home soon. And he wanted to be here. The stress of the day wasn’t gone, only pushed aside to make room for old hurts, old concerns.
Here, perhaps, the things that kept him up at night needn’t loom so large. He could put them to bed for a moment and see the world through another set of eyes, ones bright and shining and not dulled by every tiny stressor.
And he could be with Aubrey. His light at the end of the tunnel. His waypoint. Surely there was more to their story than a handful of spectacular months followed by incredible pain.
Surely there was more.
Calix’s face, his gentle care, his soft voice, pushed their way to the surface. That little thing made Ethaniel feel like a dirty traitor; but was that right? Was finding another man attractive seen as a wrong to Aubrey?
Did it matter?
Those long fingers kept combing through Ethaniel’s hair, the pressure against his skull so divine it made Ethaniel sigh. “I know what you’re thinking,” Aubrey said quietly. “That we’ve landed in quite a mess.”
“A mess I brought to your door,” Ethaniel replied.
Aubrey huffed. “True, but a mess I willingly then brought into my work.”
“Also true.”
Another huff, more like a laugh now. “And you brought along with it someone who…I mean, your Calix fills the role of plucky young hero rather well.”
Now Ethaniel raised his head, staring hard at Aubrey. Aubrey met his gaze but something on his face looked damn near vulnerable now. “He’s not mine,” Ethaniel said, his throat dry now. “He literally ran into me.”
“But he’d been in the shop the prior week. Leaving right as I came in.”
Ethaniel had spared more than a few thoughts toward those seconds where all three of them had stood on his shop floor, not even remotely aware of how their fates would intertwine mere days later.
“You say that as though every person who comes into the shop is mine,” he groused.
Aubrey laughed. Actually laughed. His face broke into a rare, full smile and the sight of it made something in Ethaniel crack open. “Only the beautifully handsome ones, with large brown eyes and copper hair.”
“I don’t know what you’re getting at,” Ethaniel replied. Some part of him did, but it was a fleeting notion. Right? Aubrey couldn’t be…
“Don’t you?”
God, how he’d missed Aubrey’s playful side. Ethaniel swatted at his shoulder, drawing out another laugh. “I thought you dragged me in here to apologize.”
“So I did.”
Quick as a fox, Aubrey swooped in to cup Ethaniel’s jaw once more. He loomed now, dark and dangerous and as changing as a tide brought in by a storm.
“Aubrey,” Ethaniel breathed out.
“I’ve missed you.” Aubrey’s thumb brushed Ethaniel’s bottom lip. “I’ve missed this. And I will continue to apologize, because I was wrong.”
“So was I.”
“Then perhaps…” Aubrey leaned in closer still, tilting his head. Tantalizing Ethaniel with possibility. With promise. “Perhaps you’ll let me apologize like this, too.”
Ethaniel melted into him, into that touch, that promise, that chance…and when it became reality, when Aubrey’s lips brushed his, Ethaniel’s soul shivered. All the old hurts were salted over, stitched but scarred so they might be gone but not forgotten. Meant to make room for the new, the open, the honest.
The way Aubrey gripped him, cradled his face, pulled him closer? It spoke of repression, yes, but more than that, of an unbridled need that rose above all else. Aubrey’s passion wasn’t told in small touches and furtive glances. It was in raw, carnal physicality. Ethaniel knew that well.
