Reckless, p.27
Reckless, page 27
“Wasna he the younger son? A somewhat witless fellow?”
“Aye, a wee bit slow, but I dinna think there was any real harm in him. He was but a pawn, pulled and pushed about by his father and brother. And what of Malcolm?” She tried to sound only politely interested but was not sure she had succeeded when Alexander gave her a sharp penetrating glance.
“Malcolm survived, but I believe he is good at surviving. He never joined the battle, but withdrew from it altogether ere his kinsmen took to the field. When the battle was done, we talked for a brief time. He asked to keep what little his kinsmen had given into his care, and I agreed. Then he said that we must come and see him in Edinburgh whenever we might chance to travel there.” He watched her closely and realized, with a flicker of alarm that she was purposely not looking his way.
Ailis inwardly cursed Malcolm in every way she could think of even as she struggled to remain calm and only mildly interested. “Why should we chance to go to Edinburgh?” She wondered if the answer to her dilemma was just to ignore Malcolm completely. After all, she would find it very difficult to fulfill a promise to a person she never saw.
“I have a house there just as Malcolm does. It seems we both have some business there, and we like to go oversee it now and again. In a few days we shall travel to Leargan. After we put matters to right there, we shall travel on to Edinburgh. ’Tis a journey I make every year. Have ye ever been to Edinburgh?” he asked, and she shook her head. “Ye will enjoy it, I believe.” His curiosity grew as with each thing he said about Edinburgh, Ailis’s mood grew more somber.
As Alexander talked, telling her of the sights and sounds of Edinburgh, Ailis wondered how she could possibly keep from going to the place. She briefly contemplated feigning some illness, but that would only give her a short respite. She would have to be ill whenever there was fine weather and talk of Edinburgh. That would certainly become suspicious after a while. An exerted effort to avoid any place was certain to arouse suspicions. In fact, any continued aversion to any spot would raise questions. Avoiding Malcolm or any place he was was clearly no answer. Neither was there any way to preserve her honor by keeping the promise, yet not betray Alexander by lying with Malcolm.
She put aside the empty goblets and food tray, then huddled closer to a quiet, relaxed Alexander. There was so much he and she could share now, but it would never be. Slowly Alexander had begun to soften toward her, she was sure of it, and now that those who had wronged him were all dead, his bitterness would ease, and things could only get better. Or they would do, she mused with a heavy sigh, if her promise to Malcolm was not poised like a dagger at her throat. That Malcolm would have the audacity to remind her of her promise by mentioning Edinburgh and inviting her and Alexander to come and see him was nearly more arrogance than she could tolerate. Malcolm had known that she would understand what he had meant, that the invitation to his home in Edinburgh was really him telling her where he expected her to rendezvous with him to pay her debt, and he had used her very own husband to deliver the message. She ached to slap the man—very hard and repeatedly.
“Come, Ailis,” Alexander murmured, tilting her face up to his and brushing a light kiss over her mouth. “We were the victors today. ’Tis a time for smiles, not for such long, dark faces.”
Although she gave him the smile he sought and a kiss or two, she ached to remind him that when some people had the pleasure of victory, it meant that someone else had lost. For every success there was a price. It was a lesson his wife was doomed to teach him.
18
Edinburgh. Ailis shivered despite the summer heat and cursed the word, the place, and the fact that she was there. Just as Alexander had said they would, they had gone to Leargan to be sure all was in order, then had gone on to Edinburgh. He reminded her that he had made the journey to Edinburgh at the same time every year. It was something that Malcolm had clearly known about when he had extracted the promise from her. Even then he had known when and where he would extract payment from her.
She cautiously looked at the man sprawled asleep at her side, his long, tautly muscled arm flung across her waist. Ever since the final battle with her kinsmen and the MacCordys, she and Alexander had been growing slowly, warily closer. His bitterness was nearly gone, the hateful remarks no more than a bad memory. She should have been filled with hope, her heart light as she worked to pull more than passion from her husband. For the first time since he had dragged her off to Rathmor, he was open to her, could be reached, perhaps even brought to love her, but she could do nothing about it. If nothing else, it would be inordinately cruel to grab for his love now that it was within her reach when she knew that she would have to betray him.
And I may as well hurry and do the deed, she thought as she eased herself out of bed and reached for her gown.
In the afternoon she and Alexander had wandered through the town, and there had been Malcolm. They had paused to be cordial, and Ailis passed a few awkward words with a quietly sad Giorsal. It had been made subtlely clear by Malcolm that he awaited the fulfillment of the promise she had made.
At first Ailis had given serious thought to postponing keeping her end of that infamous bargain. There had never been any particular time mentioned. Then she had seen that for the foolishness that it was. The bargain would not fade away. Malcolm would not disappear. Ailis knew she had to face the consequences of her promise and do so now. There was also the matter of the new, still changing relationship between her and Alexander. At last he was opening his heart to her, offering her chance after chance to stir far more than his lust, but she was now the one who held back. She would not be so cruel as to take whatever she craved from Alexander when she knew that she was doomed to betray him. If she did that, then she would be no better than the women who had left him such a scarred and bitter man.
“He will think I am no better than they were anyway,” she mused to herself as she finished lacing up her gown.
Her heart beating fast and hard, Ailis slipped out of the room she shared with Alexander. She kept a very close eye on him, watching him for any sign of his waking up. To her relief he did not move at all. As softly as she could, she shut the door behind her.
In the outer hallway she found the candle and flint she had tucked into a niche just outside the door. The light it provided was very meager, but she felt more confident about getting out of the small manor house without incident. She briefly wished that Moragh had traveled to Edinburgh with them, for she would have dearly loved to see her child one last time. Ailis knew that once she fulfilled her bargain with Malcolm Alexander would not want her any longer, and his rejection would assuredly mean the loss of her child as well.
“At least I had one last night with Alexander,” she whispered as she slipped out of the house and hoped that the thought would be one to cheer her in later years.
Jaime cursed and slipped out of the house to follow Ailis. He knew exactly where she was going. Several times since she had made the bargain, he had tried to talk her out of keeping it. There was no honor in such a deal; therefore, there was none lost in refusing to fulfill the terms. Unfortunately, Ailis did not see it that way. She had agreed to a price for saving her child and herself, and she would pay the price.
He kept out of sight behind her as she made her way toward Malcolm MacCordy’s residence. Although he could not stop Ailis, Jaime knew she might need protection going to and from the houses. He also knew that she would need help when it was all over. She would be heartbroken and would probably have to get away from the MacDubhs, either because Alexander told her to or because her own guilt would torment her into doing so. Either way she would need him. Jaime just hoped that, wherever his allegiance to Ailis led him, it was not too far away from the MacDubhs and Kate.
Alexander waited until the door shut behind Ailis, then swiftly got up and got dressed. He stepped over to the window as he buckled on his sword, carefully keeping just behind the drape, and watched the street below. When he saw Ailis creep along the road back into town, he cursed. He was just about to go after her when he saw a shadowy figure trailing her. At first he tensed, fear for Ailis’s safety briefly swamping his jealousy and fury. Then he recognized the man. The large shape became a familiar one.
“Ah, the ever-diligent Jaime,” he muttered, then hurried out of the house, rushing to fall into step behind the pair before they disappeared into the narrow streets of town.
It was difficult for Alexander to remain as no more than a man in pursuit, following and attempting to learn exactly what was going on. It had taken a while to understand that something existed between Ailis and Malcolm. He had not wanted to see it, had not wanted to know anything about it, but some things were too hard to ignore. The meeting with Malcolm in the market square had finally forced him to open his eyes.
No matter how many times he told himself not to let the pain of the past taint his judgments, he could not help but believe he was about to be betrayed again. Each step he took as he followed Ailis confirmed his opinion that she was slipping away to meet Malcolm. Nothing he could think of could excuse it, and nothing stilled the pain. Alexander was astonished at how much it hurt.
Ailis held her cloak snugly around herself even though she did not feel any cold. For a long time she stood in front of Malcolm’s studded door unable to rap. A little wildly she thought of every possible solution to her dilemma and, as had always happened before, found that none really offered her an answer. As she knocked on the door, she felt as if her heart had suddenly been weighted with leads.
Ailis heard Malcolm at the door and shuddered. He opened the door, looked around, and gently took her by the hand and pulled her into the house.
Alexander paused to watch her rap on Malcolm’s door, then go inside. Jaime moved in the narrow alley to the right of the house, and Alexander decided to follow him. He wanted to storm into the place and put the fear of God into the both of them. As he stepped up behind Jaime, he mused that he would like to put more than fear into Malcolm MacCordy—he would like to insert a length of cold, well-honed steel into the man’s gullet. He moved up behind Jaime and waited for the man to stop peering in the open window and notice that he was no longer alone. A cold smile curved Alexander’s mouth when Jaime finally turned, his eyes widening.
“Ye ken it all,” Jaime whispered.
“What I ken is that my wife is meeting her lover, and ye are aiding her.”
“Nay! Nay, that isna true.”
“Dinna lie for her. Be silent and let me see the truth for myself.” He continued to stand just behind Jaime and watch as Malcolm and Ailis entered the room, sat down, and began to share a drink of wine. The slightly open window allowed him to hear every traitorous word. He swore that he would hold calm, would learn exactly what was happening before he broke it up.
Malcolm led Ailis into the small great hall and silently urged her into a high-backed chair at a heavy round table. When he poured them each some wine, then sat down near to her, she did not know whether to weep or throw the sweet liquid at him. He was being so hospitable even as he prepared for a night that would utterly destroy her.
“Where is Giorsal?” she asked, thinking that the girl was yet another person she would be forced to betray and hurt.
“I told the girl to stay to her own quarters. She has plagued me about this since the day I saved ye and your child.”
“Ye need not remind me of all ye have done for me, Malcolm. I am quite aware of it. ’Tis the only reason I am here.”
He slumped in his chair and frowned at her. “Ye could look less like ye are about to set your neck upon the chopper’s block. Ye arena going to an execution, merely repaying an honorable debt.”
“There is nothing honorable about this! Nothing at all!”
“Mayhaps not.” Malcolm leaned toward her, took her hand in his, and pressed a kiss to her palm. “Yet, that need not stop it from giving us each some pleasure.”
“ ’Twill give ye death,” Alexander muttered from his hiding place outside, and he started toward the window.
Jaime quickly grabbed him, holding him firmly. “Hold. Dinna intrude now, m’laird.”
“Do ye think I should hold back until they are locked in an embrace?” he hissed but ceased to struggle.
“Just listen. I beg of ye. Just listen.” Jaime kept a firm grip on Alexander even when the man calmed down.
“For a wee bit longer. No more. And if this is truly no more than some adulterous tangle—ye will pay dearly for this impertinence.”
“Fair enough.” Jaime prayed that the truth would be said aloud.
“Pleasure?” Ailis laughed bitterly and shook her head. “Ye find pleasure in betrayal?”
“Ye see betrayal,” Malcolm grumbled. “I see naught but a bargain made and kept.”
“What bargain?” demanded Alexander, careful to keep his voice low so as not to alert the ones he and Jaime spied upon.
“Hush and listen.”
“I think ye grow mighty impertinent,” Alexander said, but he did hush. Something about the agitation in Jaime’s demeanor told him to try and be calm, to listen and watch before acting.
“And ye have no intention of releasing me from it, do ye?” asked Ailis, already sure of his answer.
“Nay. Do ye think I would demand such a thing if I didna want it very badly, indeed? Aye, I ken what ye think about MacCordys, but we werena—arena—all so depraved. However, I found that I wanted ye badly enough to stoop low, indeed.”
“Even to demanding that I break sacred vows, play the whore for ye, to save the life of my child?”
“Aye, even to that.” Malcolm finished his wine in one deep gulp, then refilled his tankard. A somewhat sullen expression settled on his handsome face.
Jaime felt a distinct change in Alexander’s stance and, even in the dark, could see the arrested look upon the man’s face. With continued caution he eased his hold on the Laird of Rathmor. When all Alexander did was to turn and look at him, Jaime breathed an inner sigh of relief.
“This was some sort of bargain made for my son’s life?” Alexander could not believe what he was hearing.
“Aye.” Jaime nearly retreated from the look of fury upon Alexander’s face and was concerned about whom that fury would be visited upon.
“Tell me exactly what the bargain was. Now!” he demanded when Jaime hesitated.
“That Malcolm would do all he could to save her and her child if she promised to spend one night with him.”
“And Ailis agreed to that?” Alexander was not sure who he wanted to strike down most—Malcolm for being such a dishonorable rogue or Ailis for being so foolish as to think that she had to keep such a bargain.
“What choice did she have?” Jaime argued. “She was wet to the bone, tired, and about to give birth. Aye, and Donald MacCordy himself was close at hand. There didna seem to be any other choice to be made.”
Alexander felt a sharp stab of pain penetrate his anger. He could so easily see poor Ailis—wet, exhausted, and in the most vulnerable state any woman can be in. Jaime had been there to help her, but he had his limitations. Alexander had always deeply regretted that he had not been there to help her instead was stuck at Rathmor. Now that he realized what situations she had gotten into, he regretted it even more. He also ached to make Malcolm MacCordy pay dearly for forcing Ailis into such a deal. When he took a step toward the window intending to pacify his need for action, Ailis began to speak again, and he paused. While a great part of him felt that he had learned all he needed to know, a small part craved more.
“Why, Malcolm?” she asked. “Why even ask this of me? Why demand of me something I was not willing to give ye freely? Surely ye can get all the women ye need? Ye shouldna have to threaten or coerce a woman into pleasing your lusts.”
“Nay, I dinna have to, but they canna give me what ye can.”
“What? What do ye think I can give ye? I have all the same parts any woman does.”
Malcolm cursed and raked his fingers through his hair. “ ’Tisna the parts. I can buy the cursed parts for a ha’penny. ’Tis what ye have in here.” He lightly struck his broad chest with his fist. ‘“ ’Tis what ye give that thrice-cursed MacDubh.”
“I can never give ye that, Malcolm,” she said in a solemn voice.
“Oh, I ken that he has a bonny face and a sweet tongue—”
“Aye, his face is bonny, so bonny it can make me feel dim-witted when I look at it, for it so completely scatters my thought. I dinna think there is a bonnier man in all of Scotland. However, ’tis just a face when all is said and quiet. It could be burned or scarred into real ugliness in but a blinking. It makes very little difference to how I do and dinna feel for the man. As for a sweet tongue”—she laughed—“the man lost that skill years ago, and it hasna returned in much strength. I hear few sweet words from him.”
“Yet I can see, I can sense, that ye give him such fire. That fire is what I want from ye.”
“I canna give it to ye. It comes from the heart of me, and although I think we might someday be friends, I have no room in my heart for another lover.” She shook her head. “Ye mean to take everything from me, and yet willna even gain what ye seek.”
“Everything? What do ye mean, I will take everything from ye? I ask for but one night.”
“And what happens come the dawn?” Ailis wondered how the man could be so blind to her feelings.
“Ye go back to the man with the bonniest face in all of Scotland, and all is forgotten.”
“Ye mean go back and lie.”
“Ye wouldna tell him, would ye?” Malcolm asked with shock softening his voice.
“I wouldna have to say anything. He would be able to tell. There would be a change in me. I would ken what secret lay between us, and I fear I would hold it there. I would forever feel that he would find out that I had betrayed him. I would also feel soiled, and ’tisna because it was ye who touched me, but because some other man had touched me—any other man. That, too, would come between Alexander and me. I dinna think I can explain it. What ye ask for I can only give to Alexander MacDubh.”
