Rose through time, p.16
Rose Through Time, page 16
"Perhaps John is planning to surprise us with his news, together with Anne" Beth said, contemplative.
"My, that is probably right," Mrs. Ashbrook said.
"Wonderful news," I said, faking a smile. Mrs. Ashbrook gave me a weird look. The woman was perceptive and probably already realized I had warmed up to John. If it was true though, I would keep my distance. I would not be some random dalliance before his wedding. If that was what he wanted, then my esteem of him would sink. Better to keep my distance, even if I had no idea how to get home yet.
26
Isolation And Misunderstanding
“We should probably keep quiet for now," Beth said, biting her lip. We sat together in the carriage with Hugh taking us back to Hawthorne, an uncomfortable tension hung between us. "If John did mean to surprise us, I would hate to spoil it."
I nodded. "I won't say anything." Beth shifted around a bit on the padded seat.
"It isn't what I expected. I kind of thought that," she trailed off. "Well, anyway. His happiness is important to me and if Anne will give that to him then that is all I can ask for."
"Yes," I said, sullen. "Perhaps I should move in with Mrs. Ashbrook."
"Oh no," Beth said, shocked. "I'm sure you can stay; I'd like you to stay. Besides, we still have to wait and see what happens."
"We will wait and see, I suppose. But," I said with a wry smile. "We both know that Anne isn't my biggest fan and once she is the lady of the house, she might not want me around."
"We will wait and see," Beth repeated a bit sadly. We had promised to keep quiet and not ask John any questions, but it hurt to see him when we got home. Would he tell us the news tonight? He didn't act any different during dinner; he was upbeat and asking us questions like regular.
"Did Mrs. Ashbrook like the gift?" he asked me. I was still caught a bit off guard.
"She loved it," Beth said, sounding almost like her usual self. "Rose was kind enough to say it was from the both of us. Mrs. Ashbrook wore it straight away and regaled us with compliments on our gift giving."
"Did she say when she planned on hosting the ball?" John asked, looking at me.
"Saturday, two weeks from now," I said in a clipped voice. I couldn't help it, faking my demeanor had never been my strong suit.
Beth swooped in once again, "She said she will send out the invitations soon and wanted to thank you for your offer but that her staff has everything sorted." If John noticed anything out of the ordinary, he didn't show it. He simply drank a sip of wine and speared some meat while nodding at Beth.
"Are you looking forward to the ball and your big reveal?" he asked, once again directing his conversation to me after he finished his bite of chicken.
"I'm not sure," I said honestly. "I don't really like to be the center of attention." I looked down at the plate of food I was poking my fork around in. The gossip of John's secret engagement had put me in a foul mood, and I hated pretending to not know while he acted like everything was normal. It felt disingenuous. "I'm sorry, I'm not feeling so well," I said. "Do you mind if I retire for the evening."
"Naturally, I do hope you feel better," John said, he looked a bit taken aback. I wasn't sure if it was worry about my health or if it was about my brusque manner.
"Good night," I said, leaving the table.
"Good night," Beth muttered. Once I left them behind, and I sat in my room, alone and in the dark, I felt silly for being angry with John. It wasn't his fault. Of course, he'd marry Anne; she'd be the top pick for anyone, and it would have happened regardless, whether I did or didn't show up here. I didn't plan on staying, so why be upset with him. I could acknowledge that, but it still didn't mean that I wanted to see or talk to John any time soon. I needed a bit of time and space. Ugh, I thought with vehemence. I just wish it had been anyone but Anne. Avoidance was my plan the next day.
I got up early and ate breakfast in the kitchen with Mrs. Avery busy cooking and cleaning around me. I just nipped at a piece of leftover bread.
"Are you sure you don't want to wait for breakfast with the others? I can make you some porridge; it might be gentler on your stomach," Mrs. Avery said.
"No, thank you, some bread is more than enough for now. But I am going to retreat myself today, so I could use something for lunch that I can take with me," I said.
The stodgy cook and housekeeper fluttered through the kitchen stirring this pan, checking on that pot, and picked up a few odds and ends around the room that she wrapped in a cloth and lowered into a bag for me. I thanked her profusely and slunk out of the kitchen, took a detour to pick up a few books from the library, then left the large home through the back door.
With the gray cloudy sky overhead that promised rain, I figured the safest place to be left alone would be the hothouse. I doubted anyone would want or need to go there during a rainstorm, but I used to love listening to the sound of raindrops hitting the glass windows in the sunroom of my childhood home. It rained so rarely that when it did, it was almost magical when those first drops hit the glass with dull pings. I'd curl up on the love seat with a book. My parents decorated their house in a kind of western themed farmhouse chic, so the room was embellished with cutesy signs of boots and horses, mason jars filled with easy to keep alive plants, and faux distressed whitewashed furniture.
I leaned back into a bench in the corner of the hothouse in between two large potted plants with green fronds, pulled up my knees, and opened up a book. The clouds had opened up and the rain started, it's soothing pitter-patter on the roof. It was comfortable in there, surrounded by plants with just myself and my own thoughts. Maybe tomorrow I'd be able to fake enthusiasm, but today, I wanted to just be by myself.
A while later, I had to stretch my legs to get some blood flow back into them. I had been engrossed in one of the books I picked up from the library and the drops of water sliding down the glass had lulled me into a faraway world. My fingers slid along the different pots while I walked a circle around the room and did a few awkward lunges. The door creaked and opened behind me.
"There you are," John's voice said. I swirled around and watched him walk inside. "I wondered where you were. Beth said you weren't in your room and Mrs. Avery told me you were planning to be alone. Is anything wrong; are you still feeling unwell?"
"No, I am fine. I just didn't feel up to company today, that is all," I said, turning around and walking back to the bench. He followed me and sat down next to me.
"I know we haven't had a chance to talk since leaving London, but I thought we should, or at least I wanted to explain a few things," John started.
"It's fine," I said, cutting him off. John frowned.
"I feel like I have done something to offend you. If there is something that is bothering you, I hope you would share it with me. I know that the situation with William must have been jarring for you and I admire your bravery and ingenuity during the whole ordeal. I would also like to apologize for overstepping. My emotions were heightened, and I shouldn't have kissed you."
"I'm not offended," I said. I hoped John would leave me alone again. I knew I shouldn't care about him, but now he was telling me that his kiss was a mistake when it hadn't felt like that to me, even if it couldn't happen again what with Anne and his secret engagement.
"I hope that is true," he said, taking a hold of my hand and squeezing it for a moment. "Something unexpected happened these past few weeks, something I didn't plan, but I have come to care for you. You challenge me when I need it," John said, then hesitated for a moment. He was so charming, sitting next to me in the hothouse surrounded by the flowers he tended to. "I hope you might be amenable to my attentions. I would very much like to kiss you again," he finished with a roguish smile.
"You what?" I stammered, growing red in the face. Then his words dropped, and I got angry. How did he dare to tell me he wanted to kiss me when he was engaged to Anne?!
"What is wrong with you?" I spat, lurching away from his grasp.
"What do you mean," he said, confused.
"What do you think I mean? How can you tell me you want to kiss me when you are engaged to someone else? It’s not fair to play with my emotions like that."
"Now, wait a moment," he said, as he stood. "This is the first I heard of that." He reached out for my wrist, but I pulled my arm away and backed up more, bumping into the wisteria.
"Mrs. Ashbrook told Beth and I all about your upcoming wedding to Anne Blakeley," I said. My face ashened, tears started running down my cheeks. This was one of my character flaws that I hated the most; whenever I got angry, I would cry. How could anyone take me and my anger serious if I stood sniffing and crying in front of them.
"Why didn't Beth say anything?" John said, way too calm for my liking.
"She didn't want to spoil the surprise reveal she thought you were planning."
"Oh," he said. "Rose, I'm not engaged," he added, his eyes boring into mine.
"You are not?"
"No, I am not."
"Oh." I shuffled on my feet and swiped at the wetness beneath my eyes.
"Is this why you were ill and why you wanted to be alone after you got back from Granhope Manor?" John asked, his face softening. I nodded. My nose runny.
"It was a bit of a shock," I added lamely.
"I want you to know that I would never do that to you," John said. "I meant what I said, I like you. I don't have any kind of understanding with Anne Blakeley.
"She told Mrs. Ashbrook that you proposed the day we all played croquet."
"I don't know why she's telling people that story, but I've only ever talked pleasantries with her. Anne has always been interested in me, or more likely my name and estate; it's easy to know that, but she's never been my type." He reached out for me again and this time I let him. He pulled me towards him and enveloped me with his arms. "Rose, my sweet Rose. Please don't think the worst of me. I want to pursue you, but only if you are willing. We can take our courtship as slow as you'd like, as long as you let me have the first dance at your ball."
I giggled; I couldn't help myself, then gasped from the tears. My face was smashed against his chest and my weepy cheeks left splotches on his shirt. John took my face in his hands and laid a soft, chaste kiss on my lips. He still managed to have a roguish twinkle in his eyes when he added.
"I promise I won't soil your reputation." I gave him a friendly little shove and wiped my face with the back of my hand.
Then more seriously, I said, "I feel dumb for being so upset. I should have just asked instead of believing what I heard from Mrs. Ashbrook.”
"If I was in your position, I would have thought the same thing," John said magnanimously.
"Well, I promise I won't get fake engaged then," I retorted.
"Will you come back inside with me? I'm sure Beth would enjoy your company, and we could tell her together that Anne Blakeley will not be a part of the family."
"Thank god," I said, with a deep sigh. John let out a rumbling laugh. I picked up the bag with food and the small stack of books while John led me outside with his hand resting at the small of my back.
27
The Heir Apparent
The dresses Beth and I ordered in London had arrived a few days before the ball hosted by Mrs. Ashbrook was to take place. Everyone who was someone in town had been sent an invitation on an elegant piece of paper. It had no mention of me except that there would be a surprise to be announced by the hostess herself. The town gossips had been buzzing all week, even dropping by our doorsteps to pump Beth for information. More often than not, I had to disappoint the ladies because Beth was nowhere to be found. I wondered what she was up to, but it wasn't my business to investigate if she wanted to be alone.
Estelle was styling my hair and helping me dress for the event. It was odd that Beth wasn't there yet. Normally, she wouldn't shut up about fashion and going to social engagements. I was about to go find her when she walked in to the room.
"Rose, I hope you'll forgive me if I don't join you tonight," she said.
"Are you not feeling well?" I said with concern. She didn't look sick, but she did look a bit flustered; her cheeks were red, and she was fidgety.
"Yes, I think I just need to stay in bed today," she said, avoiding eye contact and looking down at the ground.
"That's too bad; I know you like balls and dancing. I can tell you all about it when I get back," I said. “Are you sure?” Something felt a bit off about her. “Do you need me to stay with you?”
“No, you enjoy the ball. I am fine. I’m just going to go to bed,” Beth hurried to say. She seemed eager to leave.
“If you are sure,” I trailed off.
“I am. You enjoy your evening.” Beth nodded and sidled back out of the room. Her behavior was odd but I chose to set it aside so Estelle could finish the updo she was creating in my hair. I was both nervous and excited all at the same time, but the gorgeous dress I was now wearing helped to put me in the right head space. Dressing the part always made everything better. As a teen and as an adult, whenever I got sad, I would cheer myself up by doing my make-up and picking out a cute outfit even if I had nowhere to go. Clothes were there to be worn in my opinion, unlike my mother who only took out her “good” dresses for special occasions and expressed that it was wasteful to wear nice clothes at home. I missed her and my father though; they would have marveled at the way I looked tonight. My grandmother would have agreed as well; she believed in dressing up for yourself just as I did. She wouldn't go anywhere without a strand of pearls around her neck and hanging from her ears. When she was younger, she wore pretty dresses, but from the time I could remember, she had changed those in for tailored pants, classy shirts, matching cardigans, and a petite leather watch on her left wrist. I ignored the sadness that squeezed my chest; her loss was still so immediate. I still couldn't wrap my head around the fact that she had been here in Westbridge just as I was now. Thankfully, Estelle had finished my hair, so I gushed and thanked her for her help. Now wasn't the time to go down memory lane; I had a party to go to and, I thought quirking my lip, a man to dance with.
Mrs. Ashbrook had outdone herself. The entire driveway to her large home was illuminated by candles that combined with the Roman statues and neatly trimmed hedges forming pathways in her garden with small seating areas in hidden alcoves, creating a romantic setting with the sense of wonder that anything might happen. John and I weren't the first guests to arrive; the front door stood perched open and there were clusters of people all throughout Granhope Manor, leading from the foyer to the ballroom, up on the first floor and also outside through the French doors, admiring her backyard. Everywhere you looked, her staff had placed candles and lit sconces, bathing the entire estate in a golden glow that made the furnishings richer and the guests more attractive. A couple in the hallway were taking in the splendor of a statue of a nude man posing thoughtfully, yet another was staring at a painting of maidens dancing in flimsy dresses.
John linked arms with me, and we both followed the guests until we reached the ballroom which had a busy floral wallpaper and gold trimmed wainscoting. Little seating areas were created around the room. A group of musicians was getting ready to play in a corner. On the opposite side, a table with refreshments was set up which is where I spotted Mrs. Ashbrook talking to her valet.
"I'll go talk to her," I said to John.
"I'll wait for you," he said. "As long as you remember our deal."
"I do," I said and walked towards Mrs. Ashbrook. Halfway there, I turned around and flashed him a smile; John winked back.
"Ah, there you are, my dear," Mrs. Ashbrook said as soon as she saw me heading towards her. "Alphonse, will you hand Rose a glass of champagne?" she directed her valet. "One for me as well." I accepted the bubbly drink with a smile. Mrs. Ashbrook took a sip of hers and stared at my dress. "The gown suits you," she said.
"Thank you," I said, a bit nervous now that the announcement would be soon and then the full attention of everyone in attendance would be on me.
"I see most guests have arrived, so it will be time to officially start the ball. I hope you are ready, my dear. Just remember to smile," she said, giving one of her own rare warm smiles. "Let's begin," she said, striding to the center of the ballroom. I looked around again for John. Quite a crowd had shown up by now, but I spotted him standing by an elderly couple, he gave me a quick nod. I strengthened myself and went to stand beside Mrs. Ashbrook.
The clear ringing sound of the small spoon hitting the side of her crystal champagne glass drew the attention of all the guests gathered in the ballroom and even the ones outside were now filing in to see what was happening.
"Thank you all for coming this evening," Mrs. Ashbrook started, and I had to tell myself not to fidget with my fingers or dress while I stood next to her. Already, I could hear people whispering, wondering what I was doing there. "In my invitation, I promised a surprise," her deep authoritarian voice said, with a flair of the drama. "This evening, it is my pleasure to introduce you all to my grandniece and heir to my estate, Rose Hart. Now, without further ado, Rose will open this ball with the first dance."
