Hiccups, p.16
Hiccups, page 16
He tried his best to sound convincing. It worked, she let go of the topic and despite wanting to ask him to have lunch together, decided to go and meet Suparna. He walked away towards the lab.
Meanwhile, she was busy discussing her birthday party with Suparna. She told her best friend about the discussion she had with him. Suparna was of the opinion that he was still hungover about the fight and that he was probably not going to attend her party. She did not believe that. She knew that he wouldn’t lie to her and he did tell her that he’d confirm by Friday. She decided not to give up hope.
“When are we going to do the pre-birthday shopping?” asked Suparna.
“Thursday, it’s a holiday. We can make good use of the time” she replied.
The next two days flew by without much happening. On Thursday, she spent hours and a lot of money with Suparna at a mall, shopping for clothes and shoes. Her birthday was just an excuse, she had a lot of money to spend, courtesy the earnings from Fastermind. While she was driving back home she noticed someone riding a cycle at a distance. The rider looked very similar to him. She squinted her eyes to confirm, it really was him. She checked the time, it was just past five thirty in the evening, close to the time that he usually left college.
Was he on his way to his secret lair? She thought to herself. She decided to follow him for a while to see where he went. This is exciting, she said to herself. She felt like a character in some detective novel. Driving slowly and maintaining a safe distance from the person she was following. He was riding at a fair pace for a cyclist. She almost lost his trail on one occasion, when she got stuck at a traffic signal that he had managed to cross in time. But she caught up with him; he was one of the few cyclists on that road.
After spending close to half an hour following him, she was tiring. She wondered how he had the stamina to ride the cycle for such a long time and distance. Finally he started to slow down and move to the left of the road. It was the entrance to a hospital. She stopped the car by the side of the road, a short distance ahead of the hospital entrance. She got out of the car and started to walk towards the hospital. When she got closer to the entrance, she stopped. What are you doing? She asked herself. Get back in the car and leave; you’ve let this game go on far too long. She turned around and walked to her car and got in. She had come so close to finding out what it was that he did every evening and what pressing task made him rush off and skip events like the Fastermind party. She had come so close. Why turn back now? What were the odds of something like this happening? Maybe she was meant to have spotted him on the road and to have followed him. Damn it! Why is this so hard?
She got out of the car and decided to go through with what she had started. She entered the hospital premises and could see his cycle in the parking lot. She walked to the reception and darted her eyes around the hospital to see if she could spot him. She did, he was on the second floor talking to a nurse and walking towards some room. What if he sees you? She asked herself. Hey, I was just passing by and saw you walk into the hospital, thought of saying hi! That will not work, she said to herself after thinking up a lame excuse.
Alright, this is what you’ll do – go to the second floor, see if you can find out anything and then get out before he sees you. She formulated a plan and convinced herself that it would work. Once again she felt an element of thrill in what she was about to do. She saw him enter the room he was walking towards and then made her way to the elevator. By the time she reached the second floor, her heart was pounding. She took a couple of deep breaths to calm herself down a bit. She slowly stepped out of the elevator and checked to see if the coast was clear. There was no sign of him. She looked in the direction of the room towards which he was walking. ‘Neurology Ward 7’ said a board on top of the door to the room. Interesting, she thought to herself.
Just then, she saw the nurse who he was talking to a brief while ago. The nurse was walking straight towards her. “Excuse me, are you looking for someone?” the nurse asked her. She almost panicked and thought of turning around and bolting towards the staircase on her right. But she decided to stick to her plan. She introduced herself as a friend of his, the moment she did that, the nurse had a big smile on her face.
“You’re here to visit the patient?” asked the nurse.
“Yes” she said. She didn’t know who the nurse was referring to as the patient.
“That is so nice of you. I think you are the first visitor I’ve ever seen that he’s brought along. I keep telling him to take a break, but he’s such a devoted son that he makes it a point to come see his mother everyday” said the nurse.
Alright, so his mom is unwell. Time to go. Or maybe I could slip in one more question.
“Uh, so how long will his mother remain admitted?” she asked. The nurse had a slightly surprised look on her face after she heard the question.
“No one can say, she’s in a coma. Didn’t you know that?” asked the nurse.
“Well, he doesn’t talk much about it” she replied honestly.
“That’s understandable, he is very optimistic, he comes here every day and waits for the doctor’s report. He still thinks she’ll recover, he’s hoping for a miracle. Initially I used to pity him, but now for his sake, even I’ve started praying that she comes back. He’s put in his heart and soul to see that she recovers and he refuses to give up. God has been very cruel to him, it’s about time He showed him some kindness…” said the nurse.
“How long has his mother been here?” she asked.
“Ever since her accident, it’s been what, almost three years now” replied the nurse.
“And he’s been coming here every day for the past three years?” she inquired.
“Yes. You ask too many questions. I have to go now, you can find him in that room ahead, ward seven” the nurse said and walked to the staircase.
She did not know why, but her feet started moving towards the room. The door had a small square window, as she got closer to the door, she could see a little bit of what was happening inside the room. She could see him talk to someone, after she took another step, she saw a frail woman lying on a bed. He was talking to his mother, even though she was in a coma. That didn’t make any sense. She got closer to get a better look; the woman on the bed was clearly unconscious. She heard approaching footsteps, fear ran through her veins. It was time to go. She walked quickly towards the steps and with hurried steps made her way towards the exit.
The nurse who was returning to the neurology ward with reports of some of the patients, saw the young woman hurry towards the exit. The nurse found it a little odd and decided to ask him what had happened.
The ward door opened, he wasn’t expecting Dr. Roy for another fifteen minutes, but it wasn’t the neurologist at the door, it was the nurse who tended to his mother.
“I just saw your friend leave in a hurry. Is everything OK?” asked the nurse.
“What friend?” he asked, confused with the nurse’s query.
“The girl who arrived just after you came here. She asked for you, so I assumed she was your friend” replied the nurse, now it was her turn to get confused.
“Wait, who are you talking about? I came here alone. There was no one along with me” he replied.
“Yes there was. I just saw her leave… pretty girl, fair with a beauty spot right here” the nurse said, pointing to her chin.
He couldn’t believe it. Was it really her? What was she doing here?
“When did you see her leave?” he asked her with urgency.
“Just a minute ago” said the nurse.
He rushed out of the room and ran down the stairs towards the exit. After reaching the reception, he looked around to see if he could spot her. He looked towards the parking lot, she wasn’t there; he walked towards the exit. He couldn’t believe his eyes; she was on the phone, walking towards a car. He jogged towards her, his mind had gone blank, he had no idea what she was up to and why she was even there. As he neared her, he could hear what she was saying.
“No, he didn’t see me… I ran away after talking to the nurse, I couldn’t stay there, what would I have told him… No I don’t know what happened to his mother…” was what she was saying, he could bet that it was Suparna on the other end of the line. He was furious.
“I’ll tell you what happened to my mother” he said aloud, his voice shaking with anger. She turned around and was stunned to see him. She immediately regretted calling up Suparna instead of making a quick exit from the area. She hung up the phone and decided to speak to him to clear the air.
“I know this looks bad, but just listen to me…” she said trying to explain her presence.
“No! You listen to me. I can’t believe you came here to snoop on me and then discuss what you found out with Suparna! Is that why you came here? To find some material for gossip…”
“Please hear me out. It’s not what you think. I just saw you on your cycle while I was driving and all I wanted to do was to see where you go…”
“So you followed me to the hospital and then stalked me and got talking with a nurse to find out my story? Huh? I can’t believe what you’ve just done. What right do you have to intrude into my personal life like this? What perverse sense of achievement will you get by finding out where I go and what I do? How is it any of your business?” he asked her. His face was a picture of torment and anger.
“Listen, I didn’t mean to intrude into your personal life. I just wanted to find out…”
“Don’t try and come up with a reason. What you have done is inexcusable! I asked you several times to let it go. Didn’t you realize that I did not want you or anyone else to know where I go to after college? Well congrats, now you know. What did you achieve by doing this?
You want to know what happened to my mother? I’ll tell you, three years ago she had an accident. For the past three years, she has been in a coma. I come here every evening when the doctor comes for his round to find out if there’s any chance of her coming back.
Now you know my secret. This is my secret lair! This hospital, where my mother is fighting for her life. Anything else you want to find out? Please ask me, it’ll save you the effort of following me around to get your story” he said with his temper still running high but controlling himself from yelling at her.
She was crying. It did not make a difference to him, he was too angry to care about her tears.
“You just broke all our bonds of friendship. You followed me, then spied on me and then were busy gossiping about me with your best friend. You have no idea how much you’ve hurt me today!
Now you know why I stayed away from everyone in college? Because I did not want people to find out that my mother is in a coma. I don’t need the others to give me that look you’re just giving me. It’s called pity and I hate it.
If you have any sense of decency and respect for my personal life, please keep this matter between you and Suparna. You have no idea what I will do if people in general find out details of my personal life…”
“No one will find out. I promise…”
“That is so kind of you” he said sarcastically.
“Now please leave. Leave, before I say something in anger that I will regret” he said to her and walked back.
She sat down in her car and drove off with tears in her eyes. She cried not just because of his words, but because she had lost respect for herself after what she had done. This was his life that she had intruded into. She felt ashamed of herself when she thought about how thrilled she had felt while following him to the hospital. At any point of time, she could have turned back, but she chose to follow him right up to his mother’s ward. When he was talking to his mother, she had looked on for minutes, as if it was some reality show on TV. She had encouraged the nurse to divulge details of his mother’s case.
This was the worst thing she had ever done to a friend in her life. No apology would suffice for her shameful behaviour. Treating his personal life like a mystery novel was a juvenile thing to do with very serious consequences. How could she have behaved in such a thoughtless manner? Just when things between them were getting better. It was all over and she knew it. She was astonished that even today he had refrained from hurling even a single word of abuse at her. She would have felt a little less guilty if he would’ve yelled at her, instead of admonishing her with a sense of restraint. She stopped the car on the side of the road; she was a fair distance away from the hospital. She called Suparna and explained what had happened.
“This is bad” said Suparna.
“I know, listen. Just don’t tell anyone what I told you about his mother. Please” she requested.
“Don’t worry. No one will know. I swear” Suparna reassured her friend.
They spoke for a long time, Suparna tried to console her but she kept crying all through the phone call. Suparna finally got her to calm down and drive back home. As soon as she got back home, she locked herself in her room and wept inconsolably on her bed. There was nothing she could say to defend her actions; they were so incredibly insensitive and thoughtless. She skipped dinner that night, claiming a stomach ache; she wanted to be left alone.
He cycled back to his hostel room. He could not fathom the reason for her actions. Why had she followed him? He did not even know where she followed him from. Why was she doing this? His impulse accusation was wrong; he knew she hadn’t come there to hunt for gossip. But no matter what her intent was, it had done him a lot of damage. For five semesters he had been able to keep his personal tragedy a secret, now he was at her mercy. He was also upset at the nurse for divulging his mother’s case history to someone who the nurse had just met.
Was that the state of medical institutions, that anyone who claimed to know the patient had the right to know the case details? It was unfair. But he had not raised the matter with the authorities, it wouldn’t help. The damage had been done. Besides, he did not want to offend the nursing staff at the hospital; they had taken very good care of his mother, at times going beyond the call of duty to tend to her. He would have to let this incident go.
He had no control over what she would do in college and whom she spoke to. He just hoped that for the sake of the friendship they once had, she’d respect his request for privacy. But he no longer wanted to have anything to do with her. She had blown it, destroyed the remaining friendship that they had. Along with the anger he felt about her actions, he was also upset about the fact that their friendship was over. He really had started to hope that with time they would settle into a comfortable friendship without any more hassles. But that was not to be.
That night, both of them got very little sleep. Their tired minds were pondering about the series of events that had taken place between them. Going through their past and present and wondering what would happen in the future. She now understood some of his actions over the course of their time together, why he abstained from class trips and activities and why he did not come to the Fastermind party. She remembered snatches of conversations that they had during and after the post-quiz spat.
“I don’t want to lie to you and tell you some made up excuse to get away. But I cannot tell you where I go either. It’s a very personal matter for me and I don’t want to get into it.”
That was what he had told her. Why didn’t she just turn away after reaching the hospital entrance? If only she had remembered these words at that time. But she wasn’t thinking straight at the time. She had given in to her curiosity. As she thought about the conversation they had on the day she had apologized to him, she remembered another snippet that she should’ve taken cognizance of.
“… friendship comes with its own responsibilities and duties. Things which I cannot take up right now in my life… I cannot live up to the expectations that people have of me as a friend. And I would rather be alone and go through college life by myself and have people think whatever they want than get close to someone like you and reach a stage where you begin to hate me.”
Well, now he’s the one who is going to hate me, she thought to herself.
Meanwhile he too was going through all their past interactions. Should he have confided his secret in her?
Would that have avoided all the bitter experiences? He remembered the night when he had cried, it was after her outburst regarding the Fastermind party. And today, she had been crying. He hated himself for letting things reach such a stage. He did not want to see her that way. There was something about watching a girl cry that made him feel miserable.
He knew it was her fault and that he had managed to control himself and had avoided an outburst like she had inflicted on him; but even then he felt bad about the fact that he had something to do with the tears that fell from her eyes. He felt like giving her a call to talk to her. But just as he was about to dial her number, he stopped. Maybe the end of their friendship would also mean the end of any more such incidents, things that ended up hurting both of them. He knew that she did not get any joy out of causing him trouble; it was just that their personality types were such that she could not resist a chance to discover what his secrets were and he was a guy who preferred facing his problems alone and keeping them to himself.
With these thoughts in mind, both of them stayed awake till the wee hours of the morning and finally went to sleep out of sheer exhaustion.
The next morning he debated whether he should go to college or not, but then he remembered that Jacko had setup a class test, the only professor to do so in the first week of the semester. He visited the hospital first and then made his way to college. He saw her sitting in the lecture room waiting like the rest of the class for Jacko to unleash hell. He avoided making eye contact with her. All through the test, he was distracted by what would happen if they came face to face. Had they reached the stage where they’d deny each other’s existence and move on? She had similar thoughts on her mind. The whole day went by without them crossing paths.
