“I hope you guys didn’t go to too much trouble or anything.”

  “Don’t worry about it. Let me know when your plans change. We’d still love to see you when you’re passing through.”

  “Thanks. Please apologize to Kevin for me.”

  “He’ll forgive you as soon as I tell him you said he should start eating.”

  “Okay, Sam. Call you later.” Julianna hung up the phone.

  She knew she should’ve called, but she did genuinely forget. And if there was anyone she was going to accidentally blow off, Sam was her most forgiving friend.

  But then she got mad. Did Sam really want to see Julianna or did she just want to throw her domestic bliss in her face and talk about the impending wedding? Cause it was tough call. You never could tell with nice girls like Sam how genuine they were being.

  Maybe she should go. It would give her a chance to tell Kevin that she taught Sam every sexual trick she knew and that it had all been a game.

  Or maybe she should try and seduce Kevin herself. Offer to suck his balls and see if he could resist. Maybe it would help Sam dodge a bullet. Julianna didn’t know what Sam saw in him anyway.

  No. Forget them. She needed to focus on figuring out how she could get what Sam had: the love of a good man so she could invite her friends over for smug dinners. But she would only settle for a man far more interesting than Kevin. Preferably the one whose child she was carrying.

  And if he didn’t have the good sense to reach out and grab what was right in front of him, she’d have to make it easier for him to make the right choice. She’d have to tell Madeline the truth.

  Kirk

  Kirk looked around the coffee shop hoping he wouldn’t know anyone, but it was in vain. He recognized at least two former students in a far corner at a round table. He could only remember one of their names so he offered a smile to acknowledge that he recognized them, but didn’t go over to say hi.

  Julianna was seated along the window beside the parking lot. He didn’t want to be seen with her, but going to the hotel again was too high risk, and reasoning with her in the middle of the night had proved impossible. Plus, there were advantages to meeting her in a public place like this.

  “Can I get you something?” he asked.

  “No.” She stayed in her seat. “We’re fine.”

  He felt a twist in the pit of his gut. We’re fine. She hadn’t done it. He was meeting them for coffee.

  “Go ahead and get yourself something. We’ll wait.”

  Kirk turned on his heel and went to the back of the short line. Despite his imperfect past, he liked to think of himself as a Good Christian. He wasn’t a bad person for wanting her to get an abortion. He had been a bad person for sleeping with her in the first place, and now clearly, he was being punished.

  He took a step forward in line. No. He wasn’t a bad person. He just did a bad thing. Even small children understood the difference. This was just another bad thing that was an extension of the first bad thing. They were related, just part of the same mess that he mistakenly thought he had already cleaned up.

  But he knew with every passing day it was going to get more difficult for her to go through with it. Julianna had to be even farther along than Madeline but he hadn’t asked, and he didn’t want to know. All that mattered was that she was still carrying around the ultimate proof of his infidelity.

  He had already tried asking nicely. He had asked her to get the abortion for him, For Us. But it was futile.

  His new strategy, his Plan B, was going to be to appeal to her selfishness. He needed to help her realize how unprepared she was to be a mother and paint a realistic picture of how “sexy” it would all be if she went through with it. He had to convince her that the baby would ruin her life.

  Because Plan C wasn’t really an option.

  It was too grotesque, too monstrous. Basically, if she wouldn’t get one, he’d have to give her one. He looked it up online. It was called “Accidental Abortion.”

  And Kirk didn’t really feel like he was capable of that. Not to mention what it would entail. He couldn’t just throw her down some stairs or punch her in the stomach. It would be too obvious. He would have to sleep with her again. He would have to fuck his own baby to within an inch of his life. And since he was pretty sure this wouldn’t do it alone, he would have to stage an accident in the heat of the moment by forcing her over a chair or falling against her or-

  It didn’t matter. He wasn’t capable of that for so many reasons, and despite the fact that she was a crazy bitch, he didn’t want to hurt her. On the contrary, he wanted them both to suffer as little trauma as possible.

  He just needed to get her on the same page.

  Kirk stepped up to the counter. “Small coffee with crème and sugar, please.”

  The kid in the hairnet nodded.

  “And a cranberry scone,” he added as an afterthought.

  He knew he’d behaved badly before. Like a bully even, and he hated bullies. It was time to play nice. Or at least, nicer.

  He took a seat across from Madeline. “Hi. Thanks for your patience,” he said, placing the wrapped scone on the table. “That’s for you.”

  “Thanks.” She unwrapped it and broke off one of the acute angles first.

  He was relieved she didn’t say we like cranberries. “I want to apologize for not being understanding. I know this is a difficult situation for you to be in.”

  She took her eyes off the scone and looked up at him.

  “I know besides having this baby on the way, you’re probably worried about the weight gain and not being able to wear half of your clothes anymore because of stretch marks-“

  Julianna stopped chewing and stared at him with a mouth full of scone.

  “I’ve heard they sell a special crème for that called Udder Butter.” He pried the lid off his coffee to let the steam escape. “I think you can buy it online.”

  She tilted her head without swallowing.

  He leaned forward to whisper. “Not to mention this might ruin the tight little pussy you’re so proud of. I’m sure you’ve read about how it can rip in childbirth all the way to your asshole, how they have to stitch it up.” Kirk stuck the wooden stirrer in his cup and moved it slowly in a counterclockwise direction. “But sometimes it’s not so bad. A lot of women say they get the feeling back eventually even if it never looks the same.”

  “Do you mind?” She lifted her scone. “I’m trying to eat.”

  “Sorry. I know you’ve probably thought about all this stuff.”

  She swallowed and washed her scone down with a sip of her latte.

  “Fortunately, there is a great daycare center up the road from here. They offer reduced rates for single parents and everything.”

  Julianna leaned back in her chair.

  “I was unfair before. I know I was. I want to tell you that I respect your decision either way.” Kirk looked out the window into the parking lot and then back to Julianna. “But if you’re going to make such an adult decision, you need to be realistic and understand that you can keep the baby, Julianna, but you can’t keep me.”

  She crossed her arms.

  “I won’t be around to help you if you decide not to take the easy way out. As a friend, I just want to make sure you don’t have any confusion about the fact that you’ll be doing this alone.”

  Julianna just stared at him like she was trying to give him freezer burn.

  “Thanks for letting me get that off my chest,” he said. “I just want you to be happy.” He put the lid back on his coffee and pressed all around the edges. “If you decide to keep the baby, I wish you the best of luck.” He leaned forward and put his elbows on the table. “But if you decide you’re not quite ready to kiss your ambition and your youth good bye, I am prepared to help.”

  “I’m listening.”

  “Well, I did some research.” He looked over his shoulder. It looked like everyone else was having really casual conversations. He envied them. “And I think five thousand dollars would be more than enough to cover all your expenses, several holidays, and anything else you need to take care of yourself at this difficult time.”

  “Wow,” she said. “Thanks.”

  He felt his heart relax in his chest.

  “Knowing how far you’re willing to go to kill your own child has really shed a lot of light on this issue.” Julianna sat forward and scratched the back of her head. “I mean, you obviously think I’m more selfish than I am.” She stood up and grabbed her drink off the table. “Unfortunately, all I can think about right now is Madeline and the fact that she has a right to know what kind of person you really are.” Her eyes went narrow like a snakes’. “After all, if you’re capable of killing your own offspring so casually, her baby might not be safe either.”

  Julianna walked away before Kirk could grab her wrist. He wanted to chase after her, but he couldn’t feel his legs. Instead, he stared at the table for the next ten minutes wondering how she knew about the baby and whether or not she’d meant the comment as a threat.

  Julianna

  Julianna stopped halfway up the stairs when the phone rang, reached in her pocket to see who it was, and turned back around.

  “Hi Dad.”

  “How’s my little Jujube?”

  “I’m fine.” She headed for the closest bench. “How are you?”

  “I heard you turned in your application for a teaching position next fall.”

  “Yeah.” She sat down. “I figured it would be more legit if you didn’t drop it in for me.”

  “Good call. Best for everybody.”

  “Any word?”

  “No.”

  “Any other applicants look like competition?”

  “Not for you.”

  “I hope you’re not just saying that,” she said, crossing her ankles. “I really want the job.”

  “Not at all. Your hard work speaks for itself.”

  “Thanks.”

  “No. It’s me who should be thanking you for making me such a proud papa in front of the committee.”

  Juliana smiled. “Anytime.”

  “I was just calling to see if you need anything?”

  “No. I’ve got everything under control.”

  “Are you sure? You know there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you?”

  “Lie, cheat, and steal?”

  “Anything, Ju, you know that.”

  “Thanks, Dad, but I’m good for now.”

  “Glad to hear it.”

  “Want to get lunch later?”

  “Can’t.”

  “Maybe tomorrow?”

  “I wish I could, honey.”

  “Well it would be good to see you. Even just over a coffee. Let me know if you get a break?”

  “Will do,” he said. “And just a friendly reminder- if you get at least a 3.8 in your last semester, the job is probably in the bag.”

  “That’s great! Consider it done.”

  “You didn’t hear that from me. Get it.”

  “Got it.”

  “Good.”

  “Okay, bye,” she said. “Love you, Dad.” But he had already hung up.

  Julianna shoved the phone in her pocket and climbed back up the stairs of the psychology building. She walked across the shiny tiles lining the dingy brown hallway until she got to Kirk’s office. It was time to play hardball.

  If he was going to try and scare her, she was going to remind him who he was dealing with. He was the one that had every reason to be afraid. He was the one whose life was going to fall apart if he didn’t give her exactly what she wanted.

  She opened the door without knocking and found him in the room with a young male student. They were hunched over the edge of his desk, looking at a paper covered in red pen.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were in here with someone.”

  “Oh, hi,” Kirk said in a fake, friendly voice. He turned to the young man. “I think we’re about finished here, Jonas, don’t you think?”

  Jonas turned and looked Julianna up and down.

  “You think you can take it from here?” Kirk asked him.

  Jonas stood up and grabbed his paper off the desk and gave Professor Kirk a guy-to-guy “nice one” look.

  “You’ll let me know if the rest of the corrections don’t make sense?”

  “Sure.” Jonas picked up his backpack by one strap and stopped next to Julianna on the way out. “What class are you in?”

  She looked down her nose at him. “Not yours.”

  Jonas gave her a snotty look and closed the door behind him.

  “Problem student?” Julianna asked, leaning against the bookshelf.

  “Compared to you?”

  Julianna scrunched her nose.

  “Just kidding.” Kirk sat in his desk chair. “Did you think about what we talked about?”

  “Funny. I came to ask you the same question.”

  “Sorry?”

  “I was just stopping by to see how Madeline took the news.”

  Kirk’s lips grew thin.

  “You didn’t tell her?” Julianna shook her head. “Kirk. Kirk. Kirk. I’m surprised at you.”

  “I can’t imagine why. You know I don’t want her to find out.”

  “I know it’s not ideal.” Julianna took a step forward and wrapped her fingers over the back of the chair where Jonas had been sitting. “But you can’t really expect her to be happy with a marriage built on lies. Any mother would want to know if her husband fathered another child. It’s only right.”

  “Five thousand dollars, Julianna. I can give it to you right now, and you can stop joking around like this. It’s a reasonable- a generous- offer.”

  “I really think you should keep it.” She shifted her weight behind the chair. “You’re going to need it more than me with the baby coming.”

  His eyebrows came together.

  “And with your job being in jeopardy.”

  “My job isn’t in jeopardy.”

  “Maybe not this semester, but you haven’t been here long enough to make yourself indispensable.”

  Kirk looked at his desk and clenched his fists.

  “I mean, I really shouldn’t be telling you this, but it sounds like some staff might be let go to make room for new talent.” She cleared her throat.

  He glared at her.

  “And most of the psych staff is tenured, as you know. So that makes you one of the only options. Especially if your study doesn’t get more funding.”

  “Why are you saying these things, Julianna?”

  She shrugged.

  “Really. Why are you threatening my job?”

  “I’m trying to help you Kirk, as a friend.”

  He winced.

  “It all comes back to me not thinking of myself again.”

  “Is that so?”

  “Yeah,” she said. “I’m worried about you.”

  “About me?”

  “Of course. I’m worried that you don’t know whether Madeline is going to stick by you if you lose your job. Or when she finds out about the affair.”

  “She’s not going to find out!”

  “Yes she is, Kirk.”

  He pushed his fingers against the desk until the joints in his knuckles turned white. “You’re not going to tell her.”

  “I agree that it’s better if she hears it from you.”

  Kirk turned his back on Julianna and ran his hands through his hair.

  “And I think you know that I’m going to tell her if you don’t.”

  He turned back around to face her. “Why would she even believe you?”

  Julianna shrugged. “Why wouldn’t she? I have no reason to lie to her.”

  Kirk’s eyes searched Julianna’s face like they were looking for cracks in a mask.

  “She might hate me though. Actually, maybe that’s better. If you want me to tell her so her anger isn’t directed at you, I’ll do it. For you.”

  “Bullshit!” Kirk banged his fist on the desk. “If you cared about me at all you’d take the money and run!”

  Julianna shook her head. “I’m sorry you feel that way.” She walked backwards towards the door. “The sooner the better, Kirk. She deserves to know.”

  Julianna turned around and opened the door.

  “You can’t prove it.”

  She stopped and looked over her shoulder at his red face. “Was that a question or a challenge?”

  Kirk

  Kirk poured the rest of the whiskey down his throat and relished the burn. His father wouldn’t approve, but there was a lot he didn’t approve of; Liquor was just one of them. And it’s not like Kirk drank a lot, just a little, regularly. Paul Kenis had turned him on to the stuff, and now it just didn’t feel like Friday night without one.

  Plus he needed the courage if he was going to tell Madeline tonight. He’d been putting it off for days, worried the news would cause her such trauma she might abort the baby upon hearing it, but he couldn’t risk the alternative.

  If Julianna had the proof to back up her threats and the guts to blackmail him about his career, what was he supposed to do? He was backed into a corner.

  He couldn’t put it off anymore. Communication with his wife was the only thing he could control, and if he told her tonight, he’d have the whole weekend to keep his eye on her and do damage control. Whatever it took. They would get through this. They had to. She would stick by him because she was a good person.

  And she was in a good mood. She had her feet up in her new second hand recliner which, despite the obvious evidence that the previous owners had a cat, was in great shape.

  Kirk kicked his slippers onto the floor and pulled his legs up onto the couch.

  “You okay, babe?” she asked, looking up from the newspaper spread across her lap. “You’ve been super fidgety lately.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Something on your mind?”

  He didn’t want to say no. He was so sick of lying to her. But he didn’t want to say yes because he really wanted to finish watching Pawn Stars. And maybe one more episode. Then he would tell her. He couldn’t let his fear of Julianna-psycho-bitch-Foster continue taking over his life.

 

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