I didnt think you existe.., p.26
I Didn't Think You Existed 2, page 26
“So, Terrence, there is another reason I stopped by here today besides bringing that gift,” Monica whispered.
“Really? What’s up?”
“Well . . .” She held up a book and then handed it to me. “It’s titled I Didn’t Think You Existed.”
Although I had known without a doubt that this day would eventually come, I couldn’t believe I was holding Tiffany’s first novel in my hands. It seemed so surreal.
“Wow! She finally did it, huh? She wrote and published her first novel.”
“Yeah, she did, and I couldn’t be prouder of her, Terrence. She has everything her heart desires, except. . .”
“Except what, Monica?” I asked, but deep down I had a gut feeling I knew what she wanted to say.
“Listen, it’s nothing, okay? Anyway, she’s having a book signing at Barnes and Noble today . . . in a couple of hours. That’s where Todd and I are headed, and I was thinking that maybe you could stop by. You know, just to show your support and congratulate her.”
“Naw, you and I both know that that wouldn’t be a good idea. She wouldn’t be expecting me, and seeing the way things ended between us, my showing up there would probably ruin her entire day. I don’t want to do that.”
She looked around, as if she was gauging whether Todd was headed our way. Satisfied that he wasn’t, she whispered, “Truth be told, I don’t think it would ruin her day at all. In fact, you showing up there could possibly stop her from ruining the rest of her life.”
“What? What do you mean? Ruin her life how?”
The minute I asked, however, Todd came walking back over to us, and Monica immediately went mute.
Regaining her composure, she said, “So, Terrence, again, we only wanted to stop by and bless your new restaurant and wish you nothing but success with your grand opening tomorrow.”
“Yeah, man, everything looks great, and I can’t wait to get some of that good soul food of yours,” Todd added.
“Thanks, you two. It means a lot to me that you came by today.”
“Well, I hate to rush off, but you know how traffic out here can be, and we have to get to our next destination. Keep in mind what I said, though, okay?” Monica announced. She winked at me as she and Todd prepared to leave.
They headed out and I waved from the doorway until they were out of sight. While locking the door behind them, however, I couldn’t stop thinking about what Monica had said.
You showing up there could possibly stop her from ruining the rest of her life.
For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what she had meant. And although my mind told me not to go to that book signing, my heart said the total opposite.
CHAPTER 56
TIFFANY
One of my favorite passages in the Bible now was Ecclesiastes, Chapter Three.
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and time for peace.
In the past year I’d truly learned that our timing was not God’s timing, but when we waited on Him, everything somehow turned out perfect. Yet it wasn’t until I had surrendered my life fully to God and had placed Him above everything and everyone that I truly saw for myself just how perfect He was. It was not that I hadn’t believed in His omnipotence before, but I had realized that my own choices weren’t allowing me to see His goodness manifest in my life, that was, until now.
As I looked around the bookstore, I felt a sense of pure amazement and an awareness of just how good He’d been to me. No one could have told me a year or so ago that when I declared my desire to one day be a published author, wrote it down, and prayed night and day about, my dream would eventually come true. But here I was, having realized that dream. Not only that, but I was also able to say that my work had been published by my favorite author and now mentor, Mr. Carl Weber. It was all still so surreal, and at that very moment, it didn’t matter to me who might be watching as I threw my hands up, looked to the heavens above, and told God thank you. Right there, all alone, I gave Him the highest praise that He was due.
After completing my very first novel within seven months, I sold close to a half million copies, and Barnes and Noble had named me their Newest African American Contemporary Romance Author of the Month. Now I stood here, preparing to have a book signing in their store in less than an hour. My heart was filled with so much joy that it was hard for me to contain myself. Not to mention that as the time for things to start got closer, my nervousness grew a bit. I took a deep breath. Of course, all I had to do was speak about my journey and then sign books and take pictures. However, I felt my mission and purpose were so much bigger than that. I wanted to do my part somehow in helping women who found themselves in unhealthy relationships, one after the next. I wanted to express to them how first loving God with all their heart and soul and then loving themselves would ultimately prepare them for when He sent their earthly love.
This was why I’d already begun working on my podcast, called The Love Still Exists podcast. This podcast would hopefully allow me to sit down with single women and men and meet them exactly where they were, just as my pastor had with me. We would discuss single life, dating, spirituality and, most of all, healing and self-love, which would aid in their quest for true love. I couldn’t wait to get it all up and running, and I prayed it would be a huge success, just as the novel was.
As I wiped the happy tears from my eyes, they suddenly lit up when I saw a few of my favorite people heading my way.
“Monica, Todd, I’m so happy you made it.” I called.
“What? Girl, now, you know I wouldn’t have missed this for anything in the world. I’m extremely proud of you, Tiffany, and you deserve all of this and so much more,” Monica replied and hugged me first.
“Yeah, we’re both very proud of you, Tiff. And Dallas and Austin can’t believe they have a famous author as an aunt,” Todd said as he and the boys gave me a small group hug.
“Well, that’s flattering, but I wouldn’t consider myself famous by a long shot just yet,” I laughed. “I think I still have quite a long way to go for that.”
“Hey, hey, what did I tell you about the words you speak from your mouth? They have power. With almost a million books sold, you are definitely famous in our eyes,” Pastor Miles reminded me as he walked up and reached in to hug me too.
Pastor Miles had become not only my pastor and friend but almost like a second father to me too. I couldn’t see where my life would be without his spiritual love, guidance, and leadership. With that in mind, I took a few minutes to hug him tight and thank him for all he’d done for me.
While my team finished setting things up, Todd and the boys made their way to seats on the front row. I continued to talk to Monica and Pastor Miles as women of all ages and ethnicities poured into room. Seeing the excitement and anticipation on their faces, I almost wanted to fall to my knees in gratitude. All these people were there simply to support little ole me, and I couldn’t believe it. I tried my best to gather myself and remove any traces of fear and inhibition. I had written a novel from my heart of the perfect, imperfect love story, and their presence made me feel that people still believed in love as much as I did. After a few more minutes, the store manager walked up to the podium, and a sudden hush fell over the room. Monica and Pastor Miles hugged me once more and then rushed to take their seats next to Todd.
“Good afternoon, everyone. First, I want to thank you all for coming out today. We are in for such a special treat, so I hope you all are as excited as I am. Before our guest comes to the podium, though, I would like to invite you to partake in the hors d’oeuvres and champagne and make yourselves as comfortable as possible. Then, shortly after, we’ll hear from none other than our newest best-selling author of African American contemporary romance, Ms. Tiffany Tate.”
All at once, I watched attendees hurry to grab some hors d’oeuvres or simply mingle with others. A few sat quietly and kept to themselves as they waited for me to begin. Standing there, trying to take it all in, I thought about how this was such a complete dream come true. My only wish was that one certain person was here to share it all with me. As I started to picture him in my mind, I couldn’t help but wonder where he was and what he was up to. Monica had even suggested that I invite him, but as much as I had wanted to, something inside me had made me decide against it. After that night at the hotel, it seemed we had both gone on with our lives and had drifted in opposite directions. So, no matter what my heart said, my mind and my gut had told me to leave well enough alone.
After a few more minutes, the store manager snapped me out of my daze when she told me it was time to begin. I made my way to the podium, trying to savor every single moment, while my team quieted the room until you could almost hear a pin drop. Until that very moment I’d been praying for God to remove all fear inside me, and the second I stood behind the podium, He did just that. Any uneasiness I’d felt slowly faded away, and I felt completely in my element. Glancing around at all the beautiful and handsome faces, it struck me that this was where God wanted me. This was my purpose in life, and there was no turning back. With that realization, I took a deep breath, cleared my throat, straightened my back, and began to speak.
“Wow. Hello, everyone. First, I truly want to thank each and every one of you for coming out today. This has been a long time coming, but it’s here, and it’s because of all of you who’ve supported me with this first novel. Now, I would love to stand here and tell you how this entire journey has been a breeze, but the truth is, I can’t. There have been many sleepless nights, some loneliness, and a lot of sweat and tears. What kept me going is this book right here.” I picked up my journal, which I’d kept over the years, and held it up.
“I started this journal a few years ago, at a time in my life when I was feeling low and unsure of the direction I was headed in. I needed to know my purpose and what I could somehow offer to make this world a better place. I began to pray, study my Word daily, and really build my relationship with the creator. That’s when it came to me to buy this journal and write down the vision I saw for my life. Let me tell you, I went into detail, too, wrote about my career, my home, my health, and even the man I wanted to share my life with. I made every single detail plain to God, and then with faith, I waited. Now, trust me, waiting wasn’t easy either. There were times when I almost lost hope and my desire to continue pursuing my dreams. Yet God remained faithful and always sent a small reminder that I was right where He wanted me to be. He showed me that the life I dreamed of could exist, and, well, here we are today witnessing His glory.”
As I continued to speak about God and His desire for my life, I looked around, and there was not a dry eye in the room. Suddenly, I remembered my mother always saying that what came from the heart reached the heart, and I realized I was sharing not only my journey but also my heart with all the people there on this day.
As I connected more and more with the audience, there were moments of pure joy, laughter, seriousness, and more tears. For two hours, it seemed everyone had become one big extended family, talking about life, love, and all the things wrapped up in my novel. Faith and fiction had brought us together, and I was at the very center of it all. This was what I was created for. This was what God meant for me.
Before wrapping up my first book event, I autographed hundreds of copies of my novel, posed for pictures and social media posts, and got to know the readers. It was an amazing day, but by the time I posed for the last photo, I could feel my stomach rumbling from starvation. I hadn’t eaten much of anything, because of my initial nervousness. However, now that it was all over, I felt like I could devour an entire seven-course meal. After saying my goodbyes to Monica, Todd, and the boys, Pastor Miles, and other family and friends, I commenced removing the clutter from the table I had used to sign books. By now everyone had cleared out. With my back turned to the door, I suddenly heard a voice behind me, and I assumed a straggler must have left something behind in the room and had come to fetch it.
“I didn’t think you existed,” was all the voice said.
The voice was very familiar, and it sounded melodic to my ears. Slowly, I turned around. I froze in place, with my jaw hanging wide open, unable to move when our eyes finally met. He cracked his usual smile as he stepped forward to embrace me. Once he pulled me in close to him, I inhaled his scent, and in an instant, all our time spent together came rushing back to me. He held me tightly in his arms for at least the next few minutes, and I didn’t want to let go.
“Terrence.” I struggled to pull away and gazed at him. Everything about him was still as perfect as could be, I thought as I admired him in his navy-blue suit and clean, crisp white shirt. His skin was still as pure and smooth as milk chocolate. There was not a hair out of place in his full beard. And although he must have lost a few pounds, his body was still strong and rock solid as could be. His dark eyes still pierced right through the very essence of my soul as he stared back at me. I didn’t want to appear all googly-eyed or anything, but something told me, it was already too late for that. I was sure he could see I was practically drooling, and once again, I was putty in his hands.
“So, you finally did it. You wrote and published your first romance novel. And from the looks of it, it’s just as amazing as I always knew it would be,” he told me.
I covered my mouth with both hands as tears welled up in my eyes.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, removing his handkerchief from his suit jacket and wiping away the lonely tear that slowly crept down my right cheek.
“I can just remember the night at the hotel when we first met. When I told you about my dream of becoming an author. You believed in me, Terrence, more than I believed in myself back then.”
“Of course, I did. I could see in you what you didn’t see in yourself at that time. That’s what friends do, right?”
He took my hand and gently massaged it. I wanted to pull my hand away, or at least I knew that I should, but truth be told, his touch was what I needed and wanted most.
“Wow. I can’t believe we’re both standing here right now, especially after all that’s happened between us,” I said.
“Yeah, me either.” He brushed my hair away from my face with his other hand. “But you know that I wouldn’t have missed this for the world. My friend, once my lover and always my heart, is a whole published author. You’ve made your dreams come true, Tiff, and I’m so very proud of you.”
I watched his lips the entire time he spoke and daydreamed about them kissing me and working their way from my lips down my entire body. I had to admit that the chemistry between us was still electric, although my mind quickly started to tell me to pull away before I got burned.
“Thank you, Terrence. I really appreciate that,” I said, removing my hand from his and stepping back a few inches. I squirmed a bit as stillness filled the room. We both suddenly appeared awkward and anxious all at the same time in each other’s presence.
“Um, listen, I also came because I wanted to apologize again for everything that happened, Tiff. I’ll never forgive myself for how I treated you, and I just want the opportunity to make things up to you.”
I heard his words, but I wasn’t quite sure if I believed them. Deep down I wanted to, but my mind kept reminding me that I’d heard it all before. Folding my arms and walking a few steps away, I tried to bring some closure to this.
“Listen, there’s no need to make up anything to me. What happened, happened, and it’s all over now. We’ve both moved on, and we’re happy. That’s all that matters.”
“Speaking of moving on, I would like to share something with you.” I felt him step a little closer to me as he spoke.
“Oh really? And what’s that?”
“This.” He held up a piece of paper, a certificate of some kind. I took it out of his hands, and as I examined it closely, my jaw dropped from utter shock.
“Terrence, oh my goodness. This is the deed to Montgomery’s Barbecue and Soul Food Restaurant. Wow! This is amazing,” I screeched.
“Yeah, I finally got my own building about a month ago. I’m all done with fixing it up, and the grand opening is tomorrow. I had wanted to share it with you before now, but I wasn’t sure if... well, you know.”
“Well, congratulations. I’m so happy for you.”
After closing the remaining space between us, I threw my arms around his broad shoulders in excitement and pressed my lips against his. Without hesitation, he kissed me back. It reminded me of the very first time we’d ever kissed, and just like then, I got lost in his affection. The kiss was so tender and passionate, and his lips tasted so good to me, that I didn’t want to stop. Our tongues played melodically with each other as our lips found their home. Until I suddenly realized what was happening.
“Oh my God! I’m, I’m, I’m so sorry I did that. I guess I got a bit caught up in the excitement of it all,” I said, pulling away from him nervously.
“It’s okay, baby. I’ve missed that, your lips and their softness next to mine. I could tell that you missed it too.”
At once, our eyes met, and his were practically undressing me. Although my body longed for him as well, my mind said no, especially with what was taking place in the next few days.
“Terrence, there’s something I need to tell you.”
“Sure, of course, but there’s a couple of other things I wanted to share with you first. Now, I don’t know if it will change things with you and me, but—”
