Sapphire, p.20
Sapphire, page 20
Then she was gone, and Sophie carried on to the end of the row of girls as instructed. Now she had taken that first step, she resigned herself to the fact that she was going to do this. She’d slept with plenty of the guys in the squat, so how different could this be?
Part Four
Changes (2010–2012)
46
April 2010
It was a chilly evening and Sapphire had just come back from the shops. She was glad to get indoors even though it wasn’t much warmer inside the squat as the central heating wasn’t working.
She was living in an abandoned house on a council estate just outside the city centre. It had been left in a mess after the previous occupants had flitted and Sapphire was now sharing it with Skinner and a few others. The council had boarded it up ready to do some repairs and redecoration before the next tenants moved in, but the squatters had got there first.
As there were only a few of them there, Sapphire had managed to bag one of the smallest bedrooms all to herself. It had taken a while to clean it up and get rid of the smell of cat urine and faeces but with hard work and plenty of disinfectant she’d eventually succeeded. She had even had a lock fitted to the bedroom door so that nobody could disturb her things while she was out.
Sapphire was aware that she was only there temporarily and that eventually she would have to leave the squat as she had done with many others over the years. For this reason, she took care to live minimally so that she wouldn’t have too many things to transport onto the streets when the day of her eviction arrived.
Nevertheless, she had a mattress on the floor together with her sleeping bag. Her toiletries and a few clothes were in carrier bags in the corner of the room and the only item remotely resembling a piece of furniture was an old wooden crate she had found lying in the kitchen. She had cleaned it up and upended it so that she could place personal items on the top.
Today the crate would come in handy because it was a special day, and one that Sapphire intended to celebrate. She opened the carrier bag she had brought back from the shops and took out a cake and some candles. She stood the candles on top of the cake then carefully put it down onto the crate. Then she placed a bottle of fizzy plonk next to it together with a plastic cup.
Next, she brought out a card and a pen. Sapphire had spent ages selecting the card as she wanted the words to be just right. She opened it up and read the verse over again, her eyes steamy:
Happy 18th!
For a sister who is thought of all year round
You deserve the very best in life
May you have everything you wish for
And may all your dreams come true
No matter how far we may drift
Our love will always bind us
And distance will never tear us apart
Thank you deeply for all that you are
And for all that we’ve shared
Have fun celebrating your special day
Underneath the verse she added some words of her own, ‘To Kelsey, All my love, now and always, Sophie.’ A fat tear dropped onto the card. She tried to brush it away, but it smudged her writing and she grimaced in frustration. Trying to ignore the smear, she stood the card up on the crate, taking care not to place it too near to the candles.
She thought about what Kelsey might be doing to celebrate her eighteenth birthday. Would she be going out with Leanne and other friends? Perhaps her foster parents had arranged a slap-up meal for her or maybe even a lavish birthday party with all their relatives and friends.
But the thought of Kelsey celebrating without her was too painful. She took several deep breaths to calm herself and fought back the tears. She wouldn’t let upsetting thoughts stop her from celebrating Kelsey’s birthday in her own way. But she’d do it alone knowing that none of the others in the house would understand.
She lit the candles and sang happy birthday to her sister. Then she blew them out and popped the cork on the fizzy plonk. Pouring some into the cup, she held it high. ‘To Kelsey,’ she said before draining the glass in one huge gulp then refilling it.
‘Are you alright?’ she heard Skinner shout from outside her bedroom.
‘Yeah, fine,’ she shouted back, quickly taking the candles off the cake and tucking them out of the way.
‘Was that you singing?’
Sapphire picked up the cake and booze and came to the bedroom door. She opened it and smiled. ‘Yeah, I’m getting pissed. Fancy joining me downstairs?’
‘Sure,’ said Skinner. ‘What’s the cake for?’
‘I just fancied it. Come on, we’ll take it downstairs and have some of that too.’
All the other occupants were out so Sapphire and Skinner drank the booze between them.
*
An hour later Sapphire was ready to go out. But she didn’t want anyone cramping her style and it had taken a while to persuade Skinner that she wanted to be alone. She headed for Manchester’s Gay Village knowing exactly what she was going to do to celebrate Kelsey’s birthday, and content that Kelsey would have approved.
She met Lexie in a trendy bar on Canal Street. It was the third time she’d seen her, but they had shared no more than a kiss when they’d previously met. She was a bit older than Sapphire at twenty-one, petite and attractive with her blonde hair in a trendy asymmetrical bob and her clothing smart but understated.
Sapphire had been drawn to Lexie straightaway. She knew that tonight she wanted to take things further. And Sapphire couldn’t think of anyone she would prefer to spend her sister’s birthday with apart from Kelsey herself, but that wasn’t possible.
Thinking of her sister gave Sapphire the courage to be herself and to go for it. So, when they reached the early hours, Sapphire suggested they spend the night together. She knew Lexie lived with her parents, but she hadn’t told her about her own situation.
‘We can go back to mine,’ she said. ‘But it’s a squat. I hope you don’t mind.’
Lexie, a university student, was drunk by this time and she found the prospect of spending the night in a squat more of an adventure than a threat. ‘Yeah, let’s go for it. I’ve never been in a squat before. What’s it like?’
Sapphire forced a smile. ‘You’ll find out when we get there.’
When they got out of the taxi Lexie seemed excited. ‘How do you get in?’ she asked, eyeing the boarded-up windows and doors.
‘Round the back, some of the boards are loose.’
She followed Sapphire, jumping through the gap in the open window where the hardboard was loose and following her up the stairs. Taking in the small room where Sapphire chose to sleep, Lexie seemed unperturbed by the lack of home furnishings. Kissing Sapphire passionately, and clasping her buttocks, she was more intent on the reason for her visit.
It wasn’t long before they had shed their clothes and were in bed pleasuring each other. Sapphire was burning with desire. Men could never make her feel the way she felt when she was having sex with a woman. And, as the saying went, only another woman truly understands what a woman wants in the bedroom. Eventually, satiated, she drifted off to sleep.
In the morning she was woken by movement and she sat up when she saw Lexie holding Kelsey’s card and reading it.
‘I didn’t know you had a sister,’ she said. Sapphire nodded. ‘Where is she then?’
‘She doesn’t live here,’ answered Sapphire. ‘She was adopted.’
‘Aah, right. Did she not want the card when you gave it her? Have you fallen out?’
‘I didn’t take it to her,’ said Sapphire feeling a sense of disquiet.
‘Aah, right. So how come you’ve stood it up here?’
Sapphire sighed, uncomfortable with Lexie’s probing questions. She had forgotten about the card when she’d brought her back last night and wished now that she had hidden it. ‘It’s just to remember her,’ snapped Sapphire. ‘You wouldn’t understand.’
‘Aah, right,’ said Lexie.
She didn’t say anything further but seemed to have become aware that it was a sore subject. Her eyes then began roaming around the room and her expression told Sapphire that she wasn’t impressed with what she saw now that she was sober.
‘I’ve got to get back home,’ she said, reaching for her clothes.
Sapphire picked up on Lexie’s eagerness to escape from the squat. ‘OK, I’ll show you how to get out,’ she said, resignedly, reaching for her own clothes.
Bitter disappointment niggled away at her. She would have liked to carry on what they had started but knew it would be the last time she saw Lexie. It was always the same for Sapphire; the more her partners learnt about her, the less they were inclined to stick around.
And Sapphire realised the sad reality of her situation: it was difficult to maintain a relationship when you were a homeless druggie who sold her body to make ends meet.
47
April 2010
Sapphire smiled as she watched Crystal’s hurried entrance into the Rose and Crown. As was often the case, Crystal’s hair was sticking up haphazardly and it was obvious she had got ready quickly.
‘You wanna drink?’ she shouted over to Sapphire as she made her way to the bar.
‘No, I’m fine, thanks. I’ve just got one.’
Crystal rushed back from the bar and plonked herself next to Sapphire. ‘Thank Christ I’ve got time for a quick one before work. It’s been a mad rush trying to get Candice ready and drop her at my mum and dad’s.’
‘You alright?’ asked Sapphire.
‘Yeah. How are you anyway? Are you still in that same squat?’
‘Yeah.’
Crystal gave Sapphire a pitying look. ‘I wish you didn’t have to, y’know. I’d let you stay at mine but it’s bad enough me being on the beat and my parents not knowing. Then there’s Candice to consider. And Gilly. He might not like it if there’s another girl …’
‘Shush, it’s fine,’ interrupted Sapphire.
Although she’d never met Crystal’s partner, Gilly, she had heard enough about him to know that he could be a problem. He was currently serving time for giving Crystal a savage beating. Knowing the strong character that Crystal was, it was beyond Sapphire as to why she stayed with him. But then, love could do strange things to people, she supposed.
‘I wouldn’t expect you to put me up,’ she continued, steering the conversation away from Gilly. ‘I probably wouldn’t let another street girl live with me if I had a kid. Anyway, I’m OK where I am. I’ve got my own room.’
‘Yeah, but for how long?’
Sapphire shrugged. ‘Dunno, but I’m making the most of it while I’m there. Skinner always looks out for me anyway.’
‘OK, no worries. How’s your love life anyway? Did you hook up with that girl you were telling me about?’
‘Lexie? Yeah, but I don’t think I’ll be seeing her again.’
‘Why not? Wasn’t she keen on you working the streets? Is that it?’
‘I didn’t even get as far as telling her that. I think my living arrangements were bad enough.’
‘Oh, stuff her then. If she’s gonna judge you like that then she’s not worth knowing. You’ll meet someone special one day, trust me.’
‘Yeah, as long as she’s OK about me sleeping rough and working the streets.’
‘Eh, you never know, your luck might change. Look at Ruby. She was once like me and you and now she’s got her own massage parlour and a lovely partner.’
Sapphire smiled. She wished she had Crystal’s confidence but, as things stood, she couldn’t see a way out of the lifestyle she had got herself into. Still, it was good to know that Crystal cared.
When Crystal left the pub, Sapphire watched her walk away and smiled to herself. She had been a godsend since Sapphire had first met her over three years ago and was always on hand with advice if she had any problems. In fact, Sapphire didn’t know what she’d have done without her.
48
September 2011
As Sapphire had predicted, she was eventually turfed out of the council house where she had had her own bedroom, and a year and a half later here she was sleeping in the back doorway of a nightclub. She had spent the past few nights there ever since she and Skinner had been kicked out of their latest squat. This day, she woke up to the sound of activity and presumed that the nearby shops and businesses were now open.
As homeless spots went, it was one of the best. Because the door was recessed into the wall, it provided shelter. The building also gave off heat until the early hours, which would be handy in the winter although she didn’t intend to be there that long. The sound of the music could be a pain and it meant that even on the nights when she wasn’t working, she didn’t get to sleep till the early hours.
Ever since Jake’s death four and a half years ago, she had worked the beat to fund her drugs habit and keep her supplied with anything else she might need. It wasn’t a job she enjoyed, and she had found that, unlike in her first squat where everybody knew her and Jake, some of the clients on the streets could be aggressive and unpredictable. The money was better though so she put up with it because she didn’t know of any other way to earn as much.
Sapphire had spent most of the time since Jake died going from one squat to another with Skinner but there were periods like now where she was in between squats and had to make do with sleeping on the streets. She would have preferred to spend her nights in a shelter, but Skinner wouldn’t go with her and she couldn’t hack staying in those places alone.
She and Skinner had remained friends but she sometimes preferred to do her own thing. That was why she had chosen to spend the last few nights separate from him. Even so, it felt good to at least have someone on the streets who she was close to.
A quick look around told her that, as she suspected, things had started to open up. She decided to go and have a wash before finding Skinner and seeing if he wanted to go for a coffee. It wasn’t long before she was on the way to Piccadilly station, taking with her just the items she needed and leaving the rest tucked into a corner of the recess.
In the station she headed for the ladies’ and opened the bag she had taken with her, reaching for the cheap facial wash that was packed inside. She wet her face under the tap, cleaned it then rinsed off the facial wash before wiping her face dry with a paper towel. Next, she fished for her baby wipes and ran her hand inside her top so she could clean her underarms.
As she was spraying some anti-perspirant, Sapphire became aware of someone watching her. She glanced to the side and noticed the look of contempt on the face of a woman nearby. Sapphire shrugged it off. She’d become used to people’s attitudes over the years, and she no longer let them bother her. It would have been more private to wash herself inside a cubicle, but the space was so restricted that she only used them to clean her most intimate places.
Later, she was glad to see Skinner waiting for her inside one of the station’s coffee shops and tucking into a bacon sandwich. ‘Alright?’ he asked. ‘Have a good night?’
‘Oh yeah, ’cos I love trying to fall asleep to the sound of the Black Eyed Peas telling me to Rock that Body or better still the Glee cast and a load of pisshead morons yelling Don’t Stop Believin’.’
Skinner laughed. ‘Bit noisy then, was it?’
‘Yeah, I’m fuckin’ knackered now.’
‘Could have been worse. You could have had a fuckin’ pigeon shitting on you.’
As he spoke, Skinner pointed to the white patch on his jeans, and Sapphire couldn’t help but giggle. ‘They reckon it’s good luck.’
‘I fuckin’ hope so. I’m gonna have a chat with a few mates later, see if they know of any squats. Let’s hope that fuckin’ pigeon helps us get fixed up.’
While they talked and laughed Sapphire downed her coffee then went with Skinner to pick up the rest of her things from the back door of the nightclub. They were approaching the nightclub when they saw a dustbin van. The refuse collectors were emptying the bins that lined the back alleyway and Sapphire saw one of them approaching the doorway where she had slept.
‘Oh no!’ she cried, running to catch up with the man and eager to make sure he didn’t collect her belongings. As she watched him picking them up, she yelled, ‘Stop! That’s my stuff.’
Skinner rang alongside her and shouted at the man who either didn’t hear them or chose not to listen. By the time Sapphire and Skinner reached the man he had already thrown her things into the back of the dustbin van.
‘That’s my stuff you’ve just thrown,’ said Sapphire.
The man turned to look at her. ‘Just doing my job,’ he remarked casually, walking away.
Sapphire followed him. ‘Don’t you realise, I’ve got no sleeping bag or anything for tonight now?’ she protested but he ignored her and carried on walking.
Feeling angry by now, Sapphire stormed back to the van, aiming to drag her stuff out of it. This caught the man’s attention, and he ran over to her. ‘Get out of the bloody thing!’ he shouted. ‘You could get caught up in the mechanism, you silly cow.’
‘But my gear’s in there. Stop the machine so I can get it.’
‘No chance, it’s a load of bloody crap anyway. You lot should get a fuckin’ job and get yourselves off the streets instead of dossing around taking drugs and making a nuisance of yourselves.’
When the man turned his back on her and walked away again, Sapphire followed, remonstrating with him until Skinner grabbed hold of her arm and pulled her back. ‘It’s a waste of time, Sophie. The bastard doesn’t give a shit so don’t bother wasting your breath. It won’t get you anywhere.’
Sapphire stopped and blew out an angry breath of air. ‘You’re right, Skinner.’ Then she yelled after the man, ‘He’s a fuckin’ bastard who doesn’t give a shit!’
Once she was satisfied that her words had got through to him, she turned to Skinner with despair etched into her features and asked, ‘What the hell do I do now?’
49
September 2011
