Goodbye hello, p.10
Goodbye, Hello, page 10
“No, you’re not wrong. I would have likely made an issue out of it.”
“Hey, no worries. You were excited about school. I wasn’t. At least not back then. I wanted to go and do something, so I joined up.”
“So, you weren’t running away after we broke up?”
“Nope. It was already in the works before that happened. It helped me run away after we broke up, because that was a lot to deal with and I needed time to think things over. But no, it had been my plan for a month or so before we broke up. I just was never sure what to say to you about the whole thing, so I chickened out.”
“Huh. I spent a few years sure you ran away to the army.”
“I mean, I know that happens. There was one guy who had his heart broken so he joined up, but that was the exception. Most everyone else thought they knew what they were doing when they signed up. We were all wrong, but we thought we knew.”
“Were you one of those?”
“Oh yeah. The army wasn’t what I thought it would be and was a hell of a lot more work than I figured. That doesn’t even take into consideration doing a tour in Afghanistan.”
“Wait, you spent a year in Afghanistan?” Teresa seemed rather surprised by that.
“Yeah, it was…okay. Got under fire a few times, but on the whole, it wasn’t that bad. Went on patrol a few times a week, and was stationed at a forward base for a month or so. Things around us were pretty quiet during that time, thank God.” Kelly didn’t want to go into her time in Afghanistan as it was something she was still processing years later. Nothing in her life had prepared her for the reality of a combat deployment, though the army had tried.
“Under fire a few times? Wasn’t that scary?”
“Yeah, it was but they say that the bullets you can hear aren’t ones meant for you. Never was in a serious concentrated attack or anything, so compared to some of the deployments I’ve heard about, it was pretty quiet. I think we got lucky.” Kelly ate one of her deviled eggs. “Man, those are tasty.”
Teresa snickered. “I remember you were always into deviled eggs. Mom still comments occasionally how much you enjoyed those when you came over for Christmas supper during senior year.”
“Your mom makes really good deviled eggs. What can I say?”
They both laughed and then got back to the business of eating. After Kelly made her way back to the buffet to load up on hot food and a few more deviled eggs, Teresa asked, “So are you going to be in town long? I just thought we might be able to catch up more.”
“I have to head back to school after this. I was planning on leaving tomorrow after lunch. Getting my undergrad degree is a lot of work. Like I said before, I want to eventually become a nurse practitioner, just not sure in what particular area of medicine I want to focus in. I figured that I have some time to see what specialty calls to me since I have to wait at least five years before I can become one. That gives me time to explore different specialties.”
“I never thought of you doing anything medical. You seemed fairly unfocused back then.”
“Me neither, until I noticed that nurses did a lot of work and were able to make a decent living without having to endure medical school. It’s pretty close to being a doctor without the extra schooling, so that sounded good to me. So, I figured that being a medic would get my toes wet, to see if I even enjoyed the work. I got to try on the job in the army and found I actually enjoyed it. It’s been my focus ever since.”
“That sounds so fun. I’ve always been into journalism so it didn’t seem like I did a lot to try it on as a career.”
“You worked on the school paper, and I’m betting you worked on your university paper as well,” countered Kelly. “That certainly would count toward trying it on.”
Teresa blushed. “Okay, that’s fair. I worked for those papers. I’m still working hard to try to do more at the paper, but there are staffing issues and such.”
“Do you need to move somewhere where you can work at a bigger paper?”
“I don’t want to, but if things continue like they have been I may need to. Mostly, we get our stories from the AP and just post them. Not a lot of local reporting is done, despite a decent amount happening in town. Just covering the city council meetings and county meetings can provide some interesting stories that people want to read.”
“And so far, you’ve only been doing smaller stories and the scut work? So, you’re the FNG?”
“The what?”
Kelly looked over at her mother and then leaned closer to Teresa before whispering, “Fucking New Guy.”
Teresa started to snicker. “I think that’s a term I may have heard but didn’t know what it meant.”
“Yeah, not the politest of terms to apply to anyone. But everyone has to deal with being the FNG for at least a little bit.” Kelly marked the point with her fork. “It’s basically a rite of passage more than anything personal.”
“That makes sense. And if I move to a new paper, I guess I’ll be the FNG there again.”
“Yeah, and when I end up with a job, I’ll be the FNG, at least to start.”
“Glad you’ve come to terms with it.”
Kelly was enjoying this conversation and had missed Teresa since they had broken up. They were getting along together so well that she didn’t want this conversation to end. The meal was drawing to a close. If she wanted to keep talking to her, now would be a good time for a new plan. “Hey, when we’re done here do you want to meet up at the coffee place you mentioned to continue talking? I’ve missed you and have been enjoying our chat.”
Teresa smiled. “I think I like that idea. And besides, we’ve barely scratched the surface on your time in the army, let alone talking about what I’ve been up to.”
Kelly grinned. This was an unlooked-for distraction from her pain and there was value in that. Besides, reconnecting had been fun so far. She would need to make sure her mom was okay with things and didn’t need her for anything this evening, but she was fairly sure it would be okay to go and chat for at least a little while. The last thing she wanted to do was alienate her mother right after things were starting to get a little bit better. She figured more conversation could wait until her next trip home. “That sounds like a great plan to me.”
“Maybe we can meet like in an hour after we’re done here, so I have time to change and get into something more comfortable. Funeral clothes are rarely the best for relaxing and chatting in.”
That sounded good to her. While her dress wasn’t uncomfortable, it would be more comfortable to get back into her leggings and sweatshirt, if for no other reason than she could wear a more comfortable bra and sneakers. She grinned. “I like that idea. See you then.”
Chapter Fifteen
Kelly watched Teresa head off to her own car parked farther down the line. Her mom looked at her over the car roof and said, “You didn’t have to drive me home.”
“I know, Mom, but she’s going to go change before we meet up for coffee. The plan is so that we can chat more. It also means that I can change as well.”
“That’s fine. Your grandparents are coming over so we can talk a bit. It was nice chatting with them over lunch so we’re going to do what you are planning to do, talk more. Make sure to be back for dinner.”
Kelly started the car and pulled out of the parking spot. “You aren’t going to need me, are you?”
“I’ll be fine. Besides, Tim and Alison are coming over as well, so it will be alright. If I need anything I’m sure that Tim can take care of it.”
“Carrie isn’t coming over?”
“No, she said she needed to go see her boyfriend for a little bit. He’s not feeling well or something? I’m not sure. Carrie was vague. She knows I don’t approve of him so I think she uses him to get out of conversations she thinks might be coming. She’s not exactly wrong there.”
“Maybe. I’m just not sure she wants anyone to see her mourn. You know how she likes her privacy.”
“That’s a good point. Your sister has never liked people seeing her be upset. She actually hid in her room more than you did as a teenager.”
“Hey,” said Kelly. “I wasn’t hiding. I was in my room thinking.”
Her mother cut her eyes over to her. “Is that what kids are calling it these days?”
“Mom.” Kelly was scandalized by what her mom was implying, especially as it wasn’t the full truth.
“What? I was a teenager once. I remember going off to hide in my room so I could think about boys and process my emotions.”
“Well then, maybe Carrie just needs more time to process her emotions,” offered Kelly.
Her mother was quiet a moment. “That may be one of the nicest things you’ve said about your sister in a while.”
Kelly felt her cheeks warm and focused on driving before she replied, “Well, I can’t say that Carrie and I understand each other, but that does make sense for how she was as a teenager. Then again, I’m sure I wasn’t much better as a teen.”
“You and your sister used to be so close when you were younger. I never did understand why you two drifted apart so much.”
“I don’t know, Mom. Being a teenager was hell for me. So, I think I was punishing myself and everyone around me because I wasn’t the girl I was supposed to be. Honestly, my relationship with Teresa helped me pull my head out of my ass and the military took care of the rest of that issue. Maybe the pressure of hiding who I was was the problem? I honestly don’t know. My relationship with Carrie is just some of the fallout, I guess. Regardless, she and I no longer see eye to eye and haven’t in a long while.”
Kelly could see with her peripheral vision that her mother was giving her a look. She couldn’t interpret it before her mom said, “Have you thought about apologizing to your sister?”
“Uhm no, I have not. It’s not like I’ve done anything wrong in all of this. And she keeps misgendering me which is an issue.”
“That’s fair. I’m not sure what to do with this. I don’t like seeing you and your sister at odds with each other. Maybe that’s something you can start with? I know it’s not ideal, but it might get through your sister’s stubbornness.”
“Yes, Mom. I’ll take care of that before I leave or maybe when I’m down for spring break. But I’ll get to that. Maybe it will work.” Kelly pulled into the driveway. Once inside, Kelly headed upstairs into her room where she started to change. She put back on the leggings and shirt she had been wearing earlier that day because for all that the dress was comfortable, there was something even more comfortable about leggings. She was happy with the fashion choice. After she slipped on her sneakers, she headed back downstairs.
Her grandparents were sitting there talking with her mother. Her grandmother came over to her, claiming a hug. Kelly enjoyed the tight embrace a few moments before she asked, “How are you doing, Grandma?”
“It’s a sad day. I never thought we would be saying good-bye to your father so soon. His COPD was finally starting to get under better control and we thought things would be getting better after he got out of the rehab facility. This really came out of nowhere.”
Tears gathered at the corners of her eyes. “Is there ever a good time?”
Her grandfather replied, “No, there isn’t.”
Kelly hugged him. “I’m so sorry, Granddad.”
“It’s okay. It’s not like you were in charge of his health. Sometimes bad things happen to good people no matter what you do.” He patted her on the back gently. His smile was a ghost of his usual beaming self.
Her grandmother looked her over and asked, “Are you taking off somewhere?”
Before Kelly had a chance to answer, her mother spoke up. “Yes, she’s going to keep talking with her ex-girlfriend, the one she brought to lunch. They haven’t seen each other since they broke up at the end of high school. It was quite a surprise to see her there.”
With a smile Kelly could not interpret, her grandmother said, “Ex-girlfriend, huh?”
“It’s not like that,” said Kelly. “We just haven’t seen each other in years and we’re catching up. That’s all that it is.”
Grandfather chuckled. “You’d think that you would have gotten used to their teasing by now.”
Her mother and grandmother laughed, and Kelly could feel her cheeks warm. Her grandmother then asked, “What made you decide on wearing a dress today? I half-expected you to be wearing a suit that I know you hate.”
Kelly shifted awkwardly. “Well, Mom decided I was allowed to come home as I was and not as I have been. I jumped on the chance to say good-bye to Dad as myself, rather than dressed as someone else. It helped me cope with this.”
Her grandfather nodded. “Like I’ve said before, never understood your whole gender thing, but I figure what with serving our country and all you can do whatever you want.”
Her mother spoke up before Kelly could reply to her grandfather’s joke. “I admit that I was never comfortable with Kelly after her…transition. I’m grateful you took my feelings into consideration when you were coming home dressed as a boy, and I’m sorry that I took advantage of that. I’m sorry that it took your father pointing out all that you were enduring for me and how that was unfair to you for me to stop treating you poorly. I hope you can forgive me.”
“Arthur was concerned with things being fair,” her grandfather said. “I can see where he would be concerned with how Kelly was being treated. He loved you kids so much that he would have done anything for you.”
Kelly rubbed her hands nervously. “Thanks, Mom, that means a lot. I loved him too and miss him.”
Her mother came over to Kelly and gave her a tight hug. Kelly hugged her mother, tears coming down her face in burning salty trails. Her mother lightly ran her hand down the back of Kelly’s head as she murmured comforting sounds. Kelly pulled back and gave everyone a watery smile. “Sorry.”
“For what? You’re allowed to cry, Kelly.” Her mother rubbed her back gently.
Kelly took a deep but shaky breath and let it out slowly. “I just… I just miss him so much.”
Her grandmother said, “We all do, sweetheart.”
Her mother took Kelly’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “I’m glad your father helped me to see my daughter that I was neglecting. I swear I won’t falter like that again.”
Her grandfather shifted awkwardly in his chair, and that helped Kelly regain her composure. “I should get going. I have to pull up the map and drive to this coffee place if I’m going.”
Her mother gave her an understanding smile. She squeezed Kelly’s hand one more time. “That’s okay, Kelly. Just don’t be too late since everybody’s going to be here for dinner tonight. We have a lot of casseroles to get through.”
Kelly laughed, genuinely amused by what her mother said. “Thankfully, they’re all good.”
Her grandfather said, “Well, at least that’s something.”
“Maybe you should splash some cold water onto your face before you go,” said her grandmother.
“Thank you, I will.” Kelly headed to the bathroom where she turned the cold faucet on and let the water pool in her hands. She leaned down to splash it on to her face. The cool water soothed her and felt nice. She would need to remember this particular trick for the next time she cried, because she was sure there was going to be a next time. It wasn’t the best development of her transition but one that she was still getting used to.
She headed out, waving good-bye to her mother and grandparents. Kelly was looking forward to talking with Teresa again. It had been a good conversation at lunch, but they had barely scratched the surface of their time apart. There was so much to cover, maybe sitting in a coffee shop would give them both more privacy than there had been surrounded by her family. After all, they had not even talked about any of what Teresa had been through in college or even when she had started work. Kelly had questions that she wanted answered.
Chapter Sixteen
Teresa struggled to figure out what to wear. This both was and wasn’t a date in her mind, so she felt a choice paralysis keeping her from putting clothes together. She got down a pair of jeans that she thought looked good on her and put those on. That was the easy part. She needed to figure out what kind of top would work best. Did she want to wear the casual blouse or a nice T-shirt? What was she trying to accomplish with her clothes? What was the impression she was trying to make?
She had already made an impression at the funeral, so she should build on that. Look good but maybe more on the casual side of things. Not to push any agenda, just a meeting of friends? So that meant the blouse was likely out, because it had a more casual date vibe rather than a meeting of friends. She wanted to make a good second impression but not push the idea that she was into Kelly too much. Besides, was she into her? They had just re-met. What was going on in her head?
With a sigh, she grabbed a T-shirt and pulled it over her head. That would work. Socks and sneakers followed. She was essentially ready for this coffee meet-up/date/get-together of friends? Maybe it would be okay to be a touch flirty this time? No, because the same conditions applied. What was wrong with her? She didn’t normally get this turned around over cute women.
Yes, Kelly was cute. Yes, it had been a year or so without a date, but that was no reason to act like a wild animal smelling meat. She was better than that and she knew it. She could control herself. Besides, they hadn’t even touched on whether Kelly was even seeing anyone. Too many unknowns to start planning on that. She had to be smart about this, because if things worked out, she didn’t want to be the woman who treated Kelly callously. She had already done that once and hadn’t liked herself afterward. It had taken a good bit of the summer to move past what she had done and be ready to face her future.
She headed into the bathroom and looked herself in the eyes, trying to drive that point home to herself. It was working but slower than expected. She was excited about seeing Kelly again and discovering that Kelly was a girl. It made her yearn for something more, because Kelly was the one she had loved and pushed away. Kelly had been the only boy she’d ever cared for and her feelings had grown deeper than she expected. The fact that he had been a boy had been a stumbling block for her. Now it felt like that block was gone. Maybe she needed to see if Kelly had matching feelings before she ran all the way past halfway trying to make something happen. Her thoughts were racing ahead to a possible future. She needed to calm down and get her head in the game. After taking a few deep breaths and calming herself, she felt more centered again.
