Dutch, p.16
Dutch, page 16
“Malin knows that. She watches you, you know, to see how you’ll react. Sometimes it appears she’s holding her breath, hoping you’ll stay quiet.”
Dutch laughed out loud. “That is damn hard for me to do. God, I…”
“You care about her.”
“I do, and right now I’d be willing to do just about anything to tell her that.”
“And I’d be willing to bet that glass of bourbon that she’s lying in that bed, wishing you were with her.”
“I don’t know about that. She was clear she wanted me to leave.”
“Trust me on this one, and go now before you have another drink.”
Dutch nodded and left his still-full glass on the table. “Thanks, Fatale.”
“My pleasure,” she said, downing the bourbon.
—:—
Malin had gone from furious to wondering what in the hell was wrong with her. What had Dutch done that was so awful? Yeah, maybe he was a little over the top with this make-believe life he was creating for the two of them, but he was right, she’d wanted to pretend for a little while too.
As much as she knew she should get out of bed and walk back over to the winery to apologize, she didn’t feel like getting dressed. Even getting out of the cozy bed to find her phone and send him a text was too much for her.
Her body and her brain were both so tired. The only time she’d slept well in as long as she could remember was when Dutch was in bed beside her. And what had she done? She’d sent him away.
Where was he now? In the winery with Mantis and Alegria, talking about the good old days when they were the three amigos? He’d probably even told Frenchie that she’d asked him to leave, proving her right.
She groaned and threw the covers off, feeling around for the switch on the bedside lamp. Even if she couldn’t show her face, she had to at least text him and tell him she was sorry.
She froze when she heard the door open at the foot of the stairs and cursed herself for how much she’d let her guard down. She looked around, saw where she’d laid the gun McTiernan had issued her, and switched off the light.
“Malin?” she heard Dutch say. “Don’t shoot, baby. It’s just me.”
She switched the light back on, grabbed the throw that was across the end of the bed and wrapped it around her naked body.
“Come in,” she said when she heard him knock on the bedroom door. He walked in with his hands raised.
“I’m not going to shoot you,” she said, pushing back on the bed and resting against the headboard. “I was just about to text you.”
Dutch sat on the bed, next to her. “What were you going to say?”
“I was going to ask you to come back.”
“Yeah? What else?”
“I was going to ask if you’d consider sleeping with me.”
Dutch reached around, pulled his shirt over his head, and tossed it on the floor. He leaned forward and moved her hand away from where she clasped the blanket, and spread it open.
“You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, Malin.” He came closer and laved her right nipple while he pinched the left between two fingers.
“Your body,” he moved his head and covered her left nipple with his lips, “was made for mine.”
Malin’s head fell back against the headboard, and she weaved her fingers into Dutch’s hair.
“Tell me you forgive me,” he said as he scattered kisses from her breasts, up her neck, to her lips. “Tell me you want me here with you.”
“I do,” she said, holding his face in her hands. “I’m sorry, Dutch.”
“Shh, don’t be. Sometimes I’m pretty thick-headed. All you gotta do is give me a swift kick, and I’ll fall back in line.”
Malin smiled. “I’d never kick you, Dutch.”
“Maybe you should, if it gets us to make-up sex faster.”
“Okay, I’ll think about it, but only if you take your pants off.”
He stood and dropped his pants on the floor, stepped out of them, and climbed in next to her.
“Mmm, you feel so good,” he groaned, resting his head between her breasts. “This is it for me, baby. I can’t imagine not being right here, next to you, every single night for the rest of my life. I’m sorry if that upsets you, but it’s the God’s honest truth.”
He sat up and rolled her over, so he was where Malin had been and she was sitting on his lap. As he kissed her, her hands went from his face, down his neck, and over his shoulders. He weaved his fingers with hers and held on tight.
“Open your eyes, Malin. I need you to look at me.”
She did, and her eyes shifted between his and his mouth.
“You gotta stop doing that for a minute,” he groaned. “I want you so bad it hurts.”
She bent her head and kissed him.
“Malin, baby, please…”
She licked his bottom lip, raised her head, and smiled. “Sorry.”
“I know I haven’t handled any of this the right way, but you have to know that this isn’t a mission for me. It’s you and me. Us. You’re all that matters to me.”
She looked into his eyes. “Dutch, I have to finish it.”
“I know, baby. All I’m saying is, when it’s over, I’ll be here waiting for you. It isn’t a matter of seeing how this goes once the mission ends. It’s, I’m here. Period. Mission or no mission.”
Malin moved off of his lap, and he groaned again.
“I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life, Dutch.”
“I don’t care. Whatever it is, we’ll make it work.”
“What if I don’t want anything to do with the intelligence business?”
“I already told you, I’m ready to retire.”
“Right,” she said. “If I decide to take a teaching position at the University of Virginia, you’ll be fine with it.”
“If you’re serious and you want to live in Charlottesville, there would be a lot I could do.”
“You could still work for K19.”
“I could, but I don’t know if I’d want to. All I’m saying is that whatever you decide you want to do, I’ll make it work.”
“Why would you do this, Dutch? Why are you pushing so hard?” She stood and wrapped the blanket around her like she had when he came in.
“Don’t you feel it?” he said, standing in front of her.
“What?”
“The way I feel when I’m with you…I’ve never…I can’t stand the idea of being away from you. Not even for one night. I told Onyx I’d bunk with him tonight to give you space, but I couldn’t stay away. I was ready for you to toss me out on my ass again, but I couldn’t help it. I had to be with you.”
“What if you stop feeling that way?”
“Are you asking me for a commitment, Malin?”
“What if I were?”
—:—
Dutch ran his hand through his hair. He’d never made a commitment to anyone in his life. He had to the Air Force, and then to the CIA, and finally to K19, but he’d never committed himself to a woman, not even Alegria.
He wanted to ask her what kind of commitment she wanted, but even he knew that would be a dick move.
“That’s what I thought,” she said, dropping the blanket on the floor. “Just get in bed, Dutch. This is what we know how to do. If it’s ever meant to be more, we’ll figure it out. In the meantime, I won’t ask you to commit anything to me, and you don’t ask me to commit anything to you.”
“Meaning what? Either of us can just walk away at any time?”
“I’m pretty sure that’s how it works when two people are unwilling to commit to each other.”
Dutch didn’t like that one bit, but until he was ready to tell her what he was willing to do, he understood he couldn’t ask the same of her. That’s the point she was trying to make all along.
“I have a long day tomorrow. I need to try to get some sleep,” she said when he crawled into bed next to her.
Dutch kissed her cheek just thankful that he was beside her.
18
“McTiernan and Copeland should land in about an hour,” Doc told them after they’d finished breakfast up at the main house and everyone else left, giving them privacy to talk.
“What happens next?” asked Malin.
“Once you’ve met with Ghafor, we hope to have something substantial to dangle in front of Montgomery.”
“When will that be?”
“This afternoon.”
Malin couldn’t wait, if only to finally know whether the leader of the Islamic State would actually give her the information she so desperately needed.
“Alone?” asked Dutch.
“That’s up to Malin,” Doc answered.
When she looked up at him, his eyes were guarded, but she knew what he wanted. Dutch wanted her to ask him to be with her, but she couldn’t do that. Ghafor had made it clear he’d talk to her and only her. If Dutch were along, he wouldn’t say a word.
“Where are we meeting?” she asked.
“Here at the ranch.”
“Have you decided where specifically?”
“In the caves. It’ll offer the most privacy as well as the most protection. We can get in there before Monk and Striker deliver Ghafor, and be in position by the time he walks in,” Doc answered.
“Meaning what?”
“You aren’t going in alone.”
Malin stood from the table and walked toward the front porch. Did they really think a man who lived the life Ghafor did wouldn’t sense their presence?
“No,” she said, returning to the table. “It won’t work.”
“Malin—”
“Stay out of this, Dutch,” she snapped, more harshly than she’d intended, but this was her mission, hers to finish in the way she believed best. As crucial as the information she needed from Ghafor was, she couldn’t risk him refusing to give it to her. That had happened so many times before, she’d lost count.
Doc stared her down, but Malin refused to give in.
“I’m willing to listen to what you have in mind,” he said, surprising her.
“Somewhere out in the vineyard where it’s wide open. He’ll know you’re there, but not close enough to eavesdrop.”
“And if he tries—”
Malin turned her head and looked into Dutch’s eyes, silently imploring him to stay out of it.
Dutch stood and walked over to the window. “I don’t like it,” she heard him mumble.
“It isn’t your call, Dutch,” Doc responded.
“I know that.”
Malin could read the tension in Dutch’s shoulders. The fact that he didn’t say anything more told her that he’d respect her wishes. At least, Malin hoped that’s what it meant.
“He won’t be armed, and he’s requested that you not be either.”
Dutch spun around, but Malin shook her head.
“We’ll have her covered,” said Doc.
Dutch shook his head, but when his eyes met Malin’s, she knew he was acquiescing to her wishes, and she couldn’t have appreciated it more.
“Thank you,” she mouthed.
“If there’s nothing else, I’ll give you time to prepare.” Doc stood and walked out, leaving her and Dutch alone.
“Mind if we take a walk?” he asked.
“I’d like that.”
He took her hand and led her out near the vineyard.
“Thank you,” she said again. “I know it’s hard for you.”
“You have no idea,” he said, bringing her hand to his lips. “Fatale gave me a talking to last night.”
“Merrigan? What about?”
“She told me a bigger man would know enough to stay out of your way and let you do your job.”
“How did that make you feel?”
“Pretty damn small at the time.”
When Dutch stopped walking, Malin stopped too and turned to look at him.
“I want you to know that I don’t doubt your abilities as an agent one bit. It isn’t about that. It’s that I…”
“What, Dutch?”
He ran his hand through his hair and looked out over the vineyard. “You won’t believe me.”
“Try me.”
He cupped her cheek with his palm. “I…want to protect you, Malin.”
“Why would you think I wouldn’t believe that, Dutch? You’ve said it often enough.”
Malin smiled and looked into his eyes, wondering what he’d really meant to say but couldn’t bring himself to. If it was that he loved her, he was right; she wouldn’t have believed him.
She would’ve told him he was confusing the need to protect her combined with a healthy dose of lust, and maybe even a little regret, with love. He couldn’t love her. If he did, he never would’ve left her without giving it a second thought. She may have forgiven him, but that didn’t mean she’d ever risk allowing herself to think Dutch could feel that way about her. She’d done that once and realizing how wrong she’d been, had nearly destroyed her.
Only having this mission to dive into gave her something else to think about than how Dutch Miller had ripped her heart from her chest and stomped all over it.
Throwing herself into her work had allowed her to get over him. Or so she’d thought. In the few days they’d been together, she’d found herself slipping too many times. She shook her head at her own stupidity.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Malin, I—”
“I’m sorry to cut our walk short, but I need to prepare for my meeting with Ghafor.” Malin dropped his hand and walked back in the direction they’d come, praying Dutch wouldn’t follow.
She wasn’t lying; she did need to prepare. She had to get her mind off the man who’d shared her bed the last few nights, and back on the man who might give her enough information to keep her alive.
—:—
He’d come so close to telling Malin he loved her, but even to him, the words rang hollow. He did, though, didn’t he? Knowing he wanted to be with her from now until the end of time—wasn’t that love? Not being able to imagine a day without waking up beside her, hearing the voice that spoke directly to his heart—that had to be love, didn’t it?
When Alegria said that she only wanted him to be happy, he’d told her that Malin made him feel that way with every breath she took. He hadn’t been exaggerating. The words he spoke weren’t rehearsed; he had no idea he would say them until he heard them himself.
He turned and watched Malin walk away, wishing he could bring himself to say the words he never believed he’d say to anyone in the way he meant them when he thought about her.
He loved Alegria. He always would, but the way he felt about Malin was so different, so much stronger, more like his life depended on it than what he’d ever felt for the woman he now knew was only ever meant to be his friend.
Last night Malin had asked how he would’ve responded if she’d asked him to make a commitment to her while he was in the middle of an op. His response had been knee-jerkingly condescending, but now he knew she was right to get angry. He’d been trying so hard to make sure that she didn’t leave him once this was over, he’d lost all sight of how focused she needed to stay until it was.
In a matter of hours, they would know if they had enough to bring down Montgomery and whoever else was involved. If they didn’t, Malin would have a target on her back that she might never be able to shake.
Had he considered how terrifying that would be to her? How could she possibly think about a future with him when her own was so uncertain?
What she didn’t know was that no matter what happened—if the agency burned her or worse—he’d protect her until his very last breath, as would his K19 partners.
There was time enough for them to talk about what protection she’d need after her meeting with Ghafor. Then they’d know exactly what they were dealing with and could plan the next stage.
He’d started walking back to the house, but stopped and gripped the back on his neck. They wouldn’t be planning the next stage of the mission—she would be.
* * *
“How are you holding up?” asked Onyx, riding up next to Dutch.
“Terrible. How was your ride?” he asked, looking up at the horse his friend was on. “What the hell is that, a draft horse?”
“Yeah,” Onyx chuckled. “Ol’ Huck belongs to Naughton. He thought I might like to take him out when he saw the ride Alex’s brothers brought for me.”
Dutch laughed too. Montano “Onyx” Yáñez had to weigh in at three-hundred pounds at least, all of which was solid muscle. A lesser horse might collapse under him.
Onyx dismounted and walked alongside him. “What’s the plan for today?”
“Malin will be meeting Ghafor out here,” he answered, making a sweeping motion with his arm.
“Seriously?”
Dutch rolled his eyes. “Seriously, bro.”
“When are we being briefed?”
“I don’t know.”
Onyx took out his phone, probably to text Doc. He didn’t bother putting it back in his pocket while he waited for a response.
“Eleven hundred,” he said after his phone vibrated and he read what was on the screen.
“Roger that.”
“I’ll catch you later, bro,” he said, getting back on the horse.
Dutch waved as his friend rode away, thankful Onyx had made the offer. He had a hell of a lot of thinking to do.
—:—
It would be interesting to see whether Ghafor was his usual cocky self this afternoon or if the fact that he’d been taken down a few notches would bring his ego into check. Doubtful, especially with her, which was probably why he’d demanded that he only talk to Malin, and that it had to be alone. He believed he could intimidate her.
He couldn’t be more wrong. Something had changed inside of her the day that Orlov held a gun to her head and Dutch had shot him.
The first thing she’d wanted to do was kill Dutch for taking out one of the two people she’d come to desperately need. The second thing she’d felt was relief. In that moment, she’d known she was no longer alone.
She’d fought it so hard, but the truth was, knowing Dutch was with her gave her the courage she needed to see this through. It wouldn’t matter what Ghafor told her—even if it wasn’t anything she could use to bring down Montgomery.
Dutch laughed out loud. “That is damn hard for me to do. God, I…”
“You care about her.”
“I do, and right now I’d be willing to do just about anything to tell her that.”
“And I’d be willing to bet that glass of bourbon that she’s lying in that bed, wishing you were with her.”
“I don’t know about that. She was clear she wanted me to leave.”
“Trust me on this one, and go now before you have another drink.”
Dutch nodded and left his still-full glass on the table. “Thanks, Fatale.”
“My pleasure,” she said, downing the bourbon.
—:—
Malin had gone from furious to wondering what in the hell was wrong with her. What had Dutch done that was so awful? Yeah, maybe he was a little over the top with this make-believe life he was creating for the two of them, but he was right, she’d wanted to pretend for a little while too.
As much as she knew she should get out of bed and walk back over to the winery to apologize, she didn’t feel like getting dressed. Even getting out of the cozy bed to find her phone and send him a text was too much for her.
Her body and her brain were both so tired. The only time she’d slept well in as long as she could remember was when Dutch was in bed beside her. And what had she done? She’d sent him away.
Where was he now? In the winery with Mantis and Alegria, talking about the good old days when they were the three amigos? He’d probably even told Frenchie that she’d asked him to leave, proving her right.
She groaned and threw the covers off, feeling around for the switch on the bedside lamp. Even if she couldn’t show her face, she had to at least text him and tell him she was sorry.
She froze when she heard the door open at the foot of the stairs and cursed herself for how much she’d let her guard down. She looked around, saw where she’d laid the gun McTiernan had issued her, and switched off the light.
“Malin?” she heard Dutch say. “Don’t shoot, baby. It’s just me.”
She switched the light back on, grabbed the throw that was across the end of the bed and wrapped it around her naked body.
“Come in,” she said when she heard him knock on the bedroom door. He walked in with his hands raised.
“I’m not going to shoot you,” she said, pushing back on the bed and resting against the headboard. “I was just about to text you.”
Dutch sat on the bed, next to her. “What were you going to say?”
“I was going to ask you to come back.”
“Yeah? What else?”
“I was going to ask if you’d consider sleeping with me.”
Dutch reached around, pulled his shirt over his head, and tossed it on the floor. He leaned forward and moved her hand away from where she clasped the blanket, and spread it open.
“You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, Malin.” He came closer and laved her right nipple while he pinched the left between two fingers.
“Your body,” he moved his head and covered her left nipple with his lips, “was made for mine.”
Malin’s head fell back against the headboard, and she weaved her fingers into Dutch’s hair.
“Tell me you forgive me,” he said as he scattered kisses from her breasts, up her neck, to her lips. “Tell me you want me here with you.”
“I do,” she said, holding his face in her hands. “I’m sorry, Dutch.”
“Shh, don’t be. Sometimes I’m pretty thick-headed. All you gotta do is give me a swift kick, and I’ll fall back in line.”
Malin smiled. “I’d never kick you, Dutch.”
“Maybe you should, if it gets us to make-up sex faster.”
“Okay, I’ll think about it, but only if you take your pants off.”
He stood and dropped his pants on the floor, stepped out of them, and climbed in next to her.
“Mmm, you feel so good,” he groaned, resting his head between her breasts. “This is it for me, baby. I can’t imagine not being right here, next to you, every single night for the rest of my life. I’m sorry if that upsets you, but it’s the God’s honest truth.”
He sat up and rolled her over, so he was where Malin had been and she was sitting on his lap. As he kissed her, her hands went from his face, down his neck, and over his shoulders. He weaved his fingers with hers and held on tight.
“Open your eyes, Malin. I need you to look at me.”
She did, and her eyes shifted between his and his mouth.
“You gotta stop doing that for a minute,” he groaned. “I want you so bad it hurts.”
She bent her head and kissed him.
“Malin, baby, please…”
She licked his bottom lip, raised her head, and smiled. “Sorry.”
“I know I haven’t handled any of this the right way, but you have to know that this isn’t a mission for me. It’s you and me. Us. You’re all that matters to me.”
She looked into his eyes. “Dutch, I have to finish it.”
“I know, baby. All I’m saying is, when it’s over, I’ll be here waiting for you. It isn’t a matter of seeing how this goes once the mission ends. It’s, I’m here. Period. Mission or no mission.”
Malin moved off of his lap, and he groaned again.
“I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life, Dutch.”
“I don’t care. Whatever it is, we’ll make it work.”
“What if I don’t want anything to do with the intelligence business?”
“I already told you, I’m ready to retire.”
“Right,” she said. “If I decide to take a teaching position at the University of Virginia, you’ll be fine with it.”
“If you’re serious and you want to live in Charlottesville, there would be a lot I could do.”
“You could still work for K19.”
“I could, but I don’t know if I’d want to. All I’m saying is that whatever you decide you want to do, I’ll make it work.”
“Why would you do this, Dutch? Why are you pushing so hard?” She stood and wrapped the blanket around her like she had when he came in.
“Don’t you feel it?” he said, standing in front of her.
“What?”
“The way I feel when I’m with you…I’ve never…I can’t stand the idea of being away from you. Not even for one night. I told Onyx I’d bunk with him tonight to give you space, but I couldn’t stay away. I was ready for you to toss me out on my ass again, but I couldn’t help it. I had to be with you.”
“What if you stop feeling that way?”
“Are you asking me for a commitment, Malin?”
“What if I were?”
—:—
Dutch ran his hand through his hair. He’d never made a commitment to anyone in his life. He had to the Air Force, and then to the CIA, and finally to K19, but he’d never committed himself to a woman, not even Alegria.
He wanted to ask her what kind of commitment she wanted, but even he knew that would be a dick move.
“That’s what I thought,” she said, dropping the blanket on the floor. “Just get in bed, Dutch. This is what we know how to do. If it’s ever meant to be more, we’ll figure it out. In the meantime, I won’t ask you to commit anything to me, and you don’t ask me to commit anything to you.”
“Meaning what? Either of us can just walk away at any time?”
“I’m pretty sure that’s how it works when two people are unwilling to commit to each other.”
Dutch didn’t like that one bit, but until he was ready to tell her what he was willing to do, he understood he couldn’t ask the same of her. That’s the point she was trying to make all along.
“I have a long day tomorrow. I need to try to get some sleep,” she said when he crawled into bed next to her.
Dutch kissed her cheek just thankful that he was beside her.
18
“McTiernan and Copeland should land in about an hour,” Doc told them after they’d finished breakfast up at the main house and everyone else left, giving them privacy to talk.
“What happens next?” asked Malin.
“Once you’ve met with Ghafor, we hope to have something substantial to dangle in front of Montgomery.”
“When will that be?”
“This afternoon.”
Malin couldn’t wait, if only to finally know whether the leader of the Islamic State would actually give her the information she so desperately needed.
“Alone?” asked Dutch.
“That’s up to Malin,” Doc answered.
When she looked up at him, his eyes were guarded, but she knew what he wanted. Dutch wanted her to ask him to be with her, but she couldn’t do that. Ghafor had made it clear he’d talk to her and only her. If Dutch were along, he wouldn’t say a word.
“Where are we meeting?” she asked.
“Here at the ranch.”
“Have you decided where specifically?”
“In the caves. It’ll offer the most privacy as well as the most protection. We can get in there before Monk and Striker deliver Ghafor, and be in position by the time he walks in,” Doc answered.
“Meaning what?”
“You aren’t going in alone.”
Malin stood from the table and walked toward the front porch. Did they really think a man who lived the life Ghafor did wouldn’t sense their presence?
“No,” she said, returning to the table. “It won’t work.”
“Malin—”
“Stay out of this, Dutch,” she snapped, more harshly than she’d intended, but this was her mission, hers to finish in the way she believed best. As crucial as the information she needed from Ghafor was, she couldn’t risk him refusing to give it to her. That had happened so many times before, she’d lost count.
Doc stared her down, but Malin refused to give in.
“I’m willing to listen to what you have in mind,” he said, surprising her.
“Somewhere out in the vineyard where it’s wide open. He’ll know you’re there, but not close enough to eavesdrop.”
“And if he tries—”
Malin turned her head and looked into Dutch’s eyes, silently imploring him to stay out of it.
Dutch stood and walked over to the window. “I don’t like it,” she heard him mumble.
“It isn’t your call, Dutch,” Doc responded.
“I know that.”
Malin could read the tension in Dutch’s shoulders. The fact that he didn’t say anything more told her that he’d respect her wishes. At least, Malin hoped that’s what it meant.
“He won’t be armed, and he’s requested that you not be either.”
Dutch spun around, but Malin shook her head.
“We’ll have her covered,” said Doc.
Dutch shook his head, but when his eyes met Malin’s, she knew he was acquiescing to her wishes, and she couldn’t have appreciated it more.
“Thank you,” she mouthed.
“If there’s nothing else, I’ll give you time to prepare.” Doc stood and walked out, leaving her and Dutch alone.
“Mind if we take a walk?” he asked.
“I’d like that.”
He took her hand and led her out near the vineyard.
“Thank you,” she said again. “I know it’s hard for you.”
“You have no idea,” he said, bringing her hand to his lips. “Fatale gave me a talking to last night.”
“Merrigan? What about?”
“She told me a bigger man would know enough to stay out of your way and let you do your job.”
“How did that make you feel?”
“Pretty damn small at the time.”
When Dutch stopped walking, Malin stopped too and turned to look at him.
“I want you to know that I don’t doubt your abilities as an agent one bit. It isn’t about that. It’s that I…”
“What, Dutch?”
He ran his hand through his hair and looked out over the vineyard. “You won’t believe me.”
“Try me.”
He cupped her cheek with his palm. “I…want to protect you, Malin.”
“Why would you think I wouldn’t believe that, Dutch? You’ve said it often enough.”
Malin smiled and looked into his eyes, wondering what he’d really meant to say but couldn’t bring himself to. If it was that he loved her, he was right; she wouldn’t have believed him.
She would’ve told him he was confusing the need to protect her combined with a healthy dose of lust, and maybe even a little regret, with love. He couldn’t love her. If he did, he never would’ve left her without giving it a second thought. She may have forgiven him, but that didn’t mean she’d ever risk allowing herself to think Dutch could feel that way about her. She’d done that once and realizing how wrong she’d been, had nearly destroyed her.
Only having this mission to dive into gave her something else to think about than how Dutch Miller had ripped her heart from her chest and stomped all over it.
Throwing herself into her work had allowed her to get over him. Or so she’d thought. In the few days they’d been together, she’d found herself slipping too many times. She shook her head at her own stupidity.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Malin, I—”
“I’m sorry to cut our walk short, but I need to prepare for my meeting with Ghafor.” Malin dropped his hand and walked back in the direction they’d come, praying Dutch wouldn’t follow.
She wasn’t lying; she did need to prepare. She had to get her mind off the man who’d shared her bed the last few nights, and back on the man who might give her enough information to keep her alive.
—:—
He’d come so close to telling Malin he loved her, but even to him, the words rang hollow. He did, though, didn’t he? Knowing he wanted to be with her from now until the end of time—wasn’t that love? Not being able to imagine a day without waking up beside her, hearing the voice that spoke directly to his heart—that had to be love, didn’t it?
When Alegria said that she only wanted him to be happy, he’d told her that Malin made him feel that way with every breath she took. He hadn’t been exaggerating. The words he spoke weren’t rehearsed; he had no idea he would say them until he heard them himself.
He turned and watched Malin walk away, wishing he could bring himself to say the words he never believed he’d say to anyone in the way he meant them when he thought about her.
He loved Alegria. He always would, but the way he felt about Malin was so different, so much stronger, more like his life depended on it than what he’d ever felt for the woman he now knew was only ever meant to be his friend.
Last night Malin had asked how he would’ve responded if she’d asked him to make a commitment to her while he was in the middle of an op. His response had been knee-jerkingly condescending, but now he knew she was right to get angry. He’d been trying so hard to make sure that she didn’t leave him once this was over, he’d lost all sight of how focused she needed to stay until it was.
In a matter of hours, they would know if they had enough to bring down Montgomery and whoever else was involved. If they didn’t, Malin would have a target on her back that she might never be able to shake.
Had he considered how terrifying that would be to her? How could she possibly think about a future with him when her own was so uncertain?
What she didn’t know was that no matter what happened—if the agency burned her or worse—he’d protect her until his very last breath, as would his K19 partners.
There was time enough for them to talk about what protection she’d need after her meeting with Ghafor. Then they’d know exactly what they were dealing with and could plan the next stage.
He’d started walking back to the house, but stopped and gripped the back on his neck. They wouldn’t be planning the next stage of the mission—she would be.
* * *
“How are you holding up?” asked Onyx, riding up next to Dutch.
“Terrible. How was your ride?” he asked, looking up at the horse his friend was on. “What the hell is that, a draft horse?”
“Yeah,” Onyx chuckled. “Ol’ Huck belongs to Naughton. He thought I might like to take him out when he saw the ride Alex’s brothers brought for me.”
Dutch laughed too. Montano “Onyx” Yáñez had to weigh in at three-hundred pounds at least, all of which was solid muscle. A lesser horse might collapse under him.
Onyx dismounted and walked alongside him. “What’s the plan for today?”
“Malin will be meeting Ghafor out here,” he answered, making a sweeping motion with his arm.
“Seriously?”
Dutch rolled his eyes. “Seriously, bro.”
“When are we being briefed?”
“I don’t know.”
Onyx took out his phone, probably to text Doc. He didn’t bother putting it back in his pocket while he waited for a response.
“Eleven hundred,” he said after his phone vibrated and he read what was on the screen.
“Roger that.”
“I’ll catch you later, bro,” he said, getting back on the horse.
Dutch waved as his friend rode away, thankful Onyx had made the offer. He had a hell of a lot of thinking to do.
—:—
It would be interesting to see whether Ghafor was his usual cocky self this afternoon or if the fact that he’d been taken down a few notches would bring his ego into check. Doubtful, especially with her, which was probably why he’d demanded that he only talk to Malin, and that it had to be alone. He believed he could intimidate her.
He couldn’t be more wrong. Something had changed inside of her the day that Orlov held a gun to her head and Dutch had shot him.
The first thing she’d wanted to do was kill Dutch for taking out one of the two people she’d come to desperately need. The second thing she’d felt was relief. In that moment, she’d known she was no longer alone.
She’d fought it so hard, but the truth was, knowing Dutch was with her gave her the courage she needed to see this through. It wouldn’t matter what Ghafor told her—even if it wasn’t anything she could use to bring down Montgomery.
