Nashville cowboy, p.13
Nashville Cowboy, page 13
Jackson opened the door and found Eve sitting on a wrought iron daybed. She wore clean Wranglers and a tight long-sleeved Henley-style tee, the top buttons opened.
“Hey, there,” she said, arms crossed. Her expression was sober, but her gaze soft.
He didn’t speak for a moment because it felt as though he was seeing her again for the first time in eight years. She was so beautiful, more fragile than he’d ever known, and she’d been so hurt. He would kill anyone who ever tried to hurt her again with his bare hands.
Unable to rein the emotions in, his hands clenched into fists at his sides, the anger boiling. “If I could have just one minute alone with the man who hurt you, I swear he’d never walk again.”
She turned away from him, staring at the wall with pursed lips.
He simply sat beside her, hip to hip. “Why did you keep this from me? Why did you lie?”
“Why do you think?” She turned back to him, eyes shimmering. “Because this is exactly what I didn’t want. You, so angry. You want to fix this, and you can’t. Believe me, I’ve been all the way through this mess. Through it, under it, around it, and all the way to the end. And I know what it’s like to be so angry it’s the only emotion you feel and it rules your life. You don’t want that, Jackson. Don’t take it on.”
“But I won’t ever be able to stop being angry at the person who did that to you.”
“You have to. If I did it, you can.”
“How…you’re not angry?”
He couldn’t comprehend that. He’d never be able to let this go. Hurting a woman…it was disgusting. Reprehensible.
“I’ve been angry. It didn’t do me any good.”
“Tell me what happened. Was it a random attack? Were you robbed?”
“No.” She shook her head. “I’ll tell you, but you have to promise you’ll listen all the way to the end.”
She held up a finger as he was about to open his mouth to agree. “Without saying a word.”
He nodded, planning to squash every word, growl, or grunt down his windpipe.
“I didn’t date much when I was at A&M. I had one boyfriend, Bobby, and he was a really nice guy. I think…maybe I could have married him someday if he’d stuck around, but he changed majors and moved away. Afterwards there was another guy, Matt, a football player, who always asked me out. He was too popular for my taste, too loud, too…too much everything. I kept saying no.”
A worry line creased between her eyebrows. “But then one day, well, something happened and I…I changed my mind. I thought it was time to move on, to date someone. So, I did. He was nice our first date. Very good manners. Attentive and kind. But on the second date, he showed his true colors. He got drunk. Gropey. I said no.”
Jackson tensed, every muscle in his body turning to granite, but he kept his word. He didn’t say anything, though he knew where this was headed. He’d certainly met enough female musicians and singers in Nashville who’d been through similar. Some men didn’t hear the word “no.” Get too much alcohol in them and everything got a whole lot worse.
“I didn’t realize it, but he was stalking me. He’d call, begging me to reconsider. But the calls got nastier. Meaner. I’d heard he was already dating someone new, but he seemed to have taken my rejection so personally. I should have talked to the campus police. I should have acted sooner. But I hoped he’d get over it and forget me.”
She took a deep, shaky breath and every cell in Jackson’s body shook. He took her hand in his and began tracing circles in her palm.
“One day he showed up at my place and knocked me out cold. No more words. No warning. I don’t know how long the attack went on, no one really does, but my roommate showed up and stopped it. She screamed for help and Matt ran. He was arrested the next day. I was in the hospital for a couple of weeks. That part was true. And I really was lucky. If my roommate hadn’t shown up, if the campus police hadn’t acted quickly and firmly…”
Jackson simply squeezed Eve’s hand tightly.
“I went through so many emotions after the attack. Terrified, and then so angry. I lived with anger for two years, let it consume me, while the DA prepared to take him to trial. His attorney came up with the most ridiculous defense. Matt was raised too privileged, through no fault of his own, so he didn’t understand the word “no.” They made our relationship out to be much more than it was. We were never intimate. They tried to assassinate my character. To claim that I’d pursued him, then changed my mind, and Matt didn’t understand the sudden change. Couldn’t accept it.
“I couldn’t concentrate, and my grades slipped. Worse, I let my anger infect the rest of my relationships. When Sadie called and wanted to talk, I’d say I was too busy and didn’t have the time to make her feel better about what happened to me.” She grimaced and a single tear rolled down her cheek. “I accused my roommate, the woman who may have saved my life, of conspiring with the defense. All nonsensical but the anger took root in me and spread. I was saved from testifying when Matt took a plea. From attempted murder to aggravated assault, a lesser charge. I didn’t like it, but it wasn’t up to me. You can guess that I was angry about that, too.”
Letting go of her hand, he ran his palm down her spine and up again in a soothing motion. “How did you get past that?”
“I had to. And so do you. You’ve been angry at me for so long, for good reason—”
“No, it wasn’t a good reason.”
“It couldn’t have been healthy. All that drinking.”
“In a way my anger fueled me for a while. It gave me a purpose.”
“Mine did, too. But that purpose ended. He was put away, and I didn’t need the anger anymore. But I couldn’t let go. Until I had a little breakthrough. My therapist helped with that. Then the only emotion left was sadness and…fear. I’m still working on that.”
He brought her hands up to circle his neck. “I wish I could have been there when you needed me. When you were suffering.”
“But I liked that you didn’t know. You’re the only one in the family who treated me like the old Eve. Not with kid gloves. And I want to be that woman again. Fearless.”
“You are that woman. That’s the way I see you.” He nuzzled her neck.
“Only with you. Somehow you bring it out of me.”
“I’m talented that way. Pissing you off is my specialty.”
She laughed. “No, I think it’s because I still feel safe with you. You’re one of my last memories of feeling truly safe. And loved.”
“I would never hurt you.” He hitched in a breath. “But I did, didn’t I?”
“No more than I hurt you.”
She was being generous, but he was done with excuses. “I should have come after you. I would have fought for us, too, if I didn’t have my head up my ass.”
“Stop. I knew what you wanted, and you had every right to your dream. Don’t think for a minute that I was being all noble and self-sacrificing. I just wanted to be first with you.”
The knowledge of that slammed into him. Eve was so proud, it was no wonder that she’d left the church after seeing him appearing less than thrilled.
“But if I’d gone after you?”
“If you’d have come after me, we’d have gotten married. I know it was stupid and I was immature. Too proud. I guess I wanted you to show me that you still wanted us.”
“That’s not stupid or proud. But I guess I showed you that you were right about me, by leaving the next day for Nashville.”
She shook her head. “Maybe we were both too young to know what we wanted.”
“You mean that we were both too young to know what we had.” Jackson pressed his forehead to hers, wanting the contact.
“I can only speak for myself, but I had no idea.” She whispered.
Drained of energy, Eve wanted to collapse and take a nap. For six months.
Only a few minutes ago, her plans for a ladies’ night was derailed. She’d been warned by Sadie when she’d ended her phone call with Lincoln and turned to Eve.
“I hate to say I told you so. My Lincoln is wonderful but keeping a secret like this from his brother was asking too much. Everything you tried to stop is headed your way. Right now.”
Eve understood the time would come when someone would slip up. The Carvers weren’t known to keep secrets for long. It was possible with the benefit of distance and geography, but not once back in the cocoon of the family ranch.
Heart racing, Eve had waited for him in a bedroom, and when he’d walked in, his eyes were shimmering with unspent pain, anger, and confusion. The sorrow in them was exactly why she hadn’t wanted him to know. Ever. She didn’t want his pity, but it only took a few minutes for her to see that Jackson didn’t feel sorry for her. He hurt for her, and there was a difference.
Without the filters of anger and fear clouding her thoughts, she could see that now.
“I missed you,” Eve said now and tugged on the nape of his neck. “So much.”
Eve hadn’t been intimate with another man since Bobby, but that wasn’t due to a lack of options. There were many men in Stone Ridge. Once, a man who’d been passing through town brought an injured cat he’d found on the side of the road to their clinic. They’d connected over a mutual love of helpless creatures. He’d asked her out and she’d agreed.
On the first date, when he’d unexpectedly tried to kiss her, she’d literally recoiled. It was very difficult to come back after that. He’d been insulted, hadn’t bothered to try to understand, and dropped her off without indicating that there would be a second date. The same thing happened a couple of more times, and even when it went past one date, none were at all patient. If she stopped them from getting too handsy, they quickly lost interest. She eventually gave up dating.
Jackson had waited patiently for her to want more. Now, she made the first move with a kiss that wasn’t particularly tender. Their tongues and lips slanted across each other as he responded, eager, demanding more. He followed with deep and hot kisses.
They were both breathless when she broke the kiss. “God. Oh God.”
“Baby, you are killing me right now. You do know my brother and Sadie are in the next room?”
“And so are Daisy and Lucy.”
“I know I should go, but I don’t want to. We’re supposed to be watching dirty movies, smoking cigars, and getting tanked. I’m afraid I’ll go down in history as the worst best man ever.”
She snorted. “Hush. Lincoln and Sadie are right where they want to be right now. Together.”
“I would say that they’ve got a lifetime of that ahead, but somehow I don’t take anything for granted anymore.”
Eve framed his face and studied his lips so she could catch every word. “I’m tired of being afraid. Tired of feeling numb inside when I’m not afraid. Stay with me just a little while.”
Every raw emotion had been pulled out of her in the past few minutes. She just needed to sleep. And she wanted him right here with her.
“Come here and let me keep you warm, girl.” Jackson took off his boots and his jacket. Fully clothed, he laid on his side, pulling Eve’s back to his chest.
She lay there in the circle of his arms, content, drifting off after a few minutes. No waking nightmares chased her sleep this time. When she woke, it was dark, shadows of ambient light in the room. No sound. She hitched in a breath, and stiffened, for one moment not remembering. That old sense of urgency and fear tugged at her, but then she felt Jackson’s even breaths on her neck. His arms wrapped loosely around her waist. He’d fallen asleep, too.
The next time Eve woke, it was daylight and hushed voices were at the door. Jackson and Lincoln. She turned toward the sound and concentrated hard to catch every word.
“Bet I’m the only groom in history who spent his bachelor party with his fiancée.”
“Are you complaining?”
“Nah, I can never get enough of her, but we do need to get back to the guys. God knows what they’ve done to the place.”
“Be right there.” Jackson shut the door.
Eve closed her eyes, pretending to be asleep.
He pressed a soft kiss against her temple. “Bye, beautiful.”
She heard him as he made movements sitting on the bed next to her. Then he leaned close again and seemed to hesitate. “I love you.”
The words were nothing but a whisper in her good ear, and she caught every single word.
CHAPTER 18
“Dad, put the tie on, or don’t, but don’t let me hear another word about it,” Jackson said from his father’s recliner.
Hank continued to grumble and complain for thirty minutes straight, give or take. He didn’t want to leave the cattle. He didn’t want to leave his hill. There was work to be done that waited for no one.
But three days from the wedding, it was time for the wedding rehearsal followed by the dinner, on the old man’s dime. Jackson had kept busy around the ranch, helping Hank. Helping Lincoln as they both corralled the rest of the cattle to a second pasture and got the ranch ready to be without him while he was on his honeymoon.
Far from avoiding Eve, however, he continued to seek her out.
Sometimes if he woke early enough, he’d find her alone in the kitchen, packing breakfast. He’d come up behind her and put his arms around her hips. She had a great deal of patience with him, treating him to a few more kisses. He’d help her in the kitchen, which would earn him a few more kisses. But when his hand would slip under her shirt, she always stopped him.
“Not yet,” she’d whisper, and he was a teenager again, living on hormones, hope, and a prayer.
“Not sure why they picked a fancy place for the dinner,” Hank said as he looped his tie around. “Lincoln would have been happy with the Shady Grind.”
The Shady Grind was the place where he and Eve had their rehearsal dinner. A very affordable, reasonable bar and grill. But it was also a place a young couple tight on funds might choose.
“We all know everything is for the bride.”
“Then let her parents pay for it.”
“They’re paying for the whole wedding and neither Sadie nor Lincoln would let us help with that.”
“How many songs would you have to write and sing to help pay for this dinner?” He actually sounded interested in Jackson’s career for once.
“I’d have to think about that.”
“Well, sure must be nice to prance around and sing and make money.”
“Yup.”
It was a little more complicated than that, not that Hank would understand. In Jackson’s case, he still hadn’t hit his stride as a musician. No matter what he said to Hank, Hank would bring it down to Jackson finding a way to have fun and make money. But it wasn’t always fun to see newer artists pass him by with stellar recording contracts because they had connections. Or a better management team who pushed for them. A star-making producer. Or maybe just more talent. There was a hell of a lot of “business” to show business and he’d found that out the hard way.
Sometimes he wished everything could be as simple as life on a ranch, where hard work equaled a direct reward.
“We’ll be late if we don’t head out now,” Jackson said, moving toward the door and grabbing Hank’s truck keys from the Longhorn-shaped hook by the entrance.
He’d been tasked to pull Hank away from the ranch and down the hill into town. Mima, Eve, and everyone else would meet them at Trinity Church and after that they’d all make their way to the Wild Rose for dinner.
They arrived in time to see Mima and Eve just ahead of them, walking toward the entrance of the chapel behind Sadie and Lincoln. Eve wore a short dress that hit well above her knees, a tight denim jacket over it, and some fancy cowgirl boots. Her hair was down, and she threw her head back, sharing a laugh with Mima. She saw him walk in, and her grin went even wider.
“Hank!” Eve walked right past Jackson with outstretched arms to his father. The man worthy of her smile. “I haven’t seen much of you lately.”
Over Hank’s shoulder, Eve shared a conspiratorial wink with Jackson. Ha. She thought this was funny making it seem that she hadn’t even noticed him.
“If it ain’t the most beautiful vet in all of Texas,” his father said, giving her a hug. “You’ll sit with me at dinner tonight, darlin’. No one else deserves you.”
“She’ll sit with me, son,” Mima said. “I need my right hand.”
While that love fest went on, Jackson walked past them to the chapel. It was just his luck that like so many structures in Stone Ridge, the building was exactly the same from the outside. White clapboard building, steeple, and belfry. Big, welcoming sign that spelled out:
Stephens and Carver wedding this Saturday
Sadie and Lincoln
He broke out in a cold sweat as he walked up the steps again for the first time in eight years. There was a memory in each step.
Catching up with Lincoln, he clapped him on the back. “Tell me they’ve at least renovated the inside.”
“No such luck, brother. Same old hard pews which are hell on a rancher’s back. All the extra funds go to help the poor. Pastor June is very insistent on that.”
“Don’t worry, Jackson,” Sadie said. “I have a different color theme.”
He hooked a finger at his chest. “Worried? Me?”
A different color theme. Why sure, that ought to do it. Might make more of a difference if he could remember their color theme, but he’d been far less interested in any of the wedding details than he’d been in his bride. She’d tortured him by making him stay away for a week before the wedding, so their honeymoon night would be special. Ironic.
A few minutes later the pastor directed everyone to their places. Bridesmaids and groomsmen lined up, he and Eve sent toward the very back since they’d come in last just before Sadie and her father.
“This isn’t awkward at all,” Jackson said as he and Eve waited for the procession to begin. “Everyone is watching us.”
“It will be over soon,” Eve said quietly, not looking at him.
