Emery stood up and shoved him hard. “Shut up! Just shut up. You knew. You knew this whole time that it was me. That it was my family you killed. Why did you get close to me? To hurt me?”

  “No,” Grayson shouted. He was gesturing wildly with his hands, trying to get her to understand. She didn’t understand, though. She would never understand why he left them to die. “I never wanted to hurt you. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.... I felt so terrible. Seeing you, finding out how horrible your life has been since then.... I mean, I never—things just got so complicated,” Grayson said.

  “What? You mean I fell in love with you?” Emery yelled.

  “No, Emery. I fell in love with you,” Grayson choked. He looked completely defeated. “I was just supposed to see if you were okay. I just wanted to feel better.... I wasn’t supposed to get this close to you. God, Em, I love you. I love you so damn much. Please.... I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen. Please, believe me.” He reached out for her again, but she stumbled backward, trying to get away from him, falling to the ground.

  Emery cried out again, the tears finally—finally—coming. “I can’t lose you, too,” she sobbed, feeling the tears rushing down her cheeks. “It hurts,” she gasped, clutching her stomach. “It hurts it hurts it hurts,” she cried over and over and over again, rocking herself back and forth in the snow. She started to hyperventilate, her throat feeling raw and choked.

  “Please,” Grayson begged, reaching down for her hand.

  Emery flinched, scooting in the snow to try and get away from him. “Get away from me,” she cried. “Get the hell away from me.” She stood and looked at him one last time through teary eyes. He was looking down at his hands. She ran before he could look back up at her.

  It seemed fitting to Emery, as she climbed into her car, that her last image of Grayson was blurred and distorted by her tears.

  Emery barely made it back to Hugh’s. She had almost wrecked several times before her tires screeched to a stop in Hugh’s driveway. She opened her car door and tripped to the ground, her palms scraping against the asphalt. Her ragged breaths came in between sobs as she tried to get air into her lungs.

  “No,” she moaned. “No no no no no no.” She began to beat her fists on the ground, trying to feel anything besides the aching pain inside her chest. It was choking her, suffocating her as it crushed her with its weight. Emery didn’t think she’d be able to get back up. She didn’t think she’d ever be able to breathe again.

  Her sobs were coming fast, uneven, and painfully unbearable. She knew they weren’t just tears for Grayson. They were tears for everything. Her mother. Jaxx. Her father. Everything that had broken her those past six months. Everything that had torn her apart. Her pain was finally breaking free and it was destroying her along the way.

  Emery stood on her shaky legs and stumbled to the front door. She gripped her keys, desperately trying to find the one that unlocked the house. Her hands shook violently, jingling the keys in her fingertips. Emery tried so hard to unlock the door. She gave it all the strength she had left, but it just wasn’t enough. It was never enough. Her hands were shaking so badly that the keys fell to her feet. She simply crumbled with the keys, bracing herself against the front door while she fell, sobbing as the snow froze her to her very core.

  Emery wasn’t sure how long she had stayed outside by the front door. Hugh eventually pulled up in his car and jumped out without turning the vehicle off.

  “Kiddo, what happened? Emery?” Hugh said frantically. He felt her skin and began mumbling to himself about bringing her to the hospital.

  “No,” she begged. “No, please.” Her cries were weak now. “I’m fine. Please. Just leave me alone. I don’t want to go back there.”

  Hugh’s eyes darted over her anxiously, trying to decide what to do. He eventually reached down and picked her up, cradling her in his arms like a baby. Hugh unlocked the door and brought her inside as she shivered.

  In her room, he tucked her in and put several extra blankets on top of her. She drifted in and out of consciousness, noticing him coming in and out of the room, taking her temperature often. Emery wasn’t sure how long she was like this, but it was better than her reality.

  Her mother was in the driver’s seat. Her paint splattered hands were smeared with blood. Amelia McQuain had a tree branch impaling her. She never stood a chance.

  As Emery easily broke out of the vehicle, she fell to the ground. She cried out for Jaxx, hoping that he was still alive. Emery saw his crumpled figure wrapped tightly in the blanket as if he held onto it while he was ejected from the car. She crawled over to Jaxx and held him in her arms. A piece of his scalp was missing. His glasses were askew on his boyish, nerdy, innocent face.

  Her vision blurred and she watched a stretched thin dark figure come towards her. As it loomed above her, reaching out with its long, spindly fingers, it seemed as if it were reaching for Emery’s throat. This time, though, as the dark figure got closer, its long fingers and stretched thin figure morphed into something that looked more human. It morphed into Grayson.

  Chapter 36

  Emery woke up screaming. She was thrashing around in her covers, feeling suffocated by the weight of them. She threw them off of her. A cold sweat dripped down her face. She was running her fingers through her damp hair when Hugh rushed in.

  “I’m sorry, Hugh,” Emery said quietly, trying to hide her shaking hands. “It was just a nightmare.”

  Hugh sighed and came to sit down on the bed next to her. He put his hand up to her forehead. He gave her a small smile. “Your fever broke.”

  Emery looked at him questioningly. “Fever?”

  “You’ve been out cold for a day and a half. You had a fever but it seems like it’s gone now.” Hugh was acting strangely as he wrung his hands constantly in his lap. “Matt’s here. He wants to see you.”

  Emery shook her head. “I don’t want to see him ever again.” She thought of the conspiracy theories, but then realized they weren’t conspiracy theories after all.

  “I think you should talk to him. He’s been camping out in the driveway,” Hugh said. He stood to leave but then glanced back at her. “I’m really sorry, Emery.”

  Emery didn’t have to ask what he was sorry for as he left the room. She already knew.

  She picked her phone up off of her nightstand and checked the time. It was morning, two days after she had found out about Grayson. It made her feel sick.

  Matt came in shortly after and basically ran to her bedside. He knelt down beside the bed and took her hand. “I didn’t want to be right, Em. I didn’t want it to be him.”

  Emery ripped her hand from his and ran into the bathroom, puking into the toilet. She felt the tears spilling from her eyes before she even knew what was happening. She had once had a hard time finding the tears inside of her, but now? Everything had built up, crashed against her walls, and broke them. She didn’t have an ounce of strength left to hold them back.

  Matt was lying about not wanting it to be Grayson. That was exactly what he had wanted. She knew that. Matt just wanted her to love him back. The only thing Emery thought he felt sorry for was that he had hurt her in the process.

  “Please,” she whispered, still hanging her head over the toilet.

  Matt was standing in the doorway to the bathroom now. “But, Em, it’s all over the news. He turned himself in.”

  Her stomach heaved, but there was nothing left in it to throw up. Emery looked back at him, tears falling down her cheeks. “Get out.”

  “Em, I just want to—” he started as he walked towards her.

  “I said, get out!” she screamed.

  Matt’s eyes fell to his shoes as he left. Emery continued to sob as she sat on the floor by the toilet. She knew there was nothing else she could do. Nothing that could possibly fix everything that had gone utterly wrong in the past six months.

  Zoe showed up shortly after Matt had left. She came into Emery’s room and coaxed her into the kitchen. Emery didn’t want to move. She didn’t want to leave the confines of her room, but she had no strength left to resist.

  Hugh and Zoe fed her, talking about insignificant things as she ate, trying not to speak of anything related to Grayson. Zoe brought up Scrabble, though, and Emery couldn’t stop thinking about how intertwined her and Grayson’s lives had become. Everything reminded Emery of Grayson. It seemed as if the moments in time—the memories—wanted to mock her. They appeared at every corner, just as memories of her mother and Jaxx did. They wanted to remind her of how happy she had been. Of how happy she wasn’t now.

  It was while Zoe, Hugh, and Emery were in the living room—Zoe and Emery idly playing a card game—that Officer Frank had knocked on the door. Hugh got up to let him in and Officer Frank stood in front of the three of them. He was smiling broadly as he recounted the good news, explaining how the case was finally closed. How the partial prints from the cell phone matched the guy who turned himself in. How Emery was so lucky. So very lucky because it didn’t happen often that hit-and-run cases ever got solved.

  So lucky.

  Emery had stared at her feet the whole entire time he was there. She knew he was probably confused because for the past six months, she had gone to the police station begging him for new information. Now, she seemed to not care at all. She did care, though. That was the problem. She cared too damn much. She was still in love with the guy who had killed her family.

  It was after Officer Frank left that Zoe came over and hugged Emery as she sat on the couch. Emery just laid down, her head in Zoe’s lap, wishing for everything to just disappear.

  “I love you, Em,” Zoe whispered. “I’m here for you.”

  Zoe played with Emery’s hair and rubbed Emery’s back as Hugh turned on the TV. All the channels that Hugh flipped through, though, were about the accident that shook Mercy Springs and how Jaxx and Amelia McQuain could finally rest in peace.

  Hugh ended up turning the TV off.

  Later that day, Emery had enough. She felt like she couldn’t stay in that house any longer, like she just needed to go. As soon as Zoe left, Emery got up and grabbed her coat. Hugh watched her grab her keys and he intercepted her at the front door.

  “You really got yourself into a big mess this time, huh, kiddo?” Hugh said.

  She didn’t want to speak. Emery was scared she was going to start crying again. All she had been doing since she found out about Grayson was crying.

  Emery cleared her throat and even though she prepared herself to speak, she still had to choke back her sob. Hugh pulled her into his arms and rubbed her back.

  “How do you stop loving someone you’re not supposed to love?” she cried.

  Hugh pulled her away from his chest and looked down at her. “No one ever said that you can’t love him.” He wiped away a few of her tears, smiling sadly.

  “Do you still love my mom?” Emery asked him.

  Hugh looked a little surprised by the question but still shook his head with a smile. “I never stopped.”

  Emery looked at the door and knew that if she stayed in this house—in this city—that she’d be stuck. She’d be held back by her love for Grayson—just like Hugh was held back by his love for her mother. That she’d forever be defined by the accident and by Grayson’s actions. “Hugh, I have to get out of here. I can’t stay here anymore. There’s just too much all around this place. Too many memories.”

  Hugh nodded, understanding immediately. “I’m sure we can manage,” he said. “Transferring to a new college can’t be that hard, kiddo.”

  Emery smiled a little and began to cry again, throwing her arms back around her uncle. The semester was almost over. Next week was finals week and she knew she would be fine for a few more days. She could talk with Professor Aldridge about her options. She could pack up her bags after next week and just go.

  It hurt to think about leaving her childhood home, the only city she had ever lived in. Emery knew, though, that it was for the best. That moving out of there, away from the accident, away from Grayson, would be the best thing that she could ever do for herself.

  Chapter 37

  For the next few days, Emery put all of her energy into studying for finals. She worked day and night, hardly ever stopping to take a break except when Hugh forced her to eat. It helped for a while, but when finals were over and she needed to tell Professor Aldridge that she was transferring, everything came back in full force.

  She didn’t know what to say to him. He had been the first one to tell her how strong she was, how resilient. What would he say now? That she was running away from her problems? That this was a huge mistake?

  The only thing Emery knew was that she had to tell him. She needed his advice on what classes to take. Not only that but she felt like she owed him that much.

  As she walked into the building and to his office, she mentally prepared herself for what he was going to say to her. She prayed that he wouldn’t be disappointed in her. Emery didn’t think she would be able to handle it.

  Emery knocked on the door.

  “Come in,” she heard Professor Aldridge call gruffly.

  As soon as she walked into his office, though, she could tell that he became visibly less tense than he had been.

  “Ms. McQuain,” he said with a smile. He gestured for her to sit and she did. “You aced the final, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  She shook her head sadly, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. “Actually,” she started. “I wanted to come talk with you about something.”

  “Does it have something to do with the fact that you don’t have any classes scheduled with me next semester?” Professor Aldridge asked with his eyebrows raised, his circular glasses resting precariously on the end of his nose.

  Emery nodded and wanted to cry. Out of all of her classes, his had been her favorite. He was the only professor who had believed in her. The only professor who noticed how hard her life had been and who tried to make it better. Who tried to make her realize her strength. Where was that strength now?

  “I have to transfer,” Emery was finally able to get out.

  Professor Aldridge smiled and shook his head. “Have to?”

  This was it. He was going to try and talk her out of it. “I can’t stay here, sir,” she said.

  He looked back down at the papers on his desk and said, “You and Mr. Andrews were quite the pair in psychology.”

  Emery let out a squeak, holding back her tears as best as she could. “Yes, we were but—”

  “But he was the one who caused the accident,” he finished for her as he studied her face. “His arraignment is today, you know.”

  “I know,” Emery said. “I don’t want to have anything to do with it, or with him.”

  “You say that, Ms. McQuain, but I would like to believe that he has been having quite the same torment as you since the accident.”

  Emery stood, having enough. “Are you saying that he lost everything? Are you saying he knows how this feels?” Her voice broke and she felt the tears coming back. She held them off. She didn’t want to cry anymore.

  Professor Aldridge shook his head. “Please, sit, Emery,” he said.

  She pulled her chair back towards her and took a deep breath, taking a seat.

  “I’m saying,” he started, “that he has been broken, too, and it looks to me as if he’s been trying his best to make amends.”

  “By breaking me?” Emery choked out, holding back her sob.

  “You have never been broken, Ms. McQuain,” Professor Aldridge smiled. “One day in my classroom showed me that.” He shuffled through a few of his papers, clearing off his desk. “Now, tell me why you really came to see me.”

  Emery took a deep breath, pushing away thoughts of what he had just said. She told him where she was transferring to and asked him what classes he recommended she take to go into child psychology. He even helped her schedule them.

  By the end of their meeting, Emery realized she had never seen Professor Aldridge smile so much. She also realized that she had been smiling a little, too.

  As she told him goodbye, thanking him for everything, she began to walk out the door. He called her back and simply said, “Good luck, Ms. McQuain. Keep in touch.”

  That night as Emery was getting ready to go to sleep, she heard someone outside of her bedroom window pulling into the driveway. When she peeked out, she saw her father walking up to the front door. He walked slowly with his eyes cast down. His dress shoes clicked on the concrete. Michael was wearing a suit and tie. Emery guessed he had just come back from work.

  When he got up to the front door, he raised his fist to knock. Emery waited for a moment, wanting to see what he’d do.

  He never knocked. Michael stood there for a long time before beginning to walk away. Once more, he turned around and walked to the front door. He raised his fist again but still never knocked. Emery watched as he finally got back into his car and drove away.

  She wasn’t sure what to make of it. Emery wasn’t even sure if he had wanted to talk to her. Regardless, she knew she’d have to see him again soon. She did have to go and pack up the rest of her things from the house anyway.

  The next morning, Emery loaded a few cardboard boxes into her car. She was getting ready to go to Michael McQuain’s house. Hugh was asking her to let him come with her, but Emery knew this was something she needed to do on her own.

  “At least take my truck,” Hugh said. “You’ll have more room then.”

  Emery nodded, giving in to his small request. “I’ll be fine, Uncle Hugh.”

  He nodded quickly a few times as if he were trying to convince himself. “I know. I know.”

  Hugh helped her load the cardboard boxes, packing tape, and bungee cords into the backseat of his truck. Emery hugged him goodbye and got into the truck to drive to her father’s house.

  Showing up to his house wasn’t as scary as it had been before. Emery just figured that he couldn’t hurt her anymore. That he still seemed to be hurting about the accident while Emery had nearly made her peace with it. It still hurt—she guessed it always would—but the difference between her and her father was that she had traded her demons from the accident for new ones. Her father was still dealing with the same demons he had started with over six months ago. Grayson had taken over Emery’s grief and she didn’t have room in her heart to be consumed by both events.

 

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