The other side of goodby.., p.17
The Other Side of Goodbye, page 17
She offered a shy smile. “Me too.”
His pulse sped as their eyes locked.
Easy there.
He cleared his throat, then turned and unpacked the food he’d tucked away in lidded containers. “I’ve started flying this way because I’m keeping an eye on how quickly the glacier is changing. It’s not far from here, and I’m looking for a missing person.”
“Is that the friend you mentioned earlier?”
He nodded. “You know, I didn’t bring you here to dredge up some of Redemption’s saddest stories. Don’t you want to see the northern lights? They’re putting on quite a show.”
“We can do both.”
She reached for a cracker, topped it with a square of sharp cheddar, and popped it into her mouth. The lights overhead rippled across the night sky as if God were shaking out His favorite blanket. Shades of pink, purple, and green undulated against the velvety blackness.
“It’s amazing that the Creator of the universe came up with His own electric light show, isn’t it?”
She smiled. “It sure is. That’s one thing I’ve noticed about being back in Alaska. Everywhere you look, there’s something beautiful to enjoy.”
He turned and stared at her. “So true.”
She held his gaze, then looked down and poured herself a cup of tea. “Do you want some tea?”
“No thanks. I packed some decaf coffee.”
“Not a big tea guy, are you?”
“Nope.” He reached for his own thermos. “There are packets of honey tucked in the basket’s inside pocket, and maybe some wooden stir sticks.”
“You’ve thought of everything, haven’t you?”
He shifted, crossing his legs at the ankles. “I tried.”
“I’m so impressed.” She tore the paper off the stir stick. “Now, about that story. Let’s hear it.”
He blew out a long breath. “So, a long time ago, when I was around thirteen, I went on a father-son fishing trip with some guys from church, and obviously my dad was there as well. We were out on somebody’s fishing boat having the best time telling stories. We had planned to camp out on an island in the sound, but a storm took us by surprise and things got a little hairy. Trevor and MJ, who are brothers, both went overboard. MJ did not have a life jacket on. So his dad, as any dad would do, went into the water after him.”
Tisha’s eyes grew wide. She cupped her tea between both hands.
“We don’t have a Coast Guard air station here, so even though we put out a call for help, the closest people to respond were some fishermen on their own boat nearby. And by the time any help arrived, MJ and his father had completely disappeared. The Coast Guard did arrive and searched through the night. When the word spread, people from Redemption looked and looked, and the Coast Guard scoured miles around where we’d been, but we never found MJ and his dad.”
He shivered as memories of that horrific day resurfaced.
She reached over and squeezed his hand. “I’m so sorry. That’s awful. Is that why you became a Coast Guard rescue swimmer?”
“That’s why I joined the Coast Guard, because I never wanted anybody to feel the way we felt. We were helpless. Looking back, obviously, there are so many things we should have done differently.”
“You can’t blame yourself.”
“True. I’m talking about basic boating-safety protocols. The adults should’ve made everyone wear a life jacket. It’s not a big deal to go fishing and not put one on, but with that many people on one boat, we should have been more cautious.”
She kept her fingers entwined with his, and he hoped she wouldn’t let go until it was time to leave.
“I had nightmares for months but no plans of becoming a rescue swimmer. It’s kind of how it worked out. And then I had an opportunity to go for aviation, and that ended up being exactly the right fit for me.”
“So you and MJ were good friends?”
“The best. Prior to losing him, every single childhood memory included MJ. Skiing, sledding, snowshoeing, baseball, basketball…We did everything together. And the worst part was, when I got home from the trip, I had this really cool piece of jade sitting on my dresser. He had found it when we’d been messing around outside, but he’d let me have it. So I took it to his house to give to his mom.”
“Aww, that’s so sweet,” Tisha said.
“Now, keep in mind, this woman had lost her husband and one of her two sons in this terrible boating accident, and I thought I would make it better by giving her a rock.”
“Don’t be too hard on yourself,” Tisha said. “It sounds like it wasn’t just any rock.”
“Well, it was a bad move on my part because she turned me away. She was upset, and it was obvious that I’d completely misread the situation.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that. She was probably in shock and had no idea what to do. I’m sure it wasn’t personal.”
“I took it personally, and I’ve never forgotten how she rejected my effort. And that stuck with me, obviously, because here I am still talking about it twenty-five years later.”
Sheesh. He shook his head. How embarrassing. “I don’t think I’ve ever told anybody that story before. So much for coming out here to eat some good snacks and look at a pretty night sky.”
Her expression grew serious, and her gaze held his. She squeezed his hand tighter. “Stories can set us free. Did you know that?”
“Is that right?” His eyes dipped to her lips. “And what story do you need to tell so you can be free?”
“Oh boy.” Her smooth brow furrowed under the cuff of her knit hat. The adorable pom-pom bobbed on top as she tipped her head back and looked at the sky again. “I’m sure you don’t want to hear any more about my adventures as a beauty-pageant contestant.”
“Now, see, that’s where you’re mistaken.” He reached over, selected two chocolate heart-shaped truffles from the box, then offered her one. “I want to know everything about you.”
She took the candy with a nervous laugh. “I’m definitely going to need some chocolate to delve into this one.”
Ethan tapped his truffle against hers. “Go on. I’m all ears.”
“My mom signed me up for my first pageant when I was very young. They called it a tap-dance competition, but it was more of a training ground for future pageant queens. At first I was super excited because my friends were going to be there. But…”
She trailed off, then took a tiny bite of her chocolate. “Oh wow. That’s good.”
He popped his into his mouth and chewed slowly. The rich texture was a bit much, although the chocolate–peanut-butter combo was nice. He swallowed it down, then took a quick sip of his coffee. “I’m more of a pie guy than a truffle fella, I think.”
Tisha’s laughter enveloped him. “Stop. You’re just saying that.”
“No, I’m not. It’s true. Your pie is better than these chocolates. But we’re getting offtrack. What happened at your not-tap-dance pageant?”
“So I started to panic as soon as I got on stage. We were all about seven or eight years old. The lights were bright, our shoes were uncomfortable, they’d put a bunch of makeup on our faces. It was a whole scene. Anyway, I started looking around for my mom and waving and saying, ‘Hi, Mom.’ I just wanted to know that she was there and that she was for me.”
Ethan reached for her hand again. “Let me guess—that didn’t go like you expected.”
Tisha shook her head. “She was not having it. I could see right away she was angry with me. Afterward, backstage, she gave me this lecture about how I had to perform and do my best and she’d set me up for success but she couldn’t come onstage and dance for me.”
Oh wow. Anger simmered low in his gut toward this woman whom he’d never even met.
“Was that your last pageant?”
“Ha.” She gave him the side-eye. “As if. One key fact that I failed to mention is that everything about my mother’s life is a performance—even where she sits and how she looks in church on a Sunday morning matter to her. But not for the right reasons. She doesn’t want to talk about anything difficult or messy. Instead, she micromanages and controls the messaging so everything makes her look good. It’s gross, to be honest. But I didn’t know how to not play her games. So I competed in tons of pageants. You may not have heard it yet, but people around here used to jokingly call me Miss North Carolina.”
“Were you Miss North Carolina?”
She sipped her tea. “Of course I was. I ended up making a lot of friends on the pageant circuit. Most of the time it was fun, and I was voted Miss Congeniality. I could never win enough or do enough to please Mama though. The part of the funny-cake story that I didn’t tell you is that she came unglued and told me that McDowells didn’t do what I’d done.”
“What did you do other than have fun with your friends?”
“Exactly,” Tisha said. “I told her I’d do my best to not be a McDowell for much longer then, which was a low blow. I loved my father very much, and his side of the family was well-respected and so kind. Eventually the tension between us nearly ruined our relationship, and that’s one of the big reasons I don’t want to live close to her anymore.”
“Thank you for sharing that with me,” he said softly. “I’m so sorry you’ve had a rough time with your mother. Please know that you don’t have to perform. I like you exactly as you are. You’re smart, beautiful, and an amazing person. Sadie’s blessed to have you as her mother.”
The words hung there between them, packed with meaning and emotion that he hadn’t meant to share. But as he looked into her eyes, he saw a quiet strength. And more of that vulnerability she rarely let show. And for once, there was no one to interrupt. No reason to hold back. His pulse sped, and before he could talk himself out of such a bold move, he leaned down and brushed his lips against hers as the sky overhead snapped and crackled.
Chapter Twelve
She’d been wanting to kiss him since he stepped off the helicopter. Definitely when he’d offered her tea. And absolutely when he’d opened up about his past. In fact, she’d nearly kissed him first. So yes. She was all in.
He tasted like coffee and chocolate, and his tender, unhurried exploration stole her breath as much as the rippling lights painting the night sky above them. The kiss was gentle—tentative yet full of promise. Ethan’s warmth radiated through her, chasing away the chill of the Alaskan night and, for a fleeting moment, the ache she’d carried for so long.
When his lips pressed more firmly, deepening the kiss, she instinctively leaned into him. Somehow, she had edged closer, her hands lifting to cup his jaw. His skin was smooth beneath her fingers, a stark contrast to his rugged strength. Her pulse thrummed as his fingers threaded through her hair, cradling her like she was something precious. The sensation sent a shiver through her, a soft gasp escaping her lips before she could stop it. For the first time in what felt like forever, she let herself believe in something good. In someone good.
But what would Sadie think about this?
The thought pierced through the haze of warmth left by his kiss. Her daughter’s face—stormy and suspicious when she’d caught them hugging in the café kitchen—flashed through her mind, wrenching her back to reality. She pulled away abruptly, chest heaving in the soft glow of the battery-powered lantern Ethan had brought.
“Tisha?” His voice was quiet, unsure. “What happened?”
“I don’t know,” she said, pushing to her feet. The blanket bunched beneath her as she stumbled slightly, pacing back and forth, her palms pressed to her flushed cheeks. “I don’t know, Ethan. I think…I think that was too fast.”
He stayed seated, his gaze steady on her as she moved.
“What about Sadie? What about Brody?” The words tumbled out as she shoved her hands into her coat pockets. “Has anybody asked them what they would think about us kissing? Sadie had a fit when she caught us hugging.” Her voice cracked. “Oh, Ethan. I just—I don’t know.”
He stood slowly, giving her space, then stepped forward and gently clasped her shoulders. “Hey, listen. It’s okay.” His tone was calm, grounding. “We’re both dipping our toes into this uncertain pool, right? I don’t know about you, but I haven’t been on a first date in over a decade.”
A shaky laugh bubbled out. “Yeah. It’s been a while for me too.”
“Let’s pack up. But listen, Tisha…” He ducked slightly, catching her gaze as she tried to look away. “I really like you. I thought that was an amazing kiss, and I’ll go as slow as you need to go. But I have to say two things.”
She swallowed, her heart pounding. “Okay.”
“At some point, we’re going to have to talk to our kids about dating,” he said gently. “Unless you’re absolutely sure you want to be a single parent forever, which I hope isn’t the case.”
Her chest tightened. “I know,” she whispered.
“And,” he continued, lowering his voice, “I’m going to need Chase to step out of the way.”
The mention of her late husband hit her like a punch, sharp and unexpected. Oof. Her heart pinched, guilt and longing warring inside her. She drew in a shaky breath. “I know. I know you do.”
A muscle in his cheek twitched. “I sort of assumed when you took off those rings that you were signaling it was time to move on. Otherwise, I never would’ve accepted Charlie’s help to make this date happen. Did I misunderstand?”
“No, of course not.” She tried to smile. “The reason I took off my rings is because I-I am ready.”
He tilted his head to one side. “Except you just told me we moved too fast. So it feels like maybe…not so much.”
“Please be patient with me, Ethan,” she whispered.
His gaze held hers, but then he nodded, his expression softening. “I will.”
He glanced up at the night sky, where the auroras had faded, leaving wisps of clouds drifting across a pale half-moon. “Why don’t we head home?”
She nodded, a lump in her throat, and together they packed up the basket and folded the blanket. He carried both items along with the lantern to the helicopter, his quiet steadiness a balm to her frayed nerves.
Once they were buckled in and the headsets secured, Ethan started the rotors spinning.
“Let me send a quick text to Luke to let him know we’re on our way back,” he said.
“I’ll text. You fly,” she said.
He nodded. “Deal.”
She focused on her phone, terribly aware of the silence between them.
As the helicopter lifted into the starry night, its lights sweeping over the snow-covered ground below, she fidgeted with the hem of her jacket. “Thanks for, um, arranging the babysitting. I hope Sadie wasn’t too much trouble.”
“Like I said, my mom is great with kids. I’m sure they had a fun time,” he said, his tone kind but measured.
“Thank you for telling me more about your story,” she said. “That was really brave of you to share. I’m honored that you chose me.”
“You’re welcome.” He managed a smile, but there was a tightness in his face that she couldn’t ignore. Had she hurt him? She turned to the window, staring out into the vast, snowy wilderness, her mind spinning with doubts and what-ifs.
Twenty minutes later, Ethan guided the helicopter smoothly to the ground beside the resort. They disembarked in silence, Tisha carrying the lantern and blanket while he held the basket.
When they entered the resort, the warm glow of the lights greeted them. Sadie stood in the lobby, clutching Ollie in one hand and rubbing her eyes with the other.
“Mommy, you’re back!” Sadie ran into her arms.
Tisha pulled her daughter close, hugging her tightly before glancing up at Mrs. McGuire. “Everything go okay?”
“Yep, everything’s fine.” Mrs. McGuire offered a warm smile. She glanced at Ethan. “I sent Brody to brush his teeth.”
“Perfect. Thanks, Mom,” Ethan said, then turned to Tisha. “Walk you out?”
“That’s okay. I’m good.” Tisha forced a smile. “Thanks, I had a great time.”
She ushered Sadie toward the door, avoiding Ethan’s gaze.
Once outside, she couldn’t help but replay the moment in her mind. Okay, maybe she had been rude. But what was she supposed to do? Her emotions were a mess.
She settled Sadie into the car and drove quickly back to the cabin. Her fingers tightened on the steering wheel as her thoughts churned. Thankfully, Tom and Melinda’s house was dark. She didn’t want to face them—or anyone else right now. Not that it was their business, but she was sure they’d heard about her impromptu date with Ethan. Knowing Chloe and Charlie, half the town probably knew by now.
When they reached the cabin, she said, “Come on, sweetie. Let’s get you ready for bed.”
Sadie chattered on about her evening, describing the chicken nuggets and french fries she’d eaten, the movie she’d watched, and how Brody had let her pick the film.
“Well, how about that?” Tisha pulled back the covers on Sadie’s bed. “The McGuire fellas were gentlemen tonight.”
“What’s a gentleman?” Sadie asked, her eyes curious as she hopped onto the bed.
“A man who is kind and considerate.”
“Oh, yeah. Well, that’s Brody…some of the time.”
Tisha laughed softly, tucking her daughter under the covers.
“Was my daddy a gentleman?” Sadie asked, her voice small.
“Yes,” Tisha said, her throat tightening. “Yes, he was.”
They said their prayers, and Tisha kissed Sadie and Ollie good night.
“Good night, Mommy. I love you,” Sadie whispered, her eyelids growing heavy.
“I love you too, pumpkin. Sleep well.” Tisha brushed a strand of hair from her daughter’s forehead before padding softly down the hall.
In the dim glow of the living room, her gaze landed on the framed photo of Chase perched on the bookshelf by the fireplace.
I’m going to need Chase to step out of the way.
Ethan’s words echoed in her head. Her stomach clenched at the memory. He wasn’t wrong. At some point, she’d have to figure out what she really wanted. But how? How could she choose between holding on to Chase’s memory and opening her heart to something new? As much as she loved Chase, she didn’t want to be alone forever. And Sadie deserved a strong, loving father figure in her life.
