The secret between them, p.12
The Secret Between Them, page 12
She wasn’t sure what to do with the jumble of emotions wreaking havoc with her good sense. She didn’t want to believe she was foolish enough to be falling in love with him. Love was not in the cards for either of them.
It’s transitional sex, that’s all.
For Leah because she was trying to purge all thoughts of Xavier from her heart and head, and for Sean because he was beginning a new life in Cedar River and she was a convenient diversion from him having to tell his family why he’d come back.
It’s just sex, remember that.
She moved and he rolled, flipping onto his stomach, his features barely visible in the darkened room, but somehow in the course of the last few hours, she had memorized them. Like a love-sick fool. She pushed the thought off and looked at him. In sleep he seemed so peaceful, without a frown etching his forehead, without tension setting his mouth in a grim line. Leah touched his hair, twirling the dark strands between her fingertips, finally settling the backs of her fingers against his jaw. She felt the stubble of his beard and remembered how shaggy it had been when they’d first met. Weeks ago, but it seemed longer, as though they’d been friends for considerable time.
And now they were lovers.
She sighed, thinking hard, thinking that she’d probably made a stupid mistake, and then remembered how great making love with him had been and couldn’t feel one tiny tinge of regret.
Leah slid out of bed and looked around for her things, remembering that she’d left her bag downstairs. She grabbed the first thing she could find—his shirt—and slipped it on, rolling up the sleeves before she quickly headed from the bedroom.
The kitchen light was on, and realizing she was parched, she found a glass and drank some water. The sun had started to rise, and she looked through the wide window, noticing a couple of boats moored at jetties on the river. The morning view from her dad’s place wasn’t anywhere near as peaceful, and she sighed, relaxing a little.
“Are you coming back to bed?”
Sean’s voice startled her, and she swiveled on her heels. He wore a robe, loosely tied around his waist, his hair disheveled, his eyes hooded and sleepy. “I should probably go home.”
His gaze traveled over her slowly. “In that outfit?”
She looked down at his shirt. “It was the first thing I found.”
“What?” he asked, his tone sharper.
“I said it was the first thing—”
“It would help if you could face me when you speak,” he reminded her. “Unless we’re...you know...close.”
Guilt pushed down on her shoulders. “I know, I should have remembered. I didn’t mean to look away,” she said, enunciating clearer.
“And don’t do that, either,” he snapped and then shook his head. “Sorry, I didn’t... I’m sorry, Leah.”
Her heart ached. “I can’t promise to always get it right, but I’d never intentionally offend you or treat you differently.”
“I know,” he said and sighed heavily. “But I’m still coming to terms with everything I’m going to lose and everything I have to learn. And I just... I need to do this at my own pace, and some of this isn’t in my control.”
Of course she knew that. “Maybe if you talked to someone, it might help.”
“I am talking to someone,” he reminded her.
She swallowed hard. “I meant, someone like...your brother Kieran. He’s a wonderful doctor and I’m sure he would understand—”
“I’ll pick you up at two o’clock...if you still plan on coming with me today,” he said quickly, cutting her off.
“Of course,” she said.
She was walking out of the house about ten minutes later, dressed in the jeans, a sweater, a fleecy jacket and boots she had in her tote. Sean offered to accompany her on the short walk back to her dad’s, but she declined, needing the crisp morning air to clear her head and thoughts. He didn’t try to kiss her goodbye. In fact, he didn’t touch her again before she left. Which was fine. They’d had their night together. The daytime made everything clearer.
Betty and Wilma greeted her by the front door when she let herself into the house. She was tired, and needed a shower and a nap, but as Leah headed for her room, her father snagged her attention by calling to her from his favorite chair in the living room. She hovered in the doorway.
“Did you stay at the ranch last night?” he asked.
Leah tried not to look like a guilty seventeen-year-old sneaking in after curfew. “Not exactly.”
Her dad looked at her over the top of his reading glasses. “Should I stop asking questions?”
She nodded. “I think so.”
“All right,” he replied. “Just be careful. I fed the dogs in case you were wondering.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
She headed for her room, dumped her bag and flopped onto the bed.
And then, despite telling herself to keep it together, she cried.
Because she knew, despite all her best intentions, that she’d fallen head over heels for a man who said he didn’t believe in love.
Chapter Eight
“I appreciate you doing this,” Sean said as they headed into town and toward the hotel that afternoon. He saw Leah nod her agreement. She looked lovely in a long-sleeved blue dress. Her hair was down, and its magical colors shimmered every time she moved.
He spotted his mother, Liam and Kayla once they were in the hotel foyer, and his brother waved to him. They greeted Leah as though seeing them together was the most normal thing in the world, and he wasn’t sure if he was irked or pleased.
“By the way,” Liam said as they walked toward one of the convention rooms. “I’m stepping back from this one. It’s just you and Jonah doing speeches for Dad today,” he said and motioned to Jonah, who was standing just inside the doorway with Kieran.
Sean stopped in his tracks and glared at his older brother. “What?”
Liam grinned. “That way you two can bond.”
Sean felt Leah’s hand touch his arm and she leaned in toward him. “It’ll be okay,” she said softly, but was close enough that he heard every word.
Sean looked at Jonah and noticed the other man was frowning. In that moment he realized how much alike he and Jonah were. Hell, they even looked alike. There was no mistaking the fact they were brothers. And they both had a tendency for bad-tempered silences.
“When is Dad getting here?” he asked, looking around at the perfectly decorated room. The tables were set. There were balloons and a huge painted sign wishing J.D. the happiest of birthdays.
“My mom said she’d get him by three,” Jonah replied and Sean glanced at his own mother.
As strong and stoic as Gwen appeared, he knew she put considerable effort into keeping up the appearance that she was doing just fine. But Sean wasn’t entirely convinced.
“You okay, Mom?” he asked once Jonah and the rest of his family moved away.
She nodded, her back straight, her eyes clear. “I’m good, honey. Don’t worry about me.”
“I do worry,” he said quietly and felt Leah’s fingers tighten reassuringly around his arm. “But if you say you’re fine, then I’ll believe you.”
Gwen patted his shoulder. “Thanks for being so sweet,” she said and then looked at Leah. “Make him have a good time today, will you?”
Leah smiled and he noticed her cheeks were pink. “I’ll do my best.”
Strangely, having Leah beside him was comforting, her silent support somehow a tangible force. He couldn’t explain it and didn’t want to dissect it. He only knew he was glad she was there.
Of course everything between them felt different. For one, all he could think about was making love with her again. It had been quite a night, filled with passion and pleasure and even laughter. Although her hasty departure had bothered him, he wasn’t about to labor over it. He knew men and women thought about sex differently. And Leah was very much a deep-feeling woman. Perhaps she simply needed some time to put what had happened between them into perspective, as he had. It was plain old-fashioned hot sex between two people who liked one another.
And he wanted more of her.
J.D. arrived at three o’clock and was clearly stunned by the celebration. The reception was catered to perfection by Abby Culhane, the head chef. Sean remembered Abby from high school and knew she was married to Leah’s cousin Jake. Sean did his best to mingle, managing to avoid getting too caught up in any long conversations he couldn’t navigate in the crowd. The seating was fluid, and people were moving around the room. Sean spotted Leah speaking with his mother and quickly joined them.
“Everything okay?” he asked.
Leah nodded. “I was just telling your mother about how I’m thinking of having a showing.”
“Not thinking,” he corrected. “Doing.”
She shrugged. “Until my insecurity kicks in.”
His mother said something he couldn’t quite decipher, and he found himself leaning closer toward Leah, who seemed to take the cue and responded.
“Yes, Gwen,” she replied. “I agree that Sean will be a great help.”
And then, in his usual blustering style, J.D. approached and joined their circle. His father was big, broad and still carried himself with the energy of a much younger man. He was larger than life, sometimes loud and obnoxious, often disliked but never taken for a fool. He had more money than he could ever spend and more gall than was considered socially acceptable. Like him or loathe him, J. D. O’Sullivan was a man who once met, was never forgotten.
Sean introduced him to Leah, quickly realized that she had met him before and waited for his father’s inevitable and inappropriate comment. And wasn’t disappointed.
“About time you ditched the bimbos and spent time with someone who has a brain.”
He saw Leah’s face leach of color. “Be cool, Dad.”
“I’m just saying,” J.D. said and slapped him affectionately on the shoulder. “Brains trump beauty every time.”
“Come with me, Leah,” his mother said. She cleverly cut between them, gathered Leah by the elbow and led her away. “Excuse us, we have an art showing to plan.”
Once they were out of range, Sean turned to face his father. “Really? Could you be a bigger jerk?”
He made a face. “I was paying you a compliment.”
“By insulting my date?”
“I didn’t mean to insult her,” J.D. said and frowned. “In fact, I think it’s a huge improvement. Smart and pretty. Let’s face it, in the past, smart never figured high on your list of priorities when it came to women.”
Sean’s blood simmered. “Since I’ve been living in another state for the last decade, I’m not sure how you’d know that.”
“I hear things,” J.D. replied. “I’m just saying, she’s an improvement.”
“She has a name,” Sean shot back. “It’s Leah. And we’re friends, that’s all.”
“That’s because you’re scared of commitment,” his father said bluntly.
Or at least that’s what Sean thought he said. He wasn’t sure. And since Leah wasn’t around to back it up, he shrugged angrily. “I don’t think it lasts. Let’s be honest, Dad, you’re a walking and talking example of how to fail at commitment—since you cheated on your wife and had a secret family tucked away for thirty years.”
J.D.’s face turned red. “Do you think this is the place to have this conversation?”
“No,” Sean replied. “Because it’s not a conversation I want to have at all. Anyway, I have to get going. I’ll see you around.”
J.D. grabbed his forearm. “I don’t want us to be at odds over this, son. Everyone else has been able to forgive me and move on, even your mother and Jonah...why can’t you?”
Sean shrugged off his father’s viselike grip as discreetly as he could. “So it’s forgiveness you want?”
“I want peace,” J.D. replied. “I thought we finally had that as a family. But you...you seem incapable of it, and I don’t understand why. Did all those years away from us destroy your ability to remember that we are a family...faults and all? Frankly, hiding away in that big house, barely talking to any of us, that’s no way to be a part of things. I think it’s what a spoiled brat would do.”
Sean was furious, but he wouldn’t lose his temper while surrounded by so many people. For one, with so many conversations going on around him, it all seemed like white noise and was suddenly stifling. He looked around for Leah, found her by the buffet table with his mother and excused himself with a dismissive wave and took off.
Gwen saw him first and patted his arm once he joined them. “Darling, you have to learn to get along with your dad.”
“I know, Mom,” he said and sighed. “Just not today.” He looked at Leah. “Sorry about that.”
She grinned. “I think you were more offended than me.” She shrugged. “Don’t worry about it.”
He figured he’d overreacted. But damn, he didn’t want anyone insulting her. Not when he...when he... His thoughts froze. Okay, so he was being stupidly overprotective, and he shouldn’t allow anyone to get under his skin. And he figured J.D. really didn’t mean any harm.
“So, have you and Mom worked out a date for your showing?”
“After Christmas,” she replied quickly.
“Before Christmas,” Gwen corrected. “And after Thanksgiving. I’ll make sure the gallery is free.”
“I’m not convinced,” Leah said and sighed.
His mother said something he didn’t catch and he looked at Leah, amazed how easily she picked up on his distress at not hearing his mother’s words.
“That would be great,” Leah said and smiled. “I’d love some of your cranberry jelly.”
Gwen nodded approvingly, but thinking about the holidays made his jaw ache. He knew Kieran was hosting Thanksgiving, and everyone would be there. After that, it would be Christmas and New Year’s. He’d make an effort, buy gifts, spend time with the kids and fake it until people believed he was happy to be there. For the thousandth time, Sean wished Liz was still alive. His sister understood him. And being back in Cedar River only amplified how much he missed her.
The speeches were done once the huge birthday cake was cut, and Sean did his best to keep his words short and to the point, mentioning his father’s achievements and how much he’d done for the town, steering clear of anything personal. Jonah’s speech was a little more family friendly, and he was relieved that the reception was over about an hour later, pleased to finally be able to get away.
“Do you want me to drive to your dad’s?” he asked when they were almost home.
She shrugged. “If that’s what you want.”
“I’m asking what you want. I’m happy to hang with you some more,” he added and smiled a little. “If that’s what you want.”
She nodded and he headed down his driveway. Once they were in the house, Sean turned on the heater in the electric fireplace and offered to make coffee.
“The party was a success,” she said and stood on the other side of the long countertop. “And you were mostly well behaved.”
Sean grabbed a couple of mugs. “That doesn’t sound like a compliment, exactly.”
She looked amused. “I did say mostly. But you have a great family—maybe you should try harder to get along.”
Sean wanted to be annoyed by her words, but knew she had a point. “I think they work better without me around.”
“Nonsense,” she said. “Your mom already told me you were her favorite.”
He laughed and the sensation eased some of the tension rumbling in his chest. “Well, you can’t blame her for that. Liam’s such a stick-in-the-mud and Kieran is way too nice. I’ve been told I’m rather charming.”
“You can be,” she said and chuckled, then regarded him more seriously. “You know, my grandmother Mitti wears a hearing aid. It’s this tiny little thing that’s hardly noticeable. Maybe you could talk to her about it.”
“I’d rather keep my personal life private and—”
“I didn’t mean to suggest that I’ve said anything to anyone,” she said, cutting him off. “You told me about your condition in confidence and I haven’t betrayed that, even though I don’t like keeping secrets from my dad. All I’m suggesting is you consider having a conversation with someone who has been through something similar.”
Logically, he knew she was right. Talking about it would most likely help. But...something held him back. Pride perhaps? Or a rising sense of emasculation. Whatever it was, he knew he didn’t want to talk with strangers. “Are you doing anything Tuesday?” he asked abruptly. “I have an appointment with a specialist in Rapid City.”
“And you could use the company of a friend?”
He nodded. “Yes, I could.”
She took a moment, almost as though she was deciding something important. “Sure.”
“Thank you.”
And that, he thought, was that.
* * *
Leah had no illusions about her relationship with Sean. She wasn’t even sure she should be thinking in terms of relationship. So, yes, she ended up in bed with him late on Sunday afternoon, and yes, she was going with him to Rapid City on Tuesday. But that was it. The incredible sex was addling her brain.
She spent most of Monday in the barn, working on a couple of unfinished pieces, and after lunch talked to her dad about his physical therapy. Sean texted her around two and once she knew Ivan was settled with his tea in front of the television, Leah headed to Sean’s. They made love again, as she knew they would, and he walked her home late in the afternoon, a couple of steps behind her. They were both surprised to see Gwen’s car parked in the driveway.
“Are you going to behave yourself?” she asked once she turned to face him.
He stopped moving. “What?”
