“Making Leith’s favorite,” she says with a smile. “Do you know how to make a scotch pie?”

  I shake my head. I’ve had all the Scottish traditional foods my entire life. Haggis and sausage, blood pudding and stew. Shortbread and fruitcake, and the like.

  But scotch pie’s something I’ve never made before.

  I write on a slip of paper, I’d love to learn.

  Is it only in my imagination, or is she teaching me how to do this because it is Leith’s favorite? Does she think that matters? Maybe it's important for me to learn how to make his favorite foods, because if there is anything at all between us, maybe I'd like to make it someday…

  Or maybe this is all just my imagination. Again. I’m so used to making things up in my mind, that I'm not very good at differentiating between the truth and what's only made up in my head. Still, I need something to do today, and I think this might be at least something that will pass a few hours before Leith comes back to me.

  Should I even be thinking that way?

  Back to me.

  He isn’t mine.

  Flora rolls out pie crust, while minced lamb, spices, and onion sizzle in a frying pan. My mouth waters. She tells me about how he was as a child, a veritable force to be reckoned with, sounds like.

  “And we tried to train that boy to watch his temper, but it’s who he is. His father was hard on him, so hard, trying to get him to master himself. You know. You can train a child only so far, as their personality is deeply embedded in them.”

  I think on this as I help her spoon the cooked meat into the pastry dough. She shows me how to fold the edges and pinch them together. I don’t like thinking of his father being “hard on him.” I like the rest of the family, but I am not a fan of Bram Cowen.

  She looks at me quietly for a moment, not speaking. “I can tell that something’s on your mind,” she says. “Can you share it with me?’

  I take a piece of paper and jot it down.

  It’s just that sometimes it’s personality—nature, as it were—and sometimes it’s nurture, not nature. My brother was kind when he was little. He learned hatred and bullying from my father.

  She smiles sadly. “Isn’t that the truth?” She stirs the large pot of tatties on the stove. “Can you fetch me the salt, love?” she asks, gesturing to a shaker to my right. I hand it to her, as a door clangs and a booming voice yells to us.

  “Flora! Where the hell are you?”

  It’s Leith’s dad, and he’s in a right state.

  Her body jolts, and she drops the pepper grinder with a clang on the counter. She looks around the kitchen and points to the pantry.

  “Go in there,” she says. “He won’t hurt you, but if he’s in a mood, it’d be best if you’re out of sight.” Heavy footsteps come toward us. “Go.”

  I’m startled by her reaction. I don’t like Leith’s father, but I didn’t suspect he was the type one would have to hide from. I crouch in the pantry, and shut the door just as he enters the kitchen.

  “You feeling better, then, Bram.” I imagine Flora continues peeling vegetables as he comes in.

  “Aye,” he says. “Bit better.”

  “Why are you so riled up?”

  “Because I just found out that Leith didn’t have the fucking bollox to do what he should have.” Something crashes to the floor, and I’m grateful I can’t scream, because I know I’d give myself away. I cringe. What will he do if he finds me here? And why’s he so angry at Leith?

  “Now, Bram,” Flora says calmly. “You appointed him Captain. It isn’t healthy for you to question why or how Leith does anything, and you know it.”

  Something else slams to the ground. “Don’t give me that, woman. As Clan Captain, I’ll always do what’s right, as I’m always a Clan Captain. You know appointing Leith wasn’t my choice.”

  It wasn’t? Then why did he do it?

  Flora doesn’t respond at first. I imagine she’s steadily preparing the meal and avoiding his wrath. I definitely can relate to that.

  “Where’s the mute?”

  I cringe. It’s nothing I haven’t heard before, but I haven’t heard it since I came to this house.

  “Not sure what you mean,” Flora says coolly. “Surely we don’t refer to handicapped people by their handicaps, Bram? Is this the Middle Ages?”

  Good for her.

  She isn’t afraid of him, then. She’s afraid of him for me.

  He grumbles. “Where’s the imposter girl? Is that better?”

  Oh, God. No. No, it isn’t much better.

  “Oh, not sure,” Flora says. “Spoke with her a little while ago. Did you hear back from Mac yet? Any word on the Aitkens?”

  “Fucking Aitkens,” he mutters. “Aye. They’ve been caught carjacking along the road to Inverness, suspect they’re trying to find someone out, but they’ve not been back to the church. I know the boys went into town on a lead but they haven’t filled me in on that either.”

  “Well, that’s good, anyway, ‘bout the Aitkens.”

  “Good? Are you mad? They probably know it was our boys that roughed them up and killed one of their own.”

  “You think?” She doesn’t sound worried at all. I wonder why she’s so nonchalant.

  “Who bloody knows, with the way they fuck things up? Dinnae ken, Flora, sometimes I think the only son I had that wasn’t a right blather—”

  “Don’t say it.” Her voice is pained as she pleads. “No, Bram. It isn’t true.”

  I’m on my feet before I know it. I shouldn’t interfere. I shouldn’t let him know I’m in here. My hand is on the doorknob. I want to scream at him, shake him by his shoulders and tell him that Leith is as good a son as anyone could ever hope for. That he’s smart and loyal and kind, that he’s witty and intelligent, and so good to me I want to pinch myself sometimes. I want to tell him it’s his fault that Leith is down on himself, because he fancies he’s never good enough, like Tavish. And I want to tell him that's all his fault.

  I freeze with my hand on the doorknob as they continue talking. She might suspect that I’m on the verge of leaving my hiding place, because I hear her put the vegetable peelers down and her voice turns away, as if she’s heading to the doorway.

  “Now, Bram, let’s get a cuppa in the library and finish the bookkeeping that we started last night, eh?”

  “No, I’m not in the mood to do numbers,” he mutters, like a spoiled toddler who doesn’t want his milk. “I want to know why they went into town.”

  “Well, then, I’m not the one who can tell you that. I’m sorry, they said they’d tell us when they had more information.”

  “He’s a fucking idiot, that son of ours. I never should’ve appointed him Captain. Never.”

  “Bram!”

  But it’s too much. I can’t keep quiet anymore, which is ironic considering the fact that I still can’t speak. I open the door to the pantry, and Bram’s eyes fly to mine. His eyes narrow, and his hands clench into fists by his side.

  “You’re a spy,” he growls, advancing toward me, but he’s old and frail, and I’m faster than he is.

  “Bram! Don’t you touch her. Leith will never forgive you, and I swear to God I’ll never forgive you myself!”

  I want to scream at him, tell him his son is better than he’ll ever be, that Leith shouldn’t have to deal with his father’s oppression and fury like this. I grab a slip of paper and begin to write, but he tears it out of my hands and throws it to the floor.

  “You,” he growls, grabbing me by the front of my top. He fists it in his meaty grip, and I slap at his hands. But though older and frailer than he was, he’s still strong and ruthless, so I can’t get away from him. I want to scream for help, but I can’t.

  “Let her go!"

  Flora slaps at him, and her shout seems to shake him out of whatever’s got him in his grip.

  Bram drops me as if I’m on fire. I stumble to the floor, and Flora rounds on him and shoves him away.

  “Leith would kill you! He’d bloody fucking kill you!”

  I hated his father before this for the way he treated Leith, and hate him even more now, but I know if they fight, they might never come back from that.

  Bram comes toward her, his face a mask of fury, but I can’t bear to see him hurt her. I shove him, both hands on his chest, to push him away from Flora. He stumbles and falls. I watch in horror as he strikes his head on the side of the table. Blood streams down his face, thick and red, as he points his finger at me.

  “Bram, no!” Flora yells, distraught as she grabs a rag and presses it to his bleeding head. “I told her to go there! You were angry, and I didn’t want you to hurt her. Now look what you’ve done!”

  She’s crying freely, tears streaming down her face.

  “Someone call the doctor! Please!”

  Bram closes his eyes, and he slumps to the floor. Flora stares at him, aghast at what’s happened, and swings her eyes to mine.

  Look what you’ve done.

  Flora yelled the words at Bram, but they pierce my heart.

  Look what you’ve done.

  I’m a little girl, hidden in my bedroom as my mother rants and breaks things. Soon, she’ll come for me to hit me, to make me pay for fucking things up.

  Look what you’ve done.

  Shame and fear flood me. I have to get away. I can’t stay here any longer, can’t bear to bring any more devastation to this family. If it weren’t for me, Leith’s father wouldn’t hate him, he’d be able to take his place as their leader without me being in the way.

  I look wildly about me and my eyes land on a set of keys. Flora doesn’t even look at me as staff comes running in to help.

  He might die, and it’s all my fault.

  It’s always my fault.

  I take the keys and run.

  I haven't driven a car in ages, and I'm not even sure how to do it well. And this one was the smallest one in the lot. I figure if I mess this up, if I wrap it around a tree, at least they won't miss it. I'm so in my head that I don't hear anyone shouting for me, and it isn't until I'm in the car and cranking the engine that I see Nan waving to me from her home. She's running my way as if she wants to stop me from escaping, but I can't stop now.

  And she wouldn't stop me, either. Not if she knew what I’d just done. She’d tell me to go.

  Suddenly I see Bailey outside the door to the garage. I pull over, park the car, and grab his collar. I yank him with me. I don’t know where I’ll go, but at least I don’t have to be alone.

  I don't want to leave this beautiful home. I don't want to leave this family. But what have I done? What if I've killed their father? I know it was only self-defense, but people have suffered the death penalty for less than this. And the Cowen clan has their own form of retribution and punishment. Their own laws.

  Hail slaps at the windshield, as I drive down the steep slope that takes me away from the Highlands. I swear I've left a part of me back there. A part of me with Leith. What will he do when he sees what I’ve done?

  I'll go to the church. It's the only thing I can think of. Father MacGowen has an emergency fund for people that need it. And this is an emergency. I know I can never go back to where I was before, I know that I can never allow my brother to hurt me again, nor my mother. I don't belong there anymore. I never did.

  It will be hard for a girl that can't speak to get a job, but I'll find a way. I'll do anything I need to. I just need to find my way, escape the wrath of the Cowen clan, and make sure that they don't come after me next. I want to ball up and cry, at all I’ve lost in such a short period of time. Bailey laps at my hand and I pat his head. He's the only thing making this bearable.

  My mind goes over every detail as I make the long drive into Inverness. What I did to his father. What he said. The emphasis on bringing up every single self-doubt I've ever had. The knowledge that this family trusted me, and I violated that trust. It's devastating. I came here a broken woman, and allowed my imagination to rule me. I fancied that I could become whole among them, that they would value me for who I am. But I was wrong.

  I pat Bailey's head, wishing that I could speak, then I could pour my heart out to him. To somebody. He looks at me with his doleful eyes and licks my hand again. I pat his head thinking good boy.

  I hold the steering wheel with my hands, gripping so tightly my knuckles whiten because I haven't driven in so long, and this is no easy drive. I focus with everything I have. The winding road in front of me, the icy road, the way the car swerves when it hits a patch of ice.

  I just have to get to the Cathedral. That's all I have to do. I have to pray that Leith and his brothers don't find out that I left before I can get to Father MacGowen. I have to beg Father MacGowen to let me have my privacy, and not let the Cowen family know what's come of me. They won't come to rescue me, but they could kill me. I'll never forget the man Leith killed with his bare hands. And now I've hurt their father, maybe even killed him, and I don't know what clan law is, but I know that what I've done is a terrible travesty.

  I wipe tears from my eyes, as I drive down the steep slope into Inverness. I loved being with that family. My heart clinches in my chest, my throat is tight, and the tears don't soothe the aching that I feel in my heart. It wasn't just his family that I love. I know now. I love him.

  And because I love him, I have to go now. I can't make him choose between his family and me if he even has that choice in front of him. What if he let his own feelings get in the way? What if he thinks that I'm the one that he needs. Even though I want that so badly, it would make him choose between two things that he loves and I can't do that to the person I truly love.

  The hail lightens as I pull into the town. I look about me, afraid that someone is going to see me. What if his sisters do? What if Leith is around here? I don't know where he's gone or why, but I know that he's probably not anywhere near the Cathedral. At least I hope not. The Cathedral is easy to see because of the large cross at the very top that points to the sky like a beacon in the night. I follow it.

  The car gives a great lurch, and I look about me as if I struck something. But a car doesn't lurch if you strike something, there's a crash and bang. There's nothing in front of me, though. But as I stare at the dash, I realize that something’s wrong. The needle that's supposed to be in the center, telling me the temperature of the engine, is deeply buried in the red zone. The car is overheating? I don't know enough about cars to find out what's going on. It comes to a halt and I hit the brake. I turn the key in the ignition again, but this time it does nothing.

  I look wildly about me. What am I going to do now? How am I going to get out of this? God, I have Bailey, and all he has is Islan’s rope, not even a leash. I’m several blocks away from the Cathedral. I think I can make it.

  My phone is buzzing with message after message. I look at the screen and see Leith’s name over and over again. I shake my head and shut it off. I almost throw it out the window, consider throwing it into a trash bin, but I can't. I shove it in my pocket in case of an emergency, but I don't read his messages. If I do, I might lose my resolve.

  I take the thin rope around Bailey’s neck, and we quickly head to the Cathedral.

  What if they’re looking for me right now? What if they do go to the Cathedral after all? I don’t know what I’ll do with myself. I don’t know how to get away. And with that knowledge, I quicken my pace. I’m running all the way to the Cathedral, my trainers slapping on the ground in front of me.

  The bells chime. Is it time for mass? What will I do if Father MacGowen isn't there? What will I do if he can't help me? I have no idea.

  Bailey instinctively knows that I'm on the run, for he doesn't slow but keeps pace beside me, and somehow the sound of his little paws slapping the pavement beside me comforts me. Maybe I'm not alone. Maybe I can find a place for the two of us.

  There are cars in front of the Cathedral when I arrive, but I don't look at them. I go back to the cemetery.

  Where it all began.

  But I quickly realize I'm not alone.

  These men look vaguely familiar. Who are they? And then it hits me with a sudden, sickening realization. These are some of the men that attacked that first night. When Leith came.

  One turns to the other. "You find the body?"

  “No luck. I don't know who is responsible for this, but I know we were witnessed. And if we find the girl, we’ll kill her before they do. We could prevent her from repeating anything."

  Bailey begins to whine beside me. I hold my finger to my lips. And I'm so afraid that they will hear him.

  I wish I could convince him to be quiet, but instead I put my hands around his mouth like a muzzle, even though it hurts me to do it. I can't risk either one of us being hurt. I'm so focused on keeping Bailey quiet, that I missed where the conversation was going. I pick up when I hear the name Paisley. No.

  “They fell for it." And then laugh at each other. "The Cowen family is on its way, I know it. Earlier today they sent a spy out to the empty house. And you know they won't let this lie. They have no idea we're behind the attack. I know exactly where the girls are, where we can find them.”

  I have no choice. With a grimace, I turn on my phone and go to send Leith a text. His come flooding in before I can send my own.

  Where are you? Mom texted. Are you all right? She said she can't find you. Cairstina, where are you?

  My heart aches reading the words, and I wish I could let myself reply, but I can't. It's too dangerous. Instead of answering any of his texts, I send one of my own to him.

  The Aitkens men are in town. They were behind Paisley's attack. It was a set up. They are going after your sisters. Your sisters are at their friend’s house. You have to go get them. You have to make sure they're okay.

  But the texts don't go through. I can see they’re hung up because I'm in the cemetery with little signal.

  I have to go save them myself.

  Go, go, go, I plead at my phone. I need to reach him.

  The only way for me to get away from them is to go through the church, the closest door is right here. I sneak as quietly as I can, careful not to make a noise. I hear a shout, and I think they’ve heard me and freeze, but they aren't coming after me. They're running to the other end of the cemetery. I take this opportunity to open the door to the parsonage.

 

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