Forever mine whiskey men, p.3
Forever Mine (Whiskey Men), page 3
I nod and lean across the counter with my head in my hands. He’s right. My family has always been important to me, and Nat’s no different. But it’s different with her. I made it different. “Huddy, look, I know what women are capable of. I know they leave. I wasn’t going to have her become involved in my life and my family’s life and then be devastated when it was time for her to go. I protected myself… and my family.”
Huddy is staring at me with his mouth hanging open. “Are you serious right now? Just because our mother—”
I cut him off. “It’s not just our mother. Yeah, she left us the day Lucas was born, but she’s not the only one. Do you remember my fiancée I had my senior year of college? They all leave, Huddy. And yes, I wanted to marry Natalie. I love her. I wanted to keep her for however long she’d stay with me. But now she’s leaving.”
I say it so decisively as if I’ve already come to terms with it when in fact I feel like I’m drowning.
Huddy is shaking his head and holds his hand up. “Wait. Are you telling me that for the last two years, you have made sure not to include her in your family’s life… in YOUR life? Is that what you’re saying?”
“That’s exactly right.”
He starts to laugh. “And she put up with this for two years? Now what? She divorces you and gets half of everything you own?”
I feel as if I’m about to throw up. In a voice all void of emotion, I tell him the truth. “She doesn’t want anything. The gym is already in her name. I had to force her to take her car. She doesn’t want the house or any money. Hell, she was going to leave to go to a friend's house last night, but I made her stay in the house. She doesn’t want anything from me.”
Huddy stares at me in shock and then throws his hands up in the air. “You dumb son of a bitch. What the fuck were you thinking?” He stops and holds his hand up. “Wait. Forget it. Don’t answer that because you obviously weren't thinking. Beau, answer me one thing.”
I pinch my nose between my fingers and then rub my fingers over my eyes. “What is it, Huddy? What do you want to know?”
“Do. You. Love. Her?” He enunciates each word, and when I don’t answer him, he asks again, “Do you love her? Answer me, Beau.”
I choke on the answer, but I know I can’t lie about it. “Yes. Okay, yes, I do love her.”
He seems almost angry now. “And that’s how you show her. You don’t make her a part of the family? You make her an outsider like she’s someone you’re ashamed of or something. I can just imagine how she feels right now. She probably thinks none of us think she’s good enough for you or some crazy shit like that. And now she wants a divorce. It’s no damn surprise to me. How much do you think a woman can take?”
I shrug my shoulders as if I don’t have a care in the world when in fact I haven’t slept a wink all night and now I’m completely sick about all of it. “It doesn’t matter, it’s done.”
“But it’s not done, you fool. You can still make this right.”
I’m shaking my head. “It’s too late.”
“Fuck, Beau. This is ridiculous. So you kept her at arm’s length because you were scared to lose her, and now here we are. You’re losing her. Does it hurt any less? Are you okay with watching her walk away?”
His words sink in, and it’s like a weight on my chest. I can’t breathe. I can’t focus on anything. I close my eyes and see her big blue eyes looking back at me. I suck in a breath, but it doesn’t help. “Fuuuuckkk!” I scream.
Huddy grabs me by the arms and shoves me against the counter. “Listen to me. Look at our father. If he had given up after Mom left, he never would have spent the last forty or so years with Charlotte. I’ve never seen Lucas as happy as he is now, and you know as well as I do, it’s because of Issi. And fuck, look at Ford. His ex-wife completely fucked him and Ollie over. If someone should be scared of love, he should be, but look at him now. He and Ollie have Lilian. And me, I have Elle.” He holds his hand up. “And yes, the thought of losing her absolutely guts me, but all I can do is work every day to make her happy so that she never even considers leaving me. I know as well as anyone that there’s no guarantees, but living a life without Ellie is not an option.”
“Fuck, I know Huddy. I know.”
He comes to stand next to me. “You have to do something.”
I nod my head. “But what? I fucked up for two years. She wants out. How do I even come back from this?”
He claps me on the back. “I’ll tell you what you do. You man the fuck up, brother. You need to make a plan and then do whatever you have to do, but you don’t let her leave.”
Just a flare of hope starts to ignite inside me, and I know he’s right. All I’ve thought about all night is that I can’t picture my life without her in it. I fucked up, and I can’t imagine her forgiving me, but I’m going to do everything I can to make her change her mind.
Chapter 6
Natalie
Can we have dinner tonight? I would like to talk.
That’s the text I got from Beau this morning. It took me an hour to respond but mostly because I had to convince myself that I could handle it. Last night, I did exactly what I told Jilly I would do. I cried, took a bath, and lay in bed trying to figure out my next step. This morning, I went and taught class and then had lunch with Jilly and the girls where we talked about everything except my impending divorce. Of course, Jilly knows, but I haven’t told the others yet. Now I’m sitting here, waiting on Beau to show up.
It’s still early, and he’s not supposed to be here for another half hour, and if history is any indication, he’ll probably be late, but here I sit, ready and anxiously waiting.
I jump out of my chair when there’s a knock on the door twenty minutes before he’s supposed to be here. I open the door to my husband and try to hide my surprise. Instead of the suit and tie, he’s in his jeans. His normally clean-shaven face is covered in scruff, and the reserved look that is a constant on his face seems more relaxed. “Hey.” I point at the door. “Did you just knock on the door? At your own house?”
He looks almost sheepish. “Yeah, I wasn’t sure and didn’t want to upset you.”
I nod. Maybe he’s right. We should have some boundaries, and I guess it’s only right that until this is officially over, we have some rules set in place. I open the door farther. “Right. Can I help you with anything? I could have just cooked.”
He walks in the house, his eyes traveling up and down my body before he bites his lip and grimaces. “Nope, I got it. I didn’t want you to have to cook.”
I follow behind him. “Right. I know you never really cared for my cooking—”
He cuts me off and stops so suddenly, I run into his back. With my hands on the back of his arms, I push away from him. He turns and stares down at me. “I love your cooking. I just always felt bad that you worked all day and then had to come home to cook, that’s all.”
I cross my arms over my chest. “You hired someone to come and cook because…”
I let my voice trail off, and he takes a step toward me. “Because I knew I couldn’t cook, and I didn’t think you cared one way or another. I thought…” He stops and sighs, shaking his head. “I thought I was doing something good for you.”
I reach for one of the bags in his hand, trying not to touch him as I do so, but inevitably, my hand touches his. I bite onto my lip and move past him into the dining room. I set down the bag, and we both work on taking things out. I lift the familiar container and open it. “Really? Is it that kind of talk? You thought you needed to bring my favorite?”
He huffs out a breath. “There’s a lot we need to talk about, Nat. And I brought your favorite because I wanted to see you smile.”
And just like that, a smile forms on my lips. “There, I’m smiling. But how can I not, when I’m holding a piece of Red’s cinnamon Apple Blaze cake?”
He opens another Styrofoam container and holds it up. “Well, don’t miss your favorite comfort meal. Meat loaf, macaroni and cheese, and green beans.”
I stare between the container and him in surprise. “It is my favorite.” I grab the plate from him and go and sit down in my seat. Instead of the seat he usually sits in at the far end of the table, he sits down in the seat next to me and opens his container.
I stand up. “I’ll grab plates.”
He puts his hand on mine to keep me where I’m at. “No, we can eat on these. It’s fine.”
I try not to let him see my surprise as I set back down. I take a bite of the food and moan. At lunch today, I barely ate, and for the first time since yesterday, I’m really hungry.
We eat in silence for a few minutes, and the calm feeling I usually feel when we’re together is gone. I pat my stomach. “I’ll have to fit in an extra workout this week because I plan on eating that whole piece of cake.”
He looks at my body and smiles. “You’re perfect, Nat, just the way you are.”
I try not to let the compliment go to my head because the fact remains we’re getting a divorce.
I eat a few more bites and then push my plate away. Suddenly, my hunger is gone. “So you said you wanted to talk tonight.”
He nods as he pushes his plate away too. “Yeah, I was hoping we could talk about what you said last night.”
I sigh. “About the divorce.”
He openly cringes and nods his head. “Yeah. I don’t want to get a divorce.”
For just a second, I feel hopeful, and then when I realize that nothing has changed in the last twenty-four hours, I know that I need to go through with it. “It’s too late, Beau. I think we said everything we needed to say last night. I want a divorce.”
He opens the container that holds his cake and takes a bite of it. He looks as if he doesn’t have a care in the world as he savors the bite he just took. It’s only when he shakes his head and opens his eyes that I can see the hard look on his face letting me know my words have any effect on him. “But that’s just it, Nat. I don’t want a divorce. I don’t want to let you go.”
I cross my legs under the table and lean back in my seat with my arms crossed over my chest. “Well, it seems we want two different things, Beau.”
He licks the icing off his fork, and I can’t take my eyes off his tongue. That’s something I’m definitely going to miss.
He sets the fork down and narrows his eyes at me. “Last night, I asked you if there was someone else.”
I open my mouth, and he holds his hand up. “You hesitated. Whether you realize it or not, you hesitated. Is. There. Someone. Else?”
I uncross my arms on my chest and settle them on the table in front of me as I lean forward. “Beau, I’ve never cheated on you.”
His forehead creases. “But? I hear a but in there.”
I shake my head. “I haven’t cheated on you, and I wouldn’t. The reason I hesitated is because there is a man—”
He cuts me off. “Who is it?”
I shrug. “It doesn’t matter. He knows I’m married, and he knows I’m not interested, but I’m not going to lie to you. It feels good that he finds me attractive and he flirts with me.”
His jaw hardens. “He flirts with you?”
I throw my hands up in the air. “It doesn’t matter. He’s just some guy at the gym. He has nothing to do with us or my decision to end our marriage. You asked why I hesitated, and it’s because even though I’ve never done anything nor would I, I do feel guilty that another man makes me feel attractive. That’s it.”
“I think you’re attractive. I think you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
I should keep my mouth closed. There’s no reason to argue about this, but I can’t stop myself. “Really? Is that why you only touch me when we’re in our bedroom? Is that why you never want to be seen with me? Hell, Beau, some people don’t even know I’m your wife. Whiskey Run is small, and everyone knows everyone, but there are people that have no idea that you have a wife… that I’m your wife.”
He’s shaking his head, obviously not listening to a word I say. “We’re not getting a divorce, Nat.”
I give him a half-hearted shrug. “Well, then I don’t know where we go from here because we obviously disagree on things.”
He gets out of his seat and paces back and forth behind me. I sit quietly as he seems to get lost in thought. The piece of cake I was looking forward to sits uneaten.
I lean my head on the back of the chair and close my eyes, and even now, I wonder if I’m making the right decision. I love Beau, but I can’t continue like this. I already feel like I’ve lost who I am. It’s time I put myself first.
I lift my head when he sits back down and scoots his chair closer to me. “Can we talk about this?”
I try to stay strong and avoid eye contact. “Sure, we can talk about it, but I don’t think it’s going to change anything.”
He reaches across the table and grabs my hand. I watch as he laces our fingers together. With his other hand, he rubs his thumb across my knuckles. “Will you do me a favor?”
I should say no. I know that I should, but just as I open my mouth to say it, I mutter, “What kind of favor?”
“I want you to do something for me.”
He grips my hand tighter, and I force the words out. “What do you want?”
“Give me a month….”
His voice trails off, and when he doesn’t continue, I ask him, “Give you a month for what?”
“I’m taking a month off work. I had a meeting with my brothers today. Huddy and Elle are going to take over the CFO duties for me.”
Speechless, my mouth falls open, and he laughs. “I know, I never take any time off, and it sounds crazy to think I’m taking a month off, but I am.”
I look at our joined hands. “And what are you going to do this month? What do you want from me?”
“I want you to go to Ollie’s soccer games with me. Maybe he can spend the night here with us one night. I want you to come to our family dinners. I have a fundraiser coming up, and I’d like you to go with me. Lucas and Issi’s baby is due this month, and I want you to be there with me when he or she is born. Ford and Lilian are getting married. I’m sure Huddy and Elle will be next. I want you to go with me.”
“Beau, that’s not all happening in a month.”
His posture is rigid, and his forearms are flexed. “Maybe not, but whatever does happen in the month, I want you to be there with me. I realized that I’ve messed up, and I want to make it right.”
If he had asked me this last week, I would have given him a resounding yes. It wasn’t until after we married that I realized he planned to keep our lives separate. Originally, he just never asked me, and when I confronted him about it, he would apologize, but he still didn’t ask me the next time or the time after that. I never understood it just like I never understood how he could be so cold about things like that, but then other ways he would be caring and loving. I think about his request. In the past, I would have given anything to be a part of his family, but what’s the point now? “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Beau. I’m sorry… but I can’t.”
He turns my chair toward him, grips my thighs, and pulls me toward him. His legs are wide, fitting mine between his. His knees lock against my sides, and his hands go to my arms. “Look at me.”
I don’t listen to him. I keep my head lowered, not wanting to look in his face because I know I’m weak when it comes to him. “Natalie, I want you to look at me.”
I lift my head and jut my chin at him. “What? I’m looking at you. Now what?”
He smiles at me. “I know I’m asking for a lot.”
I nod. “Yes, you are. For the last two years, you’ve treated me like your little secret instead of your wife, so excuse me if I’m not jumping at whatever game this is you’re playing.”
He releases his hold on my arms and instead wraps his hands around my thighs. “I’m not playing any games.”
“Right.”
His jaw tightens, and he grinds his teeth together. I can see the wheels turning as he looks at me. Finally, he breaks the silence. “I understand you don’t trust me, and if you can’t give me a month, just give me a chance. We can take it day by day.”
I’m leaning as far back in my chair as I can, but it’s not enough. I’m not going to make good decisions with him this close to me. He’s a temptation that I can’t refuse. I stare at his lips, and it’s like a movie plays in my head of all the times he’s satisfied me with them. “Day by day. If I do that, will you let me up?”
He rears back in surprise and releases me instantly. I jump up out of my seat and walk around to put the table between us. “I’ll give you that. Day by day, but that’s all I can promise. No sex either.”
He nods and runs his hand through his hair. “Okay. I won’t have sex with you unless you ask me to. And we take this day by day.” He doesn’t seem completely happy with the agreed terms, but at least he’s willing. “I’ll see you in the morning, wife.”
With a shaky hand, I grab the back of the chair. “I teach in the morning.”
He cleans up the table, and when he’s done, he points at the untouched piece of cake. “Eat your cake. Sleep well, wife.”
I stare at him the whole way as he walks through the house and out the back door. I’m not sure what to make of any of this, but I let myself eat the piece of cake and replay the night's events in my head. I’m not sure, but I’m thinking my husband has a plan to date me.
Chapter 7
Beau
I will not kill the guy. I will not kill the guy.
That’s what I’m telling myself as I walk into Work It Out, Nat’s gym. I made a point to show up right after her class was over. As the people are coming out of the cycling room, the women all are looking at me as they walk by, but I keep my eye on the door.
Nat is the last one out of the room, and I walk up to her. She is wiping her face with a towel, and when she finally spots me, she stops mid stride, and her mouth falls open. She has on some kind of tight black leggings and a small tank top that does nothing to hide her body. She’s beautiful. I know it, and I’m sure every man in the gym knows it too. I want to look at each of them and dare them to look at her, but I don’t. I keep my eyes glued on Nat. “Morning,” I say gruffly.
