Apocalypse comedy a dung.., p.1
Apocalypse Comedy: A Dungeon Crawler LitRPG Adventure (Gravity And Divinity System 1), page 1
Apocalypse Comedy
A LitRPG Adventure (Gravity And Divinity 1)
Hunter Mythos
Cover
Copyright © 2022 Hunter Mythos
All rights reserved
The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission of the publisher.
I want to thank my family, friends, and readers who helped support me all the way to this stage. Long live the Mythos Pantheon!
Contents
Title Page
Cover
Copyright
Dedication
1. The Golden Ticket
2. The Chosen Ones
3. Choose Your Class
4. Reckless Teens
5. Enter the Dungeon
6. Toyreveler Dungeon (I)
7. Toyreveler Dungeon (II)
8. Toyreveler Dungeon (III)
9. Toyreveler Dungeon (IV)
10. Toyreveler Dungeon (V)
11. Toyreveler Dungeon (VI)
12. Toyreveler Dungeon (VII)
13. Toyreveler Dungeon (VIII)
14. Toyreveler Dungeon (IX)
15. Toyreveler Dungeon (X)
16. Toyreveler Dungeon (XI)
17. Toyreveler Dungeon (XII)
18. Toyreveler Dungeon (XIII)
19. Standard of Excellence (I)
20. Standard of Excellence (II)
21. Journey to the Toyreveler Boss
22. Toyreveler Boss Challenges (I)
23. Toyreveler Boss Challenges (II)
24. Toyreveler Boss Challenges (III)
25. Toyreveler Finale (I)
26.1 Toyreveler Finale (II)
26.2 Toyreveler Finale (II)
26.3 Toyreveler Finale (II)
27.1 Toyreveler Finale (III)
27.2 Toyreveler Finale (III)
28. Back to Reality
29. A Teenage Goddess Flexes
30. Technical Queen of the Universe
31. The Team Name
32. The Trip Back Home
33. Getting Comfortable before Ranking Up
34. Evolution and Mastery
35. Is That Boss Music?
36. The Evil of Divinity
37. Godling Dungeon (I)
38. Godling Dungeon (II)
39. Systems and Sundays! (I)
40. Systems and Sundays! (II)
41. A Smiling She-Devil (I)
42. A Smiling She-Devil (II)
43. Good Ol’ Potluck Brawl
44. Contacting the Booty Bandits
45. Junkside Welcome
46. High Chance Of Knives
47. Hood Crusader (I)
48. Hood Crusader (II)
49. Playtime is Over
50. Strict Parents Be Like
51. Like an 80s Action Hero
52. Champion Chat Group
53. The Trappings of a Protagonist
54. Wombo Combo Champions
55. To Be Given Mercy
Extra Goodies
About The Author
1. The Golden Ticket
Have you ever had a really good friend when you were younger? Whether from high school, elementary, or even daycare, and they disappeared without warning? Without leaving a clue?
Like most people, you would eventually move on. Though, you may wonder what happened to that person from time to time.
What if that person showed up mysteriously after years have passed? They became someone totally different? And unapproachable?
They seemed to have never known you, making you feel crazy to think that person was once your childhood friend. Then intensify that issue by having feelings for that special person, who seemed to have forgotten you.
That was Jay’s problem for the past two years. But everything started to change when he left school today with a golden ticket. He had no idea how someone slipped a ticket into his backpack without him noticing. But it had some words on it that nearly floored him.
Hello, Jay.
I know it’s been a while. And this is a lot to ask. But please come to my inner city mansion for my birthday. This ticket will see you past the guards and provide you access to the special afterparty. It’ll be thrilling to show you what I’ve been up to in secret.
With love,
Your Biggest Fan, YoAnna
That was one side of the golden ticket, a flexible and strangely metallic paper-thin note the size and shape of an envelope. It had a glimmering sheen to it, especially when you hold it up to the light. On the other side of the golden ticket was something that resonated deeply with Jay. It made him feel weird. And scared. And very thrilled.
You are Chosen.
“I hope you’re doing this on purpose,” Jay said as he got up from his seat on the bus, his stop coming up. “If you aren’t being funny and ironic about this, I’m gonna take you to a chocolate factory and drown you with all the references I know.”
Jay stepped off the bus with a big smile on his face and his golden ticket shimmering in his hand. It was a Friday night, the end of the first school week to Jay’s senior year. He was dressed in his best black hoodie as he walked up a clean street lined with the tallest and healthiest palm trees he’d ever seen. He was on the fancier side of his small and quirky city in Central Florida, and at the end of the street was his childhood friend’s inner city mansion.
She had another mansion on the city outskirts. Jay had never been to either. When they met in daycare years ago, he didn’t know she was filthy rich. That was back when she followed him around and watched him jump and flip from the highest places he could reach. It hadn’t just been Jay and her, either. Two others added to that childhood experience immortalized in Jay’s head. And out of all four, Jay had been the most jovial thrillseeker. And a bit weird, too.
“Rooftop Weirdo!”
Jay hunched over and slipped his golden ticket into his hoodie’s pouch. He looked away from the fancy red car squeaking to a stop beside him and searched for an escape. The giant homes here had tall walls, arrow-tipped fences, and serious electronic and live security. Climbing and parkouring away from his bullies might lead to worse trouble.
At least it wasn’t the basketball captain. Just one of his main goons. The basketball captain was worse compared to Billy. The main goon and three other sporty jerks jumped out of the car, leaving it idling. Billy wrapped an arm around Jay’s neck, having to reach down since Jay was one of the shortest boys at their school.
Billy leered with a big mug similar to a bulldog. Despite Jay's protests, the bully jerked Jay around and dug into the hoodie’s pouch.
“What’chu got there, Weirdo?” Billy asked, holding up Jay’s golden ticket. “Hey, how come yours is gold and metallic? All I got was a white papery one. And I had to pay for it!”
“You’re not Chosen,” Jay grunted, trying to push away from the neck hold.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Billy wrangled Jay behind a palm tree as partygoers drove by. Nobody stopped to help Jay. “I don’t care if you got a nickname, Weirdo. You’re still a little weeny loser.”
“And you’re a background character,” Jay spat.
Nicknames were a big deal at their high school. It carried a strange, almost magical weight to them.
Magic wasn’t real. Everyone knew that. Jay’s mom treated it as something that could exist, but Jay’s mom was weirder than him sometimes.
Still, things seemed weirdly magical at Jay’s high school. One of those magical things was having a nickname that stuck to you like glue. Nobody understood why that was a thing. It simply became such when their big and fancy new school opened up three years ago. It would only happen there and nowhere else, too. Then when the High School Queen arrived at the start of Jay’s tenth-grade year, nicknames blew up as a big deal at their school.
Jay had solidified his nickname for a stunt he pulled off in tenth grade two years ago. Thanks to bullies like Billy and the basketball captain, it hadn’t worked out as well as it should’ve. The bullies had spun what should’ve been Jay’s crowning and glorified achievement into something negative.
Billy slammed Jay into the palm tree. The rough trunk dug into the back of his hoodie. It scraped a hole through the material and rubbed away some skin. Jay hissed a curse under his breath. He was wearing his best hoodie, and it was getting ruined.
“Let me see that thing.” A different bully snatched the ticket from Billy. “Yeah, this has to be a fake. Why would the High School Queen have an afterparty with the Rooftop Weirdo in it?”
Jay should keep his mouth shut. But he’d been keeping his mouth shut over the subject for too long. “Because I knew the High School Queen before she became that. YoAnna is an old friend of mine. So, give me back my ticket before I find my inner anime power and make you all kiss the street.”
Billy reached for Jay’s neck again, but Jay was prepared this time. He ducked under the tall jerk’s grab. Jay jumped at the guy with his ticket.
Jay threw everything he had into the jump with a ferocity he h
But that golden ticket belonged to Jay. It was provided by someone special who meant for him to have it. Jay would be damned if he let the bulliest take the golden ticket from him.
A different bully caught Jay with a spartan kick against his side. Jay tripped and stumbled. He would’ve fallen if he didn’t roll with his momentum and cartwheeled back on balanced feet.
He refaced all four bullies, his eyes on the golden ticket. He made another go for it.
But the bullies were ready for him.
A minute later, Jay ended up on the street. He was all scuffed up and beaten and dirtied.
Billy and his friends laughed and hooted. They jumped back into their ride before driving ahead with Jay’s golden ticket.
Jay picked himself up. He looked down at his ruined hoodie. It was an expensive brand, too. He had worked hard for it, suffering his first summer job at the local burger joint rather than letting his mom buy it.
Jay wanted to start feeling independent and capable. Going from cheap hoodies to nice hoodies had been one of his attempts to be his own man. And in a cruel twist of fate, his hoodie got trashed, and his golden ticket was stolen.
Jay dragged his sorry self to the end of the street where a wide and spacious cul-de-sac waited. There were no other homes built around the cul-de-sac except for one. The area was dominated by YoAnna’s inner city mansion.
She had acres upon acres of land surrounding the mansion, too, so it sat further back away from the street. Milling around the area were kids from Jay’s high school or other high schools from all over Central Florida and beyond. A lot of kids wanted to get close to the richest and most famous girl around.
Jay blinked at the shiny and luxurious sedans and sports cars lying around the cul-de-sac and down the street he had walked to get here. Many of the vehicles were more expensive than his house.
Looking past that, Jay saw his closest friends hanging out on the sidewalk and away from the lines of kids waiting to get past the main gate guards. Mike and Lilith had nicknames, too. But theirs were true alpha status nicknames.
Mike was the Second Nerd. Lilith was the First Nerd. They were the top academic students in their senior class and some of the smartest kids in the city. They had proven it in competitions, Mike always coming second behind Lilith, who plowed through everyone in their way. They were childhood friends with Jay and YoAnna, too.
Mike and Lilith were waiting for Jay. They had golden tickets just like him and wouldn’t enter without him.
Jay felt ashamed that he had lost his ticket to some bullies.
Billy was at the front of the line, too. He waved around the golden ticket like a big and loud clown, pretending his name was Jay. He slipped in with his buddies without having to wait.
Jay felt his blood boil seeing that. And his feelings of being a loser grew, too.
He glanced at Mike and Lilith. They hadn’t spotted him yet. Then Jay looked at the mansion propped up on a small but significant hill. Various spotlights shone on the main building’s face to elevate it as a bigger deal than it already was.
It was luxurious. White. Gold. Black. Big and tall windows. Curly engravings and Greek-like columns. It had a whole epic feel to it. That was on theme with YoAnna as the High School Queen– epic, whimsical, mythical.
Hell, the estate even had a giant fancy fountain near the front of the building. The fountain statue was mostly white with black and gold accents, detailing a mystique woman upholding a round plate where a miniature city existed. Water fell from the sides of the lifted city, pouring over the face of the statue and following the contours of its womanly curves.
For some strange reason, Jay had a feeling this extravagant piece of wealth and art was a selective pick of YoAnna’s. It had an air of admiration to it. Maybe something deeper. Maybe love. Jay could only guess. He wouldn’t really know since he wasn’t going to get in. Without that ticket, he was pretty sure he had stopped being chosen.
“At least we’re stocked up on rum punch at home,” Jay said sadly, turning his back on the mansion and his friends.
They would be better off without him, Jay figured. He was the Rooftop Weirdo, more of a loser than a hero. He took one step to leave when a blue box flickered into his view suddenly.
You’ve been chosen—
Then it disappeared. Jay froze, staring at the air. He read as far as three words before the blue box and bolded white text disappeared.
What the hell was that?
Jay rubbed his eyes. He reached out and swiped at the air where the box had been. He felt nothing. He could only recall those first three words, especially the ‘chosen’ part.
It gave Jay a warm feeling inside of his chest. Like lighting up a small but warm ember. Whatever that weird blue box was, it reminded Jay there was more to him than a golden ticket. He shouldn’t accept getting stopped here. If he did, he’d go back to that craziness where his childhood friend existed in the same school but was worlds apart from him. And he couldn’t ask her out on a date if he let a damn golden ticket be the decider of his fate.
He was Jay Luckrun. One of the only two Luckruns he knew. And his name meant a lot to him and his mom. It meant they would never be short on luck. They would stay upright and keep running. And keep smiling in the face of adversity.
Jay cricked his neck and said, “Challenge accepted.”
Moments later, Jay wrapped his arms around Mike and Lilith and pulled his friends close. Mike jolted in surprise since he hadn’t seen Jay sneaking up. Lilith gave Jay an assessing look and frowned.
“Must I hurt someone, Jay?” Lilith asked as she fingered a hole in Jay’s hoodie. It had some of his blood on it from when Jay had gotten knocked down and scraped up along the street.
“I don’t want you to go on the lamb for murdering people,” Jay said. “You guys got your golden tickets?”
“Yeah, right here,” Mike said, revealing his. Lilith did the same. The tickets shimmered under the street lights, all gold and weirdly metallic. Like it came from another world.
Other than the individualized words with their names, each ticket had the same thing as Jay on one side: You are Chosen.
“Cool, you guys can get in easily. Mine got stolen, though.” Jay hushed both Mike and Lilith before they got too upset. Lilith, especially. “I’m not going to let that stop me.”
“If you wait here while we go inside, we can inform YoAnna and get you in. It’s only a ticket after all,” Mike said. He always had good logical ideas.
“Are you really going to wait and let whoever jacked your ticket get away with this?” Lilith asked with an edge. If Mike was Jay’s angel, Lilith was his devil.
Jay was nowhere near as smart as these two, and since they were practically family, he considered their words more than most people. They knew Jay well, too. Very well.
Jay grinned, which led to Mike groaning and Lilith chuckling.
“This is going to be another insane stunt, and I’m pretty sure it’ll end with you getting hurt like usual, Jay,” Mike said. “It feels like I’m in a teenage asylum around you two.”
“I’ll be the nurse,” Lilith said.
“Why not the doctor?” Jay asked.
“It’s easier to blame the doctor for potential malpractice when I need someone to play as a scapegoat,” Lilith said before turning to Mike. “Right, Doctor Zhou?”
Mike frowned.
“What if we start our own asylum where the patients and doctors are the same?” Jay patted his friends on the back, which wasn’t hard since they were as short as him, especially Lilith. “It’ll be a good racket, I swear. If not, we can blame Mike. Totally his idea.”
Mike groaned again. Lilith licked the front of her teeth, darkly amused.
Jay stepped ahead and rolled his neck around. He did the same for his joints. Getting his ass kicked had filled his body up with annoying hurts and needless soreness.
No worries, though. He’d been hurt way worse than this and still pulled off some daring stunts.
“I gotta get in there,” Jay said.
“All three of us need to get inside,” Mike said. “I’m too curious about why YoAnna’s been so distant and aloof. And beyond that, she seems like an impossible enigma.”
