Dark awakening hidden cu.., p.8
Dark Awakening: Hidden Currents, page 8
Ell-rom hesitated. "I'm not sure."
"What is the first thing that comes to your mind?"
"Death. Suffering."
Vanessa nodded. "True, it could be both. But blood is also life. We can't live without it, and many people donate blood so it can be given to others when they need it, like in the case of an injury or during an operation. Think about the blood flowing in your veins and focus on how vital it is to your survival and the survival of your loved ones."
It was an excellent diversion of focus, and it was helping, but then another thought surfaced, one he hadn't been aware of until now.
"When I think about my blood, I also think about it being impure, contaminated."
"Those are powerful thoughts," Vanessa acknowledged. "But are they rational? Your blood is obviously not contaminated, but I get where these thoughts are coming from. The Kra-ell living among us divide themselves into purebloods and hybrids, and for the longest time, the purebloods felt superior to the hybrids. Some of them probably still do, but it's a fallacy. Here on Earth, the hybrids have had a big advantage over the purebloods. They can pass for humans, while the purebloods must put much more effort into camouflaging their alien looks. What I'm trying to say is that each has advantages and disadvantages, but neither determines the kind of people they are. The only thing that determines your worth as a person is what you do and how it affects others. Are you creative and productive? Are you kind? Do you protect the law-abiding and contributing members of your society from criminals and other evildoers? What does society gain by having you as its member? Your deeds, or lack thereof, are what matters. All the rest are just prejudices and bigotry."
"Wow." Ell-rom leaned back. ”That's such a clear definition of worth. I need to remember it for when I'm in the position to actually contribute. Right now, I'm only a burden."
She smiled. "We all need help from time to time, and some need more help than others, and that's okay. It's not going to be long before your health is restored, and even if you don't regain any more memories, you can learn everything you need to know anew and find your own way to contribute. Being immortal, time is irrelevant."
Vanessa's words eased a knot in his chest, and for the first time in days, he felt like he could take a full breath.
As they continued working through his thoughts, challenging and reframing them, Ell-rom's perspective was reshaped. He could see how negative thoughts had been feeding his anxiety.
"Now," Vanessa said, "I want to introduce you to a technique called systematic desensitization. We'll create a hierarchy of situations related to blood, starting with the least anxiety-provoking and working our way up. Then, we will pair each situation with relaxation techniques. Regrettably, we don't have any blood around to practice with, so it would have to be a thought experiment." She frowned. "Here is an idea. We can start with synthetic blood. It has the same properties as the real thing, but knowing it didn't come from a person or an animal might make it easier for you to tolerate the smell. I'll talk to Julian about getting some for you."
Ell-rom winced. "I hope you are not expecting me to drink it. No amount of talking could convince me to do that."
"Eventually, you'll have to taste it, or you won't be able to bite anyone. I'm talking about a lick, not a sip."
The revulsion surged up again, but he managed to push it back. "I'll think about it while doing the breathing exercises."
"Excellent," Vanessa said. "I also want you to do some positive visualization. Imagine yourself calmly and confidently handling situations involving blood. The mind is more powerful than you think, Ell-rom, and this can help prepare you for real-life exposures."
"I'll try. Thank you for spending so much time with me. It was more helpful than I ever expected."
Vanessa smiled. "I'm glad I could help. I'll talk to Julian later and schedule another video call, this time with a cup of synthetic blood at the ready." She lifted her hand. "It was a pleasure to get to know you, and I'm looking forward to our next session." She ended the call before he could tell her that the pleasure was all his.
20
JASMINE
As Jasmine waited for Ell-rom to be done with his session, she made the mistake of scrolling through social media. She'd wanted some mindless entertainment with a little bit of news, but that little news was enough to ruin her good mood after talking with Edgar and hearing how happy he was with Angelica.
The world was falling apart, and she doubted that the immortals with Annani at the helm would be able to save it. They had done it before, more than once, but the world used to be a much smaller place and not as interconnected as it was now. Everything was happening faster and, regrettably, not for the better.
That crazy idea of a colony on Mars suddenly seemed very appealing to her. The murderous primitive barbarians were only capable of slaughter and destruction.
They would never develop interplanetary travel capability.
The problem with that fantasy was that some idiots would no doubt decide it was a good idea to bring them along to Mars because even murderous primitive barbarians needed representation. It was ridiculous, but then so many things were these days.
The world no longer made sense to her.
Jasmine was so lost in thought that she barely registered the sound of the door opening.
Ell-rom entered, leaning on the walker, gave her a ghost of a smile, and settled into the chair next to her. His gaze fixed on Morelle; he didn't say a word, and the silence stretched between them, heavy with unspoken questions.
Julian had told her not to ask Ell-rom about his session with the therapist and to wait until he confided in her of his own volition, but she couldn't bear the silence.
"Is everything okay?"
He turned to her and nodded. "I spoke with Vanessa, the clan's therapist. She had a lot of good advice for me."
Jasmine desperately wanted to ask what the advice was about, but remembering Julian's words, she opted for a neutral response. "I'm glad you found the session helpful."
Ell-rom studied her face for a moment, his brow furrowed. "Aren't you curious to hear what I needed help with?"
Jasmine took a deep breath. "Of course I'm curious, but I don't want to pry. I'm waiting for you to tell me when you're comfortable doing so."
Relief washed over Ell-rom's features as if he had been expecting a different reaction. Had he thought Julian had betrayed his trust and told her what the session was about?
Ell-rom should have known that Julian would never do that.
He let out a long breath, his shoulders sagging. "You are right. I didn't want to tell you about the problem I have, but now that Vanessa has given me tools to possibly overcome it, I feel more hopeful."
Jasmine frowned. "What problem? Did you tell her about the dream where you…" She looked up at the camera. "Where you did that thing with your mind that the head priestess confronted you about?"
His big blue eyes widened. "No, I wouldn't…" He looked at the camera. "It's about my aversion to blood. I didn't know how strong it was until last night when I couldn't bring myself to bite you."
It was Jasmine's turn to be taken aback. "I thought that it was just too much, too soon for you. That you weren't ready."
But then it suddenly made sense to her when she remembered the other dream Ell-rom had told her about, the one about drinking blood by mistake and puking his guts out.
No wonder that he had such a strong aversion to it. He'd experienced a traumatic event associated with blood.
"It's because of what happened with the goblet, right?"
Ell-rom nodded. "That was probably the trigger, and I didn't realize how bad the aversion was until last night."
Jasmine reached out, taking his hand in hers. "What advice did Vanessa give you?"
Ell-rom's shoulders slumped at her touch. "She suggested several techniques. Breathing exercises to help manage anxiety, cognitive restructuring to challenge negative thoughts, and something called systematic desensitization."
"Systematic desensitization?" Jasmine repeated the unfamiliar term.
"It's a method of gradually exposing myself to what I fear, paired with relaxation techniques," Ell-rom explained. "We're going to start small, maybe just looking at pictures of blood, and work our way up slowly."
Jasmine nodded. "That sounds like a solid plan. Did Vanessa give you any exercises to practice?"
"Yes," Ell-rom said, sounding a little more confident. "I'm supposed to practice the breathing exercises daily and try positive visualization—imagining myself calmly handling situations involving blood. Julian is going to get some synthetic blood for me to use in the exposure therapy. Vanessa thinks it might be easier for me to tolerate initially."
"I think it's a great idea."
Ell-rom smiled, the first genuine smile she'd seen from him since he entered the room. "I'm hopeful, which is a big improvement over how I felt before talking to Vanessa."
Jasmine tilted her head. "Why didn't you tell me? You should know by now that you can tell me anything."
He averted his eyes. "I've been so worried about letting you down. Biting should be such a basic function for a male of my kind, and being unable to do that felt emasculating."
"Oh, sweetheart." Jasmine squeezed Ell-rom's hand. "You could never let me down. For every problem, there is a solution as long as we are willing to put in the work, right? We are a good team."
A small smile lifted the corner of his lips. "What did I ever do to deserve you?"
"You don't need to do anything other than being your wonderful self."
He shook his head. "That doesn't seem like enough, especially in my current state."
"None of that." She cast him a stern look. "Remember what Vanessa said about challenging negative thoughts? You are good enough to deserve happiness. Never doubt that."
It would take time, though.
The plan sounded solid, but Jasmine had a feeling that a venom bite wasn't in her immediate future. It was somewhat disappointing, but she had no problem waiting for it.
"Thank you for telling me." Jasmine leaned her head on Ell-rom's shoulder. "I know it must have been difficult to do."
He nodded. "It was. A Kra-ell afraid of blood seems so ridiculous."
"You are only part Kra-ell, and you can't tolerate it. That does not equate to being afraid of it." She lifted her head and offered him her lips.
21
MARINA
The Sunday morning sun filtered through the leaves of the trees surrounding the house, casting dappled shadows on the front porch. Marina stood at the window, watching a pair of birds flit between branches.
The house felt empty without Peter and Alfie, even depressing despite how nice it was. At first she had welcomed the solitude, using the time to clean and tidy up the place. But now, with every surface gleaming and not a speck of dust to be found, restlessness began to set in.
Usually Peter had Sundays off, but he was on duty today, attending a meeting with the Guardian chief and his team. They were planning a rescue operation for trafficking victims that had to be done tonight before the victims were shipped out to other destinations.
Marina's heart swelled with pride at the thought of Peter's work, but it also tightened with worry. Even though she knew he was incredibly capable, the dangers he faced never failed to concern her.
"I need to get out of here," she muttered to herself.
After putting her shoes on, she grabbed her bag and headed out the door.
The village walkways were quiet but not deserted. Marina nodded and smiled at the few people she passed by, and it felt nice to be smiled at in return. Thanks to her work at the café, everyone knew her by now, and other than Borga, she hadn't had problems with anyone.
For all the purebloods and many of the hybrids, visits to the café were rare because they mainly subsisted on blood. Only a few of them had a taste for coffee, and she was glad of it. Most of them still regarded her as a second-class citizen, and she was sick of being treated like that.
The café was closed on the weekend, but she could get something from the vending machines. She wasn't thirsty or hungry, but she would get something so she didn't look weird as she engaged in her favorite activity of people-watching.
It had always been a soothing activity for her, a way to quiet her mind when it became too noisy with worries and what-ifs.
Marina made her way to the vending machines and selected a cappuccino and an egg sandwich. With her purchases in hand, she chose a table at the back of the seating area, positioning herself for the best view of the comings and goings.
There wasn't much activity this early on a weekend morning, so when Bridget arrived and headed toward the vending machines, Marina raised her hand in a friendly wave, which was returned with a warm smile.
After getting a coffee and pastry, Bridget surprised Marina when she came over to her table. "Mind if I join you?" she asked.
"Please," Marina said, gesturing to the empty chair across from her.
Bridget settled into the seat, taking a sip of her coffee before speaking. "How are you acclimating to life in the village, Marina?"
"I love it here," she said earnestly. "Working at the café, the relaxed atmosphere, the sense of community—it's all wonderful. But do you know what the best part is?" She leaned in as if sharing a secret. "The feeling of safety. I know that nothing bad is going to happen to me here. It's incredible."
Bridget's eyebrows rose. "Were you worried about your safety in Safe Haven?"
Marina shrugged. "Safe Haven was pretty secure, but people are people, you know? As a woman, I always felt a certain level of vulnerability. But here..." She gestured around them. "Everyone knows I'm with Peter, so all the Guardians treat me like I'm under their protection. It's like having a hundred lethal soldiers for brothers. No one would dare to harm me."
Bridget nodded. "Feeling safe can make a world of difference. I'm glad you've acclimated and feel so at home here." She paused, taking a bite of her pastry before asking, "How are things going with Peter?"
A mix of emotions flitted across Marina's heart--joy and love, but also a touch of uncertainty. "Peter is amazing, and I'm thankful for every moment I spend with him. We are so well matched." She took a sip from her coffee before deciding to confide in Bridget. "He even proposed, and he wants me to start planning a wedding. But I'm hesitant."
"Why is that?" Bridget prompted.
Marina bit her lip, considering her words carefully. "It's mostly about our lifespans." She took a deep breath, steeling herself to ask the question that had been nagging at her. "Bridget, can I ask you something? As a physician?"
"Of course."
"Will being with an immortal who bites me nearly every night extend my lifespan? And if so, by how much?"
Bridget's eyes sparkled with interest. "That's actually a very interesting question, Marina. I haven't given it much thought before because none of our males had ever spent a significant time with a human female who was not a Dormant."
The clan's physician tapped her fingers on the table. "It's certainly worth investigating. The venom has healing properties, and regular exposure could potentially have cumulative effects..." She trailed off, lost in thought for a moment before refocusing on Marina. "Would you be willing to come to the clinic with me? I'd like to take some blood and tissue samples. If you are game, you can be the first subject in the study of the effects of venom on human longevity."
Marina nodded. "Of course. I'd be happy to help, and if you are interested in another subject, Lusha has started dating Alfie, and I can ask her to join your study."
"Lusha has mixed genetics with some Kra-ell in her, so her results might be different than yours, but I'll gladly investigate her case as well. After I take today's sample, I want you to stop by the clinic on Friday for another round, and if Lusha is game, she can come with you. I might not be there, but I'll leave instructions with the nurse."
22
SYSSI
Syssi stood in front of the full-length mirror, smoothing down the front of her dress. The soft, flowing fabric hugged her curves in all the right places, a far cry from the more practical outfits she usually wore to the university or around the house.
She wanted to dress up for the occasion of introducing Ell-rom to the rest of the family.
It felt like a significant step for the future of the clan, but she couldn't articulate what made her think that. Ell-rom didn't seem like the type of guy who reshaped futures. He was pleasant and intelligent, but he wasn't charismatic or possessed of any of the other qualities she'd come to associate with a leader.
Ell-rom wasn't Kian.
Not that anyone could be like her husband, but Ell-rom wasn't like Annani or Sari either. He just didn't have that extra something.
Then again, he was still basically a baby, finding out who he was, so it wasn't fair to judge him. After all, Kian had also been a sweet, naive boy before his mother had started training him to be a leader.
"You look beautiful," Kian said from behind her as he wrapped his arms around her waist, pressing a kiss to her neck.
Syssi leaned back into his embrace. "Thank you." She looked at his face in the mirror, her heart swelling with love. "You look as dashing as the first time I saw you."
It seemed like a lifetime ago that she had met Kian and moved into the penthouse with him, and yet the memories were as vivid as ever. The nervousness of their first encounters, the thrill of falling in love, and the passion of their early days together still burned with the same ferocity but also with a level of comfort and familiarity that could have only grown over time.
She could let go with Kian and feel perfectly safe, knowing that not only would he never hurt her, but that he would do everything for her.
"What's that faraway look about?" He nuzzled her neck.
