Hell, it was a place where a lot of memories had happened from what I saw of the pictures all over the walls.

  “I looked over the coloring books,” Hunt whispered after we each tucked into one sandwich. “Everything has been so crazy and that was such a roller coaster that I haven’t had a chance to do much yet.”

  “I’m glad you got to.” I honestly wasn’t sure what else to say or how to be around him. “Did you have fun with your friends?”

  “Yes, but I also felt guilty,” he admitted. “They’re…”

  “Getting old for humans,” I finished for him, understanding where his head was. “Forty is middle-aged for a human, and a few of them are reaching that fast. It’s hard. It’s very hard given you grew up with them. I didn’t have that with the first time I had to really deal with human mortality.”

  “I’m going to lose some of them and it’s—I can’t like fathom it.”

  I nodded. “They’d have to all become vamps, and that’s not for everyone. Bitten shifters rarely become immortal, and a lot of times the bite doesn’t take. It’s certainly not like what you have, and most shifters frown on anyone allowing it. They’d be hunted and looked down on by born shifters. That’s why there aren’t many.”

  He swallowed loudly. “I didn’t know hunted.”

  “Because you’re young and on the side of the law,” I said gently. “The US is one of the only protected areas. They’re not allowed in Europe, so even if you gave them a longer life, they couldn’t travel. There would be a lot they would lose out on.”

  “But they would live,” he rasped.

  I didn’t answer for a moment. “From what I hear, the afterlife is nice. I get the feeling it’s much better than here. You would hurt, but they would have something nicer. That’s their reward for not having immortality like us. I know everyone assumes a longer life is a blessing, but most times it’s truly a burden.”

  He nodded, but the conversation was a hard topic and brought tension. It made things awkward since we weren’t solid.

  I felt awkward at least. I had no idea what others thought or felt most days. I played with my sandwich a bit and chewed slower simply for something to do, starting to wish I was anywhere else… Something Hunt noticed. I did a double take when I saw the hurt all over his face, clearly sensing something I was giving off.

  Hurrying to glance down, I didn’t know what to do. Did I apologize?

  No, that would make it worse.

  Explain?

  Was there really a way to explain my thoughts or excuse them?

  But it was wrong to say I didn’t feel solid with him, right?

  Oh fuck, this was why I didn’t want a relationship. They were so complicated… And I was emotionally stunted and an idiot.

  I couldn’t ever forget that part about being an idiot when it came to feelings and men.

  Unless it was sex. I was good at that part.

  Just thinking of that and how people felt about me made me sad. I had thought Hunt had seen past all of that. It wasn’t just that one thing but a few comments about my super sex drive. I got that he was teasing and normally it was fine.

  He had a fucking high one too.

  But it was different when I felt as deeply for him and the stakes were higher. He was my partner now and I needed him, not just a fling I could ditch out on and pretend he didn’t mean anything to me by having the next fling.

  I jumped when Hunt stood, but he went over to the counter and ordered a dozen more sandwiches to go. He paid and got the address of the other place she wanted me to check out and then grabbed bottled drinks. I simply watched until he glanced over at me and chuckled, waving for me to get a move on.

  Oh, right, okay, I was included in this.

  We were leaving then?

  I waved my hand and cleaned up our mess and wrapped up the last sandwich before standing and going over to him.

  He leaned down and brushed his lips over my cheek before pressing them against my ear. “Let’s go somewhere alone, yeah? Can I see your greenhouse in the apartment building? I’ve never seen it and—you like that place, right?”

  “I love it,” I admitted. “I didn’t realize you wanted to see it or tried to.”

  “It’s magically sealed.”

  That made sense. I met his eyes and swallowed loudly. “You’d be the first I’ve let in there besides Jerome. He’s the only one allowed in there besides me.”

  His eyes flashed shock, but then he didn’t say anything, making me feel stupid. He pressed me against him when I started to pull away. “I want to see it with you. I’ll bring the sandwiches when they’re ready, okay?”

  I nodded, not sure what else to do but also not feeling like I could reject him without ending our relationship somehow. I said goodbye to the others and ‘ported to the greenhouse. I changed the magic so Hunt could come in and then set up an area for us to be comfortable at where my worktable normally was.

  He showed up a few minutes later, and my once surly, gruff cop gave me a sexy smile that made my heart race.

  We got settled and dove into our food. The change of location worked though or maybe just… I wasn’t sure, but I felt relaxed and we started talking, just talking about nothing important. He told me about a few of the shenanigans he’d gotten into with his friends and how he’d missed them. That sometimes it was nice to remember simple with them.

  That was fair and I wasn’t offended. My life always involved major shit and end-of-the-world-type crazy. Yeah, simple sounded nice.

  I told him about some of the stuff I’d worked on and how we’d officially hired two of the ancient nest to help Jerome with the farms. Shifters and vamps would never see enchanters at their level or anything to be scared of and if their elders weren’t behaving, so it was time to stop acting like we could change things.

  There was lots we could change, but lots we couldn’t. So for the sake of all of our sanity, this was the best move.

  Yes, I was petty and would enjoy the fear the asshole Alphas and leaders would now experience dealing with the ancients instead of trying to bully us like we were prey.

  “You must be warm with that on,” Hunt muttered as he leaned in and started to slide my light sweater off my shoulder.

  But I grabbed the sides of it and kept it on, flinching at the idea of getting naked with him even.

  He stopped but wasn’t going to ignore what happened, leaning in and nuzzling my neck. “You didn’t use me for sex, Soraya. I was hurt and lashed out. We care for each other and turn to each other for our needs. It’s just like hugs and cuddles. Please, I’m so, so sorry, I hurt you. You’re not a fucking nymphomaniac.”

  “Can’t we—we were having a nice time,” I muttered, sounding lame to my own ears. “This was nice.”

  “It was and I want—it was like a cute first date we never had and I loved it. I want to do it a million more times.”

  “But?” I whispered.

  He sat up and tears were swimming in his eyes. “But I hurt my mate and now you won’t take your sweater off in front of me. I wanted to say how pretty my partner is and how much I want you, and it hit me how much I’ve ruined. It kills me, Soraya. I miss you so, so much. I miss being in your bed and holding you. I miss waking to you.”

  “I miss that too.”

  “I’m glad, but—you were there, but you weren’t there,” he rasped. “I feel like you’ve been gone for so long and I can’t get my footing. I thought we were fine, but we weren’t, and I’ve been trying to push on, but I can’t ignore that you were gone for months. I feel like…”

  “I’m sorry, Remy.” I reached out and cupped his cheek. What Pierre had done to me had been much harder on him than I’d realized or been able to see because of my own issues with it. I couldn’t even imagine how upset I’d be if Hunt had been with me for months but didn’t remember it or wasn’t himself.

  “Please don’t leave me again,” he begged, his tears running down my hand. “You were like sand slipping through my fingers and no one hearing me that something was wrong. I know they were affected too and had to be cleansed—that you’ve changed security and now we have backups, but—it feels like you’re slipping away again. Please, Soraya.”

  “I’m not. I’m here. I want to be with you. I just needed…”

  “What? Tell me what you need and I’ll do it. I’d do anything for you. Anything. Just tell me how to help you or fix this,” he begged.

  And maybe that was what I needed to hear. Maybe in all of his valid upset, I’d never heard he would do anything to help me. He’d been so angry and that night it had been at me.

  Well, more than that night, but I felt like the problem, not us fighting against what had happened.

  It made sense in my head.

  I thought about what he said and sighed. “I don’t know. I’m struggling too. This was nice. We just—yeah, it was like a date and cute. I liked seeing something from your past and feeling like I matter. That you want to share everything with me.”

  He blew out a harsh breath and gave me a look like he was debating bopping me. “Woman, I’m willing to share my soul with you to mate. Yes, I’ll share all of me. Just tell me what you want.”

  Well, when he put it like that, I felt a bit silly.

  He pulled me to straddle his lap and cupped my face. “You are amazing, Soraya. You aren’t perfect. I’ve never said or thought that. You are perfect for me. I’m a nympho. You brought that out in me and opened so much for not just me. That is a gift. I—I feel like I ruined the one area you felt free in. You’re open and honest, and I can’t be the one who killed that.”

  I licked my lips as I stared into those pretty blue eyes… And had nothing to say. I didn’t know what to say or how to handle this. I was all torn up inside and struggling too.

  He nodded, seeming to understand when I didn’t. “Trust me tonight? Please?”

  I was scared and didn’t want to, but I nodded. I would give Hunt whatever he wanted now that I cared for him as much as I did.

  And the damn wolf probably knew it.

  He let out a slow breath and kissed my nose before easily standing with me. Then he teleported us.

  To Isaac.

  Well, that wouldn’t help. He was angry with me all of the fucking time.

  “I need your help,” Hunt said to Isaac.

  “I’m listening,” the crocodile said as he lowered the book he’d been reading.

  “I hurt my mate—”

  “By being a stupid pup and lashing out, yeah, I’m caught up,” he drawled. “And?”

  “And she was also traumatized in a way I didn’t understand,” Hunt whispered. “She wasn’t herself and still had sex. I had sex with her when she wasn’t herself.” His voice cracked and I winced. “I raped my mate.”

  “The bloody fuck you did,” I growled, moving in front of him and shoving at his chest. “You did no such thing, Remy Hunt! I’m the only one who ever gets to say something like that, and I will not, so don’t you ever utter those fucking words again.”

  He blinked at my strong reaction before letting out a slow breath. “You’re right, I didn’t.” He bobbed his head. “Yeah, okay, if you don’t see it that way, I won’t.”

  Horror filled me. “Is that why you wanted a break too? You thought that’s what you did?” My heart hurt when he hung his head. “Oh, you silly pet. No, Remy. I realized it was—I felt violated but not by you. Never by you. The situation. I realized—it didn’t click until the ancients talked about it. I just needed to think. None of it was your fault.”

  “I agree,” Isaac said. “One shifter to another, this wasn’t on you, pup. You’re an idiot for how you handled it, and I can beat you up for lots, but people who knew her for centuries couldn’t tell she wasn’t herself. Magic or not, they missed it. You haven’t even been together a year and were the one sounding the alarm. You didn’t say ‘fuck it’ and ignored it.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Okay,” Hunt rasped. “But you’re still flinching at being with me. You still are thinking of that and it worries me.”

  I opened my mouth but then closed it, letting out a heavy sigh as I flicked my hair over my shoulder and moved so I could see them both. “If you can tell that much about what I’m feeling then you’re amazing. I can’t and it’s all jumbled. I know we’re more than sex. I know that. I know you didn’t mean it the way I took it—I know it.”

  “You just don’t feel it yet with everything else going on,” he muttered.

  “I’m not trying to be difficult on this, but I don’t know. I just don’t know.”

  “I’d rather you be honest than lie to me that it’s fine.” He leaned in and kissed my forehead. “But my wolf is blaming me and we’re having a problem.”

  “Your scent has completely worn off of her, and you’re not taking care of her the way a wolf should his mate,” Isaac surmised.

  “Yes.”

  “And you came to me to do it for you?” he asked.

  “No,” I answered.

  “Yes,” Hunt did.

  I did a double take. “Wait, he’s angry with me all of the time and I’m not happy with him about some of it and—I’m not a nympho. I’m more than sex and that’s part of this.”

  “He doesn’t want us to have sex,” Isaac chuckled darkly. “His wolf would gut me if I was inside of you when you don’t smell like him. And you are hurt about those comments, so sex would be crass.”

  “I’m confused,” I admitted.

  He set down his book and moved closer to me, very much acting like the predator he was. “Your Alpha wolf pup already said it, Soraya. He wants your needs met. It’s not about sex, but his wolf is pissed at him that his mate isn’t sated.” He smiled when I blinked at him. “He brought you here to be sated.”

  “I don’t—”

  “Sex is necessary to animals like air and food,” Isaac said firmly. “It’s not you being easy or anything rattling around in your pretty little head. It’s also your stress. You’re so damn stressed that it’s a miracle the top of your head hasn’t popped off.”

  I couldn’t argue that, staring up at him when he stopped in front of me. Why would I argue with the truth?

  “We do this in your apartment so I can hold her afterwards,” Isaac said firmly, and it took me a moment to realize he was speaking to Hunt.

  About me which I wasn’t a fan of, and he caught on from my frown.

  “Agreed,” Hunt said. “Only what she wants. If the room isn’t drowning in her desire, then don’t push her or be selfish.”

  “Fair of you to check and I won’t be insulted.”

  “Do I get a vote here?” I drawled.

  “Yes, of course,” Hunt answered… And teleported us to his bedroom.

  Subtle.

  I gave him the look he deserved, but he simply shrugged. I didn’t understand what was seriously going on with him or at all, but I tried not to be offended. If both men understood something was going on here and clearly were trying to help me, then it wasn’t as insulting as it felt.

  Right?

  Except there was one main problem. “I’m not even in the mood.” I hated that I sounded pouty to my ears, crossing my arms over my chest in a way that seemed to amuse them both.

  Isaac took in a slow breath and I felt his gaze on me. “Oh, I don’t think that will be much of a problem for us, do you really?” He chuckled when I didn’t respond, knowing there wasn’t really anything to say either way. I swallowed a yelp when he lifted me up and set me on Hunt’s dresser. “Five minutes.”

  “For what?” I hedged, studying him closely.

  “To get you in the mood. Give me five minutes to change your mind that you’re not in the mood.”

  I opened my mouth to snark at him, but there was a flash of vulnerability and hurt in his aura that I snapped it shut so fast I bit my tongue. I was shocked at what I saw in the hard-to-read croc’s eyes.

  Doubt. He doubted… His desirability? I wasn’t sure, but he should never doubt that. He was sexy as could be.

  That wasn’t enough for everyone or wasn’t the answer always.

  No, it was more than that. He wanted someone to have faith in him. It looked like he wanted my trust as Hunt had earlier. Isaac had been hurt by all of this too, and I’d blown him off since.

  Mostly because he was a dipshit on how he handled it and I wasn’t involved with him like I was Hunt.

  “While Hunt just watches?” I asked.

  “Yes,” they said together.

  “And then what?”

  “We get dessert and go to bed. Together. The three of us,” Hunt answered.

  “And you ask me very sweetly in the morning for sex,” Isaac added, sighing when Hunt cleared his throat. “If you’re in the mood.” He shot Hunt a warning glare. “I’m not a monster. If she’s not in the mood I would know and she could do it another day. It’s to help me feel—I’m not trying to demean her.”

  “I get it, but you can smell her confusion, so I want it clear for her.”

  “Yeah, but it’s cute when she’s confused,” Isaac chuckled, his eyes dancing when I scoffed at him.

  I was way too old to be cute ever. “Look, I’m not in the mood for games. If you want to—”

  “See, but that’s part of the problem,” Isaac cut in, his eyes serious. “You live for the games and playing. There’s been too much pain and fear recently. You’ve stopped mocking death and fate and remembering to always make time to play games. Instead, it’s trauma and fear of the end of the world and so much you don’t understand.”

  I threw back my head and laughed. “I think not ignoring all of that is about the most mentally healthy thing I’ve ever fucking done, mate.”

  “Probably, but I prefer the Soraya who laughs in the face of death,” he threw right back.

  “You didn’t even know that Soraya. You met me at the mal fundido case that was the start of too much going wrong.”

  “I got enough of a glimpse of her that I want her back.”

  I realized what he was really going for and said the question I was scared to answer most. “And what if she’s gone and I can’t ever be her again?”

 

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