“Yet you are willing to take this penniless cripple with you, Tom. Make me your wife. Why?” His fists were clenching and unclenching, his expression unreadable. With a sudden rush of instinct, I knew the answer to my own question and so great was my anger that I spoke without thinking. “I believe you did like me when I was a child. Was it my helplessness that appealed to you? Yes, I can believe that. Perhaps you really do find me attractive, like a small boy finds repulsive pleasure in torturing a helpless butterfly. And if I came with you, I would be just as helpless as that butterfly. I would be a stranger in a foreign land. I would know nobody except you, and just like Ian, I would have nothing except what you chose to give me. And as you said, I am a cripple. I could not even run away from you. If I did, where would I go? Who could I turn to? I would have nobody. I would be nothing. I would become your slave, for as long as you wanted me.

  “No, Tom. That is not my future. I will stay here and hope that karma is kind to me.”

  How very resolved I sounded! Tom clearly did not find my reasoned response to his liking. His lips peeled back from his teeth and he breathed heavily.

  “You will come with me. Now. I have had enough of this nonsense. I am leaving Japan in a few days and you will come with me. If you refuse to be my wife, then I will take you as my concubine. I don’t greatly care which.”

  He spoke each word slowly and clearly, as if talking to a child. I shook my head, not trusting myself to speak.

  Tom was tall and muscular. His speed startled me.

  He leaned down abruptly and grabbed me by the arm. A moment later, I was dangling in the air, my feet kicking wildly at nothing. I was tempted to shout for Shig to help me, but then I remembered she was not there. Probably all for the good; my servant was even smaller than I was, and much older. She was also a traditional Japanese woman who was used to obeying men. And she adored Tom. It was entirely possible that she might side with him rather than me.

  The thoughts flicked through my mind with the speed of the wings of a hawk as it hovers over a flower. I would not test poor Shig’s loyalty. This was my business, and mine alone.

  Even as the thought ran through my mind, I knew I was mistaken. It wasn’t just me who had been betrayed by Tom. He had deceived my father and my brothers. If Father’s actions ever came to the notice of the authorities, he would be executed without any doubt. Mother would be destitute. My brothers would immediately become shunned and their father-in-law would have no choice but to turn them out of his family.

  Tom had it in his power to ruin the whole of my family. Yet a few words from me would stop that from happening. All I had to do was beg for his forgiveness and ask—with appropriate humbleness—that he would take me with him as his bride.

  I shook my head.

  My refusal seemed to madden him. Suddenly, he shook me like a dog shaking a rat. My hair flew out of its pins and lashed over my face. I was dizzy and gasped for breath. I guessed he realized he had gone too far when he stood me on my feet abruptly, his hands firmly on my shoulders to steady me rather than restrain me.

  He was breathing heavily and his face was flushed.

  “Mi, I am so sorry. I can’t think what came over me. I’m afraid you made me angry. I promise that it will not happen again.”

  He pushed the hair away from my face tenderly. His touch made me shudder. How was it possible that only yesterday I had enjoyed his lovemaking?

  I was sure that Tom had also enjoyed making love to me. I glanced at his face and saw his eyes were alight with pleasure. Or was it anticipation? No matter. I knew that my moment had come. My plan had but a slender chance of working, and I had to seize it.

  I lowered my gaze and slumped my shoulders, staring at the tatami. I took a deep, shuddering breath and spoke breathily, as if I were afraid.

  “Tom, I am sorry. You must understand, after what Ian told me, I was upset. You really do care for me?”

  “Of course.”

  His reply was quick—too quick. I heard the self-satisfaction in his voice and felt nauseous.

  “Then show me how much you care. Now.”

  I raised my head, smiling, and held my arms out wide.

  “Ah, now I see. That’s why you sent Shig away, is it?”

  Tom smiled tenderly, but his eyes were not caring at all. They were hard with triumph. He stepped toward me. I waited until I judged he was just close enough, and then my right arm—the arm that was strong and muscular from supporting myself on my heavy crutch—shot out and struck him on his temple.

  The blow had to be perfectly calculated. Too hard, or in just the wrong place, and Tom would be dead. That would not suit my purpose at all. I wanted him alive but humiliated and unable to fight back.

  I felt the shock run from my wrist to my shoulder as the blow connected. Tom rocked back on his heels, his expression disbelieving. The blow should have felled any man, but him, it merely stunned. I acted instinctively. Before he could recover, I swiveled on my left leg—praying that my crippled knee would not betray me and give way—and shot my right foot into his ribs.

  My foot was bare, which was a shame. I was fairly certain that had I been wearing geta, the strike would have broken a rib. As it was, Tom grunted with pain and folded onto the tatami, his arms clutched across his chest and his forehead almost touching the mat. I sent a silent prayer of thanks to my dear Tengen, who, what felt like a lifetime ago, had taught me how to defend myself.

  Tom’s breath was whistling through his lips. His eyes had rolled back in his head. He was not quite unconscious, but I doubted he would be able to move for some time. I wanted rope, but as I did not have it, I decided quickly that I would have to sacrifice some of my precious bandages. Ian had always referred to them as bandages, but in reality, they were no more than long lengths of clean, thin cotton material, cut into strips and neatly rolled. They were delivered along with his other medical supplies, and early in our so-called marriage, I had ventured to express the opinion that I could make equally good bandages by buying lengths of cotton fabric and cutting them myself. Ian’s response had been so patronizingly sneering that I had never mentioned it again. But I knew I was right.

  I ran a length of bandage through my hands. The fabric was strong and gave slightly. It was perfect. Grimly, I remembered the many occasions when I was younger and my brothers had delighted in teasing me. Their games varied, but for quite a while, they had enjoyed inflicting indignity on me through the use of hojojutsu. As the name suggests, this activity is a form of martial art, but it is very different from sword fighting or hand-to-hand combat.

  Hojojutsu is the art of binding prisoners. Done correctly, it not only ensures that they cannot escape, but it imposes the maximum of indignity on a person, as the arms are bound stiffly by means of intricate knots and—in certain forms—the neck is restrained in such a way that the tiniest of movements threaten to choke the prisoner.

  That was how my brothers tied me. They tied my arms behind my back in the classic tortoise position but also ensured that the rope went around my throat. Once I was helpless, they walked me around the garden until they grew bored, when they finally untied me.

  On one occasion, they had simply left me bound and walked away, and I understood fully the humiliation that hojojutsu can inflict as I had to find my own way back to the house and beg my amah, Anzu, to untie me. Alas, the knots were so tight, her picking at them nearly choked me and she had to run to the kitchen and seize a knife to cut me free. My shoulders and wrists were sore for days afterward.

  Anzu was furious with my brothers—as was I—but I knew only too well that neither of us could do anything about it. If I complained to my parents, they would either say my brothers were simply playing and that I should be grateful that they included me in their games, or tell me not to make a fuss.

  Yet, how strange is fate? I smiled as I reflected that I had never expected to be grateful to my brothers for their casual cruelty.

  I assessed the length of bandage I needed and cut a piece off cleanly. I was shaking slightly and paused and took deep, calming breaths before I went on. The knots were intricate, and it was essential that the lengths of bandage be exactly right. Too short, and Tom would choke to death. Too long and he might be able to wriggle free of his bonds.

  I approached him warily, worried that he might be feigning injury until I came close enough for him to grab me. I poked him with my toe and got no reaction, but I was still not satisfied. This man was cunning; he was a trained spy and might even be an assassin. I acted on instinct and grabbed for his kintama, squeezing hard, all the time ready to jerk away if he moved.

  When he did not even flinch, I was satisfied. The only men who could withstand that sort of grip were sumo wrestlers. I had heard my brothers—both of them loved sumo—discussing the trick. The giant wrestlers were trained from puberty to draw their kintama into their bodies before a bout so that when their opponent used their loincloth—the mawashi—to lift them from the floor, it did not instantly disable them. According to my brothers, the wrestlers allowed their kintama to drop again when they relaxed in the bath after a match.

  I tugged Tom onto his belly with great effort and worked quickly and carefully. He groaned once, and I stopped instantly, but he did not move. Finally satisfied, I rolled him onto his back, keeping the loose end of the bandage wound around my hand.

  “Tom, I know you are awake. Sit up.”

  Tom neither moved nor spoke, but he made the mistake of flickering his eyes beneath his closed lids. Satisfied, I spoke again.

  “Sit up. If you don’t, I will hurt you again.”

  He groaned and opened his eyes. I guessed he was pretending to be far less alert than he really was. A moment later, I was certain I was right. He tried to move his arms and his face immediately flushed with fury when he found he could not move.

  “Mi, what the hell have you done to me?” he snapped. “What game is this you’re playing? Come on, untie me and we can talk.”

  “We can talk perfectly well with you bound.” I saw him flexing his shoulder muscles. The action caused his bonds to contract around his throat and he choked, gasping for breath. “If you persist in moving, it will be very painful for you. If you try too hard, you will choke to death. It’s probably no more unpleasant than the pain you have inflicted on other people, so I don’t intend to let it worry me in the least.”

  As I stopped speaking, Tom smiled. He tilted his head to one side very slightly—I guessed the movement was nicely judged to ensure he suffered no more pain—and instantly he was his old, charming self.

  “Mi, dear, is this the kind of thing Ian enjoyed? Being tied up? I must say, you do it very well. But surely there was no need to knock me out first. Come now, cut me free. I have already apologized for my intemperate actions earlier. I lost my temper. It will not happen again.”

  “No. It will not happen again,” I agreed, “because you will never see me again. You dishonored my father. Caused my poor, silly brothers to betray their family. And you tried to make a fool of me. You cannot move, Tom. Don’t try.”

  In some ways, the bandage was even better than rope. When he struggled, it bit tightly, and even when he stopped, it did not relax like rope or cord would.

  “You are an evil bitch,” Tom panted when he got this breath back again. “But perhaps that is no more than I deserve. What a pair we would make, Mi! What a life we could lead together.”

  “Shig will be back fairly soon.” Tom frowned, as if my words puzzled him. I saw understanding dawn finally and he glared at me. “I assume you would not like a mere servant to see you like this. It would not do a great deal for your dignity, would it? And you know how servants love to gossip. Everybody would know in no time how the big, important gaijin allowed himself to be beaten and tied by a tiny, crippled woman. You would be a laughingstock.”

  “It doesn’t bother me greatly.” Tom shrugged and winced as the bandage bit into his neck. “You know I’m leaving Japan shortly anyway. Why should I care?”

  He was right. We both knew that. I chose my words with great care. If I got this wrong, then all my efforts would have been for nothing.

  “Oh, but I think you would be wise to care. Have you ever heard the Japanese proverb that says, ‘bad causes, bad results’?”

  Tom’s lips thinned. “In England, we would say ‘what goes around, comes around,’ but I know what you mean. What of it?”

  “You have done my family—and me—great evil, Tom. I cannot ever forgive you for that.” I looked him straight in the eyes and kept my voice level. “If you leave Japan, you will never be punished for the evil you have left behind you. I am not prepared to see that happen. I will have my vengeance, and I will have it now. You have no need to worry about Shig gossiping. When she gets back, I will ask her to run to the magistrate and tell him that I have evidence that you have betrayed the emperor. That you are a traitor in the employ of a foreign government. The authorities do not like spies. Still less do they like gaijin spies.”

  “Nonsense. You have no evidence at all.”

  Tom’s voice was coolly amused. I smiled in return.

  “You think so? I must tell you I have Ian’s signed statement of all you have done.” It was a lie. I had nothing at all, but I saw the doubt in Tom’s eyes and pushed my advantage. “He dictated it to me yesterday. In exchange, I promised I would ensure that no blame was attached to him, that he would be allowed to leave Japan unharmed. You have said yourself that he is a weak man and a coward. You were right. He is.”

  “I will implicate him! He will be tortured and executed alongside me. I’ll make sure of that!”

  “Do you think I care, Tom? I assure you that I don’t. I will have my vengeance on you on behalf of my father and brothers. And don’t worry—Ian’s statement makes it clear that they were your innocent pawns, as was I. You can say what you like, but do you really think the authorities will believe you—a gaijin—are innocent? If you do, you are a fool. You have taken in too many high-ranking people, and the loss of face for them will be very terrible. They will bay for your blood, I promise you.”

  I sounded as if I meant every word, and I suppose at that moment I did. Clearly, Tom believed me. His mouth was opening and closing, but no sound came out. Finally, he croaked, “But you are a healer, Mi. You save lives, not take them. Could you really live with my death on your conscience?”

  I frowned, pretending to consider what he was saying.

  “It is a matter of honor,” I said stiffly. Tom responded quickly, clearly thinking he had found a weakness in my armor.

  “Honor, of course. But surely you would not wish the world to think your father and brothers were so foolish that they were taken in by me? No matter what Ian has confessed, everybody would surely think they were guilty by association. The loss of face for your father would be very terrible. He would lose all his clients, everything he has worked for would be lost instantly. Would your revenge be worth it? For it would surely be on your conscience that you had caused your father’s ruin.”

  What a clever man he was. He was right, of course. How fortunate it was that I had no intention of allowing him to cause any harm to Father.

  “That would be…unfortunate.” I allowed a tremor of doubt to enter my voice. Tom seized on it and spoke eagerly.

  “Indeed, it would. Come, there must be some way we can deal together. If you let me go, I will leave Japan on the first ship available. I will take Ian with me.” His voice was so grim, I almost felt sorry for my unfortunate idiot of a husband. “That way, nobody will be hurt. Your family’s honor will be safe, as will you.”

  “I will be safe? What future is there for me? I have no husband to support me, and no chance of ever marrying again. What Japanese man would look twice at a woman who has been married to a gaijin, and was deserted by him? I am soiled goods. And as you pointed out to me, I am a worthless cripple. Even my father would never accept me back into the family, the disgrace would be too great for him to bear.”

  The moment had come at last. My heart was pounding so hard that I was certain that Tom must have heard it and realized I was far less confident than I sounded.

  “Yes. I’ve done you great wrong. I’m sorry.” How sincere he sounded. I stared at him stonily. “But surely, we can come to an accommodation, Mi-chan? You need to be financially secure, I understand that. I’m prepared to sign over the deed of this house to you. It will be done legally and properly, so no one can ever take it from you. I also have a large amount of cash with me—I had intended to use it to make some last-minute purchases. It is yours, as well as the house. Surely that’s a reasonable bargain? In exchange for nothing more than letting me leave the country, you will be a rich woman. Your family will be safe. Although he will never know it, you will have saved your father’s honor.”

  I pretended to think about it, and then I shrugged.

  “You are a cunning man, Tom. And you have no conscience at all. I think that the moment I untie you, you will kill me.”

  “I love you.”

  His words were so unexpected that I was thrown into confusion. He was lying. Again. And if he wasn’t, what did it matter? He might love me, but it would not stop him from killing me if he had to. I was certain of that.

  The sound of the house door closing made up my mind. I called out, “Come through here, Shig.”

  Tom closed his eyes in despair, and I wondered why I was not exulting in my triumph.

  Chapter

  Three

  No one can know what

  Is around the next bend in

  The path—good or bad.

  Shig gawped, her mouth opening and closing soundlessly. Before she could collect her scattered wits, I ordered her briskly to go to the magistrate’s house and bring his chief clerk back with her.

  “Take a jinrikisha, both ways. I need you both back here as quickly as possible. If the chief clerk is not available, bring his deputy. But don’t let them fob you off—I need someone of importance. Tell him that it is an important legal matter. Here,’ I fumbled in my obi and found a silver coin, ‘take that and give it to the clerk. That should convince him of the seriousness of it. When you return, ask the jinrikisha puller to wait. He will be needed shortly to take Tom-san away. Go!”

 

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