Her males, p.30
Her Males, page 30
part #2 of The Female Series
Aziel shouts Gray’s name before his footsteps quicken into a slow jog, but I don’t try to eavesdrop on their conversation as I turn to Silas.
He’s wearing his usual formal attire, and I can’t help but notice the slight wrinkles in his pants and shirt. Silas is always so uptight about his clothing, and the lack of care in his outfit is shocking. His hair looks a bit unkempt, too, the shorter strands I love to run my fingers through now long enough to cover his ears.
I gulp and sit in my chair as he scans my office. Should I sit or stand? I’m not sure what’s appropriate.
Silas doesn’t seem to care either way, his attention darting from the items on my desk to the wall of photos behind me. Most of them are random flowers and objects I’ve collected over the years. Gray helped me frame them a long time ago.
Silas takes his time looking each one over, though, an action he’s done dozens of times. His lips purse as he pauses on one, and I can tell by the clenching of his jaw that it’s the photo of him, Gray, and Aziel. I found it while snooping around Gray’s office, and after a good thirty minutes of giggling, I convinced the incubus to help me hang it up.
Aziel and Silas look less-than-excited as they stand on either side of a beaming Gray, both men clearly having been forced to take the photo. Gray has a hand around each of their waists, holding them tightly while they visibly squirm.
They look awkward, but it’s still one of my favorites. I know Silas felt complimented when I hung it up long ago.
He pushes a piece of hair out of his face before sitting opposite my desk, his attention finally moving to me.
I haven’t been alone with him or Gray since returning, and the unknown has me wary. I knew coming back would be challenging, but I never expected this. My hands clench into fists at the memory of Gray and Silas’s painful judgement, and I move my arms below my desk to keep them hidden.
When another minute goes by and Silas doesn’t speak, I glance at the clock and fidget. The shifters are expecting Aziel and me soon, and I don’t want to keep them waiting.
My tongue darts out to wet my lips as Silas scans the files on my desk.
“I want to apologize,” he finally says, clasping his hands over his lap.
I’m shocked, and I stiffen in my seat as the words filter through my brain.
“It was wrong for me to abandon you in Lust,” he continues, clearing his throat. “I’m sorry.”
He gives me a moment to collect myself, watching silently as I push my hair behind my ears. I didn’t think I’d be getting an apology, and I appreciate it.
“Why did you?” I ask.
I’m not going to like his answer, but I know I need to hear it. His actions are ones I’d expect from Gray, the incubus prone to emotional decisions, but not Silas. He’s always the voice of reason, thinking through and weighing the consequences of everything he does.
“Rock came to get us right after you were taken. The shifter was there, and I was angry when I smelled you on him and realized you’d been intimate. I thought you had sex with him, and I got into a fight with Aziel about it.” Silas pauses to run a hand down his face. “I was embarrassed and felt dumb, so I left.”
I nod, happy to have an answer, even if it isn’t one I like. I never would’ve abandoned them in a dangerous situation like that. My actions are inexcusable, but so is leaving me to be abused and raped in Lust.
“Did you regret it before discovering what happened between Kato, Emily, and me?” I ask.
My knees knock together as I wait for a response. I worry he only feels bad because he was wrong, but I think he should regret it either way. Even if I had had sex with Kato, his punishment doesn’t fit the crime.
I cheated, yes, but that doesn’t mean I deserve a lifetime of being abused by Asmod. Especially when it would’ve been so easy to save me.
It’s not like it was a lot of work. It took Aziel, Kato, and Chev less than an hour and considering the demons live for practically forever, that’s a quick task.
“Yes, I regretted it before I knew the truth. I knew Aziel was capable of getting you back himself, and I used that to justify my actions,” he admits. “It’s not an excuse, though, and I should’ve stayed to help even if I wasn’t needed.”
Instinctively, I move to fiddle with my necklace, but I pause when I remember it’s no longer there.
Silas follows the action, his eyebrows furrowing as he spots my bare neck. He seems to want to comment on it, but I interject before he has the opportunity.
“Would you have left if Aziel hadn’t been there?” I ask.
I’m met with silence, Silas’s attention still captured by my bare neck.
“Of course not. Where’d your necklace go?” he asks, changing the subject. “You should be wearing it always.”
I touch the skin between my collarbones, missing the weight of the stone. I wonder if he’d make me another if I asked, but I have a feeling I already know the answer to that. He was bedridden as a result of the first time, and I doubt he’d be willing to endure that again.
Especially given he can barely even look me in the eye right now.
“I used it,” I say, flushing.
I don’t remember all the details, but I know I slammed it into Asmod’s neck just like Silas taught me. I don’t like to think about the aftermath, but I’m pretty proud of the first half of his death. I protected myself against a demon royal without any help.
Silas looks shocked, his eyes widening before he tapers the expression back down. “When?”
I straighten up, my chest puffing. “I used it on Asmod. It turns out I didn’t need Aziel to save me, and I killed—” I start, squeaking when Silas lunges over my desk and slaps a hand over my mouth.
I blink, dumbfounded, as he looks around and moves closer. I’m sure my heart’s about to beat out of my chest as he brings his lips to my ear, his warm breath tickling the skin.
“No, Charlie. I’m a fate, and the death of a demon royal is a fated action. It throws things off-balance,” he hisses, his voice so low, I can barely hear it despite his proximity. “Aziel killed him, and he’s the one who will face repercussions. Never speak about what happened again. Not to me, not to Gray, not to anybody.”
A bead of sweat drips down my inner arm as I nod. Silas doesn’t move for a long moment, his cheek pressing against mine before he tightens his grip and curses. I didn’t realize it was supposed to be a secret.
That would’ve been helpful for Aziel to mention at some point.
Sometimes I think he forgets how new I am to this world, and the things that may seem obvious to him aren’t always so to me.
Silas looks in pain when he finally pulls away, his hand cautiously sliding from my mouth as he drops to his knees between my thighs. I wish I could read his thoughts like Aziel can. It’d be a huge help when he’s being all weird.
“Tell me exactly what happened that day,” he requests, grabbing my wrists.
I gulp, feeling like this is some test. He just told me not to speak about it.
“Asmod took me to his bedroom. I used my necklace, which knocked him out. Aziel came storming in shortly after and killed him. He stabbed him with a knife he found on the floor before taking me back to the shifter lands,” I lie, hoping this is what he’s looking for.
Silas nods, tapping his temple before his eyes glaze over and roll back. Sometimes I forget he’s got a whole world inside his brain, and I try to contain my fear as I stare at his blank, empty face. His hold on me remains, preventing me from moving until he blinks and re-focuses on me.
The panicked look in his eye is gone as he lets out a deep exhale. His chin lowers to his chest before he tilts his head to the side and cracks his neck, the bones popping underneath his skin. It sounds gross, and I cringe at the unusual behavior.
Silas going to the fated world isn’t that uncommon, but the weird behavior he displays the few seconds after returning always has my heart racing. It’s like he’s a different person, and he has to take some time to return to the Silas I’ve grown to know.
He’s a fate before he’s Silas, and every time I forget, he does something to remind me.
“Thank you,” he says, squeezing my wrists before releasing me.
He looks a bit guilty as he steps away and gives me space. I’m surprised Aziel didn’t come busting in when he felt my fear, but I figure he trusts Silas enough to give us alone time.
“You’re trying to get yourself killed, Charlie,” Silas mutters, running another shaking hand through his hair before moving to my office door.
With his back to me, I feel like I can finally breathe, and I scramble to my feet before he can leave. This is the only real interaction we’ve had since I returned, and I don’t want it to go to waste. I appreciate his apology, and I don’t want to fight anymore.
I want to be his female. I want to be together like he and Gray always talked about. All four of us.
“I’m sorry, too,” I say, rushing up behind him. “I made an awful mistake, one I know I can never take back, but you have no idea how much I regret it. I love you, Silas.”
I place my hand on the small of his back when he doesn’t turn around to face me, and I wait a minute for him to push me away before sliding my fingertips underneath the fabric of his shirt.
He’s as soft as ever, and I place the flat of my palm against his spine before wrapping it around his waist. His abs are hard underneath my fingers, and I put my hand over them as I press my cheek against his back.
I hold him as tears fill my eyes, and I sniffle quietly before continuing.
“I told myself you and Gray didn’t care for me and that our relationship was already over because of my leaving,” I whisper into his spine. “I thought I’d find myself if I experienced intimacy outside of you guys, but I was wrong. I was wrong, Silas, and I’m so fucking sorry.”
He spins, his shirt twisting around his torso as it catches on my thumb. I readjust my hold, letting his shirt fall back into place, before sticking my chin into his sternum and looking up at him. He looks pained, the sight of his sadness intensifying my guilt.
I don’t want him to hurt, especially because of me.
“Fuck, Charlie.” Silas grunts, his hands barely grazing my hips. “I can’t.”
I can feel his heart hammering in his chest, the muscle getting a workout with how hard it’s beating.
“And I know that’s so fucking selfish, considering all the shitty things I’ve done to you, but every time I look at your face, I see his, and when you touch me, even like this, I think about how much more potent your scent was on him than it will be on me when you let go.” His vulnerability is shocking.
I release him and step away. “Then put my scent on you,” I offer, backing into my desk and spreading my legs.
I’m sore and don’t like the idea of having anything inside me right now, but I’ll do it for Silas.
He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I’m not Aziel, Charlie. Claiming you won’t make me feel better. I want to co-exist with you, and I want to help the females and earn my forgiveness for my wrongdoings, but I can’t look you in the eye and tell you I’ll ever be open to a relationship again.”
Silas sucks his bottom lip into his mouth, his eyes lingering where my necklace once sat.
“I’ll have a new one made for you,” he promises, clasping his hands behind his back before nodding to himself and leaving.
I stare at his retreating form, trying and succeeding to keep any tears from leaking out of my eyes. I appreciate his apology, and I know Silas will forgive me with time.
He has to.
I’m serious about wanting him and Gray, and even if they don’t believe it now, they will eventually. I’ve got lifetimes to prove it now that I’m bonded with Aziel, and I can be patient.
Aziel comes wandering in a minute later, his expression cautious as he evaluates me. I’m sure he heard every word between Silas and me, and I shake my head to signal that I don’t want to speak about it.
I know this puts him in a weird position, and I don’t want him to feel like he has to take sides. Gray’s got to be ecstatic with Aziel finally accepting their bond, and I don’t want to make Aziel feel guilty for connecting with his males.
“How’d it go with Gray?” I ask.
Aziel shrugs, trying to hold back a smile. His lips are puffy, which I’m taking as a good sign.
He’s made it his mission to annoy Gray as much as possible these past few days, and it seems to be working. I don’t quite understand it, but they’ve always had a weird relationship, so I’m not questioning them.
I told Aziel to sleep with them last night instead of me, but he’s insisting on waiting until I’m also welcome to join. I feel guilty, but Aziel isn’t one to be pressured into doing something he doesn’t want.
“Are you ready to go?” he asks, stepping forward and wrapping his arms around my waist.
I grab my documents and bury my face in his chest until we’re in the shifter lands.
Aziel taps my back to signal the transition is over, and I do my best to push thoughts of Silas out of my head as I drag Aziel toward Kato’s cabin.
He squeezes my clammy palm with a slight smile, seemingly unconcerned about the sweat accumulating due to the warm air and his tight grip. I know he notices it, our skin contact uncomfortably slick.
We make it two steps before I trip over a root, but Aziel quickly catches me.
“Let me hold these.” He laughs and takes the documents out of my arms.
I thought being bonded with Aziel would help me be smooth on my feet, but it hasn’t helped. I want to be like a mountain goat, climbing the trickiest terrain with ease. Instead, I’m like a bull in a china shop, tripping over everything and embarrassing myself.
“Are you going to be on your best behavior?” I ask, worried about Aziel and Kato being in a room together.
Aziel pinches my butt.
“What are Silas and Gray thinking? About me?” I pry, changing the subject.
I want to know how effective my apologies are, and Aziel’s got the inside scoop. Silas seemed receptive to my apologies and touch earlier, but Gray’s impossible to read.
“You know I’m not going to tell you that,” Aziel scolds, pulling me against his side when Kato’s cabin comes into view.
I frown, growing desperate for help. “I won’t tell anybody.”
Aziel shoots me a sideways glance, his eyebrow quirked. He’s getting a kick out of this, and I’m sure he’s secretly enjoying not being involved. For once, there’s trouble in the house that he isn’t the cause of.
How lucky for him.
“My males are entitled to their private thoughts and feelings just as you are, my nosy warrior.” He chuckles. “Although maybe I’ll feel generous if you let me into your head.”
Would it be that bad to let him in? It’s not like I’ve got a lot to hide, and I do like the idea of hearing and speaking to him through my mind. Still, it feels like a recipe for disaster. Aziel’s nosy, and I just know he’d constantly be in my head.
Aziel seems to sense my softening stance as he ducks and brings his lips to my ear.
“It would let me enter your dreams as Gray does,” he says.
I suck in a shaky breath, my resolve slowly crumbling as I shake my head. Not today.
Aziel huffs but doesn’t push the issue as we arrive at Kato’s cabin. My pulse races as I stare at the door, and with a slow, nervous inhale, I knock.
I’m pulled against Aziel’s chest in a heartbeat, his possessiveness getting the best of him as he wraps his arms around my belly and holds me in place. I’m sure he wants to push me behind him, but he’s smart enough to choose the tight hold instead.
I’m not some toy he can move around whenever he pleases.
The door opens to reveal a brooding Kato. Aziel tightens his hold as the shifter smiles and steps outside, cutting off the view of a crying Emily. I recoil, worried about what’s got her so upset.
Emily’s usually full of smiles, the woman hard to bring down.
“She’s upset she’s not allowed to speak to you,” Kato explains. “She feels awful about everything that happened, and she wants to apologize.”
I frown. “Why can’t she speak to me?”
Kato doesn’t immediately respond, but the way his eyes slide to Aziel is answer enough. My jaw clenches as I turn to face the Wrath, annoyed with his involvement. I’ve told him repeatedly that what happened isn’t Emily’s fault. She made my desire grow, yes, but I was still in control.
I open my mouth to explain that again, but I fall silent when Kato steps forward and places a hand on Aziel’s shoulder. Aziel goes rigid, his expression turning cold.
“Can I help you?” he spits.
Kato shrugs, doubling down on his hold. “Take me to the meeting cave.”
I suck in my cheeks to stop from laughing. I’ve never seen anybody tell Aziel what to do before, let alone try to use him as a mode of transportation. My fingers hook into the Wrath’s pants, subtly holding him still as his black eyes narrow.
“Why the fuck did you tell us to meet you here if the meeting’s at the cave?” Aziel snaps, shoving Kato’s hand off him.
Kato frowns, looking offended, before placing his hand back on Aziel. “There was a last-minute change of plans. I don’t want the wolf shifters on my land, and they didn’t tell me they were coming until today. Come on, Aziel. We don’t want to be late.” Annoyance takes over his features.
My gaspy breath is loud, drawing the attention of both males. Kato looks confused as he stares at me, the poor shifter not realizing how inappropriate this is. Demons aren’t pack animals, and they don’t help one another the same way the shifters do.
“I don’t want to be late,” I say, shrinking when Aziel’s glare turns to me.
I know he’s frustrated, but helping the females is more important than his dislike for Kato. It’s bigger than all of us.
Aziel licks his lips before lifting his hand and pressing his thumb against my mouth. I know what he’s doing, and I feel my cheeks warm as he adds pressure until I open and let him in. He presses against my tongue, stroking the muscle with the pad of his thumb.
