Falling over you, p.7
Falling Over You, page 7
He glanced back over at the shower curtain upon hearing her humming a song. The thought made him smile a bit, and he glanced away, not fully believing himself. Her habits, he was sure, should have annoyed him. Whether it was singing in the shower, clicking her pen, jiggling a foot whenever she was anxious or impatient, he found them all...endearing. Sure, he could get somewhat annoyed with her but that didn't mean he couldn't stand her. And he was almost positive she got quite annoyed with him at times too.
But they were friends. Friends stayed together no matter what.
God, he hated that word. Friends. He didn't consider Lara just a friend. He wanted to be more than just a friend. Even the thought of something like that was ridiculous. He knew it was impossible. How could a woman—a living, breathing human being—embark on a successful relationship with someone like him, a person who was neither living nor completely dead? He was simply there. That didn't stop him from wanting such a thing.
It didn't seem fair. Now that he realized all of his problems concerning women, why his relationships never worked out, he couldn't actually engage in a relationship. He couldn't attempt to see if he really did learn something or if the problem stemmed from him. And the one woman that might actually be interested, that could possibly love him, was engaged. She was already taken. Was God torturing him? He didn't think that he was that bad in his life before, but maybe he pissed off somebody important up in Heaven and now he was being punished.
Or maybe he was supposed to be here. Maybe his presence in Lara's life was supposed to be there for a reason. It bothered him that he didn't know why; he wanted to know everything, even when he was alone, but here, stuck where he was, there were more questions than answers.
At least he had Lara to keep his mind off of his situation. He never actually thought about why he wasn't at rest, passed on, but he wasn't exactly ready to leave the world so he didn't mind. With Lara there, he found that he didn't want to leave anytime soon. He wanted to stay with her.
At that moment, Mike heard Lara turn off the water and immediately disappeared. Though he hadn't actually done anything wrong, he didn't want Lara to think he had just ruined their relationship. Plus, he had a sneaking suspicion that she was mad at him for what had occurred last night.
In fact, Lara was upset about what had occurred last night as she wrapped a towel around her body and then stepped out of the shower. Not because of what Mike did. She didn't want to have sex with Brett anyway, and the fact that Mike had spooked him to the point of giving up trying with Lara was actually pretty humorous.
It was her reaction to what Mike was doing. It wasn't as though Lara was a prude and didn't like sex; she, in fact, loved the activity, especially with someone she really cared about and felt passion for. However, she was beginning to feel the desire she had for Brett lessen and the desire she had for Mike increase. This was why she was upset with Mike. She didn't understand her shifting preferences and was worried that she might fall out of love with Brett, a man she had known for nearly three years, and into love with a ghost she had only met a couple of weeks ago.
Lara quickly got dressed and stepped out of the bathroom, running her long fingers through her damp hair. She headed down the stairs and into the kitchen, about to cook some breakfast when she spotted Mike, sitting at the dining table and looking up at Lara with an enigmatic expression in his black eyes. Lara felt her body respond to the look, but she did her best to ignore it and instead tried to focus on the task at hand.
"You know," Lara said after a moment, turning her head so her eyes narrowed in his direction. "I know what you were trying to do last night. The whole banging, loud noises, that sort of thing."
"Oh?" Mike asked, arching a brow and giving her an innocent look.
"Don't play dumb with me," Lara said, shaking her head and taking a few steps towards him. "If I want to fuck my fiancé, you can bet that I'll do it. I can do it anytime I want to, too, so don't even try to prevent such a thing from happening."
"It didn't look like you wanted to fuck him," Mike pointed out, perking his brow as he spoke.
"Yeah, well I can take care of myself," Lara said, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Let me tell you something," Mike said, and it was at that moment that he slowly rose to his feet, keeping his eyes locked on Lara's. He leaned towards her so their faces were mere centimeters apart and then, in a very low voice, he said, "If it was me, no noise would have distracted me from making love to you."
Lara felt her entire body shudder at the sound of his voice, the words he had spoken, the way his eyes burned into hers. She bit her bottom lip to conceal a tiny moan and strained her face so she gave nothing of her weakened state away. "There is no way that we could ever...." She let her voice trail off, not wanting to actually say the words. She didn't think she'd be successful if she had tried. "You are dead."
Mike immediately noted that her reasoning was because of the fact that he was dead rather than the fact that she had a fiancé, but he still felt as though he had something to prove to her. He raised his left hand and brushed her cheek with the backs of his fingers, making sure to keep eye contact with the woman in front of him as he did so. He tilted his head, and for a moment, Lara was sure he was going to kiss her, but he didn't. Instead, he dropped his hand down so his fingertips trailed down the graceful column of her throat, skimmed her collarbone and then descended so that he gently cupped her breast with his hand. Lara felt herself freeze under his touch, and oddly enough, she didn't push him away.
"I may be dead," he said, his voice coming out in a whisper. Lara could even feel his hot breath on her skin, the two were so close. "But I could still please you in ways you have never imagined."
He dropped his hand but didn't move away from her. Instead, his eyes seared into hers, hoping that she understood and accepted his point before vanishing into thin air.
Lara released a breath she didn't realize she had been holding, and felt every inch of her skin break out into goosebumps. Though her logical mind wanted nothing more than to find Mike and yell at him for touching her, she couldn't move her feet. Her knees were weak; she was frozen. And somewhere in the back of her mind, she believed what he had said.
15
She had to get out of there.
She needed space, distance between herself and Mike because if she didn't get that, she knew she would give in to the temptation he presented her and she wouldn't look back.
Lara swallowed and took a step back, not sure of what to say, or if she should say anything anyway. She looked into Mike's eyes, clearly reading the desire he had for her, and she was sure such desire was reflected in her own eyes. Again, she swallowed, but her throat felt dry, unable to do so.
She needed to get out of there.
She took another step back, and this time, Mike seemed to understand what she was feeling and why she was feeling what she was feeling. For a second, she could swear that disappointment flickered in those black eyes of his, but she couldn't be sure, and just like that, he disappeared from view.
That was all Lara needed. She felt as though she had suddenly been released from a spell she didn't know she was under, and she turned, heading down the stairs as fast as she could while trying to keep under wraps that she wanted nothing more in the world than to get out of the house. She grabbed her keys and her cell phone before heading out the door, locking it behind her. If she took the time to look back, she might have seen Mike, standing in the window frame that belonged to the master bedroom, watching her go.
Except Lara didn't look back because she knew she might see him standing there, watching her, and knew that if she turned around, she would walk right back home and indulge in her curiosity. But she couldn't, no matter how badly she wanted to. She was engaged, taken. Lara didn't have the freedom now to consider passion with anyone else because she was going to marry Brett, and that was that. But the interest was still there.
As Lara hurried from her house, her mind clouded over with images of what it might be like to have a passionate affair with Mike. Was it even cheating if the man she was having the affair with was dead? Did it matter?
Of course it matters, a voice scolded inside of her head. Having any sort of relationship while you're engaged is cheating unless that relationship is strictly platonic. You know that. Just because you have feelings forsomeone now, you shouldn't suddenly change it to suit your changing views.
"Feelings," she murmured to herself, realizing that the voice inside her head had just admitted what she had been ignoring for a while. She had feelings for Mike. It was as simple as that. But she also had feelings for Brett, didn't she? Lara knew she loved him, but was she still in love with him?
She shook her head, a disbelieving smile suddenly touching her features. "This is ridiculous," she murmured to herself as she turned left and headed down another neighborhood street. "Why am I even questioning my feelings for Brett? Of course I'm in love with him. I’m going to get married to him, for goodness' sake, and I wouldn't be doing that if I didn't love him. Obviously." She shook her head once again, trying to get comfortable with her words, trying to believe them. "This whole Mike thing—I'm sure it happens to everyone. Everyone probably has feelings for someone else, like a test. Like fate is testing you to see if your love is strong enough and can survive and all of that. And of course, my love for Brett can survive."
Except her feelings for Mike didn't feel like simple infatuation. There was something more there, something she was feeling that was indescribable and incapable of words. She clenched her teeth as she swallowed, not wanting to dwell on it but knowing she had to.
"Okay, fine," she said through a sigh, relenting. "So these feelings for Mike might be something more than I'm giving credit to. But it still comes back to the fact that I have a choice and since Brett came first, since I am sure that I love Brett and I'm not so sure of what I'm feeling for Mike, Brett is the obvious choice."
Love, however, refused to make things obvious and logical.
What if Mike was her soulmate and she happened to meet him at an inconvenient time? Did that mean they weren't soulmates or did that mean that fate was testing Lara to see if Mike was really worth it to her, up to the point of her making the sacrifice of change for him? So many women refused to leave their significant others because they were afraid of change, of being alone, of not guaranteeing a successful relationship.
"But life itself isn't a guarantee," she murmured to herself. "Nothing is a guarantee, except now, every breath."
She pressed her lips together, feeling her mind get muddled, trampled by these conflicting thoughts and feelings when she finally decided to get some advice from someone she trusted immensely. Her mother. Of course her mother would be honest with her and give her the best advice and would help Lara solve everything and make everything right. Yes, her mother was divorced, but it gave her better insight into relationships, right?
It didn't matter, of course. Lara was going to call her mother anyway just to get some sort of clarity. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her cell phone, quickly dialing her mother's number and then pressing the phone to her ear.
"Hello?" a familiar voice on the other line greeted.
"Mom?" Lara said, glancing around at her surroundings. When she saw a park bench a couple of feet from where she was, she walked over and took a seat on it, trying to get comfortable. "It's Lara."
"Lara!" Mary Darling exclaimed with obvious happiness laced through her voice. "How are you? Are you all right? How's New York? Is it cold out there? Do you realize it's supposed to be autumn and it's still in the eighties over here? I see girls walking around in shorts constantly. Can you believe that?"
Lara smiled at the fact that her mother was still overzealous as ever. In fact, just hearing her mother ramble caused her heart to squeeze painfully; she missed her. "Yeah, actually," Lara murmured, nodding her head though Mary couldn't see it. "That actually doesn't surprise me. Anyway, I'm okay, yes, it's cold, and New York is New York but it will never be California."
"I see," Mary said after a beat. "Well? How's Brett then? How's the house? Is it so beautiful? I can totally imagine that the leaves must be falling and scattering and oh…," she sighed wistfully, having been born in Ohio before moving to California during her sophomore year of high school and as a result missed the changing seasons dearly despite her love for the state she was currently residing in.
"Actually, Brett's what I wanted to talk to about," Lara said, deciding to forgo answering the rest of her mother's questions.
"Okay," Mary murmured, though she was slightly wary. "Go ahead. Ask away."
Instead of sugarcoating it, Lara decided to ask her mother directly. "Do you like Brett, Mom?" she asked in a low murmur. "I mean, not as a person, because I think he's a good person in general, but with me—paired up and matched with me?" She let her voice trail off and then prepared herself because if Mary was known for anything, she was known for being honest with her daughter about everything.
Mary sighed through her nose, letting herself think about what Lara had asked before responding. She knew that this question was rather important to her daughter and she didn't want to screw her answer up because she didn't know how to answer it. "I believe...," Mary began, pressing her lips together before continuing. "I believe that Brett is a good provider for you, Lara, and you deserve someone who is a good provider. I know a couple of your previous boyfriends didn't have jobs, couldn't even take you out, but look at you now! You have a house in New York, Lara! Do you know how expensive those things can be?" She paused here, but Lara knew she was going to continue, so she didn't interject. "Plus, you two have a history together. I'm not sure why you're asking me this question, Lara, and I really don't need to know, but it if it has to do with another man...I just don't want to see you throw something you guys have built together away for a night of passion."
The two talked for a little moment longer, putting the whole Brett issue away for the rest of conversation.
When they hung up, Lara ran her fingers through her hair, still feeling slightly unsettled even though Mary had answered her daughter's question.
It wasn't what you wanted to hear, a voice pointed out.
"Yeah," Lara murmured, feeling her shoulders slump as though she had just admitted defeat.
16
After an hour of sitting and mulling over her thoughts, she decided she should probably head back home. As she walked, Lara sighed in frustration. She hadn't solved her current dilemma, but then she probably should have expected as much. She should have known that solving a problem that had to do with love wasn't going to take a few hours to fix. Grabbing her keys, she hoped that Mike wouldn't make things any more awkward than they already were, and Lara promised herself she wouldn't make a big deal about it if he didn't. This way, they could just forget about it.
But Lara didn't want to forget about it.
The way he had spoken, his lithe voice dropping an octave, his black eyes getting even darker than she thought was possible, the way he touched her—she was completely powerless against him. Something inside of her knew that she desired him—she knew that and didn't have to solve that—it was her emotions that she didn't quite understand. Did she love him, and if she did, should she leave Brett, a human, someone she knew about and shared a history with, for a ghost who could pass on at any time, someone she didn't even know that well?
"Don't even think about it," Lara said under her breath as she unlocked the door and opened it.
By the time she got inside, she realized how cold it was outside due to how warm it was in the house. She had forgotten a jacket in her haste, and when she glanced at the mirror hanging on the wall in the living room, she noticed her cheeks were pinched with a rosy flush. The first thing she did was grab a blanket and wrap it around her shoulders, trying to get herself warm again. She actually appreciated the task; it got her mind off of her thoughts and caused her to focus on something else. She was just about to sit down when she heard a noise behind her; someone was clearing their throat.
Lara turned and saw Mike standing there looking at her, a regretful look etched onto his face. When he caught her eye, he slipped out of the black trench coat he seemed to always wear and offered it to her. "Here," he said softly. "This might do a better job of warming you up."
The young woman stared at the offered jacket and hesitated only a bit before reaching out and taking the article of clothing from his hand, making sure to avoid touching his skin. Her resolve might crumble if she touched him. "Thank you," she said just as quietly, offering him a small smile as she slid the trench coat over her shoulders. She was hit with a slight hint of Old Spice and something that clearly belonged solely to Mike and she felt her body immediately relax now that it was wrapped in warmth. He was right; his trench coat did a much better job at keeping her warm than the blanket.
"Listen, Lara," he said, running his fingers through his already disheveled hair, glancing everywhere except her eyes. "What I did was completely deplorable. I mean, when I said what I said...it was inappropriate, and the relationship you have with Brett is none of my business. I completely overstepped the bounds of our friendship and I hope you forgive me." Because I want to be in your life as long as I can, even if it means I can't have you, his thoughts concluded, but his mouth refused to formulate the words, which was probably a good thing.
Lara's lips curved up at Mike's admission. She had never seen him uncomfortable or flustered before, and to be honest, it was quite amusing for their roles to finally be reversed. Without fully realizing what she was doing, she reached out so that she could place her hand on his shoulder, now clothed in only a black long-sleeved shirt, causing his matching eyes to lock with hers.
"It's okay," she said, and though her voice was quiet, it was laced with sincerity.
