Ocean breeze, p.56
Ocean Breeze, page 56
They both needed the closeness and comfort of the other very much. Although they tried hard to return things to normal, things weren’t normal at all. Things hadn’t been normal since the botched stakeout and they both feared they never would be again. A dark pall had settled over them. It was as if a thunder cloud was hanging over their heads and no matter where they went, or what they did, they just couldn’t seem to escape it. They were both filled with anxiety about Jamie’s impending move. Jamie realized this was harder on Jay than on herself. For her, there was a light at the end of the tunnel. She would be reunited with her family and would finally adopt April. There was nothing good about this move for Jay though; absolutely nothing.
Jamie tried to ease his anxiety as much as she could, but even still she caught herself snapping at him a few times when he tried to help guide her on their walks. She was frustrated with herself, because she couldn’t run with him and wouldn’t be able to anytime in the near future. She was frustrated with him, because his trying to help her only reminded her of her injuries, of the person who had injured her, and her pressing need to leave the state. She knew her frustrations were misdirected and felt guilty for it, but she needed some way to vent the mounting tension she was feeling. Tensions were definitely running high.
There was an elephant in the room they were both afraid to discuss. Jamie tried to talk to Jay about her move to California many times over the course of the past couple months. Every time she did though he had responded that things would work out, or he had quickly changed the subject, or he suddenly had some pressing matter needing his immediate attention, like checking his e-mail. She noticed the panicked expression on his face every time she brought it up, so she had tried to approach the subject in a variety of different ways. They all had the same result though - Jay wouldn’t talk about it. She gave him as much time and space as she could to come to his decision but had reached a point where she needed an answer - they both did.
Finally, on Tuesday evening, four days before Jamie was scheduled to leave, she decided to confront him. They had just finished cleaning up from dinner and were about to relax in the living room when she suddenly grasped his hand and blurted, “Jay, we need to talk.”
“Okay,” he agreed, sitting down on the couch.
Jamie sat down next to him and took a deep breath. Choosing her words carefully and bracing herself for his answer, she slowly said, “My offer for you to move out to California with me still stands. I consider you part of my family, Jay. We all do. Carl, April, Gran, and I would love it if you lived with us out there. I know Carl told you that as well when you spoke to him on the phone in the hospital.”
She paused and grasped his hand. “I would love it if you moved out there with me, but I’ll understand if you don’t. I just really need to know one way or the other. We need to make plans.”
“Jamie, don’t worry so much about this. Everything will work out.”
He was doing it again! Jamie was ready to tear the hair out of her head. She refused to let it go this time. She needed an answer and she needed it now.
“How?” she asked in as calm a tone as she could muster. “How is everything going to work out?”
“The police are going to catch him. They’re bound to; he has two bullet wounds.”
“I am leaving for California on Saturday evening, just a few hours after we graduate. That is only four days away. April’s adoption is the very next day. Judge Hendricks and Tyler Lomond have made special arrangements for a private adoption at the courthouse in Huntington Beach on Sunday. They will both be there expecting April, Carl, and me. We’re out of time, Jay,” she said firmly.
Jay stared back at her in shock as if this was the first time he was hearing this information, even though she had explained all these details to him weeks ago. Jamie watched the panic surface on his face.
“Give the police a chance, Jamie.”
Jamie couldn’t believe her ears. She shook her head and softly said, “They’re not going to catch him.”
“How can you be so sure?” he asked in surprise.
Jamie hung her head and watched her hands twisting in her lap. “As much as I hate to admit it, he’s my father. I know him. I know him well. He’s long gone by now, hiding out somewhere far away, waiting for his wounds to heal and biding his time until he strikes again. This is the perfect time for me to escape.”
Jay turned away so she couldn’t see his face.
She gave his had a squeeze. “I’ll be right back,” she murmured.
Jamie went into the office, rummaged around for a minute, found what she was looking for and returned to the living room. She stood in front of Jay and handed him a thick folder boldly decorated with the words California State University.
“We both got in,” she explained. “They have a very reputable business administration program. You’ll be able to major in business management and graduate with a BA. They will accept your degree from BCC.”
“You-you applied for me?” Jay asked in shock, taking the folder from her.
Jamie nodded.
“When?”
“About six weeks ago. It’s actually in Fullerton, so it’s going to be a bit of a drive from our house in Huntington Beach. But, if we arrange our schedules carefully, we might only have to be on campus three days a week,” she said hopefully. “Our house is only twenty minutes from the beach and as you know, the surf there is awesome. You’ll still be able to pursue your competitive surfing career.”
She paused to take a breath. “Our house is smaller than you’re accustomed to and with all five of us living there it’ll be a little tight, but we can make it work. April and I can share a bedroom. We’re used to that. That way you can have your own.”
“Jamie, don’t you think this is all a bit premature?” Jay asked. “Give the police some more time.”
“I have to leave, Jay,” Jamie said, raising her voice in frustration. “I’m out of time!”
Jay rose to stand beside her and held her hand. “I thought you were in love with me,” he murmured in a hurt voice.
“I am,” she said firmly.
“Then how can you leave me?” he asked softly.
Jamie saw such pain and agony on his face tears instantly sprang to her eyes. She had never seen him look like that before.
“I’m not leaving you, Jay,” she said reassuringly as she stroked his cheek. “I’m inviting you to come with me. April‘s waiting for me, Jay. She needs me. I‘m her mother,” she said as she clutched her necklace.
Jay ran a hand through his sandy-colored hair. “Just,” he looked frantically around the room, “Just marry me, Jamie. Marry me and then you’ll be able to stay,” he said hopefully.
Jamie took a step back and stared at him, dumbfounded. For a fleeting moment she felt extreme euphoria and then her world came crashing down around her. She seemed to be watching the events unfold in the living room from a great distance away, as if she wasn’t actually there, but watching from afar as another Jamie took her place. She felt herself begin to shake. It started in her chest and quickly spread throughout her body, forcing her back to reality. When she finally spoke, her words were just above a whisper.
“Wait,” she said in a trembling voice. “Did - Did you just ask me to marry you because you’re in love with me, or because you want me to stay?”
There was a pause.
“Um, both,” Jay stammered.
“I thought you understood April, Carl and I are a package deal,” she said softly.
“Yeah, I just remembered I promised Jerry I’d do payroll for him this week. I have to go to the school for a little while. I’ll be back soon,” he said quickly, grabbing his keys off the kitchen counter.
Jamie nodded and he was out the door. She listened as he started his car and drove down the long driveway. She leaned her back against the door and slid down to the floor. Propping her elbows on her knees, she buried her head in her hands and wept. With one hand, she clung so tightly to her necklace she thought the chain would surely snap.
"
Jay inserted his house key in the lock and turned. He opened the door, stepped inside and quickly disarmed the alarm and reset it. He looked around. His house was quiet and dark except for a few nightlights and the dim lights over the kitchen counter peninsula.
It was late. He hoped Jamie wasn’t angry with him. He lost track of time. He hadn’t left under the best circumstances, but he needed to get out of his house. His chest felt so tight he could barely breathe. That was the closest they ever came to having a fight. It wasn’t a fight though. It was more of a disagreement or misunderstanding.
His eyes searched his dark house for Jamie. He thought she might be on the couch waiting for him, but there wasn’t any sign of her in the living room. Maybe she was resting in the bedroom. He didn’t think she’d be asleep, but she might be lying in bed waiting for him. If she was he planned to snuggle next to her, wrap her in his arms and tell her not to worry, that they’d work through this. He headed toward the bedroom.
He had gone to his school and tooled around in the office for a bit. That hadn’t helped, so he decided to take a long walk on the beach to clear his head. Being on the beach always relaxed him and helped him put things in perspective. He kept playing their conversation over and over again in his mind as he walked. It took him a long time to calm down while he racked his brain about what to do. He finally concluded they’d figure something out and was confident everything would work out okay.
He stepped into the bedroom fully expecting to find Jamie curled in a ball in the middle of his bed, but there was no sign of her. His bed was neatly made and untouched. Jay felt a sudden tightness steadily growing in his chest. He called out to her. No answer. Where the hell was she? Maybe she was in the office and didn’t hear him. He headed past the dark bathroom toward it. When he looked inside the office and didn’t see Jamie or her laptop that usually sat on the long desk next to his, he really began to panic.
“Jamie! Jamie!” he called, dashing into the kitchen.
Then he saw it. Propped in the middle of the kitchen peninsula, underneath the dim accent lights, was a note card with his name written in her beautiful handwriting. He could barely breathe as he picked it up with his shaky hand and read:
Jay,
I’ve decided to stay at Gran’s house for the remainder of my time in Florida. My continuing to live with you is only putting off the inevitable and hurting us both. Please don’t worry about me. I’ll be okay.
Words can’t express how grateful I am for all your help, your friendship and your love. I’ll never forget you and I’ll always love you.
Jamie
With the note still in his hand, Jay ran to the bathroom, tore open the closet and flicked on the lights. All of Jamie’s clothes were gone. Her shelves were empty once again. The little April figurine that sat in his closet for the past two months had disappeared. He walked out into the bathroom and looked around. Everything was in its place. He walked through his house flicking on all the lights then stood in the dead center of it and looked around. His entire house was clean and neat as a pin. She must have tidied up before she left, leaving no trace of herself behind; no evidence she had ever lived there. All that remained was an empty house.
Jay tore his phone from his pocket and called her. He was afraid she might not take his call, but she picked up immediately.
“Jamie, please let me pick you up and bring you back home,” he pleaded. “We can work this out.”
“There’s nothing to work out,” she responded softly. “I have to leave, Jay. There’s no sense putting it off any longer. Your house isn’t my home anymore.”
“Just-just tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it,” he stammered.
There was a long pause at the other end. When Jamie finally replied she spoke very slowly and deliberately.
“I think it would be best for both of us if we don’t have any more contact with each other. Please don’t try to call me or come see me. This is hard enough. Please don’t make it any harder.”
He immediately started protesting until Jamie murmured, “I’m so sorry,” and stifled a sob.
He couldn’t hurt her like this. He wouldn’t.
“Okay,” he reluctantly agreed. “If that’s what you want me to do, then that’s what I’ll do.”
“I love you,” she whispered and then she was gone.
FORTY-ONE
Graduation
"
A bell was ringing off in the distance. Jay stirred in his sleep. It rang again and again, becoming louder with each successive ring. He rolled over and landed on a hard floor with a thud, pinned between a coffee table and a couch. Where was he? he wondered as he rubbed his sore shoulder. Why had he been sleeping on a couch? Disoriented, he sat up, rubbed his tired eyes and looked around. His eyes fell on his neatly made, empty bed and it all came flooding back to him. Jamie was gone.
The bell continued to ring loudly, but without pauses between the rings. It was now one long continuous ring. Where was that coming from? he wondered as he stared at his empty bed. He hadn’t even tried to sleep in it last night. He couldn’t. Not without her. He had finally fallen asleep on the couch out of pure exhaustion and had no idea what time it was now. Judging by the way he felt, he hadn’t slept for long.
The ringing bell turned to pounding. Jay turned his head in the direction of the racket and realized someone was at the door. Maybe it was Jamie, he thought with a burst of happiness. Maybe she changed her mind and decided to come back to him. He stumbled to the door, disarmed the alarm (it took him a few seconds to remember the code) and swung open the door. He was instantly met by a large fist slamming into his left eye! He staggered backward into his living room, clutching his eye and desperately trying to regain his balance.
“Jesus Christ!” he exclaimed.
“What did you do to her?” a familiar voice shouted at him. “What did you do to her?”
The searing pain in Jay’s left eye brought tears to both his eyes. He blinked, trying to see who the hell was in his house.
“Mike?” he asked. “What the hell?”
Mike leered in front of him, fists clenched.
“What did you do to her?” he demanded again.
“Who?” Jay asked, completely baffled by his friend’s behavior as he continued to clutch his throbbing eye.
“Jamie!” Mike shouted.
“What are you talking about?” Jay shouted back.
Mike relaxed his tone a bit while he explained. The guy still looked like he wanted to rip his head off though, so Jay maintained a healthy distance from him.
“She called me last night and asked me to give her a ride to her grandmother’s house. She had all her stuff, so I knew something wasn’t right. She said she was fine, but I was worried about her so I stayed. In the middle of the night I woke up to the most horrible sound I’ve ever heard. I was watching TV in the living room and must’ve dozed off when she suddenly started screaming! I thought that guy who’s been stalking her had broken into the house! I ran to April’s room where she was sleeping and found her curled up in the middle of April’s bed screaming bloody murder! I looked all over the house, but no one had broken in. It took me forever to get her to calm down. What the hell did you do to her?” Mike asked accusingly once again.
Jay was no longer paying attention to his angry guest. Instead, he thought about how terrified Jamie must have been without him last night.
He squeezed his eyes shut tight and mumbled, “Panic attack.”
He should have been there with her last night, he thought, kicking himself for abiding by her wishes and staying away. She was so goddamn stubborn!
“What?” Mike demanded, taking a menacing step toward him.
Jay quickly snapped back to reality, realizing he’d better do some explaining before Mike tore him limb from limb. He took a deep breath.
“She has nightmares. The nightmares are so bad they result in panic attacks,” he explained. “What you witnessed was a panic attack. A particularly bad one, from the sound of it,” he said, running a hand through his unruly hair and squeezing his eyes shut tight once again.
“This happens to her every night?” Mike asked incredulously.
“Only when I’m not sleeping next to her,” he answered softly.
There was a long pause while Mike absorbed all this. “What happened between you two, man?” he asked, dropping his aggressive stance. “What did you do?”
“Jamie didn’t tell you?”
“No, she wouldn’t tell me anything.”
Jay grinned. That was so Jamie. “Why do you automatically assume I did something wrong?” he asked defensively.
“Dude, you’re the guy. It’s always the guy’s fault. Get over it. So what’d you do?”
Jay sighed. “I, um, I asked her to marry me.”
“All right! Way to go!” Mike congratulated him, clapping him on the back. “Listen man, I’m sorry about all that. I thought…well, never mind what I thought. Oooh, that doesn’t look so good,” he said, looking at the damage he had done to his eye. “Let me get you some ice.”
Mike returned shortly with an icepack and sat on the couch next to him. “You look like hell,” he commented, handing him the ice.
Jay shot him a look, grabbed the icepack from him and placed it over his throbbing eye. “Thanks,” he muttered.
