The ryan chronicles seri.., p.13
The Ryan Chronicles Series, page 13
“I’m sorry,” I whispered and tucked the hair behind her ear.
“It’s not entirely your fault. I didn’t think of it either.” She dropped her head to my chest.
“Still think it was fucking brilliant?”
She looked up at me and grinned. “A complete mind fuck.”
I chuckled and she did too.
“Utterly impractical of both of us,” she said and dimples appeared in her cheeks. “Who would have thought?”
“Raven, actually,” I said, thinking about the blood sacrifice needed for the spell. “She knew I loved you before I did.”
Valerie pulled the sheets around us before refocusing on me. “How?”
“Beats the shit out of me, but she said only love’s blood made the spell work.”
“Sounds like a fairy tale,” she scoffed and rolled her eyes.
“Yes, it does,” I said, and I really didn’t mind as long as the fairy tale had a happy ending.
Her brow creased. “That’s sappy as hell,” she said to my train of thought.
“Come on. And you don’t want a happy ending?” I prodded.
She stared at me and then moved her gaze to the window and the bright sky beyond. “I didn’t think I was destined for it, with all that’s happened.” When she brought her gaze back to mine doubt laced them.
“And now?”
“I’m still afraid of the big bad wolf,” she said and offered a hint of a smile. “We need to get moving,” she added and slid off me, crossing to the bags on the floor.
I stared at her beautiful form and sighed as she pulled on a bathrobe and collected her clothing and headed toward the bathroom, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
I rolled onto my side, squeezing my fist open and closed as pins and needles struck. I hated the feeling of a limb coming back to life and gritted my teeth, shaking the feeling back into my arm. I rolled out of bed and grabbed a pair of clean underwear and jeans, sliding both on before straightening out the bed and headed downstairs.
Steve sat in his chair with the paper again, but this time he folded the corner over and stared at me. I didn’t need to read minds to get that he was not pleased with me. Damian stepped into the kitchen from the living room with a baby in his arms. The look on his face was ten times more damning than Steve’s.
“We’re both adults,” I said, clamping down on the urge to say she started it. I put my hand out to stop whatever wrath the ex-vampire was planning on sending my way.
Raven sat at the table opposite Naomi feeding the other two children. Both women wore the same “I told you so” shit-eating grins.
“Under my roof?” Steve said and I shot a glare in his direction. It was enough to shut him up, but he folded the paper and set it down on the table next to her shredded night shirt. He picked it up and held it out to me.
I stared at the ripped fabric and uttered a laugh. “Oops,” I said and shrugged. Tom snorted laughter from the loveseat, looking up from the book he was reading and gave me a silent high five.
“You...” Damian began through a set of clamped teeth.
“He loves her,” Raven said, announcing my secret to the world and diffusing a potentially explosive situation. Well, the only world of people that counted anyway.
I shifted and looked at the floor, sliding my gaze to hers and then rolled my eyes and crossed into the kitchen. I figured I was safe from Damian’s wrath while he held a baby in his arms.
“You’re not out of the dog house yet,” he whispered as I walked past and I stopped, turning on him.
“We can take it outside again if you’d like,” I said, leveling a glare at him. “Because, that worked out so well for you before.”
His jaw tightened and he turned, stomping back into the living room. I smiled and grabbed a glass of orange juice, thinking about how I would feel had the tables been turned. My smile faded and because the jackass meant a lot to Valerie, I headed into the living room and took a seat opposite Damian.
“When did you know you loved Naomi?” I asked and he glared at me. I knew the answer, but I wanted him to say it.
“When I bit her,” he finally said.
“So pretty much at first taste.”
His lips pressed into a thin line and his gaze hardened. “It wasn’t the same as seducing a virgin,” he growled.
“Oh?” My eyebrows shot up and I leaned forward. “Wasn’t she a virgin when you swept her away?” I didn’t think it was possible for the man to get redder, but his face transitioned to the beet color of fury and I felt the waves wash over me. “Besides, I didn’t just take her virginity in the heat of the moment.” I tilted my head, making my point.
“That still doesn’t make it right. You took advantage...” he trailed off, glaring at me a second before his gaze moved to the entry.
Valerie stood with her arms crossed, sending her own glare, but this time it wasn’t aimed at me.
“He really didn’t have a choice in the matter,” she said and stepped into the room.
It wasn’t entirely true; I probably could have stopped if I wanted to.
She shot her loaded gaze in my direction raising her eyebrows in jest, to my train of thought. I offered a one shoulder shrug and then she shot her dagger-like eyes back to Damian. “So, if you’re going to go on one of your tirades, it better damned well be directed at me, not him.”
Holy hotness, she was a fireball and I couldn’t help but smile and be thankful her fury wasn’t aimed at me.
“Besides, he was the one who bet on me. You were ready to write me off.”
Ah, the real reason for her wrath and I leaned back in my chair watching the show unfold, wondering if it was going to be a comedy or tragedy.
My analogy drew a smirk on Damian’s face and he slid his gaze to me. The redness in his face had tempered a bit and he pulled the bottle from the baby’s mouth, propping him on his shoulder for a burp before meeting Valerie’s stark stare again.
“You have to understand...” he started.
Colossal mistake.
“I don’t have to understand a fucking thing,” she growled. “I’ve known you all my life and you gave up. I’ve only known him for what, three days? Three days and he had enough faith to believe saving me was possible.”
“Faith has nothing to do with it. He wanted to get you into bed. That’s it.”
“Bullshit!” she yelled. “He chose to save me, you didn’t. What would Michael think of that?”
Damian winced. She nailed a nerve and he looked down at the angel’s namesake with an expression full of regret.
“Or did you just choose to give up on him, too?” she asked, her fury pulling the low blow.
“Wait a minute, Val, that’s not fair,” I piped in. “I was there, what Michael and Gabriel did was to save Naomi and the babies regardless of the consequences.”
“You don’t need to defend me,” Damian said.
I glanced at him. “You didn’t kill them. You didn’t kill my father, either. They made the choice. As much as we’d like to take the blame, it was their choice.”
“Yes. But she’s right. I gave up on her and you didn’t. It was my choice and I chose my children.”
His words were like a blow in Valerie’s mid-section and she reached for the wall. A blend of aggravation and understanding ran through her as her gaze moved from him to his child.
“I would have made the same choice if it had been Naomi,” he said and her gaze jumped back to his. “I didn’t believe banishment spells worked and you’re damned lucky it did because I would have dropped you in the middle of the Atlantic otherwise.” His mouth curled into a frown. “I would have hated myself forever, but I would have done it.”
Her mouth dropped open and her eyes glazed over with tears.
“You’ll understand someday,” he said and stood, leaving us alone in the living room.
Her horrified gaze snapped to me and I stood, crossing and taking her in my arms. Her last vestige of family ties unraveled and she hugged me tightly, retreating into herself and she began to rebuild the wall I broke down last night.
“Please, don’t shut me out,” I whispered feeling her pull away.
She tilted her head up, meeting my gaze.
“How can I trust anyone?”
I smoothed her hair back and gazed into her eyes. When I kissed her, I opened up my mind to her. Everything I kept locked in the dark corners, things that didn’t transfer with my memories. My fears, the hurt, the betrayals, the loneliness, everything that molded me into the man I was. Things I didn’t even share with Tom, I shared with her and when the kiss broke, she stared at me.
“Colossal mind fuck,” she whispered.
I smiled and shrugged. “Now you know me better than anyone on earth, better than even my brother.”
She cupped my cheek and gave me a small peck on the lips, knowing just how much I opened up, but her eyes still held doubt.
“What do I need to do?” I asked, my smile fading at the blockade building between us.
“I don’t know,” she said and pulled out of my arms.
I stared after her as she walked back inside the house with the rest of the family. Instead of following, I went upstairs and jumped in the shower to wash off the irritation building under my skin. It wasn’t easy for me to open up, either, and to get so brutally shot down just fed into my insecurities. And I hated that I had insecurities to begin with.
The shift of air interrupted my destructive train of thought.
“I didn’t shoot you down,” Valerie said.
“Then what was that?” I gestured toward the main part of the house.
“That was me freaking out.” She leaned against the wall. “It doesn’t happen often,” she said and a dimple appeared in her cheek. “But since I’ve met you, I’ve had my fair share of freak outs.”
I finished rinsing my body and turned the water off, reaching for a towel before addressing her comment. “I thought you didn’t freak out.” It wasn’t a question, just an open ended statement.
“You unhinge me,” she said and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Stop laughing at me,” she snipped and turned toward the door.
I grabbed her arm. “Then we’re even,” I said and she spun toward me. I cornered her against the door. “Unhinged is as good a word as anything to describe what I’m like around you.” I stepped closer. “I have a bitch of a time forming a coherent thought and become a bumbling fool when I’m near you. I’m a fucking genius for god’s sake, and yet, with you I feel like I have an I.Q. of an infant.” I was mad now.
“Calm down,” she said and put her palms on my chest. Just her touch shut my brain down for a moment and I stepped back, giving us both some breathing room so I could get my thoughts together from jumble land.
“I opened up to you, and you shut down on me.”
“I’m not very good at this,” she said.
“No shit.” I couldn’t help the sarcasm. It was my favorite default and she knew it.
Her arms crossed and her stormy eyes darkened. “You aren’t exactly the smoothest, either.”
I laughed and took another step back. I knew it was a way to psychologically put distance between us and her eyes narrowed. She called it before the words formed and I put my hands up in surrender.
“You started the barricade. I’ll finish it because I don’t want to be crushed beyond recognition.”
She stepped toward me and I steeled myself against the need to give in. She froze and drew her hand back slowly.
“You could destroy me,” I said, meeting her gaze, not really understanding how it could be such a solid fact with so little time invested. I didn’t want this type of dependency. I guess mind fuck was really a good term to put to this overwhelming certainty.
Valerie let a nervous laugh escape but her eyes didn’t break away from mine. Instead, she crossed the distance, blocking me in. I flinched when she went to touch me, knowing I’d lose my ability to distance myself if her skin connected to mine.
The closer she got, the more the storm colors in her eyes swirled and when her hands connected with my chest, I lost control of my reserve.
“Don’t do this if you have no intention of following through,” I whispered and she pressed the rest of her body against me, taking full advantage of my weakness. Her hand threaded through my hair and she pulled me to her lips.
A shadow passed over my vision and I closed my eyes, drinking in her vulnerabilities, her fears, her sorrow and uncertainties. She opened everything to me, including her deadly fear of losing me to my past or worse, to the devil. When the kiss broke, I opened my eyes, meeting hers and I let a small smile of understanding form.
I walked some of the same pathways, had the same fears, and only god knew why we were thrown together, but I took a moment to say thank you. He could have let me wander like a lost nomad, but he delivered her to my door, gift wrapped in sass and strength.
I glanced up at our surroundings and then back down at her. “We have to stop meeting in the bathroom.”
She grinned. “I like having you in nothing but a towel. It makes you vulnerable. And you’re adorable when you’re vulnerable.”
Just what a guy wants to hear. I ran my hand through my wet hair and chuckled. “I thought you just liked the view.”
“Well, that, too,” she said and I sidestepped around her, heading to the bedroom for a change of clothes. She followed, closing the door behind her. At first I thought she was going to make another move on me, but she took a seat at my desk and stared out the window instead.
“What’s up?” I asked after I had a pair of jeans on. I pulled a flannel shirt on and started buttoning it before I glanced at her contemplative profile.
She turned away from the window, meeting my gaze. “How’s this going to work?”
I shrugged. “How’s what going to work?”
“Us. This.” She pointed at her chest then me. “I’ve still got another year of med school and then two years in rotations followed by residency. It’s going to be a few years before I get any kind of break.”
“Would you consider something closer?” I asked. I really didn’t want to leave my family high and dry right now, nor did I want to leave her alone, even with her home as secure as Fort Knox. She still had to go out, no matter where she was. My gaze dropped to the necklace Raven had given her and then back to her eyes.
“Where?” she finally said, not wanting to shoot my ideas down after the last twenty minutes of strife we conquered.
“How about somewhere in Boston. That’s closer than Farmington.”
She scoffed at me. “What? Like Harvard?”
“It is the number one medical school in the country.” I raised my eyebrows.
“I can’t afford that,” she said.
I pressed my lips together suppressing the smile. “I can.”
“I don’t want your money,” she said and stood up.
“Would you like a medical degree from Harvard?” I asked, keeping my voice soft and reasonable and her eyes sparked with interest.
“I can’t afford it, so it’s not an option.”
“Can you get into Harvard?” I purposely kept using the name of the school and every time I did, I saw the inclination to keep me pushing.
“Of course, I can,” she snapped, her hands finding her hips. “I may not be a fucking genius, but I’m damned smart.”
“I never said you weren’t,” I smiled. “And you damned well know you want a degree from the best school in the country.” I stepped closer. “Transfer and I’ll foot the bill just to have you closer.”
She opened her mouth to say no, but closed it just as quickly, studying me. “If I say no, you’ll come to Connecticut with me, right?”
The conflict between my family and her brewed inside me but I nodded anyway. If that’s what she insisted on, I’d follow her. After all, I was just tinkering and could do that anywhere. Same with teaching self-defense. It didn’t tie me to a place like the path to what she wanted to do.
“Harvard?” she asked after a few minutes of silence.
“If that’s what you want.”
“What about my house?”
I shrugged and looked at the ceiling. “This is legally mine now that I’m twenty-one.”
“What about Tom?”
“He’s got a place in New Hampshire and an option to take the house across town once the lease runs out.”
“And Steve and Jen?”
“They’ve got a place in New Hampshire and New York.”
She got quiet, studying me in a way that made me wonder what was churning behind those beautiful eyes.
I loved this quaint little town, it was home and I really didn’t want to leave it behind. It was all I had left of my parents. I waited for her to make a decision and then she nodded.
“Connecticut is probably not the best place for either of us to be right now,” she said and her eyes darkened. “Besides, my house is one of Lucifer’s prime targets, so a change would probably be in order.”
“So, Harvard?” I asked.
“I guess I can at least apply,” she conceded. “But, when things blow over here, I will need to take a ride to pick up some things.”
“That’s no problem. I’d really like to see Michael’s artwork.”
Her smile faded. “Didn’t Damian booby trap the basement?”
I grinned. “I’m a fucking genius, remember?” Damian was borderline genius, but I could get around his computer programming as easily as an adult could snatch a piece of candy from a child.
She laughed and turned toward the laptop on my desk. “Do you mind?”
“Not at all,” I said and turned it on, typing the passcode in and relinquishing the computer to her. I went to leave when a familiar voice came through the speakers.
My blood chilled and I kept my back to the Skype screen that was set to automatically come up when she called.
“Who the hell are you?” Sandy said.
Valerie didn’t speak, she just got up and gave me a sideways glance as she passed, leaving me alone with the video screen of my ex.
“Val, you don’t have to leave,” I said and she turned at the door, meeting my gaze. The fear present in her eyes shut down my voice. She gave me the slightest of nods before disappearing down the hallway. The hurt in her eyes haunted me and set my fury switch on high.
