Searchers, p.15
Searchers, page 15
“Stand up.”
He stood.
“Okay, you can sit down now.”
Thomas frowned. “What’s going on?”
Miya looked him up and down. “Maybe I like looking at you, too. Too bad I missed you eating. That would have been fun.”
Thomas sat down. “I don’t know what’s going on here.”
“Obviously.” Miya took a sip of her tea. “Your wife is practically naked across from you, and … nothing. I guess you’re broken.”
Thomas rubbed his cheeks with the palms of his hands. “Maybe I am.”
Miya’s eyebrows rose. “I was kidding.”
Thomas sighed. “Well, I’m not.”
Miya took another sip of tea. “You know, before Selection, I only kissed one boy. And that was in the week before.”
“You don’t need to tell me this.”
“And we had a good feel-up, too. But that was all. Clothes on, but was fun, it was exciting. Made me wonder what sex would really be like, what being married would be like. I fantasised, a little. Me and Zac, Zac and me. What positions you might use, stuff like that. But of course I had no idea about anything. Hell, I was just a kid. But maybe I still am to you. You’re a whole year older than I am.”
“That’s not it,” Thomas shook his head.
“Then why won’t you fuck me?” tears welled up in her eyes. “I mean, you don’t have to love me or anything. A pity fuck would do. I just … I just want to know what sex is like. But I guess I’m so repulsive that you really can’t stand the thought of me naked with you. I mean, you — you didn’t even have a hard-on, for fuck’s sakes!”
“Miya,” Thomas stood up and unbuckled his pants.
Miya shook her head, tears streaming down her face. “Oh, for fuck’s sakes, Thomas, just stop it.”
“No,” Thomas pulled off his shirt, then bent over and pulled off his pants and socks, leaving only his underwear.
Miya sniffed. “You forgot something.”
“We’re matched.”
“Oh, hell,” Miya stood up and slid her underwear off, standing naked before her husband. Who was now naked, too.
“You’re really important to me, Miya. And this is important to you.”
Miya’s breath caught in her throat. Her hands flew to her face, and she began sobbing. “If only…”
“If only what?”
“If only you really wanted it, too!” Miya fled down the hallway into her room and slammed the door behind her.
Miya stayed in her bedroom until dinner-time. The savoury cooking scents of something nice finally drew her out of her room. Thomas carefully opening her door just ajar so the maddening scents could sneak into her room was torture, plain and simple. She finally emerged from her room and came out into the kitchen wearing full length track pants and a sweat top with long sleeves.
“Just to you don’t get too excited about seeing my bare skin,” she said as she sat on a stool. “Or so you don’t have to see it, whatever. I can buy a mask, if you like.”
Thomas turned away from the stove. “Dinner’s almost ready. Did you want to set our places at the table, please?”
“What is that?” Miya shook her head as she fetched two plates and cutlery.
“I made chilli.”
Miya sniffed. “Smells nice.”
Thomas held out a small spoon. “Taste?”
Miya walked over and let him put the spoon into her mouth. “A little more salt.”
Thomas nodded. “I thought so.” He pulled the salt shaker out of the cupboard and added a little dash.
“Not too much—” Miya warned, leaning in.
Thomas set down the salt and turned towards Miya. Then he kissed her.
Miya blinked when he pulled his face away from hers. “Um … wow. So much for talking about what the hell happened this morning.”
“We have a problem,” Thomas sighed. “I love you, Miya.”
“I’m not sure you’re using the same dictionary I’m familiar with.”
“I love you … wait. Let me start again. You’re amazing, you know that? Literally and truly. And interesting and funny. Everything I ever wanted and more in a…”
“In a friend,” Miya sighed. “Yeah, that was a pretty crappy kiss.”
“It’s not you, Miya. It’s me.”
“You don’t know that. It could be me.”
“You’re perfect, just as you are. But I’m not. I want different things. Things I can’t have in this society.”
“And you don’t want me.”
“Nothing would make me happier than to spend each day of my life with you around me. I really like spending time with you, and that’s the truth. Look at my eyes.”
She did. “Aw, crap. The little bird’s feet. But there’s a big ‘but’ in there, I know it.”
“Yes.”
“I’m your wife.”
“I know that.”
“But you don’t want to have sex.”
Thomas tensed. “Of course I want to have sex.”
“But not with me, right?”
Thomas looked away.
Miya felt tears welling up. “Then it’s with your first wife, right? Katriana?”
“No.”
“You’re lying.”
“I’m not.” Thomas scrunched up his face, then pulled his hands down his cheeks. “You’re a girl.”
Miya’s eyes went wide. “So that’s it. I’m a year younger than you. You really think of me as a child.”
“No. I mean, you’re a woman.”
Miya snorted. “I know that, but I was beginning to wonder if you actually did.”
“You’re definitely female.”
“Maybe I’m too muscly, is that it? It turns you off?”
“No.”
“Mouth thing.”
Thomas sighed. “Look, if anything, that might … no. Never mind.”
Miya clenched her teeth. “Say it.”
Thomas took in a sharp breath and held it as he stared at her.
“What, are you four? I can’t believe you’re actually pulling that stunt, just to avoid talking to me.”
“Miya-it’s-not-you-I-prefer-boys,” Thomas said in a big gush, then gulped in a mouthful of air.
Miya’s eyes went wide. “Oh.”
“Yeah.” Thomas panted.
“Shit.”
“Sorry.”
Miya took a moment to gather her thoughts. “So…”
“Yes?” Thomas raised an eyebrow.
Miya frowned. “You prefer boys?”
“Men, actually. My age.”
“Good.”
Thomas’s eyes went wide. “Good?”
Miya nodded. “I thought you were lying to me, that it was really Katriana you wanted to — but you don’t. Huh.”
Thomas blinked. “Um … nope. I don’t want to have sex with Katriana. Especially not now.”
“What’s so special about now?” Miya shook her head. “Never mind. Too many questions about the ex-wife. Sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“Not really. I shouldn’t be nosy,” said Miya. “But you do know that what you’re telling me isn’t exactly encouraged, right? I mean, it doesn’t help keep our numbers up, does it? As a species, I mean.”
“It’s not illegal.”
“No,” said Miya. “But now I understand. I’ve heard rumours, of course, but they were just that. I never actually expected to meet one. And sure as hell not my new husband.”
Thomas shrugged. “I’m sorry.”
Miya rubbed her forehead. “So you’re a … non-breeder.”
“You can say it. Devian.”
“I’m not calling you that.”
“It’s what I am.”
“No,” said Miya. “You’re Thomas. Or Tom, when you’re not pissing me off.”
Thomas gave her a small smile. “Thank you.”
Miya sighed. “I don’t know what to do now, though. I’m still angry, but at me now, I think, maybe a little at you, too. I mean, you shouldn’t be sorry for who you are, Tom. I really like you.”
“And I like you, too. I told you I love you, and I was telling the truth. I love you as a friend.”
Miya shook her head. “Thomas, Thomas, whatever are we going to do with you?”
Thomas raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”
Miya bit her lower lip. “I mean, you are who you are, but we’re married, and society has certain expectations of us.”
“Children.”
“Well, yeah.”
“We have a year.”
“I think,” Miya put her arms around his waist, “I want longer than that. I really like you, too, and I don’t want to lose you.”
“You know that’s not what happens. Expectations of everybody having children, right?”
“You could just impregnate me, you know. Easy-peasy. If we timed it right, you might not even have to have sex with me that much to get a result. We wouldn’t even have to have a second child. My parents didn’t.”
Thomas took her hands and gently pushed her away from him. “There might be another option.”
“What other option?” Miya shook her head. “Wait — do you mean Zac?”
Thomas shrugged. “It’s worth thinking about.”
“No!” Miya stepped back. “And what would that make me? In a year, he’ll have his own family, but I’d still want him. It wouldn’t be fair. To either of us, to his family. No.”
Thomas sighed. “Then I don’t know what to do.”
Miya pushed past him. “First, we turn off the chilli before it all burns, then we eat what’s not burnt. Do you think it would help if I ate dinner naked?”
“No.”
“Worth a try.”
“Hot chilli on bare skin? Not recommended.”
“Right. Maybe for dessert?”
“I didn’t make any.”
“Snuggle on the couch after?”
“Happily.”
Miya sighed and scooped out two servings of half-burnt chilli onto their plates. “It will have to do. I think I love you, you sad, sick, twisted Devian bastard.”
Thomas followed her into the dining room and took a seat opposite. “What a pair we turned out to be, eh?”
“Yeah.” Miya scooped a spoon of hot chilli into her mouth, then quickly gulped some water from her glass. “We’re both fucked because you don’t like to fuck girls. Even though you can.”
“Yes, I can. Katriana, once. Miscarriage.”
“Right. Sorry.”
“I am, too.”
“Well, here’s to us,” she raised her glass of water. “A twisted pair, if I ever saw one.”
“To us,” Thomas raised his glass, then dug into his meal, working around the burnt bits.
“Un-fucking-believable.” Miya shook her head as she gnawed on a bit of burnt chilli.
“Don’t forget you’ve got dinner with Zac tomorrow night.”
“Thursday? That’s tomorrow?”
“Yes.”
“Maybe I should cancel.”
Thomas raised an eyebrow. “Friends shouldn’t cancel on friends.”
Miya sighed. “You’re right. But suddenly I’m feeling nauseous, like I was doing something wrong, even though I’m not.”
“You’ll be fine. But you should think about the opportunity. You want kids, right?”
Miya crunched down on a particularly burnt bit. “Everyone’s supposed to have them. But I don’t want to lose you in a year, if I don’t get pregnant.”
Thomas took a sip of water. “Then think about it, that’s all. If it’s that important to you.”
Miya scowled. “You’re important to me. But we have to have a baby to stay together. Those are the rules.”
Thomas leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. “Then you have a decision to make.”
Miya set down her fork and glared at him. “You’re a real bastard, you know that?”
“Not a bastard. My mother and father were married. Check the dictionary.”
“Shut up.”
“Um, so … thanks for having dinner with me,” Zac smiled nervously.
Miya smiled, pushing a stray lock of hair back into her coiffed bun. “We just sat down.”
Zac blushed. “I mean, it’s great to be having dinner with you. Are you sure Thomas won’t mind?”
Miya nodded. “I’m sure. He likes you.”
Zac let out a gush of air. “Well, good, then. I wouldn’t want him to be mad about this. Or jealous or anything.”
“He’s not.”
“Okay.” Zac picked up the menu and scanned the prices. “Um … I think I’ll have the salad.”
“That’s it?” Miya raised an eyebrow. “You usually eat like there’s no tomorrow. Maybe you should have the sim-steak.”
Zac swallowed nervously. “It’s … kind of pricey.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it,” Miya smiled. “My treat. I chose the restaurant. Next time, you choose, and you can pay if you want.”
“Next time?”
“People get hungry every day, Zac. Sure, we can have another dinner together. You know, before we die. Or your Selection. Whatever.”
Zac hid his face in the menu. “Whatever I want?”
“Whatever you want, dear,” Miya said.
Zac lowered the menu. “You called me ‘dear’.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Yes, you did.”
Miya picked up her menu. “Married life must be rubbing off on me, then. A slip of the tongue.”
“You’ve been married for what, less than two weeks? You seem to be getting along really well. Especially if he’s confident enough in your relationship for us to be having dinner together. I mean, what if people see us together?”
“They might. But we’re just friends, Zac. That’s all. Did you look at the pomme-de-terre?”
Zac shook his head. “I have no idea what that is.”
“Potatoes. Fries.”
Zac flushed. “Then why didn’t they just call it that?”
Miya shrugged. “Just another name for it.”
Zac shook his head. “You’ve changed, Miya.”
“I’m married now.”
“Yeah,” Zac scratched the back of his neck. “But you’re different in other ways. You didn’t need to get dressed up for me.”
Miya shrugged. “Thomas insisted. He said friends are important, and should be respected in how one dresses for them.”
Zac looked down at his jeans and sneakers. “You could have warned me.”
“Sorry.”
Zac put down the menu. “Okay, I’ve decided to skip the salad. I’m going to have the sim-steak, medium-rare, and the pomme-de-whatever. And a side of vegetables.”
“And some synthehol-wine?”
“Half-strength?”
“We can share a normal bottle. They won’t mind.”
Zac swallowed. “Okay.”
Miya smiled. “And afterwards, I can show you my new place, if you like.”
Zac shook his head. “I don’t know if that would be appropriate. I mean, Thomas will be home, and…”
“He’s gone to Ark Seven. He’ll be back tomorrow night. He left this afternoon.”
“Miya…” Zac whispered, glancing nervously around him.
“We’ve got unfinished business, Zac. You and I. And it’s okay, really. Thomas is … very understanding.”
“He’ll kill me.”
“No, he won’t. Now let’s have a nice meal before we go for a nice walk and spend some time as friends, okay?”
Zac started to get up. “I think maybe I should leave now.”
“Sit.”
He sat.
The waiter approached to take their order. Zac mumbled out his order to the waiter, then leaned in close and whispered at Miya after they’d left the table. “What do you want from me, Miya?”
Miya smiled. “Friends should stay close. Some even closer. You’re important to me, Zac.”
“That was a terrible idea!” Miya shouted at Thomas as soon as he entered the apartment.
He stared at her in surprise, then quickly pulled his suitcase and garment bag inside and shut the door. “What happened?”
“What happened?” Miya fumed. “I think I just lost my best friend. That’s what happened. I mean, I did what you said, and I … I think I terrorised him, or something.”
“Did you bring him here?”
“Yes,” Miya nodded. “We watched movies in the living room.”
“That’s it? I was gone for almost two days.”
“Well, he stayed here for three hours, and then he fled. Now, he won’t return my calls. I’ve probably ruined my friendship with him forever. We didn’t even get to finish the second movie. The poor boy was so scared shitless, when I reached to get some popcorn from the bowl between us and accidentally brushed his hand, he practically pissed his pants.”
“He didn’t.”
“No, but he scattered the popcorn all over the floor, he jumped away from me so fast. It’s like I had some kind of disease. He helped me clean it up, and then he — he left. And now he’s not answering any of my calls or messages.”
Thomas sighed. “I’m sorry. It was a bad idea.”
“You think?” Miya whirled on him. “He’s sixteen, you know. I’m just waiting for a call from youth services for attempting to molest a minor.”
“Sixteen?” Thomas winced. “I thought he was at least seventeen and a half. He’s tall for his age.”
“No, wait,” Miya shook her head. “His birthday is a few days after mine. So he’s seventeen, but that’s even worse, because that means I missed his birthday!”
“You’ve been a little busy. When was it?”
“September third.”
“You were in hospital. You have an excuse.”
“No!” Miya wailed. “I don’t. I’ve had almost two weeks to wish him a happy belated, and I even messed that up. I mean, I could have mentioned it at dinner or something, but—” Miya buried her head in her hands.
Thomas walked over and wrapped his arms around her. “It’ll be okay. Friends forgive. He might still have sex with you.”
“We didn’t even talk about that! He was so nervous about even being in here, that I had implied we might do something — without chaperones — no. We watched a movie and a half. I didn’t dare talk about sex, we didn’t even touch. He was afraid to.”
